Blogcritics Author: jelewis8

DVD Review: Walt Disney's The Jungle Book 2-Disc Platinum Edition

jelewis8 — Tue, 2 Oct 2007 22:47:00 EDT

This 40th Anniversary release of Disney's classic film will delight young and old.
Like many Disney animated classics, the inevitable 40th anniversary release of The Jungle Book is met with an array of interesting and fun extras that complement the classic film, which, even from a child's point of view and by Disney animators' admission, is devoid of much of a story, consisting simply of Mowgli's encounters with...

Movie Review: The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

jelewis8 — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 20:48:31 EDT

... a kind of new Old West dichotomy that rethinks the mythology and historical vagaries of a legendary outlaw and killer...
There is an errant gaze to Casey Affleck's Robert Ford that seems to dart around the screen -- a perfect complement, or rather, a perfect contrast to Jesse James (Brad Pitt), whose unwavering, piercing stare holds minute wisps of madness and unshakable calm. These two titular characters are the yin and yang, a kind of new Old West dichotomy...

Music Review: John Powell - The Bourne Ultimatum Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

jelewis8 — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 16:39:03 EDT

Jason Bourne may be riding high after three successful blockbuster action films, but the third entry's soundtrack leaves a little to be desired.
John Powell has exceptional range as a composer. He is the author of scores for such movies as Gigli, Shrek, and I Am Sam, as well as the pulse-pumping, adrenaline fueled music for the Bourne trilogy and X-Men: The Last Stand. Given the range with which Powell has shown himself to possess thus far, it is somewhat surprising that The Bourne...

Announcement: Short-content feeds

Phillip Winn — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Sunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding.

DVD Review: Tales From the Crypt Season Six

jelewis8 — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 14:43:07 EDT

The HBO mothership has had its share of hits, including certain seasons of Tales From the Crypt, which features the world's most over-the-top ghost host, the Crypt Keeper, delivering ghoulishly campy puns and alliterative lines that are the equivalent of an Archie comic on spook juice. However, by the sixth season, that juice seems to be watered down to the point where it has transcended itself and become less than camp. The horror is less conspicuous here; most of the good episodes are more like O. Henry tales, with bad things happening to bad people in ways only a writer with an O. Henry primer could think up. Based on William M. Gaines' published pulp comics from the '50s, Tales is a blend of the macabre and the merry, with a defined sense of waggish hackery that never purports to be anything other than a modern throwback to a very specific nostalgic genre. The main meat of the series is ham, as even the acting by Hollywood vets is exaggerated and insincere. Clearly, not the stuff of greatness, but some fun can be had.The season is capped with an Industrial Light and Magic special, "You, Murderer," in which the legendary Humphrey Bogart is recreated by integrating stock footage from previous films into a narrative told from the point of view of a man who has had plastic surgery to make him look like Humphrey Bogart. With John Lithgow and Isabella Rossellini in tow and Bogey appearing in mirrored reflections and flashbacks, this episode is a success and the high point of the season. The season stars a number of Hollywood names big and small, including Lost fave Terry O'Quinn in "The Bribe," in which he plays a fire marshal who goes to extremes to save his daughter (Kimberly Williams) from a sleazy club owner (Esai Morales) and his bodyguard (Benicio Del Toro). Other standouts include Michael Ironside in "Comes the Dawn," a vampires in Alaska story that pre-dates Steve Niles' 30 Days of Night graphic novel by several years, Hank Azaria and Travis Tritt as two security guards at a mortuary who meet a doctor who harvests human souls in "Doctor of Horror," Peter Onorati and Sherrie Rose in "Only Skin Deep," in which an anger management candidate gets a nasty surprise from a stranger in a mask. D.B. Sweeney plays a con on the run who holes up in a house of an elderly woman (Rachel Ticoton) with a mysterious (and ironic) curse in "Staired in Horror."Mishaps include "Whirlpool," starring Richard Lewis, in which a comic strip writer experiences extreme deja vu, "In the Groove," in which Miguel Ferrer plays a sex talk radio DJ who meets the woman of his dreams, and "Operation Friendship," in which a computer programmer has an unhealthy alter ego. Most distressing is "The Pit," which is neither scary nor funny, and contains a pitiable script and even more pity-inducing acting.The box set doesn't contain a lot of features. Fifteen episodes total the season, featured in full screen, with the usual episode intros by the creepy puppet voiced by John Kassir. While a little camp goes a long way, a lot might just kill ya. The Crypt Keeper has his charms, but by this penultimate season, the "choke" wears a little thin. There's something here for hardcore Crypt fans and "kill"-seekers, but casual viewers might be scared off by the lackluster feel overall.

Jeremiah Lewis is the author of Fringe, a blog of dubious worth. He blogs about writing (especially novel writing and screenplays), writes film reviews and critiques, and humorous takes on mundane, everyday life.

Movie Review: Transformers

jelewis8 — Mon, 9 Jul 2007 21:37:35 EDT

Okay, I know everyone in the world holds a nostalgic fondness for those famous transmogrifying merchandis--I mean, robots known as Transformers. While that may justify another Michael Bay movie in the eyes of the studio, it does not merit kind words when the movie simply reeks of the stench of product placement and silly writing gone amok. Hell, the entire movie is product placement, from the title on down to the main attractions, the CGI robots from outer space. And while impressive in their presentation, they do nothing to lighten the load that is the corny script or the pathetic excuse for a story. While (good) acting can sometimes cover flaws in a script, here the acting only draws attention to the script's deficiencies, which granted, are almost entirely because the premise is based on... well, a bunch of action figures from the eighties. Are the eighties really worth bringing back in a slick new package with the words "A Michael Bay Film" surrounding the title?Let's face it, Bay has never been one for subtlety, and Transformers is a study in brashness without justification. The movie is hardly cohesive. The plot centers around the Autobots (the good guys) and the Decepticons (the bad guys) searching for something called the Allspark, a quasi-mystical energy source that derives its power from the Cube, a world-creating device from which the Transformers world sprang. When Megatron, the evil leader of the Decepticons, wrested power for himself, causing the Cybertron planet to be destroyed, the bots were scattered throughout the galaxy. Megatron himself followed the remnants of the Allspark to Earth, where he crash landed in Antarctica, only to be discovered by Captain Witwicky, an explorer, upon whose glasses is writ navigational code leading directly to the Cube.Fast forward to present day, where Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) and his father purchase Sam's first car -- a crummy '79 Camaro. The car starts acting like Captain Howdy with a penchant for cheesy '70's love songs, pushing Sam into giving the girl of his dreams, Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox), a ride home where he, being the ultra nerd that he is, (doesn't he own any Transformers action figures?) makes a fool of himself.Let's face it, this isn't a movie where plot really truly matters. It's enough to note that Sam's car is really Bumblebee, the beloved Autobot sans voice box. Using a Bat Signal to call the other Autobots down to Earth, Bumblebee pulls Sam right into the biggest intergalactic robot battle since C3PO and R2D2 had a domestic dispute.There's quite a lot of action, as one might expect, and it's all impressively accomplished through CGI. The battling bots make all sorts of mayhem in and around city buildings and parking structures, in the desert of Qatar, inside secret government facilities (located inside the Hoover Dam, of all places), and along busy freeways. Bay is no slouch when it comes to these sequences, and the integration of live action and effects is completely seamless. It better be, because everything that might remotely make sense is discarded, and we are treated to an absurd amount of distressing dialogue, ham acting (even from veterans like Jon Voight and John Turturro), and plot holes the size of Bay's budget.Oh well, like I said, we shouldn't expect Shakespeare. But is it too much to ask for somewhat feasible location changes? Going from Los Angeles to the Hoover Dam, and back again in roughly ten minutes is pretty ridiculous, even for super-fast, physics-defying robots from space. Then there are the mid-flight stops and turns, executed without regard for physical constraints such as friction (or lack thereof), not to mention the extreme nature of transformations in these metallic behemoths presupposes new molecular structures heretofore undiscovered by man. But even forgetting all that (because hey, we're talking about giant talking robots from space here), the climactic battle is decided when once again, the villain decides to talk instead of just kill the good guys right out. When are bad guys going to learn that just ends in disaster?Then the product placement. It's aggravatingly in your face. There's no pretext for making a Mountain Dew vending machine turn into a Decepticon, but it's there, folks. And a Nokia cell phone becomes a nasty little gadget with cool mini guns and a spider body. Cars, trucks, helicopters, jet fighters, big rigs, tanks -- they're using the George Lucas playbook -- now selling your childhood to your children.Shia LaBeouf. How did this guy get so much Hollywood love in such a short amount of time? He's on Even Stevens one week, and suddenly he's in I, Robot, Constantine, Transformers, Indiana Jones 4, and he looks positioned to become the next Tom Cruise, the way he's headed. How does he net such roles? He's not the most handsome guy, but it's hard to deny his on-screen charisma. Overacting, yes. But heaps of charm.Megan Fox. Is a fox. A stone fox. Maybe too foxy. Michael Bay spends several minutes moving the camera in close along her sweaty abs in what surely amounts to dumb brunette exploitation. All well and good for the teens watching the film and the teen stuck inside Michael Bay's head and other body parts.But she still can't act. She makes the giant CGI robots look good. And I'm talking about giant robots who learn to talk using the "World Wide Web." One of them must have visited the Jive talk conversion tool, because he's got something akin to hip-hop meets Shaft. And Optimus Prime. Well, okay, we'll give him his due. He's a bad-ass, as he should be.I'll admit my weakness for criticizing a well-received movie, especially a summer blockbuster such as Transformers. I also recognize that my complaints aren't going to be shared by 99% of people who see the film. Perhaps it's just the place I'm in. It's very cold and lonely. But there's a bit of satisfaction in it. It means I still have standards. Or self-loathing, it's hard to tell at times.The entire time I was sitting there watching, I couldn't help but think that there's nothing wrong with nostalgia and good memories of times past. It might even be fun to pull out those old Transformers toys once in a while, show 'em to your kids, if you have them. If you don't, you soon will, and that'll help remind you how old you are. Then throw everything back into storage. And when you watch the cartoon, remember, it's bad, but it's only a cartoon. From the Eighties. THE EIGHTIES. I'll repeat, just to make sure you got that. It's a Cartoon from the Eighties.Is that really something you want to see up on the screen in live action? Because this has got the larger-than-life stamp of Michael Bay on its cover, and some things, like Paris Hilton, should never have that kind of coverage.

How To Kill Your Long Distance Relationship

jelewis8 — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 23:03:24 EDT

The myriad ways in which men can jeopardize or ruin relationships is on par with digits only dreamed and imagined by savants and God. Or crazy people. The field gets noticeably more difficult when you're engaged in a long distance situation where contact with your girl is minimal. The reasons for long distance relationships are varied, often having to do with psychological aversions to everyday contact or the inability to commit full-time to one person. Sometimes it's inconvenient timing, or the lack of options.If you are looking to sabotage or otherwise infect your relationship with little stains of ill behavior, you have come to the right place. As a relationship expert with no credentials but tons of real-world experience, I have reduced these heretofore unquantifiable screw-ups into an easily digestible list, which you can print out and review when you come to a crossroads. Should you desire to ruin your relationship, simply continue or amplify the following behaviors. If you wish to avoid such devilishness, the list also helps point out potential pitfalls, proving that forewarning the birds in the bush will prevent them from becoming a bird in the hand, which as anyone knows, is a metaphor for a break-up. Whilst the list is by no means complete, it does cover a lot of ground.Feel free to pass this on to other males who are in or about to be involved in a serious relationship. They are:Seven Ways To Ruin Your Long Distance Relationship(These also apply to non-distance relationships)1. Lie about the little things. This is a slow-burning fuse. It won't have the effect of a massive deception, such as an affair, but will actually have a cumulative effect that is as destructive as sleeping around. She won't know you're lying. But you will. And then she'll catch you in one. Every lie is like a broken brick on the wall holding the bridge up. Take a few of them out, and you have yourself a Jenga game. Take a lot of them out, and you've got a collapsed bridge with all the 8 am work traffic on it.2. Don't apologize for your little screw-ups. This is good because it will slowly alienate you from her, creating an ever-widening rift of unresolved quibbles that soon require major surgery to suture back together. It's much easier and feels better to remain steadfast in your own rightness. You can even try and manipulate her through tone of voice or specific key phrases into feeling bad, even though you're the one who was an ass.3. Want her only for what she can do for you. The classic selfishness approach to relationships will leave you satisfied and happy, but her feeling diminished as a person and a lover. Your needs should trump hers if you don't want the romance to last.4. Substitute being with her with doing things for her. This is a subtle distinction, but one that creeps up on you when you get busy or just don't feel like spending time with her on the phone or shooting her a longer email. Whenever she asks you for a favor, you should have the best attitude and willingness to do it. This will make you feel less guilty later when you are "too busy" to talk or you have to fit her in. It won't be too long before she realizes you've given up actually caring about her and are only paying lip service to the relationship.5. Stop being romantic. Don't send her gifts or packages. Procrastinate on that mixed CD. Don't send her text messages or emails throughout the day telling her you love her. Be passive when you're with her, let her make all the moves. Stop cuddling and holding hands when you are together.6. Stop trying to understand her. In the beginning everything she did and said was cute and maybe mysterious. You wanted to know everything about her. Now that you want out, stop asking questions. Don't inquire into her day or deeper things about her life that you haven't discovered yet. Make the relationship surface-oriented, and you'll soon discover there's not much you have to do to quit completely.7. Don't sacrifice for her. This is kind of a corollary to #3, since this goes back to your basic assumptions about the relationship. Since you're in it for you, sacrificing doesn't make sense, unless it might mean a greater reward for yourself down the line. Sacrifice is stupid if you don't truly believe in you as a couple.Following these suggestions will make you happy, at least temporarily. They will most likely make her unhappy, so if you can live with that, then they're great "human follies" that will put you in the book with millions of other men who were unable or unwilling to put in the effort necessary for a long distance relationship to work. Many of these happen by accident, or in the natural course of everyday life. The surest way to cause a relationship to fail is to simply ignore the signs that you are committing these basic errors. However, if you desire to maintain your desperate hold on this girl who has put up with so much, you can offset the damage by the graphic (follow the link, Alice) provided as a progressive solution to each foible. Many are cross-linked for maximum benefit to men of both stripe as targeted by this article.Signals To YourselfYou can easily tell when these methods of ruining your relationship have become ingrained in your interactions with her. Each has a corresponding signal, either emotional, mental, or physical, which can guide you into making the decision to either continue said behavior or adjust so as to minimize the risk that she will take the initiative and dump you. After all, the author understands that many men are desperate, and will take being dumped as a fracture to their fragile ego. This has caused many wars and the development of the sports car industry. When you visit you insist on paying for everything, then you mentally stab her in the face because she didn't pay (even if she offered and you refused). You discover new ways to say "I'm busy that night." Often this involves vague mentions of meetings or work. You replace her photo with a new desktop of something technical or enhanced (like an iPhone or a bikini model). You no longer write her poems. You have "I love you!" as a quick dial option for text messaging. Then you stop using it except when she texts you. You try and make her feel guilty for something you did wrong. You don't feel good when you think about her naked. You don't think about her naked. You start wanting a social life. The funny thing is, you never had a social life before you started dating. You think those little things she always did that you thought were cute are just annoying now. You take longer glances at other women's legs, breasts, and butts. You plan phone dates around your schedule. Phone dates used to last four hours. Now they last one. You're always relieved when she takes a break to go to the bathroom. You're disappointed when she calls again. You don't poke her on Facebook anymore.Ruining Your Relationship May Be Hazardous To Your HealthOkay, so I don't actually want you to ruin your relationship. I want you to recognize if you are heading down the road to Singlesville. Believe it or not, the relationship hasn't changed. You have. You, along with countless other males, have been taught by culture to jump ship at the first sign of trouble. It's likely that you've considered breaking up with her because you've started experiencing these signals and you've noticed these patterns of behavior in your interactions with her.Don't let the culture fool you! If you do, you just might be a douche bag. And when the dust clears and you're single again, you'll realize that you're back to being a one-dimensional guy with no attachment and no hope for love because you're too self-absorbed, ego-driven, and attached to admit when you've been a douche bag.Suck it up. Call her up. Tell her you've been messing up. Admit that you've been lazy and ego-centric and unresponsive to her needs. Tell her you want to do better. Tell her you want to make things work, and that to do so, will take change on your part. Tell her you do love her, and ask her to forgive you. Repeat every six months or as needed.