Blogcritics Author: TV and Film Guy

The Worst TV Series Finale... Ever

TV and Film Guy — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 14:04:16 EDT

Oh boy.

A week and a half after the finale of HBO's The Sopranos, it seems like the perfect time to take a step back and have a look at television finales, specifically bad ones. I didn't think that The Sopranos did deliver a disappointing final episode, I thought that the ending to the series faced the same sort of uncertainty that was exhibited throughout every season. However I seem to be in the minority here, so I wanted to take a moment and remind people of what a truly dreadful finale is like.

Not every show, of course, delivers a bad finale. Something like St. Elsewhere, with its famous snow globe final show caused viewers to stop and think about what they witnessed. It caused a complete reassessment of everything that came before it, a new prism through which to view all the interactions that had taken place in the series. Then there was Babylon 5, which ended its run with a deadly virus getting unleashed that would destroy all humanity (there was a spin-off in which a group went off to find the cure).

There have also been distinctly disappointing show endings, like Seinfeld's trial and jail finale. Some would actually call that a bad show finale, but it pales in comparison to the worst of them all.

No doubt, hands down, unquestionably, the worst finale ever to air on television belongs to Donald P. Bellisario's Quantum Leap. The show starred Scott Bakula as Dr. Sam Beckett and the basic premise was that in the near-future, Beckett created a machine, the Quantum Leap Accelerator, that would allow him to travel in time. Upon its first use, Sam is sent into the past and into someone else’s body. The brains back in the near-future decide that Sam has been placed in this body by something or someone greater than them all in order to correct a mistake, to fix something. Once Sam does this, he moves on to another time and another body, and correcting a mistake there into another, then another, and so on and so forth. Thus, as the viewer is told at the beginning of most episodes, the premise of the show is that "trapped in the past, Dr. Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, striving to put things right that once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home."

That’s it, the basic premise -- Sam is time-traveling in the past and only wants to go back home, to his body and his life. The show, though sci-fi in premise, focused far more on human interactions. Sam traveled in time and gave everything he had in order to make the world a better place, to help the lives of individuals and humanity. He struggled, but never shirked his duty, always doing his best to help correct mistakes, and always wanting to somehow get back home.

Well, the finale is all about him getting one last chance to go home, and he fails. The series ends with the postscript that “Dr. Sam Beckett never returned home.” It is true that in its original conception, the episode was only intended to be a season finale, and that upon not getting renewed it was re-edited and turned into a series finale.

That, however, is no excuse.

The ending proffered, that “Dr. Sam Beckett never returned home,” destroys all hope for Sam. Sam is still traveling, still striving to put right what once went wrong, and forever hoping that his next leap will be the leap home. For a show that was entirely about optimism, self-sacrifice, and doing the right thing, for a show that was entirely about changing the world, making a difference, and helping humanity, to have the final message be that those that help the world are doomed to lose themselves and their lives in their work is horrific.

The notion that by doing good we lose who we are is not one that fits the rest of the series. While Sam never intended to help save the world with his project, once he started down that rode he continued, unswervingly, and all he ever wanted was to one day, somehow, go back home to his wife.

What a bleak, wretched ending, having this man who gave everything, lose everything.

The show may have ended 13 years ago, but I’m still waiting for a retraction. It is unacceptable that Sam Beckett never returned home. I wait for the day when Beckett travels into Bellisario and corrects this grievous error.

And you thought the ending to The Sopranos was bad.

TV and Film Guy (complete with a Masters Degree in Critical Studies in such areas) gives his opinions on TV, Film, and Entertainment in general. All of which he does in a shameless attempt to try to get paid to do the exact same thing. He's also quite proud to say that he's the editor of the Blogcritics Magazine television section.

The Killers of Hell's Kitchen

TV and Film Guy — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 14:43:34 EDT

What in the name of all that is good and holy are those women on Hell's Kitchen thinking?

No, seriously, it's time for a good old fashioned rant...

Last night, three of the women -- yes, three of them -- tried to serve food that may actually have made people ill had it gotten out of the kitchen. It was almost enough to make me worry about going out to eat. So many of the people on the show are actual chefs at restaurants. Are the people that cook in restaurants really more concerned about getting food out fast than not making their customers ill?

First on the list last night you have Joanna, who wanted to serve rancid crab. She claims never to have smelled the crab so, the claim goes, she didn't know that it was bad. She did however, as the cameras pointed out, taste it, so she should have had some idea. Good old Gordon Ramsay, however, was on his game -- he smelled it and tore Joanna, deservedly, a new one.

Next up, Bonnie. It was Bonnie's job to cook the scallops. Upon being called to the pass by Ramsay, Bonnie, in her inimitably blond fashion, queried Ramsay about what was wrong, quickly following the first question with one about whether the scallops were raw. Now, a smarter person who was trying to pass off raw fish as being cooked wouldn't immediately jump to "is the fish raw" -- they'd allow the person judging them to state the problem up front. The issue could have been any number of things, and she, by jumping the gun, made it clear she knew exactly what she did. Dumb. Just dumb.

Lastly, there was Jen. Jen, thinking that they were done with the spaghetti for the night, tossed it. Sadly, they weren't. She was made aware of her error and then went to the garbage to get the spaghetti back. Her claim? Well, it was on the top of the garbage and I only took some of it. Now, a couple of things immediately spring to mind. Additionally, she argued, she was going to cook it again, which would have killed any and all germs. First, as George Costanza learned: adjacent to refuse is refuse. Then, and this only struck me later, but that better have been a different garbage can than the one that the rancid crab ended up in. I believe it was, but wouldn't swear to it.

The insanity continued later, though in a less directly dangerous to customers way, as the women were assigned to choose two of their own for nomination. Obvious to everyone was Joanna. Her wanting to serve the rancid crab was the most insane of all the problems. Melissa, in a move that certainly felt weird, led the charge for Joanna to be nominated and then wanted to add Julia to the list instead of Bonnie or Jen. Julia, Melissa argued, didn't know as much as the other chefs.

Personally, I couldn't help but look at her pushing these nominations as her pushing the nominations of the two African-American women on their team. Julia had saved the day during the challenge earlier in the episode, running both the women's and the men's kitchens. Melissa had two other teammates who could have made customers ill that she could have nominated, but she went for Julia instead. Despite whatever she argued, it wasn't a matter of Julia knowing less, as Melissa argued, or even that she is an exceptionally strong competitor and Melissa wanted to eliminate Julia for that reason (she's really a pretty poor competitor and I would be shocked if she won). There was something else at work in Melissa's decision-making process.

The whole thing is oh-so-incredibly disturbing. Seriously, is this what happens in restaurants all the time? Because, if so, I’m going on a serious diet.

Dig That Funky Binary Solo And Cable's Other Great Offerings

TV and Film Guy — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 14:55:04 EDT

With the ever-expanding set of original programming choices that are offered by cable networks over the summer, I think that the months between the end of one traditional season (May) and the beginning of the next (September), are rapidly becoming the best time to watch television. To be sure, there isn’t as much original programming as there is in the fall, and one would be hard-pressed to try and fill all the primetime TV hours in the summer (a far easier task in the fall), but there is still tons of good stuff out there. Last night, two shows had their season premieres and another its series premiere, and all are definitely worth checking out.

Up first was The 4400, that odd, slightly disturbing sci-fi show that more recent programs, like Heroes, certainly owe a debt. The name from the show comes from the fact that within its world, 4400 people were taken from Earth over the course of 60 (or so) years. They were all then returned to the same place in Washington State at the same time. Some have developed special abilities (superpowers). The show follows some of the 4400 and the government agency, NTAC (the National Threat Assessment Command), that watches over them.

I’ll admit that I have a hard time in this show remembering the specifics of what went on from one season to the next. From the first to the second season it didn’t seem that important, we were mainly dealing with “freak of the week” episodes (single, standalone episodes exploring one never before and never again seen character that didn’t really tie in to a larger picture). Over the last few seasons however, there has been a far larger story arc in play, mostly recently with The 4400 Center and Jordan Collie (Billy Campbell) trying to convince everyone in the world to take a drug that would help them all unleash their “4400” ability. The authorities (mainly in the form of Joel Gretsch) don’t appreciate the fact that many 4400 abilities are dangerous, and the drug he pushes, deadly.

It’s a show that occasionally is a little too obvious in its message (anytime anyone has the initials J.C. I get nervous), but still poses interesting questions about our society and where we’re headed. If sci-fi isn’t your thing, there are still a number of strong family-based stories to follow, though joining the series at this point in its storyline may prove difficult (there are of course DVDs available of the first three seasons).

Next up, the ever-funny Entourage. They had a slightly different episode last night, quite reminiscent of several M*A*S*H episodes, though they may have been pushing more for a Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse thing (the documentary made by Francis Ford Coppola’s wife about the making of Apocalypse Now. The cast and crew of Medellin, a film being made by Vince Chase and his buddies about Pablo Escobar, are followed by a documentary filmmaker through their trials and tribulations of making a movie. It was a great way to show what happened on set during the filmmaking, and it advanced the main story three months without skipping over anything. I always find Entourage a great diversion, and am interested in what happens with the main characters, even if I never really see anything laugh-out-loud wonderful.

What did make me laugh out loud last night was the new show that followed Entourage, Flight of the Conchords. Any show that talks about, even in passing, gulab jamuns that are “off the hook” is unquestionably worth checking out. The show follows a couple of boys from New Zealand trying to breakthrough with their odd, folksy band in New York City. It’s a little bit Extras, quite a bit weird, and filled with funny, funny songs. Last night’s premiere focused on one-half of the duo (Jemaine) trying to date the other-half’s (Bret) ex-girlfriend. Needless to say, it was an idea doomed from the start.

Normally, I would find a show like this a little too quirky and a little too far out there; weird for weird’s sake, rather than weird for funny’s sake. However, there were enough truly hysterical moments to stop that from being the case. Outside of the “off the hook gulab jamuns” which, I’ll give you, you need to know Indian food to appreciate it, during the credits there was an extended portion of a music video that the duo filmed earlier in the episode. In short, in the video they’re robots talking about how they now run the world and all the humans are dead. The extended portion features a brilliant “binary solo” which solely consists of a (I hope) random string of “0” and “1”s, which, if you think about it, is exactly what a binary solo should be. It’s a funny notion, made utterly hysterical by the deadpan portrayals of the main characters. These guys act perfectly serious, even with the dumbest things, and that’s what makes them funny.

See, cable is good. TV is good. And tonight, I’m hoping Hell’s Kitchen will be good too.

TV Review: Nova - "Bone Diggers"

TV and Film Guy — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 09:49:35 EDT

There is very little that can be done to make paleontology “sexy.” This is not a slight against paleontology itself, the importance of paleontology, or some sort of joke about paleontologists. It’s just a cold, hard fact. Much like the bones that paleontologists discover and endlessly analyze, shows about paleontology, with few exceptions, are bleached of any color or life and just sort of sit there. If they’re your thing, they’re your thing and you’re going to love them. If they’re not your thing, you’ll probably do no more than pick it up, give it a once-over, and then banish it to the rubbish bin of history.

Take, for example, Nova’s latest episode, “Bone Diggers.” This episode spends an hour going over the search for, and discovery and examination of the most complete bones of thylacoleo carnifex ever found. This bad boy of prehistoric times lived in Australia and was a giant marsupial. Thylacoleo carnifex was a predator and on top of the food chain. Now, Nova joins an Australian expedition to uncover the bones of a particularly intact thylacoleo carnifex.

If that’s your sort of thing, you’re already hooked and the rest of what I’m going to say will make absolutely no difference to you. If it’s not your sort of thing, you probably didn’t get down this far because the words “thylacoleo carnifex” scare you. If you’re intrepid, press on.

Whether or not you’re into paleontology, this episode is a grand disappointment. It’s just not well constructed. The story starts out simply enough. Paleontologist John Long was sitting at his computer one day when he received a mysterious email from someone he didn’t know. The email had, as an attachment, a picture of the most intact thylacoleo carnifex on record. The mysterious emailer was also nice enough to leave directions to get to cave that the bones were in.

Nova joins up at this point, to tag along on the expedition. After being at the site for a day or so, the searchers realize that poachers have been through here. Their evidence? Footprints around the cave. They haven’t seen that the site is hugely disturbed or anything like that, but there are footprints at this place that no one else is supposed to have been inside of for, possibly, millennia.

Luckily, the bones of the animal were eventually found (along with a ton of others), and they were analyzed. A lot of information was discerned about thylacoleo carnifex’s body structure, with extrapolations made about what this meant for his life. The show goes through all of this in great detail.

But, let us return to this poacher thing for a moment. There were footprints around the site that no one was supposed to have been inside of for millennia, so the show and the scientists assume it was poachers. Makes sense, right?

Not so much. While the episode makes much of the possibility of poachers at the site and the fear of the scientists, it neglects to link up the fact that Long received an email with a picture of the bones inside the cave. The picture was taken inside the cave. Are you making the connection that the show does not bother to explain?

Quite obviously at least one person besides the researchers was present at the cave within the last few millennia as a digital photograph was taken from inside the cave and emailed to one of them. Short of aliens or Marty McFly (and if it was Marty in the year 2025 who went back to 2005 to email the picture, the bones in the picture would have disappeared once Long discovered them). Of course, it is possible that there were poachers, that there is something else about the footprints that leads the scientists to determine that, but the episode gives no mention of it.

There are numerous other examples of where the show fails to give sufficient explanation of what is going on. It is far more interested in showing the viewer the tedium of removing bones from the site and analyzing them (with some CGI tossed in of what thylacoleo carnifex might have looked like, provided one remembers that they don’t know the color or markings on the fur, which are quite fantastic in the animations). There may also be a reason why the discovery is important (outside of improving our knowledge of one animal that died out millennia ago), but the show makes scant reference to any such things.

A mystery does exist here. Who sent that original email? Why did the person who sent the email not take part in the expedition to get the bones? It seems clear that this mysterious emailer knew what he was seeing, but that he did nothing to safeguard the site. Who is this person and why did he act in the manner that he did? There is a "sexy" story here, but it's not the paleontology aspect, it's the mystery of the email. The paleontology aspects of the story become quite dull after about 10 minutes.

There are moments within “Bone Diggers” that are fascinating; there is an inherent level of interest in learning about what life was like for the animals that roamed our planet millennia ago. However, the manner in which this story unfolds doesn’t provide for sustained interest over the course of an hour-long episode. The narrative is overly in-depth on some aspects of thylacoleo carnifex’s life, without ever truly delving into the surrounding story fully.

Nova’s “Bone Diggers” episode airs Tuesday, June 19 at 8PM, but, as always, check your local listings.

PBS Primetime Programming for The Week of June 17

TV and Film Guy — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 13:38:05 EDT

Week three of my quest to get someone to talk to me about becoming an Imagineer continues. This week I’d like to highlight what I’ve highlighted in the past once more, particularly my genuine desire to do this job and my genuine love of Disney. I don’t mean love in one of those weird, unhealthy ways, I’m not obsessed (except with the idea of becoming an Imagineer, of course). I have a perfectly understandable admiration for so much of what the Mouse House does.

Sunday, June 17th:

8:00 - 9:00PM

Nature - “Silent Roar: Searching for the Snow Leopard.” According to the show description, “a legendary filmmaker sets out to film a legendary cat.” Legendary viewers will watch this legendary experience from the most legendary seat in their legendary houses. Legendary popcorn will be made and eaten with legendary hands prior to legendary burps and (should too much popcorn be eaten) a legendary unbuttoning of the legendary pants.

9:00 - 10:30PM

Mystery! “Foyle’s War, Series IV”. Ah, that popular World War II whodunit is back, still starring Michael Kitchen as our titular hero. He’s fighting his own battle against murder, mystery, and betrayal on the south coast of England.

10:30 - 11:00PM

Encore! With James Conlon - “Beauty or Truth?” Or, your money or your life. Your wife or your mistress. Your husband or your mister. Yellow or purple? Green or brown? So many questions, so little time, and only one Twelfth Van Cliburn International Piano Competition.

Monday, June 18th:

8:00 - 9:00PM

Antiques Roadshow - “Memphis (Hour Three).” First up in Memphis: a 35 year old peanut butter and banana sandwich, stolen from Graceland. Second up: a TCB thunderbolt, stolen from Graceland. Third up: a velvet Elvis, that’s right, stolen from Graceland.

9:00 - 11:00PM

Simon Schama’s Power of Art - “Van Gogh/Picasso.” Internationally acclaimed writer Simon Schama tells all he knows about different artists and their masterpieces. Up tonight are Van Gogh and Picasso. Boy, I hope they do Monet cause I’m a huge fan of waterlillies. Or, Disney, because I’m just a huge fan.

Tuesday, June 19th:

8:00 - 9:00PM

Nova - “Bone Diggers.” I’m just oh-so-excited for this program. Really. There’s megafauna and Thylacoleo carnifex beneath the Nullarbor Plain. Megafauna and Theylacoleo carnifex beneath the Nullarbor Plain! Do you understand what I’m saying to you? Yeah, I don’t either.

9:00 - 10:00PM

Frontline - “The Endgame.” Not that they don’t seem to do a similar story every week, but this week, the show is going to look at how the mistakes we’ve made in Iraq have led, virtually, to a civil war. Unquestionably, there have been mistakes made, and this show will look at some of them.

10:00 - 11:00PM

P.O.V. - “Rain in a Dry Land.” This show recounts the story of two Somali Bantu families that were moved by relief agencies to Atlanta, Georgia, and Springfield, Massachusetts, respectively.

Wednesday, June 20th:

8:00 - 9:00PM

Secrets of the Dead - “The Hunt for Nazi Scientists.” I’ve seen the movies, they all went to Brazil. Some even decided to try and clone the Fuhrer. Talk about a weird movie with a sick and twisted bad guy behind it all. My goodness, those Boys from Brazil.

9:00PM - 10:00PM

Great Performances - “Dance in America: Dancing in the Light.” This is an extended version of a show that aired in 2001, focusing exclusively on African-American Dancers. Now, the show is all-performances, and not just that, but they’re extended. Very exciting.

10:00 - 11:00PM

Great Performances - “Sting: Songs From the Labyrinth.” How absolutely great would it be if Sting was singing songs from the movie Labyrinth? That would be so utterly fantastic I’d take my TiVo out of storage (long story, people) in order to record this bad boy. It is him singing, but he’s singing the songs of John Dowland.

Thursday, June 21st:

8:00 - 9:00PM

The This Old House Hour - Episode TBA. It’s This Old House and Ask This Old House. It’s like maintenance…for your home. Wait, no, that’s exactly what it is. That doesn’t mean it’s not awesome though.

9:00 - 10:00PM

10:00 - 11:00PM

Black Grace: From Cannon’s Creek to Jacob’s Pillow. A dance troupe of Maori and Pacific Islanders rise from a small town to “the pinnacle of the international modern dance world.”

Friday, June 22nd:

8:00 - 8:30PM

Washington Week with Gwen Ifill and National Journal #4651. Another whole week has gone by and good old Gwen Ifill and National Journal are here to fill us in. For the record, I like to pretend the National Journal is a sidekick, like Robin to Batman, Starsky to Hutch, or chocolate sauce to chocolate ice cream.

8:30 - 9:00PM

NOW #325. It’s the Emmy award-winning weekly newsmagazine. It looks at issues facing our democracy. The show is hosted by David Brancaccio. And, even better, they still send me e-mails (I think that makes me cool and them nice). Thanks, Now!

9:00 - 10:00PM

Bill Moyers Journal #1111 - It’s Bill Moyers. It’s his 1,111th journal (not really, but I’m not going to explain to you the way in which TV shows are numbered at this point in time, maybe later if you’re nice). He’s a good journalist so I assume this will be good journalism (at least the odds are it will).

10:00PM - 10:30PM

Exposé: America’s Investigative Reports #201. Of each episode in this series focuses on journalistic investigations and the people that went and did them. I think it’s a dying art in this country.

10:30 - 11:00PM

Alan Alda in Scientific American Frontiers - “Surgical Slimmers.” Originally airing two years ago this episode looks a different ways people are using surgery to eliminate their weight. One of the latest devices the episode explores is an implantable stomach “pacer.”

Saturday, June 23rd:

9:00 - 10:0PM

Austin City Limits - “Alejandro Escovedo.” After battling Hepatitis C, Escovedo is back with a microphone in his hand performing songs from The Boxing Mirror. Apparently Billboard quite liked the album.

Another week down. There are only something like 2.5 dozen shopping weeks left till Christmas. You know what would be a great gift? Helping make your friendly neighborhood TV writer an Imagineer. And don’t think that you need to wait till December to get this little gift going either. You can help make me an Imagineer at any point. And, all I’m not even asking for that much, just an interview, just a discussion, just a foot in the door. Think about it.

Nintendo Wii Review: Mortal Kombat: Armageddon

TV and Film Guy — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 17:05:11 EDT

Mortal Kombat has been around for years and years. The franchise has put out an incredible number of releases -- between console and arcade, the number is somewhere over 70. It's an incredibly successful franchise and it has had both stronger and weaker moments.

Happily, the newest release in the franchise, Mortal Kombat: Armageddon, in its Nintendo Wii incarnation, is a very good game. The game was released to the Playstation 2 and Xbox last fall, but with some tweaks here and there, it has just come out for the Wii, with, of course, motion-sensing control via the Wii Remote.

The main portion of the game, as with almost all Mortal Kombat games, is the head-to-head with the computer tournament (Kombat). Also included here is a relatively brief linear game where the player controls one fighter throughout (Konquest). There is a kreate-a-fighter mode and a demonstration video on how to use the Wii Remote to properly immolate your opponent. Plus, there is a racing mini-game (Motor Kombat) which is similar in style to a kart game like Mario Kart or Crash Team Racing, an endurance mode, and you can, of course, play head-to-head with friends either in Motor Kombat or a regular old battle.

Because everyone wants to know, there are, astoundingly, over 60 different fighters from the history of the Mortal Kombat games that can be chosen. It's an incredibly wide selection of players, and even if many of them have similar fighting styles, it still is a lot of fun to go through and play as the different ones.

The ultimate question of course is how much fun is Mortal Kombat on the Wii and using the Remote. While it does take some getting used to do the special moves and trial and error to learn to get them right (the game insists you push the B button when starting a special move. I found that the move should be started immediately prior to pressing B, despite protestations in the manual that pressing it after the beginning would not work), it is an enjoyable experience. The moves can take a long time to get right, but general fighting is easy enough, even if using the directional pad to initiate the regular kicks and punches is a little awkward. Once you have them down, most moves and combinations can be executed fluidly, though there are times when executing a move on the Wii Remote fails to translate to it being executed in the game (user error, perhaps?).

Should one choose not to use the Wii Remote/Nunchuck combination to play, the entire game can be played using the classic controller. More serious aficionados of fighting games will probably have a better experience using the classic controller, it is the far more traditional route to playing such a game, and it does make initiating moves easier and more consistent.

New in Armageddon is a "kreate-a-fatalitity" system, by which players can destroy their opponents when the computer states "Finish him!" (or her) at the end of a battle. Players can enter strings of motion gestures in order to tear their opponent limb from limb (literally). This new system is more difficult to master, and never quite as downright odd as some of the old fatalities, but can be fun to try and figure out.

Though small, and a little silly, the Motor Kombat mini-game provides a wonderful sense of speed and is something I'd like to see more fully developed. It may seem like an odd sort of thing to construct a full-sized game out of, but it could be incredibly fun.

The graphics on Mortal Kombat: Armageddon are quite good, some of the best and smoothest currently available for the Wii; the blood spurts and droppings look wonderful, as do the flames. The sound is solid as well, though, as with all Wii games, the sound that is played from the Wii menu when the game is first selected is far louder than anything that occurs during game play (perhaps Nintendo needs to tweak this).

As stated above, this game was released (in a slightly different format and with online play) for the PS2 and Xbox last fall. However, the experience of playing a game on the Nintendo Wii is unlike anything else currently in existence. This game certainly doesn't represent the best possible fighting game for the system, the Wii Remote controls are, at times awkward, but it is one of the better Mortal Kombat games, and it is incredibly fun to play on the Wii.

Mortal Kombat: Armageddon is rated M (Mature) by the ESRB for Blood, Gore, and Intense Violence. This game can also be found on: PS2 and Xbox.

PBS Primetime Programming for The Week of June 10

TV and Film Guy — Fri, 8 Jun 2007 07:46:04 EDT

Another week is upon us and I’m staying strong in my quest to become a Disney Imagineer. This, if you read last week’s listings, is something I’ve wanted for a long time, and it’s something I’m going to redouble my efforts in order to achieve. Maybe I’ll even retriple them. Why would I be a good Imagineer, you ask? Well, that’s a fair question. Outside of an undying love for Disney, it’s parks, hotels, and all the ancillary material, I have experience in the realm of film and television, and, tend to think that have the ability to write. Here, see how good I use my words:

Sunday, June 10th:

8:00 - 9:00PM

Nature - “Pale Male”. Nerds. This show is all about nerds. Yeah, if nerds were red-tailing hawks. One specific red-tail hawk actually that lived in Manhattan. He mated and there were then baby hawks (kind of like baby nerds).

9:00 - 11:00PM

Mystery! “Jericho, Series II”. I must remind you that this Jericho is not the same as the CBS show, Jericho. I understand, it can be very confusing to have two shows with similar names, but they are not the same show. Please do try and remember that. That and CBS cancelled the other Jericho.

Monday, June 11th:

8:00 - 9:00PM

Antiques Roadshow - “Memphis (Hour Two)”. First up in Memphis: a 35 year old peanut butter and banana sandwich, stolen from Graceland. Second up: a TCB thunderbolt, stolen from Graceland. Third up: a velvet Elvis, that’s right, stolen from Graceland.

9:00 - 10:30PM

America at a Crossroads - “Kansas to Kandahar”. Because this country has a short memory, I will remind you that Kandahar is in Afghanistan. We invaded Afghanistan a few years ago. Viewers here will follow the experiences of a Chinook helicopter pilot from… Kansas. You know, when he goes to Kandahar.

10:30 - 11:00PM

Encore! With James Conlon - “Being it or Playing It?”. Actually I think that is most easily answered by going back to an old favorite of mine, The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Therein they argued that you shouldn’t dream it, you should be it.

Tuesday, June 12th:

8:00 - 9:00PM

Nova - “Jewel of the Earth”. A look at Dino DNA with the brother of the guy that played the head of the Dino-cloning people in Jurassic Park who apparently looks into these sorts of things for a living. Nice.

9:00 - 10:00PM

Frontline - “The Lost Year in Iraq”. Originally airing last fall, this piece looks at the way the U.S. and Paul Bremer tried, and thus far, failed, to build a new and different Iraq following our invasion.

10:00 - 11:00PM

Rhythm of my Soul: Kentucky Roots Music. This show tells the story of country, gospel, mountain, and bluegrass music. These types of music can also be thought of as having Kentucky roots. See, that’s how they got the name. There are even clips of Bill Monroe, Loretta Lynn, and Ricky Skaggs.

Wednesday, June 13th:

8:00 - 9:00PM

Secrets of the Dead - “Killer Flu”. A bunch of scientists, led by Jeffrey Taubenberger (yes, you heard me right, Jeffrey Taubenberger) set out to figure out all about the ridiculously deadly 1918 flu. They analyze, they study, the try and reach conclusions.

9:00PM - 12:45AM

State Legislature. In this film by Fred Wiseman the inner workings of the Idaho State Legislature are revealed. I imagine that this whole thing totally and completely revolves around the potato crop -- how many potatoes are there this year, how many potatoes will there be next year, can we make more potatoes, has anyone thought of making furniture out of potatoes, how hard is it to really get vodka from a potato, potato, potato, potato. Weird Al has a song about spuds too.

Thursday, June 14th:

8:00 - 9:00PM

The This Old House Hour - Episode TBA. It’s This Old House and Ask This Old House. It’s like maintenance… for your home. Wait, no, that’s exactly what it is. That doesn’t mean it’s not awesome though.

9:00 - 10:00PM

10:00 - 11:00PM

Soundstage (2006-2007) - “Rob Thomas”. This series showcases new performances by cool beans artists. As indicated in the episode title, up this time is Rob Thomas. You know, Matchbox 20, he’s kind of popular. Really? You’ve never heard of him. Okay then.

Friday, June 15th:

8:00 - 8:30PM

Washington Week with Gwen Ifill and National Journal #4650. Another whole week has gone by and good old Gwen Ifill and National Journal are here to fill us in. For the record, I like to pretend the National Journal is a sidekick, like Robin to Batman, Starsky to Hutch, or chocolate sauce to chocolate ice cream.

8:30 - 9:00PM

NOW #324. It’s the Emmy award-winning weekly newsmagazine. It looks at issues facing our democracy. The show is hosted by David Brancaccio. And, even better, they still send me e-mails (I think that makes me cool and them nice). Thanks, Now!

9:00 - 10:00PM

Bill Moyers Journal #1110 - It’s Bill Moyers. It’s his 1,108th journal (not really, but I’m not going to explain to you the way in which TV shows are numbered at this point in time, maybe later if you’re nice). He’s a good journalist so I assume this will be good journalism (at least the odds are it will).

10:00PM - 11:00PM

Saturday, June 16th:

9:00 - 10:0PM

Austin City Limits - “Ryan Adams/Tift Merritt”. I love that song, Summer of ’69. You know the one: Got my first real six-string, bought it at the five and dime, played it till my fingers bled, was the summer of ’69. Me and some guys from school, had a band and we tried real hard, Jimmy quit, Jodie got married, we should’ve known we’d never get… wait, that’s Bryan Adams. This is Ryan Adams. Never mind.

Was that not convincing enough to put me in the running for Imagineer-dom? Well, then I’d ask you to go back and re-read it and see if you’re convinced yet. If not, try again, and again, and again. And, if that doesn’t work, come back and read this column again next week, because I hereby vow to you that I will continue using my opening and closing paragraphs to try and convince someone who knows someone who knows someone who was once an Imagineer to talk to me about getting my foot in the door.

TV Review: Hell's Kitchen

TV and Film Guy — Tue, 5 Jun 2007 13:43:11 EDT

For the past three summers, Fox has whipped up a deliciously spicy little reality treat, Hell’s Kitchen, starring the inimitable Gordon Ramsay as a complete and utter SOB.

The premise is simple: take 16 chefs (or wanna-be chefs) that want a big time restaurant of their own, make them work together in a restaurant while yelling at them every second of the day and night, and kick one off the show every episode, last person standing gets the restaurant.

It’s Survivor but with Simon Cowell replacing Jeff Probst and getting to be judge, jury, and executioner. Hell’s Kitchen does not play at letting the audience decide who will be eliminated, that choice rests with Gordon Ramsay alone.

On June 4, the third season of Hell’s Kitchen started up, and Ramsay was back to his old ways, ridiculing all 16 chefs, finding the weak members of the pack and picking them off. The teams were separated into the now traditional men versus women, and informed that the restaurant would open the next night.

True to form, once the restaurant opened, Ramsay was disgusted by the way the chefs were performing and shut down the kitchen and restaurant before even finishing serving the appetizers for all the tables. This ought not to have come as a surprise to the diners, as this happens every season, but more than a few seemed shocked by the poor quality of service. Ramsay declared the losing team to be the women, due to their inability to talk to one another, a huge pet peeve of the Chef’s, and to fry an egg. Ramsay, for some reason we are not privy to declares Melissa to be “the best of the worst” and asks her to nominate two people to be booted off the show.

Melissa meets individually with members of her team; everyone she speaks to wants Julia nominated because she’s a short order cook at a Waffle House (how do these people not like Waffle House?). Instead, Tiffany and Joanna are nominated, the first for not being able to fry an egg and the second for her lack of communication.

Nominating Tiffany is just wonderfully fun, because Melissa had specifically promised Tiffany during their conversation that she was safe, that there was no way she would be going home that night. Then, of course, Melissa nominated her. Needless to say, Chef Ramsay booted Tiffany. What a great opening backstab to the season. And, the true genius of it is that no one heard Melissa tell Tiffany she was safe, and so no one knows just how two-faced Melissa is.

Some would argue that Ramsay is overly cruel and relishes his role a little too much. I completely disagree. As the season progresses, Ramsay will start to show a softer side and will start to talk to and open up to the contestants. Don’t think that he’s just playing at being tough up front though, he may open up to people later, but he’ll still flay them if they disappoint in the kitchen.If there was a weakness to last night’s episode, it’s that it traded a little too much on knowledge of previous seasons. The rules, regulations, and procedures were not fully explained. There really isn’t a lot to understand, but to help bring in new audience members, it might have behooved the show to do a little bit more of an introduction.

PBS Primetime Programming for The Week of June 3

TV and Film Guy — Fri, 1 Jun 2007 16:31:00 EDT

I'd like to start off this introduction by saying, right up front, that I would like to be an Imagineer. Seriously. Those are the folks that make all the coolest stuff at Disney. This is not just a momentary whim, but a life-long wish. I know, now you're wondering why I'd bring this up; well, you'll just have to read on and find out (enticing, isn't it?).

Sunday, June 3:

8:00 - 9:00PM

Nature - “Wisdom of the Wild”. I think that they’re referring to the animated film, because goodness knows that the wild as a real life thing just isn’t that smart. I mean, there’s no ice cream, no air conditioning, and no television. It has to be about the animated movie.

9:00 - 11:00PM

Monday, June 4:

8:00 - 9:00PM

Antiques Roadshow - “Memphis (Hour One)”. First up in Memphis: a 35-year-old peanut butter and banana sandwich, stolen from Graceland. Second up: a TCB thunderbolt, stolen from Graceland. Third up: a velvet Elvis, that’s right, stolen from Graceland.

9:00 - 11:000PM

Six Days in June. Actually, there are 30 days in June. I know because I remember that little rhyme about 30 days have September, yada, yada, yada. The six days in question here of course are about the Six Day War between Israel and its Arab neighbors.

Tuesday, June 5:

8:00 - 9:00PM

Nova - “Great Escape”. Like Steve McQueen, all I need’s a fast machine, so I can hop fences while riding atop it. Nova is going to take a look the real story upon which the movie is based. In real life, Steve McQueen wasn’t there; the character may have been, but not Steve himself, and that’s a darned shame.

9:00 - 10:00PM

Frontline - “The Tank Man”. Now this is something I’m truly interested in, no joke. This episode goes in search of the Chinese man who stood in front of the tanks in Tianenmen Square back in 1989. I’ll give you that we’re years later at this point, but I’m still intrigued.

10:00 - 11:00PM

Independent Lens - “La Lupe: Queen of Latin Soul”. All about Lupe Victoria Yoli or La Lupe or La Yiyiyi, depending on what you like to refer to her as. She rose to fame in the 1960s but was back in obscurity at the time of her death in 1992.

Wednesday, June 6:

8:00 - 9:00PM

Secrets of the Dead - “Gangland Graveyard”. We’re focusing tonight on the FBI investigation into and downfall of “Big Joey” Massino. This is, for you movie buffs, the Donnie Brasco thing, popularized in the movie Donnie Brasco.

9:00 - 10:30PM

Great Performances - “We Love Ella! A Tribute to the First Lady of Song”. You know what this is. It’s famous people singing a bunch of different Ella Fitzgerald songs. Those people include: Natalie Cole, Patti Austin, and Cyndi Lauper, among others.

10:30 - 11:00PM

Encore! with James Conlon - “Being It or Playing It?”. Does the artist become one with the music or is the printed score the final authority? Here’s my question, even if the artist becomes one with the music can’t the printed score be the final authority? Just asking.

Thursday, June 7:

8:00 - 9:00PM

The This Old House Hour - Episode TBA. It’s This Old House and Ask This Old House. It’s like maintenance… for your home. Wait, no, that’s exactly what it is. That doesn’t mean it’s not awesome though.

9:00 - 10:00PM

10:00 - 11:00PM

Great Old Amusement Parks. A look at amusement parks that were around before Disney. Lord knows though that there’s nothing wrong with Disney. In fact, if anyone from Disney is reading this right now, I’ve always wanted to be an Imagineer, I applied online but never heard back, do you have any way of getting me in the door for that all-important first interview?

Friday, June 8:

8:00 - 8:30PM

Washington Week with Gwen Ifill and National Journal #4649. Another whole week has gone by and good old Gwen Ifill and National Journal are here to fill us in. For the record, I like to pretend the National Journal is a sidekick, like Robin to Batman, Starsky to Hutch, or chocolate sauce to chocolate ice cream.

8:30 - 9:00PM

NOW #323. It’s the Emmy award-winning weekly newsmagazine. It looks at issues facing our democracy. The show is hosted by David Brancaccio. And, even better, they still send me e-mails (I think that makes me cool and them nice). Thanks, Now!

9:00 - 10:00PM

Bill Moyers Journal #1109 - It’s Bill Moyers. It’s his 1,108th journal (not really, but I’m not going to explain to you the way in which TV shows are numbered at this point in time, maybe later if you’re nice). He’s a good journalist so I assume this will be good journalism (at least the odds are it will).

10:00PM - 11:00PM

Saturday, June 9:

9:00 - 10:0PM

Austin City Limits - “James Blunt/James McMurtry”. Blunt is from England. McMurtry is the son of famous author Larry McMurtry. He’s not from England. He is, much like Blunt, a singer however. That’s why they’re both on this program. It’s a singing program.

You may think I’m kidding about the whole Imagineer thing, but I’m not. I would LOVE to be an Imagineer. I really, really would. I’m creative, I think outside the box, I’m a hard worker, I could be an Imagineer. Come on, Disney, give me a chance, you won’t regret it!

Battlestar Galactica Grounded

TV and Film Guy — Fri, 1 Jun 2007 15:33:06 EDT

Bye-bye BSG.

It’s true, after months of rumor and speculation, hand-wringing among fans, statements from stars Edward James Olmos and Katee Sackhoff, Battlestar Galactica producers and the Sci-Fi Channel have announced that the upcoming 22 episode season will be the end of the series.

This not-so-surprising revelation was issued in a press release from NBC-Universal (the parent company of Sci-Fi). The release states that the choice to end the series at this point is that of Ronald D. Moore and David Eick, executive producers of the series.

"This show was always meant to have a beginning, a middle and finally, an end. Over the course of the last year, the story and the characters have been moving strongly toward that end and we've decided to listen to those internal voices and conclude the show on our own terms," stated Eick and Moore in the press release.

Sci Fi Channel had previously stated that they were looking at possible spin-off of Battlestar Galactica, entitled Caprica, which would focus on events that led up to those described in BSG. The press release did not mention anything about the future plans of this series.

A special two-hour episode entitled “Razor” will kick off the fourth season in November of this year. The rest of the season will then air beginning in early 2008.

Eick will have another show on the air this fall, as NBC announced during its upfronts that they would be airing Bionic Woman this fall. Katee Sackhoff was featured in a guest starring role in the pilot, perhaps her schedule will now be open enough for her to join the cast full time.

Though the news of the ending of the series will surely upset fans, there’s still a lot of frakking story to go.