Blogcritics Author: Teri Stoddard

Announcement: Short-content feeds

Phillip Winn — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Sunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding.

Two Canadian Fathers4Justice Activists Charged

Teri Stoddard — Fri, 24 Feb 2006 21:36:02 EST

On Tuesday, February 21, Hal Legere, a Fathers4Justice activist, was charged in Surrey Provincial Court with mischief for his September 2004 protest on the Patullo Bridge . Legere was given two years probation, 50 hours of community service work and ordered not to be a pedestrian on any motor vehicle bridge in the province of BC Canada.Yesterday, February 23, Steven Hodges Whittaker appeared at the Victoria Supreme Court for scaling a tower crane in downtown Victoria dressed as Spiderman and hanging a 40-foot banner over Yates Street in May 2005.Fathers4Justice Superheroes; Robert Waters aka The Flash, Doug Hanlon aka Superman, Steven Hodges Whittaker aka Spiderman, and Robert Robinson aka Burnaby Batman, converged upon the Victoria Supreme Court with signs warning the general public of the extreme gender bias of the court.When I asked why he chose to become an F4J superhero Whittaker replied:In October 2003 I had sole custody of my 13-year-old daughter, R. Note that despite many accusations of being abusive, I won sole custody in Dec 2000. While R was visiting her mother, D, in October 2003 one weekend (the right to overnight visits had been recently won by D) I received the fateful phone call.Prior to that I realized that our Family Judicial System was flawed but I had hopes for it, after all, I had sole custody. On the phone D told me that R wasn't going to come home. Simple, flat & just like that, "She's going to live here, now." So, I called the police.If your daughter had been abducted by an abuser what would you do? Call the police, of course. Their response was that I needed a court order. I had a court order giving me sole custody but they said that they needed a court order to enforce that court order.I went to the Ministry of Children & Families (MCF), the people who had removed R & her sister, G, from D because D was so abusive. They wouldn't touch it & they would not assist me in contacting the original caseworkers. Their attitude & their statements all said that teenagers are not children & fathers have no rights as parents.So, I got a lawyer & we took it to court. Guess how far that flew! Fathers should be grateful if they get to even visit their children! The Criminal Code of Canada states that if a child under the age of 14 has been abducted the stated wishes of the child are not to be taken into account.The Judge, the MCF workers & the police all the issues with R. The judge was nice enough to allow me to spend $5,500.00 on a psychologist to study the problem; unfortunately, he turned out to be as sexist as the rest of them. D's place was so messy one could not walk there, my place was a "pigsty", D was "loveable." That's supposed to be unbiased? Loveable?Now that R has been in "joint" custody & living with her mother I no longer get any visits, I do not get to see report cards, I do not get phone calls. I have been cut completely out of R's life.Ask yourself, what would happen to ANY man, let alone one who had previously been falsely accused of being a child abuser and abductor? I had been working already on the MESH Project, trying to get a Men's Transition House in Victoria, and had therefore been in contact with various men's groups, but this was too much. If working slowly but legally was going to leave the children vulnerable to damage then obviously I needed to step up the pace: hence Spiderman. S. Hodges-Whittaker.Whittaker was found guilty of mischief and given 1 year probation with an unconditional discharge at that time. He was also ordered to pay $750 restitution to Farmer Construction for the costs of inspection to the crane. He was also promised an opportunity to read a short letter he had written to explain why he did what he did, a letter that shows the love of a father for his daughter. That opportunity never came. He promised his fellow superheroes he'll keep strong and continue to fight for the rights of children.

Teri Stoddard is a single California grandmother who advocates for families. She co-founded the Respite Center for Parent and Child, and offers Shared Parenting Works, a blog Feminist4Fathers, and a free online peer support group Single-Parents- to help parents co-parent. Email Teri at Teri@sharedparentingworks.org.

Canadian Family Rights Activists Reach New Heights

Teri Stoddard — Fri, 13 Jan 2006 08:46:19 EST

Across Canada Fathers4Justice activists are donning superhero outfits, climbing bridges and overpasses, and unfurling huge banners. They told us this was coming, that they'd take their message to the voters before the upcoming election.VICTORIA, BC Early Monday morning, January 9, several well-known fathers' and family rights activists climbed the Johnson Street Bridge in Victoria, British Columbia. Rob Robinson as Burnaby Batman, Kevin Christiaens as the BC Hulk and Stephen Hodges Whitaker as the Victoria Spiderman risked life, limb and liberty for "your right to see your kids." They hung two banners; one a huge 30'x40' Canadian flag and the other that was 18'x24' read, "LIBERALS DENY CHILDREN THEIR RIGHTS."Traffic was slowed to one lane due to the emergency response and local media reported that motorists were most likely angry. To that Robinson replied, "What no one saw, except those who were there, was the gathering of public supporters who clapped and cheered for our bravery upon our descent. This was a touching moment I shall soon not forget."Hal Legere, National Director of Fathers4Justice-Canada, stayed on the ground dressed as Robin QC to educate the media. He said, "The Liberal Government represented by its leader, Paul Martin have repeatedly, in this election campaign claimed that they are the protectors of the Constitutional rights of Canadians. This same Paul Martin and the Liberal Party of Canada have refused to take action to ensure that the rights of children, the most politically defenseless segment of our society, are protected. Paul Martin would allow the unelected judges to rule this country. These are the same judges who have consistently denied thousands of children their Constitutional right to 'freedom of association' with their own parents."Robinson, Christiaens and Whitaker were arrested for mischief, and Legere was arrested and may be charged with obstruction. All have been released from custody. Robinson stated, "For myself, it was an honour to be in the company of such dedicated soldiers of equality." Legere added, "So why do we climb bridges and cranes and other tall structures? The answer is simple, we will go to great lengths (or heights) to fight for the rights of our children."Bob Waters, dressed as the Victoria Green Lantern stated, "Once again, we showed them that we will not rest until changes occur. We know we have their attention, and they know we aren't afraid of the consequences. The next logical step is a trial, open to the media, where we engage the government (through their representative, the Crown) in a dialogue before the Courts, whereby we call upon higher authorities (UN Convention, Charter of Rights, etc.) to justify our actions. The trials should not be about 'getting off'; they should be about reversing the process so that the system is put on trial in front of the media. That is how we should move to the next stage of dialogue with our civil disobedience. There is no other way."Steven Hodges, the Victoria Spiderman agreed, "We have to get these cases into court to be heard, even if that means being punished by the system. Again, that's the tactics that both the Suffragettes and Gandhi used in order to get their message out.""Truth is, it is crucial that we take every opportunity that presents itself to spread our message far and wide," said Robinson, "The best way I know of is through media. What is unfortunate is we must go to such lengths as to risk our lives and our liberty to deliver the message home." Then he added, "We superheroes are merely the messengers to raise our issues. What is equally important is that we the people also do our part and create dialogue with those elected powers to be to negotiate reform that will accurately convey the will of its families."Robinson, also known as Canada's first Batman added, "Let us not forget all those families who are suffering with the loss of a family member at the hands of family law."SCARBOROUGH, ON-This morning Kris Titus, another well-known family rights activist, and Regional Coordinator for Fathers4Justice dressed as Wonder Woman and hung a large banner over commuters at Hwy 401 and Brimley Road in Scarborough, Ontario. Her 4'x12' message read, "VOTE EQUAL PARENTING." Emergency vehicles responded. After two hours Titus came down, and was not arrested."Fathers-4-Justice is far more than a handful of angry men as stated by [Paul Martin's] office. In fact, members include many women and grandparents, all of whom support equality and are fed up with the Liberal's failure to act on the inequalities in family law," stated Titus.She then added, "It is very interesting for me to hear Paul Martin vehemently purport to defend the Charter of Rights while systematically denying thousands of children their right to 'freedom of association' with their own parents. Mr. Martin's own Justice Minister has publicly stated that parents have no rights vis a vis their children. I can only ask, 'Who does have rights with respect to our children, and who is it who will defend the children's rights?' Mr. Martin's proposal to do away with the notwithstanding clause is no surprise to me, there is no need for it if you just ignore the rights of children anyway."

DVD Review: Custody

Teri Stoddard — Thu, 5 Jan 2006 11:38:52 EST

I found myself feeing disappointed and confused by Custody, the 2005 independent film by writer, director, and actor Eric Stuyvesant. Stuyvesant says the movie is quasi-autobiographical, that it represents his life as a single father, especially the feeling of being trapped by life's circumstances. In the film his wife walks out, leaving him with 3 sons to raise alone. He struggles with the day-to-day issues most single moms know all too well, like finding quality child care. If Stuyvesant has only had to deal with the single parent issues portrayed in this film, he should consider himself lucky. The thing that confused me about this film was Stuyvesant's use of surreal scenes. In some scenes, he and his sons lived in a prison cell. It took me a while to figure out it wasn't just an awful homeless shelter: it was his way of expressing that he felt trapped. In the surreal courtroom scenes, he correctly portrayed the frustration many people feel with the family courts: the feeling that what they have to say isn't important and that they're lost in something immense and senseless, but I would have appreciated a more realistic dialogue from the judge. Stuyvesant did portray the frustration some parents feel when they aren't getting help from the absent parent, but the fact is only 5-10% of fathers get sole custody, and many fathers want more time with their children, not less. I do have to say that his use of the circus song "Thunder and Blazes" for the court scenes caused me to chuckle. That was a very good call: it is exactly how many people feel about family court.I enjoyed the touching scene of the main characters walking together and falling in love, two single parents played by Stuyvesant and Marisa Tomasic, but most of the close-up scenes in the film just weren't realistic. The emotions weren't believable and most of the acting was sub-par. I wondered if Stuyvesant had cut costs by asking friends to act. At least Mary Faktor, who played Stuyvesant's mother, was enjoyable as a loving and wise grandma.There was obviously a problem with editing. A couple of times there were moments of empty film between scenes, and often an actor's eyes weren't looking in the direction of the other actor in the scene. A little more attention to detail would have gone a long way.There was one scene that made me laugh out loud. The father had told his youngest boy to use a few Cheerios in his attempts to teach him how to use the toilet standing up. The boy tried to do as he had been taught, but ended up with an entire box of cereal in the toilet bowl. Now that was realistic, and funny. Unfortunately, that one funny moment wasn't enough to redeem this film.

Men Need Help, Spies Online, PBS, and Women Against Radical Feminism

Teri Stoddard — Sat, 12 Nov 2005 23:31:17 EST

Men Need Some HelpI'd like to thank the Divorce and Child Custody: Free Information for Fathers blog for this story from the Concord Monitor. In Men Need Some Help, Allison Steele reports that New Hampshire's Commission on the Status of Men, established in 2002, recommends in their first report that the state "devote more resources to correcting the gender biases men face in divorce and domestic violence cases, as well as promoting the role of fathers in families." An excerpt from Allison's piece: Much of the report is concerned with what commission members describe as the biases leveled against men in divorces, child support arrangements and custody disputes. In research and in meetings held over the last year, the commission found that many fathers feel they are treated unfairly in family court disputes. Many complained of judges who automatically side with mothers, child support guidelines that leave the father with little income, and a general lack of understanding of the benefits of a father-child relationship."As women have had difficulty establishing their role as important contributors to the workplace, men have had difficulty establishing themselves as important nurturers for their families and children," the report states.The report also discusses domestic violence. Men told the commission that some women accuse men of assault so that the judge will award the woman custody of the couple's children. Judges tend to take the woman's side, the report states, which can make it difficult for the man to dispute the charges later.The commission also studied the traditional assumption that all domestic violence is caused by men, and it found studies suggesting that women assault men just as often. Domestic violence education and advocate training programs tend to compound the bias by referring to perpetrators of violence in male terms."Efforts to get relief from the domestic violence problem have been unduly influenced by special interests who have successfully sold the problem as solely a responsibility of males over the years," the report states. "The whole truth on this emotionally charged dichotomy isn't being fully revealed."As a first step, the commission wants the state legislature to renew the Violence Against Women Act - but only if the language in the law is made gender-neutral. Now isn't that what we've all been saying all along? Geez...Kent County Circuit Court and Friend of the Court (FOC) staff Monitoring Internet Activities of Michigan residentsAccording to the Stand Up Today blog "The Kent County Circuit Court and Kent County Friend of the Court (FOC) are monitoring internet activities of individuals involved in family court cases within their jurisdiction or that are speaking out against them." Lary Holland, father of two who is involved in a domestic relations case involving his two children and who has been outspoken about the operating procedures of the Kent County Circuit Court Family Division since 2003, including the Friend of the Court operations states, "The conduct of these officials has led me to believe they act unethically in discharging their duties."Holland was able to demonstrate that there exists a conflict of interest between State courts and individuals because for every dollar collected by courts they receive additional monies from the Federal government, making child support profitable for State courts and their FOC employees. "It's how they get paid. High support orders, high arrearages, and long delays mean more Federal money to justify their [FOC and judges] existence," says Holland, "The courts are uncomfortable with people being able to collectively speak out on issues that can affect their pockets. Why else would they be monitoring a website pertaining to their possible misconduct while being involved with my case?"If you believe your family law reform website or blog is being monitored, or if you want more information, please visit these additional sites: LaryHolland.org, Serendipity, LHolland360 or write to Lary.PBS, thanks for the personal replyI'm not sure how far this will go, but I'd like to thank Madison at PBS for her personal email exchange with me about the airing of the bias film Breaking the Silence, the Children's Stories. When I asked how fathers might get their own documentary aired she referred me to this webpage. When I asked her about rebroadcasting Fatherhood USA: Dedicated Not Deadbeat she was kind enough to look it up, but found out they no longer owned the rights. Thanks to Marc Snider at New Hampshire Custody I then asked her about rebroadcasting the April 7th edition of New Hampshire Outlook called Family Law, (video) and doing it nationwide. After watching that video, my heart goes out to Zachary and his dad. I'm hoping for a positive reply. PBS owes all fathers. This would help.More women speaking up every dayI love hearing from women who see what is happening to fathers and who, like me, are determined to do right by them. So many of these guys feel the majority of women have turned against them, as society has. I try to tell them that most women have no idea what is happening to fathers in their name. Along those lines I'd like to share these words from a woman named Nicole. In a note to fathers she wrote: You have been, en mass, dismissed as insignificant in the raising of children. In NH, eleven out of twelve of you will only get to participate in your children's upbringing if you have the mother's permission. She has to agree to share the children (otherwise joint custody is all but out of the question) and, if she doesn't, you will only get to see them when she allows it, in spite of any court order for "visitation". Women rule in the world of child custody.And in a note to me she added: One of my very oldest friends was a speechwriter for N.O.W. [National Organization for Women] when I met her. She has just told me that there will never be any peace between the genders (or for the next generation of kids) until fathers are recognized as equal parents...But those of us who followed Gloria back then were only looking for equal wages for equal work -- not to hijack the next generation of kids. We didn't HATE men (like so many women seem to today) -- in fact, we wanted to be able to share their world and their success. Now women won't let men share in their own children's world. Not the same thing. We were adult -- these are kids.I know there are many women who feel like we do. Yes, we want equality. Just equality. Are you listening...you other feminists, the ones I call "radicals"...we only want EQUALITY, not domination.I was very pleased the other day when I was able to educate a phone solicitor, a woman working for N.O.W., about the reality of the organization she was promoting. After more than an hour in which she repeatedly commented that she agreed with me, I hung up with a smile on my face and the knowledge that my message of truth wouldn't stop with her. And I do hope she took my advice and found a new job.Until N.O.W gets it's act together and respects American men's right to equality with the same enthusiasm it has for American women, same sex couples and women in other countries, it really is quite "THEN."For more information on fathers' and family rights visit the Feminist4Fathers (and mothers) blog. Ed:LisaM

California Lawsuit Aims to End Sex Discrimination Against Men

Teri Stoddard — Sat, 29 Oct 2005 18:49:59 EDT

On October 28, 2005, near the end of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, attorney Marc E. Angelucci filed a class-action lawsuit in Sacramento against the State of California and two state-funded domestic violence programs (WEAVE in Sacramento, and DVSAC in Grass Valley), seeking to end the denial of services to men and their children. Angelucci is representing four men, including David Woods, and Woods' 21-year-old daughter Maegan Black.The men were denied state-funded services based solely on their gender. Maegen Black says she was harmed by WEAVE's denial of services to her father, having to witness years of violence by her mother against her father, violence that could have been avoided if her father received the services he needed. Her mother, Ruth, has undergone counseling and now freely admits she physically abused David in front of Maegan for years, even at knifepoint. Ruth supports the lawsuit, stating that her violence could recur anytime and that David will have no place to turn. See the KOVR TV (13) News report video.Children like Maegen are often the greatest victims in these cases, according to Angelucci. "When victims don't receive the help they need, the violence often escalates, and children who witness it can be emotionally damaged," he stated. Studies show the likelihood a woman will abuse her child increase every time she sees her mother assault her father. (See, Heyman & Slep, Do Child Abuse and Interparental Violence Lead to Adulthood Fam. Violence? [November 2003] J. of Marriage & Fam., v. 64, issue 4, pp 864-70.)More than 835,000 men are victims of domestic violence annually in the U.S., making at least 36% of the victims, according to the National Violence Against Women Survey, sponsored by the Department of Justice. Most other studies show that women initiate domestic violence as often as men do. Further, according to the California Research Bureau*, more than 4,000 men seek domestic violence shelter based services every year in California. (*See page 12 & 14 of this pdf)But, alas, California Health & Safety Code � 124250 denies men the right to receive state-funded services, including shelter, hotel vouchers, counseling and court advocacy. Consequently, male victims are shut out of vital state-funded services state-wide. The only exception is the Valley Oasis shelter in Lancaster, which has defiantly sheltered both male and female victims for over 10 years with no problems.Oasis' former director Patricia Overberg, says she has seen men travel hundreds of miles for services because nobody would help them. She states in this declaration (pdf) that she was subjected to "continuous abuse" by other shelter directors for helping men .Angelucci believes hundreds of other California fathers and children could join the class-action lawsuit. The current plaintiffs are from Los Angeles, Sacramento, Grass Valley and Sherman Oaks. STATISTICS ON MALE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE "[A]pproximately 1.5 million women and 834,732 men are raped and/or physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually in the United States" (which means at least 36% of the victims are men), according to the National Violence Against Women Survey, co-sponsored by the Department of Justice and the Centers for Disease Control. The Sheriff's Department of San Bernardino County, California confirms the above figure on its website and also documents how female DV is serious and is usually not in self-defense. As for men seeking shelter services in California, this official California government (pdf) report from the California Research Bureau shows, on pages 12 and 14, that at least 4,649 men sought shelter-based domestic violence services in 2003, and one shelter in Los Angeles reported even more male victims than female victims seeking services. California State University maintains an online bibliography summarizing over 100 studies/analyses which found: "women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners." One of them is the most comprehensive analysis of existing research on DV ever done, which confirmed that women initiate DV as often as men, and also found that 38 percent of physically injured victims are men and that self-defense does not explain the female violence. (Prof. John Archer, "Sex Differences in Aggression Between Heterosexual Partners: A Meta-Analytic Review, Psychological Bulletin," November 2000. v. 126, n. 5, p. 651, 664. In a University of Pennsylvania emergency room survey, 12 percent of men reported being physically assaulted by a female partner within the previous 12 months, often with weapons or hard objects, and the male victims were disproportionately black males with no health insurance. For a scholarly analysis of the data on male victims, the historical suppression of the data, and a solid refutation of the arguments made by feminists who want to minimize and downplay male victims, see Professor Linda Kelly's excellent law review article, "Disabusing the Definition of Domestic Abuse; How Women Batter Men and the Role of the Feminist State," 30 Florida State Law Review 791 (2003) (pdf). A Canadian government (pdf) report highlights some of the key data showing women initiate domestic violence at least as often as men do. Patricia Overberg, former director of Valley Oasis, has a sworn (pdf) declaration about what happened when her DV shelter began helping male victims as well as female victims. Richard J. Gelles, Ph.D., author of "The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence: Male Victims", originally published in The Women's Quarterly, 1999, states, "[C]ontrary to the claim that women only hit in self-defense, we found that women were as likely to initiate the violence as were men. In order to correct for a possible bias in reporting, we reexamined our data looking only at the self-reports of women. The women reported similar rates of female-to-male violence compared to male-to-female, and women also reported they were as likely to initiate the violence as were men." Even crime surveys, which are conducted by asking participants about "crime" (and thus limit the figures only to DV that is seen as "crime"), now show that at least 25% of DV is against men and that 25% of perpetrators are women.California men interested in joining this lawsuit should contact Marc E. Angelucci, Esq.For more information about California fathers' rights visit these websites: National Coalition of Free Men Los Angeles Chapter California Aliance for Families and Children Comeback Dads Child's Right

Fathers4Justice Accuses Granada of "Violent Conspiracy"

Teri Stoddard — Wed, 26 Oct 2005 05:39:27 EDT

Fathers4Justice is accusing Granada's Tonight program of orchestrating a "violent conspiracy" by stage-managing a physical attack by one former member of the organization on two others on March 21st, 2005, which they allege to have filmed while covertly following the organization's activities.The incident involved a vulnerable individual with mental health problems who had been plied with alcohol all day by an undercover Granada reporter named Mike Hardy. According to F4J members who were present, Mr. Hardy incited the person concerned to such an extent that he attacked two other members. The attack was then filmed for the Granada Tonight program by Mr. Hardy.F4J said that program producer Adam Leary had stated in a letter of October 21st that "As part of our filming we recorded physical attacks on two people who were then part of F4J's management committee - Jason Hatch & Michael Cox - by an F4J campaigner, Paul Nicholson." Mr Nicholson was subsequently expelled from F4J as a result.Fathers 4 Justice believe that: 1) Granada deliberately manipulated a vulnerable individual (Mr Nicholson) with mental health problems and then subsequently plied him with alcohol during the day of March 21st, 2005. 2) That he was incited by the Granada reporter to physically attack members of the then management team. 3) That the Granada reporter then subsequently filmed the attack. 4) That the orchestrated attack had been intended for F4J leader Matt O'Connor who had been present for the first half of the meeting but subsequently left during an interval. 5) That the entire incident had been contrived and stage-managed by Granada. 6) F4J will be making a formal complaint to Ofcom about the incident.Earlier today Fathers 4 Justice confirmed evidence uncovered by Granada's Tonight Program, that it had considered plans to sabotage television transmitters in the run-up to this year's general election, but had ruled-out the action after considering the impact on the public and the democratic process.Granada plans to air the television show starting Friday.F4J Activists found Not Guilty in Roads TrialFive Fathers 4 Justice activists who were facing jail sentences of up to two years were today unanimously cleared by a jury in a retrial at Kingston Crown Court of endangering road traffic users during a series of gantryprotests on major arterial roads coming into London on 2nd February 2005.The five, Jolly Stanesby from Devon, Paul Robinson from Portsmouth, Matthaus Huber from London, Darryl Westell from Oxford and Graham Manson from London all pleaded not guilty.All five have now said that they will resume further gantry protests immediately and F4J say that they are planning a week of gantry protests across the UK within the next few weeks."The verdict is a victory for common sense, for justice and for all children denied access to their fathers", says Matt O'Connor, leader of Fathers4Justice.Well, of course they're angry!I've noticed our opposition trying to paint fathers as angry ogres, just because they want PBS to give them equal time after showing the anti-father film Breaking the Silence, the children's stories. I used to become uncomfortable when a father would vent his hurt, anger or frustration in my direction. It doesn't make me uncomfortable any longer, because I know that passion comes from love. These dads LOVE their children. The dads I support are not violent beasts, they're loving fathers, fathers pushed to the limits. George Rolph wrote a great piece on this subject last August. I think this is a good time for a second read:Should I Apologize For Being Angry?Excerpt:There is a huge and growing roll of fallen men who have given their very lives because they have suffered massive personal and/or shared damage to their families, their finances and their reputations...Men who, like my own father, have placed shotguns in their mouths. Men who have burned themselves to death in protests. Men who have jumped off bridges. Men who have starved themselves in hunger strikes. Men who have lost their sanity...Men who have gassed themselves in cars. Men stripped of their families, children and reputations...Men who have watched helplessly as crippling child support payments have destroyed their ability to earn or keep a business running. Men who have been sent to jail for "waving" at their children in a passing car and so found themselves in breach of a "no contact order." Men trapped in horrifying and savagely abusive relationships they cannot escape from or find any help to manage, because the system set up by women, for women, will not allow them in. Men being forced to pay child support for children they did not father... Just how damn patient do they want us to be?MensNewsDaily Blogwonks has the entire piece.For more Fathers and Family Rights Movement News visit the Feminist4Fathers blog.Ed:LisaM

Feminist4Fathers: Fathers4Justice Bedlam protest draws hundreds

Teri Stoddard — Sun, 23 Oct 2005 01:59:41 EDT

Parents demonstrate for overnights stays for childrenTake a look at this Feminist4Fathers (and mothers) exclusive SLIDE SHOW of the Fathers 4 Justice Bedlam demonstration in London Friday. Hundreds of fathers, mothers, children, extended family, concerned citizens and professionals joined Fathers4Justice in London Friday for the Bedlam demonstration in support of overnight stays for children and their noncustodial parents.Fathers 4 Justice is part of a worldwide civil and human rights movement fighting for equal rights for all fit parents through family law reform. There are Fathers 4 Justice groups in several countries including Canada and Italy. Also prominent are groups like Fathers For Virginia and Fathers and Families New York and radio personality and columnist Glenn Sacks.Reformists say current law facilitates conflict and separation of fit parents from their children. Parents must spend thousands of dollars fighting each other, making each other look the worst so they can get the cherished and powerful title of custodial parent.They say these same couples could share physical custody, and use collaborative co-parenting plans, which leaves them money to put towards establishing two homes or the child's education.Advocates say children in most divorces want to maintain the same amount of contact they had with their parents before and after the separation. They say when a parent is only available to a child 14% of the time, or they only see them every 2 weeks, the child often wonders if they've done something wrong.Activists say even when the laws are correct and the court orders a just decision, a custodial parent is able to ignore the court order knowing they will not be taken to task. They say in cases with visitation orders, enforcement must happen.They all say with equal* joint physical custody and collaberative co-parenting, there is no need for visitation orders. (*parents can have equal say, and can negotiate any timeshare they prefer)For more late breaking news, information and photos subscribe to the Feminist4Fathers (and mothers) blog.

Feminist4Fathers: Fathers4Justice (F4J) Protestors On Dartford Bridge, Protest PBS, Human Rights Tribunal, More

Teri Stoddard — Thu, 20 Oct 2005 14:20:26 EDT

Breaking News! F4J-UK Protestors On Dartford BridgeFathers 4 Justice Protestors have scaled a gantry on the approach to Dartford Bridge. The protests form part of the group's 'Bedlam' week to mark their campaign for overnight staying contact between children and separated fathers.Over the last two months members of the group have sent in hundreds of pyjamas to Children's Minister Beverly Hughes and tomorrow dads from F4J clad in pyjamas will march through London with their beds to the Royal Courts of Justice. The campaign will see an escalation in direct action after protesting millionaire Guy Harrison scaled the Houses of Parliament in late September.A spokesman said 'we are committed to ratcheting up the campaign against the government with more protests at major landmarks and civil disruption to roads and railways over the coming days and weeks.'~F4J-UK To Work With Cafcass On ReformsDespite rejecting proposals by Cafcass, the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service, contained in their 'Every Day Matters' strategy document, campaign group Fathers4Justice have conceded that whilst the reforms do not go far enough, the group will continue dialogue with Cafcass to ensure the advances made are secured and become policy next year.F4J say that the document includes numerous positive advances including:* A commitment to shared parenting* Quantifies the minimum amount of contact to include overnight and weekend staying contact.* Promotes early interventions in family disputes.Said an F4J spokesman 'We believe we have done as much as we can within the confines of working within Cafcass however we also want to safeguard the advances made and will continue to work with Cafcass in that respect.''Our gravest concern is over the tone of the document which talks about children to the exclusion of their parents almost as if they didn't exist and often abdicates responsibility onto their shoulders. The involvement of children is abusive. They are not mature enough to give informed consent and may have to live with guilt in later life if they make wrong decision. Professionals MUST take responsibility, not hide behind children. If children really are unhappy with a parent then they will no doubt vote with their feet in due course but we MUST start off on the premise that that which children want is generally not good for them ie unlimited sweets, not go to dentist, stay up till late, not go to school, not do homework, etc, etc.'~California residents can now download Shared Parenting Ballot Initative petitions here or here.~Please join ACFC, Glenn Sacks, RADAR, FAFNY and me in asking for equal time from PBS to rebut the bad image fathers have after they aired the biased film Breaking the Silence, the Children's Stories (please click those links to take action).~Dan Romand of FAFNY and The Family Forum is requesting readers send letters to the editor of the Times Union in regards to this bias article.~Robert Stone, of Fathers4Justice-Canada, will be attending the BC Human Rights Tribunal on Tuesday October 25th to Friday the 28th, 2005, to fight for rightful dignity to fathers.The case can be read HERE. (pdf file)The case questions whether unacknowledging a father on a birth registration is a violation of one's dignity. This has been decided at law in the Trociuk vs. BC Attorney General.The hearing will be held at the BC Human Rights Tribunal, 1170 - 605 Robson Street, Vancouver, BC. MAP Their phone number is 604-775-2000 ext 2 for directions or hearing times.Support is appreciated by any and all.Please visit Fathers4Justice-Canada to hear more about the fight for our children to have their natural parents equally in their lives.~American Coalition for Fathers and Children (ACFC) and concerned parents are putting billboards up in Champaign, Illinois, and running radio promos for equal parenting.~Phyllis Schlafly has agreed to appear on PEP-talk radio December 11th.~Judith Miller of Cooperative Parenting Solutions will be speaking at the November 14th Help Stop PAS meeting at the JCC in Houston, Texas at 7:00 pm. ~Please join Fathers4Justice-Canada and me in supporting Arnie Hein in his trek across Canada by bike in support of fathers' rights.~More fathers' and family rights information on the Feminist4Fathers blog.~Shared parenting information and free parenting plans on Shared Parenting Works.Ed:LisaM

Is He "The Loser", Or Is He Dad?

Teri Stoddard — Sat, 15 Oct 2005 22:26:04 EDT

I was at a 4-year-old's birthday party when I overheard a young mother. "We call him 'the loser', she said, "but not around Bobby". I cringed. I knew that Bobby was probably aware that the significant adults in his life disrespected this man, and that the man was probably his father. When I hear things like that I worry about children growing up today. One million children in America are involved in a new divorce annually, as of 1997, according to divorcemagazine.com, and The Children's Fund reports that one in three American children is born to unmarried parents (2004 Key Facts About American Children). E. Mavis Hetherington and John Kelly, authors of For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered, found that "twenty years after the divorce less than one-third of boys and one-quarter of girls reporting having close relationships with their nonresident fathers." And the National Fatherhood Initiative reports "About 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their father at all during the past year." What kind of role models are we offering our children? With divorced and unmarried fathers currently having the undeserved reputation of "deadbeats", how can little boys grow up proud to be male?At one time that young mother could have been me. I have made many disparaging comments about my ex-husbands, and I felt completely justified in doing so. All three of the men had let me down in one way or another, and it made sense to place blame when I spoke about my divorces. They weren't my fault; after all, they were always my ex-husbands' fault. That's what I liked to say at least. That's what I needed to believe. I have experienced a phenomenon within my own family that I have now learned is common, tragic, and very often avoidable. I'm talking about the phenomenon of the fatherless child. Three of my children are in that 40 percent, the kids who never see their dads. They had fathers who it seemed, simply walked out of their lives. The thing to note is that of the four men, it was the three who I divorced, the three who had to deal with the family court system and the state child support enforcement who went missing, not the man who fathered a child with me when we were both unmarried, who wrote a parenting plan with me without involving the court system. I've successfully co-parented with that man for 18 years. So what happened to the men I married and divorced? Why were they the ones who walked? It wasn't like they were never in their children's lives. These were the men who attended childbirth classes with me, who walked the floor, changed diapers, and played with our babies. We were thrilled to have children together and co-parented successfully while we were married. What exactly had happened during the divorce? Everything changed. The relationships between my children and their fathers disintegrated. At the time, all I knew was that I had divorced men who had deserved it, as far as I was concerned, and they were proving exactly how bad they were by abandoning their children. My only choice, as I saw it then, was to be the best single mom I could be; to fill in the gaps, to play both parental roles, to make sure as best I could that my kids felt loved and wanted. I chose a career that allowed me to work from home. I supported my family and provided my children the benefits of a stay-at-home mother. But while I was enjoying close relationships with my children I also knew they were missing something. I resented my ex-husbands for rejecting them, and for any disadvantages they experienced by not having two parents in their lives. Those kids deserved another cheerleader on their team. So if the name of one of my ex-husbands came up in conversation I did not hesitate to use a term like "the loser."I have since learned what it is like for a father to go through the family court system and how it can negatively impact the relationship with his child. I've also learned that any parent is vulnerable to injustice and any parent could lose contact with their child after going through the current family court system. What I learned is shocking. A newly separated or unmarried father might think that he is doing everything by the book; he might visit or care for his child regularly, or as often as the mother will allow, he might think he should wait until the court hearing to start paying child support since no amount has been set, especially if the mother of his child has applied for welfare, because paying her directly isn't allowed. He might go into court expecting to come out with a fair joint physical custody order, especially if he has been providing much of his child's daily care. He might expect that any child support order that may be made against him would start that day. Many good, fit, responsible, loving, dedicated fathers, and some mothers, are completely overwhelmed by what happens next. As Jeffery Shipman, 44, a New York father to 21-month-old Deonna, told me, "It is, simply put, like being raped. You're raped financially, emotionally, and in terms of your health deteriorating - physically as well. You walk out of the courtroom perplexed and bewildered; shaking your head in disbelief while thinking "This can't be happening!" But it is. It is real life. It is cruel. I recall walking out of family court one year ago a broken, broken man." The Myth of Deadbeat Dads I came across a 2003 study from the Urban Institute on uncollected child support in California. In Examining Child Support Arrears in California - the Collectibility Study, I learned that common practices, like not making sure the father was served a summons for his court date, setting default orders if he didn't show up, charging interest, and backdating child support orders were contributing to the fatherless child epidemic. I learned that these, combined with the practice of judges "assuming" income was leaving some low-income fathers with child support orders "4 times higher than it should be," and in some cases, "twice as high as the debtor's net monthly income." According to the Urban Institute analysis, "Three-quarters of California's arrears result from policies and practices that set and keep child support orders at levels that exceed noncustodial parents' ability to pay child support." Many fathers walk out of the courtroom in shock, owing thousands of dollars in arrears due to backdating and interest, putting them immediately at risk of imprisonment and losing their professional and drivers licenses. Some of these fathers become so overwhelmed they go into hiding, losing all contact with their children. The UI study goes on, "Many child support professionals have come to believe that charging interest, particularly at high rates, is counterproductive and does not serve either the child or the government. Charging interest can make the payment of child support arrears seem overwhelming" to some low-income, non-custodial parents in California "and, possibly, drive them to the underground economy and away from their children." The Myth of Abusive FathersAnother thing happens to fathers, and to some mothers, which I would have never expected to find in America, a country I thought stood for justice. With absolutely no notice, no due process of law, judges can, and do, use ex parte orders to remove custody of their children from parents. In From Madness to Mutiny: Why Mothers Are Running from the Family Courts - And What Can Be Done about It, sociologist Amy Neustein and family court expert Michael Lesher conclude that "No state should permit a change of custody from one parent or guardian to the other on the basis of an ex parte hearing - that is a hearing of which one parent of guardian does not receive notice. At the present time there are states, including California, that permit such changes without notification to the other parent." Bryan Godfrey, a 32-year-old California father to a 5-year-old daughter and 12-year-old stepson had the crushing experience of dealing with two ex parte orders. The first one, which came shortly after his wife filed for divorce, granted his wife sole custody and exclusive use of their home, and the second one, five months later, terminated all of his parental rights until further notice. He said, "I was accused of sexual abuse that was determined to be unfounded by the Police, but the judge still terminated my visitation via an ex parte until further evaluation of a psychologist. It has been 17 months since I have seen my daughter."I've had many fathers say they were falsely accused of domestic violence or child abuse during their custody cases. Bryan passed a lie detector test, yet he still can't see his daughter. When I asked him how he feels about this he said, "I am completely outraged and frustrated that my parental rights have been terminated without so much as single hearing. I was never charged with anything. I was found guilty without a trial." The opponents to joint physical custody like to point to studies that show an epidemic of false accusations of sexual abuse during custody cases does not exist. I've never claimed it does. But the truth of the matter is you don't need an epidemic to see that is does happen, and that it needs to be stopped. Since I purchased the book From Madness to Mutiny, Amy Neustein's adult daughter, Sherry Orbach wrote an article for The Jewish Press. On May 27, 2005 she wrote, "For eighteen years (I am now 24), I was silent as my mother spun lie upon lie about my father and me. The truth, however, is that my father never sexually abused me, and that reporters and alleged victims' advocates who supported my mother chose to retell her lies without adequately checking the facts."Bryan continued, "My daughter is suffering and I am powerless to help her. If I do anything aggressive I will be perceived as a domestic violence committing man and confirm her false allegations. If I sit back and wait for the wheels of 'justice' I'm perceived not to care about my daughter. It makes me feel extremely sad, depressed and angry at all the professionals that claim to be 'looking out for the best interest of the child' when clearly they could care less." Fathers often tell me once they are caught up in the web of family court, false accusations, supervised visitations and alienation, they can't get out, no matter how innocent they are, how much proof they have, nor how great a parent they are. Because of the "best interest of the child" standard, judges can do pretty much anything they want, including keeping good, fit, loving parents from their children. Jeffrey echoed a sentiment I hear often in the Fathers Movement, "My patriotism, faith in the justice system, respect for attorneys, judges and the like - all gone. My belief in the basic fundamentals of my country based on our Constitution which was fought for - evaporated." Bias In The CourtsFrom everything I've seen over the last three years, I believe a father starts out with an overwhelming disadvantage in family court, just because he's male. Unmarried fathers, fathers to one-third of all the babies born in our country, are almost always denied physical custody of their children. Bill Sharp, 51, a never-married Illinois father to 14-year-old Tasha and 15-year-old Willy lost his joint physical custody after his former partner refused to cooperate with the courts. Bill told me, "I used to wake up in the morning, look at myself in the bathroom mirror and say, 'What prodigious thing will he do today, this Bill Sharp?' It was a quote from some artist; I had read it in 1986, liked it and started using it as my own morning motivation from that point on. That changed on July 1, 2002. That's the morning I looked into the bathroom mirror and said, 'They took my kids,' and then broke down."Dr. Richard C. Weiss, 57, lives in Alabama with his wife and their 4-year-old son. He spent almost $100,000, and fought for over 10 years to try to have joint physical custody of his daughters from a previous marriage and to keep them from being moved away. He is now the noncustodial parent to two teenage daughters in Arkansas, whom he hasn't heard from in 11 months. He said, "This is a nightmare ever present - a silence like death but worse. Many of us really loving, caring and responsible fathers have literally been thrown out of the lives of our own children by the family courts and vindictive ex spouses. That, despite gross civil rights injustices, we remain a persecuted class and worse, children are treated like chattel by dysfunctional custodial mothers and the courts with little regard to their needs for having both parents or the dire consequences of removing them from one fit parent, (most divorced parents are fit)." The Reality Of EstrangementRight before I overheard that comment about the 'loser' in the family, I had been chatting with the birthday child's grandmother. She was talking about her family and one story grabbed my attention. A male relative had gone through a painful divorce. Not only had his ex-wife gotten sole custody of their daughter, she moved her far away, and then proceeded to turn the child against him. "Parental alienation syndrome." I said, "That's what some people call it." As she described the heartbreak this man was experiencing all I could do was nod my head in understanding and think about the dozens of men I have met over the last 3 years who share his pain. Some experts say that Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) isn't real. After encouraging the many fathers I know who have fought for years to try to keep their children from being estranged, and after trying to console the many who have lost the fight, no one can convince me that the estrangement of noncustodial parents and children doesn't exist, no matter what you call it. This heartache doesn't just happen to fathers, it happens to noncustodial mothers too. Rebecca Mackey, a remarried 27-year-old noncustodial mother to one said it happened to her. She said, "Even when one parent loses custody, they are still punished by the brainwashing and psychological games that go on in the custodial household. They ultimately lose their child... body and mind." Fathers As CaregiversOpponents of joint physical custody say that men don't do the child rearing before the separation, so they shouldn't have equal custody afterwards. But according to The Motherhood Study (Institute for American Values, 2005, "[M]any married mothers strongly stated they would not wish for more involvement on the part of their children's father because he already is as involved in their care as anyone can be. In one mother's words, her husband "does all the things I do with them." Another mother described her husband as "very involved, although he does very different things than I do." "We both love the kids and we both work to teach them what they need to know." These and other mothers expressed a deep appreciation for what their spouses bring to their lives and to the lives of their children, and several mothers noted how much more involved these fathers are in the children's daily lives than the generations of fathers before them.Bill says, "There have been four instances where I have put my career on hold to spend time with my kids. I had hoped to be able to do that when they reached high school, do consulting or teaching so that I could take a summer off with the kids and travel, (Europe, Central America, Asia). That can't happen now because I have to keep earning money at my current rate to be able to pay the child support that has been assessed. The system values me more for the money I earn than for what I teach my kids when I'm with them."One thing the opponents of joint custody say is that mothers have a special skill; a special ability to love and care for children, that they're much more attached to children then fathers. Well, according The Motherhood Study, most mothers do think that, "Mothers see their contribution to the care of their children not only as extremely important, but also so unique that no one else can replace it. Nearly 93% of our respondents agreed with that statement, with nearly 83% saying they 'strongly' agree." I wonder if they're aware that 87 per cent of fathers surveyed in 1994 said they agreed or strongly agreed that 'watching children grow up is life's greatest joy,' according to Fatherhood: Research, interventions and policies by Peters, Peterson.They must not have met fathers like Jeffrey, who described his time with Deonna to me like this, "Even though my little darling is getting quite heavy now, I still carry her 1.2 miles around the neighborhood each time I'm parenting her. This 'bonding time' is so special to me and I refuse to use a stroller as I wish to hold her up close to my face so we can walk along and 'converse' and 'look at all the pretties', (trees, flowers, other walkers, airplanes, etc.) I think she likes it because daddy can still hold her up high for extended periods of time - something she doesn't get too much these days at 21.5 months of age." Then he added, "I recall walking this very same trek around where I live every night when I was prevented from being with my baby, balling my head off and praying for divine intervention."And if they doubt that fathers can love children as much as mothers do, they have obviously never met Bill Numerick, a 26-year-old father who is in love with a son he's never even met. His ex-girlfriend married another man before she gave birth to their son just over two years ago, and due to the current laws in Michigan her husband was automatically named as the father. Bill has been fighting to be a father to his son ever since. Bill is rightfully proud to be part of shaping a new bill, (Senate bill 0436), that will prevent this from happening to any other father in Michigan. He told me, "One thing I dread to imagine is Caleb thinking that I don't love him and that I just walked away without a second thought. To me that is one of the most freighting things I can imagine. As close as I am to my father I couldn't fathom the emptiness I would feel had we been kept apart while I was growing up." You can get updates on Bill and Caleb on Bill's web site. Shared Parenting As A SolutionIn 1987 Dr. Joan Kelly wrote, "The primary negative aspect of divorce reported by children in numerous studies was loss of contact with a parent." In Surviving the Breakup, Kelly and Judith Wallerstein wrote, "The emotional stability of children of divorced parents is directly related to the quality of their continuing relationships with both of their parents. We have repeatedly described the dissatisfaction of so many youngsters who felt they were not seeing their fathers often enough, If custody and visiting issues are to be within the realm of the 'best interest of the child', then such widespread discontent must be taken very seriously."California resident Kelly Bray, 48, is dad to two little boys. He and his wife have been separated for five years and are finalizing their divorce with the help of a paralegal. He told me, "My wife and I have been doing shared parenting from day one... We never prevent the other from participating in anything to do with the kids. The kids have a stable environment; they know where they will be every day. They have the love of two parents, and intimate time with both. It is more like 70/70 than 50/50 to the kids, and that is what counts. Do you have to like your ex-spouse? No, we cannot stand each other, but the kids never know... The trick is to love your kids, more than you hate your spouse. That can't be that hard, just look at them... just look at them... They are waiting."The general public overwhelmingly supports shared parenting. As reported on Fathers & Families, (www.fathersandfamilies.org), in November 2004, 37 districts in Massachusetts had a non-binding ballot question asking if voters supported it. With 600,000 votes cast, 86 percent said, "Yes." In Michigan recently the Detroit News carried out an on-line survey asking the following question, "For divorcing parents, should Michigan courts make equally shared custodial responsibility of children the standard?" Again, eighty-six percent voted "Yes. Fighting For Family RightsOn April 9, 2005, Hillary Clinton said, "I have been working for children and families for more then 30 years. ...We can do better and we will do better. And while we do so we will get back to the idea of promoting personal responsibility where it counts, especially towards our children. Of course, the most precious responsibility is for one's own children, but I think we also have a responsibility for all of our children." I believe she's aware of the epidemic of fatherless children. I wonder if she's aware that a kind and dedicated father, John Murtari, 48, has sent her numerous letters asking her to endorse Congressional hearings and eventually the creation of a Family Rights Act, "to recognize and protect the right of our children to have two parents equally involved in their lives and the right of parents to raise and nurture their own children requiring parents be found guilty in a criminal court, with jury protection, of being a demonstrated serious threat to their children - before government can interfere in family life."I wonder if she knows that John, who owns A Kids Right, has been arrested numerous times, and that he has spent time in jail for his non-violent peaceful protesting below her Syracuse office since April 9, 2001 just to have a meeting with her. If Mrs. Clinton means what she says, she will meet John and invite him up to her office, not have him prosecuted. There are people all over the nation with solutions to this epidemic, and all she needs to do is listen to them. One of those people is Jamil Jabr. Jamil has been involved in organizing Fathers-4-Justice in the United States. He has been supporting the gender-neutral civil rights movement in America that is fighting for equality in child custody by building the group as a recognized non-profit, charitable organization. When I asked him to explain the fathers movement he said, "In essence, this is a fight for equal rights for parents, because when that happens it is irrefutable that having fair access to both parents is what's best for children. This is THE civil rights movement of our time." Jamil, who lives in Minnesota, has been divorced for 2 years and has one child, added, "We need to disempower the corrupt, incompetent system that has created a winner-takes-all high stakes game, which turns children into pawns and meal tickets. In the process, it takes money from families that they will never see again as it is turned over to the components of the divorce industry, like lawyers."I was surprised to find myself discussing fathers' issues at a child's birthday party. This was the last place I expected the subject to come up. "Oh Teri, I want to talk to you about two of my friends", another guest said. "Two of my friends can't see their children", she said, "The moms have moved their kids away and my friends are really upset about it". She proceeded to tell me about her two male friends, one with a 4-year-old and the other with a 7-year-old. In both cases the parents had never married, the fathers had been actively involved, and the children were moved away against their wishes. Her mother had moved the 7-year-old almost 500 miles away 4 years earlier. The father's contact was limited to, "Every time he sees me and I let him use my cell phone. Every weekend." The mother of the 4-year-old moved him away when he was 18 months old and changed all of her contact information. The father doesn't know where they are. "He's devastated," she said.Glenn Sacks, a nationally-syndicated radio talk show host, ("His Side with Glenn Sacks"), and newspaper columnist told me, "Perhaps never before in our history has there been such a widespread injustice and so little attention paid to it." Glenn, who is 41-years-old, a father of two, happily married, (never divorced), and who lives in Los Angeles, added, "People trivialize what has happened to fathers - after all, they're men, and men have all the power. But if you don't have the right and the power to raise your own children, what do you have?"For more information visit these web sites:A Kids RightChildren's Rights CouncilFeminist4FathersFathers & FamiliesFathers4Justice-US

Feminist4Fathers: Fathers and: Laura Bush, Judy Sheindlin, PBS, Fathers4Justice and more

Teri Stoddard — Thu, 13 Oct 2005 05:10:45 EDT

First Lady Laura Bush visited the National Center for Fathering in Kansas City to see how they engage and equip dads to be more involved in their children's education. I hope Ken (Ken R. Canfield, Ph.D, Founder and President, dads@fathers.com) had a chance to speak to her about the shambles called the family court system.-----When Judy Sheindlin was on Larry King Live last week, (October 4, 2005), the issue of joint custody came up. An excerpt from the interview:KING: I had a judge who became a federal judge told me once that the hardest thing to decide was custody cases...SHEINDLIN: Yes. Sometimes it's relatively easy because the choices are clear but I've always thought in this country we do a terrible disservice to fathers. You know there was a time many years ago when we had what we called the Tender Years Doctrine, which meant children of tender years, young children, always went to their mother.And then all of the courts in this country said that's not fair. We have to be equal. So, on the books there is a law that says no one parent is favored over the other, now that's honored more in the breach than it is honored in actuality. And, I have been a proponent for many years of there being a presumption in this country for joint custody of children. That's where courts should start.KING: That's where you begin?SHEINDLIN: That's where you begin and if you're going to deviate from that, you have to demonstrate by clear and convincing evidence that there is some valid reason why you're going to deviate from that because one parent is crazy, one parent has a drug problem, an alcohol problem, something's wrong.But that should be the standard joint custody because children are entitled to be raised by two parents even if the parents don't get along anymore. I mean I think it's horrendous when one parent picks up and moves out of the state or moves 250 miles away and some judge in the family court, the domestic relations court usually if it's the mother who has moved away says, "Well, we'll have a hearing to determine whether it was the right thing."No, no, no, no, no. You can't say to people who you've lulled into this sense of I'm equal, you're an equal father. You can take off paternity leave. We expect you to participate in the rearing of your children, to go to open school night, to be out there to play with them. Very often there are two people working in the household. They divide authority and you're equal except when there's a divorce.And then, how often, Larry, I ask you the question, do you hear it quoted in the paper "He lost custody of his children"? You don't hear that. You hear "She lost custody. There must be something wrong with her."Well I think that that has to change in this country because it was my experience in the family court, and I left the family court ten years ago, but even my experience on the television courtroom suggests to me that there are as wonderful a group of fathers out there as a group of mothers and it's about time that this country recognize that in not only the letter of the law but the spirit of the law as well.-----The following is my letter to Pat Mitchell, President of PBS, regarding the planned showing of a film on domestic violence and child custody.Dear Pat,I was shocked, then disappointed to hear, "My dad doesn't love me", right at the beginning of the promo for Breaking The Silence, the Children's Stories.You say Breaking The Silence, the Children's Stories is about Domestic Violence. That includes child abuse. Since mothers commit most child abuse, are any of the stories about mothers? Many cases of domestic violence involve co-combatants, but men are prosecuted far more than women. I fear every case you expose in this film will be of a man who abuses his wife and kids. I wonder, do you even mention female abusers?It is not right to air this film without telling the whole story.PBS meant HONESTY to me. It has always meant TRUTH. Guess what, not anymore.You owe it to your viewers to tell the whole truth.This film is likely political propaganda to counter the swelling family rights movement that is championing the cause of joint custody. Research has shown that co-parenting is good for children, 85% of the population supports equal shared parenting, and those who are in power now don't want to give it up. What better way to protect their place than to put fear in the hearts of voters? Representatives of N.O.W. and the domestic violence industry used false statistics when they testified against AB 1307 in Sacramento recently. It worked that day, why not keep misleading people?As far as PAS, I don't care what you call it, the truth is many noncustodial parents, usually fathers but sometimes mothers, are alienated by the custodial parent and the family court system. I'm sure everyone reading this knows of someone this has happened to. Come to think of it, maybe they don't realize how common it is. Men don't usually speak of heartache. THIS is the world's dirty little secret.Even if this film was made with the best of intentions, it still shouldn't be shown.You owe it to your viewers to tell the WHOLE truth.-----"Fathers are often the missing link in policy debates about how better outcomes for children and greater gender equality can be delivered," states Daddy Dearest?: Public Policy and Active Fatherhood, a book by the Institute of Public Policy Research, to be launched next week by Beverley Hughes, children's minister.The government will also announce that fathers should have the right to six months' unpaid paternity leave independent of the decision of the female partner to take leave. (Too bad they have to do it to "make fathers feel more responsible", instead of just doing it because it's the right thing to do). The text of the complete Guardian article can be found here.-----Georgia Governor Gives Fathers HopeOver a dozen members of Fathers Are Parents Too (FAPT) attended the GOP breakfast on October 8th in Lawrenceville with Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue. The governor commented that when he was a legislator he "...got more letters related to custody issues than anything else...I understand the need for your concern...People should be able to expect judges to follow the laws legislators make."-----Big Brother Protesters Vow To Continue Fight For Rights (Oct 7 2005)Jason Hatch, 33, and David Pyke, 49, were fined [Oct. 6] for their part in a failed protest at the Celebrity Big Brother house January 14. They were both fined �400 and ordered to pay a further �418 in costs and compensation. Speaking outside court Hatch, the Batman protester who scaled the front of Buckingham Palace earlier this year, said he was disappointed at the outcome. He said, "I am disappointed. I'm a single parent and they are just taking away the food from my child to pay a fine for a peaceful protest...the law is still in a shambles and we are not going to stop." Hatch went on, "...you are going to see a lot more of that sort in the name of Real Fathers 4 Justice. We are real fathers who care and will fight for their children and we will get this law changed." Complete text of article can be found here. -----Father Christmas 2004 Fathers4Justice Protestors Plead Not Guilty (Oct 7 2005) Helena Tilbury, 19, Garry Hollington, 30, and Martin Matthews, 37, unfurled a banner reading, "Put the Father Back Into Xmas" during a four-hour sit-in above the UK's busiest rail line on December 16 last year. They appeared at Middlesex Guildhall Crown Court this week, along with Edward Gorecki, 47, who is said to have co-ordinated the protest from nearby. All four denied putting rail passengers in danger between Vauxhall station and Queenstown Road station, Battersea. Prosecutor David Durose said, "You've heard the defendants were protesting in support of the organisation Fathers 4 Justice. This case isn't about that protest or whether that cause is a proper cause - it may well be. It may be you will have sympathy..." The entire text of the article can be found here.10/11/05 UPDATE: Tilbury, Hollington and Matthews were given two-year conditional discharges by Judge Chapple and charged �350. icsouthlondon article-----In case the UK government isn't really ready to listen to fathers, Fathers4Justice has this campaign to get their attention: It's Bedlam! Friday, October 21, 2005 London * In support of overnight stays with noncustodial parents *----- Feminist4Fathers