http://blogcritics.org/ A sinister cabal of superior bloggers on music, books, film, popular culture, politics, and technology - updated continuously. en Copyright 2005-2007 by the authors Tue, 8 Oct 2002 16:57:40 EDT http://backend.userland.com/rss Blogcritics.org custom software http://blogcritics.org/ Phillip WinnSunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding. Administration0@blogcritics.org Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2002/10/08/165740.php SekimoriThe Bob the Builder children's show perplexes me. It's not the talking construction equipment, I can handle the talking construction equipment. It's not the fact that the talking construction equipment is, to a machine, whiny and bitches constantly, I mean you pretty much expect that from unionized workers, right? It's not even the strange unrequited sort-of-love between Wendy and an obviously closeted Bob. What perplexes me most is the Pumpkinhead-looking character fondly dubbed "Spud." He's always looked more like an Onion to me, but that's another story.This Spud creature is our Antagonist, always hosing up the works by trying to help the others. It's amazing how often his "help" resembles vandalism and sabotage. Yet when the talking construction equipment figures out it's Spud causing the problem do they grind him to mashed potatoes under their massive treads? Do they commit him to the nearest mental institution for the lithium and restraint he so desperately needs? No, they do not. They instead laugh uncomfortably, tell each other how he's misunderstood and just needs to feel accepted, then roll away to contemplate their moral superiority. Sounds like a certain league of nations whose name begins with an "E" and ends with a "U."So this creepy stop-motion animation show is teaching my children the following: Whine about having to do a task or your job, this will get you attention and sympathy from your peers. If someone does something wrong, don't take them to task, you might damage their self-esteem. Fix it then never talk about it again. Suppress your emotions and natural sexual proclivities and conform to the societal "norm." Okay, so maybe the kids won't pick up on that last one. I think a little bit of Bob might be just what the Spud needs though. But that's a different cartoon altogether. Video1169@blogcritics.org Tue, 8 Oct 2002 16:57:40 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2002/10/02/163252.php SekimoriOnly 20 more days to enter the next quarter's Banshee Studios writing contest. The contest is in the Essay category and here are the guidelines: Guidelines: Must be roughly 1200 to 1500 words. We are looking for personal or opinion essays, not academic style essays. We will stay away from anything blatantly political. That is not to say that we will not consider essays with some political content, however, your essay touting the merits of Candidate X, or the one that trashes Political Party Y will go straight to the Recycle Bin. Remember, this is primarily an outlet for fiction writing, so essays should be creative, interesting and have a point.Maximum entries are two per author. Put "Essay Contest" in the subject line of your email and send your entries to editors@bansheestudios.net. Please cut and paste your entries into the body of your email - no attachments. If the cut and paste results in formatting issues, we'll resolve them prior to publication. Also, you must include a brief biography of yourself (three to five sentences) and any contact information, such as email or web addresses, that you would like us to publish along with your piece. First Prize: Front page publication and author's choice of a Banshee Studios signature t-shirt or tote bag, seen here.Second Prize: Second page publication and author's choice of a Banshee Studios signature coffee mug or mouse pad, seen here.Honorable Mention: Publication in the Samhain Issue. As always, we are taking submissions for Poetry, Sudden Fiction, Essays and Short Stories. See our Submit Your Work page for guidelines and deadlines for each issue. Culture1037@blogcritics.org Wed, 2 Oct 2002 16:32:52 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2002/10/02/162447.php SekimoriTwenty minutes ago, my Post Office delivery person just hauled her lazy ass up the stairs, rang my doorbell, and absolutely made my day. Now my copy of Buffy the Vampire Slayer "Once More, With Feeling" whirs gently in my CD player...Spike raging to metal chords, Giles velvet lament, Sweet's smoking jazz grooves, Tara's bright song of love.Buffyphiles have had the MP3s for months now, but they're ripped directly from show recordings, including all the grunts, clangs, footsteps, and random dialogue. At best, they're distracting to listen to as the scenes play themselves out in your mind's eye while the music plays. The CD has the original cast recordings, studio pure and, if possible, even more gorgeous than the first time you heard them.It hardly seems fair that Joss Whedon should be this talented. The music suffers not at all for being composed by a writer of clever television and movies. The cast members, most of whom are vocally quite gifted, give it their all...a side effect, I suspect, of their long and fruitful association with Whedon. I can't accurately judge if this CD will appeal to non-Buffy fans. I suppose it depends on how eclectic your musical taste is...there's fluffy pop, Broadway style vignettes, outright show tunes, jazz-influenced numbers, even a metal ballad. The only song that didn't hold up for me was the rather eclectic fusion-y exposition number, "Something to Sing About." I didn't like the heavy guitar chords and wacky timing the first time I heard it and I don't like it any better now.Bonus tracks include suites from "Restless" and "Hush" (two of the more powerful Buffy episodes), the final haunting melody from "The Gift" (season 5 finale), and the demo track for "Something to Sing About," performed by Joss and his wife, Kai Cole. For the record, the screwy time changes in this song work so much better in their rendition.If you're any kind of a Buffy fan, this is absolutely a required purchase.More Buffy buffing here, and here . Music1036@blogcritics.org Wed, 2 Oct 2002 16:24:47 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2002/10/02/132831.php SekimoriLet's go through the E! Online 25 Most Eligible Bachelors one by one, shall we? #25 - Ashton Kutcher: Excuse me? He's what, 17? Shouldn't there be some kind of Ass Hair Quotient these guys should be measured against to even merit the title "bachelor?" Ash, baby, call me in 10 years when the "puppy" has worn off.#24 - Dennis Quaid: [Dr. Evil voice]Riiight.[/Dr. Evil voice] Martyred on the altar of cuckoldery does not an eligible bachelor make. Besides, I hear that nasty nose problem is up to a couple grand a week.#23 - Michael Vartan: Oh yeah, now this is what I'm talkin' 'bout. Smooth, handsome in an understated kind of way. I'd definitely bring this boy home to meet the parents.#22 - Russell Crowe: I'm sorry, there's no room in good old Russ' life for anyone but himself. In fact, I give him two years tops before he's arrested for assault on a "lady friend."#21 - Tiger Woods: This young gentleman should be in the top five, not languishing about near the bottom. Self-possessed, cute and rich as hell. And he's making several generations of pro golfers look like nitwits. Go Tiger!#20 - Chris Tucker: Another one who should at least be in the top ten. Gotta give it up for the boys who can make you laugh.#19 - Matt Damon: I love Matty. He's managed to distance himself somewhat from The Affleck and actually make some quality filmage here lately. His relative shortness is completely negated by that "I could fuck you right here and you would love it" grin.#18 - Craig Kilborn: Another one happier with his own ego than a dissenting opinion. Kilby is not only full of himself but he's just not attractive...looks like he swallowed a goose. ESPN is much better off without him and so are you.#17 - Viggo Mortenson: *shiver* Viggo looks like he's good for scratchin' that itch, but don't you dare take him home to momma...he'll fuck her, too.#16 - Carson Daily: E! must be importing that really sweet Jamaican weed because I can think of no other explanation for the addition of this sea slug. He's not even smart!#15 - Shaquille O'Neal: Hmm...the stars say "no."#14 - Vince Vaughn: I knows trouble when I sees it...and this boy is TROUBLE.#13 - Mark McGrath: Sure he's cute, but who wants to go through life being peed on?#12 - Hugh Grant: Hoo hoo ha ha hee hee *whoop* *gasp* *snort* hah hah hee hoo#11 - Jim Carrey: I'm all for a guy making me laugh, but I think there's a definite limit there. Maybe the indignity of his latest flops has mellowed the old boy out a wee bit.#10 - Owen Wilson: Oh. Yes. Please. Quirky, unconventionally handsome (yes, I am aware his nose looks like a penis), and sporting a BIG brain, this one you tie up and take home. And you never, EVER, leave your girlfriends alone in a room with him.#9 - John Corbett: I approve of John.#8 - Jimmy Fallon: Again with the funny. I think he's gay though.#7 - Ben "The" Affleck: Being a longtime Kevin Smith fan, I used to be big on The Affleck. But the inevitable backlash set in, fueled by such tripe as Armageddon, Pearl Harbor and rehab. I'm only allowed to like him now when he's spouting Kevin Smith-penned dialogue.#6 - Enrique Iglesias: I remember being made to listen to Julio Iglesias for the majority of my childhood. Who would have thought such a fine, emotional singer could have spawned the croon-bot that is Enrique? I swear, I've seen more emotion displayed by my toaster.#5 - Tobey Maguire: Okay, he bulked up for Spider-Man but just tell me his voice settled...did his voice settle?#4 - Tom Cruise: Hah. As if. Short, Scientologist, gay, big teeth, asshole.#3 - George Clooney: Woof. This man is the definition of what it means "to dog." Ashton, take notes. The older he gets, the more attractive he gets. It's partly self-assurance and partly those excellent laugh lines around his eyes. But when a man goes this long without doing marriage, it's most likely because he knows himself well enough to know he's going to suck at it. I shall be very put out if he doesn't at least breed before he dies, however.#2 - Josh Hartnett: Hmph. See entry #25.#1 - Prince William: Well, goddamn. Can't quite argue with that, now can you? Worth many billions, next in line for the throne (operating on the assumption that Elizabeth will do anything, including self re-animation, to keep that milksop Charles off the Big Chair), and thankfully looking more like his mum than his dad. Yep, he's #1.Well there you have it. Who the entertainment industry thinks would make fine husbands. In a word, ack. Culture1033@blogcritics.org Wed, 2 Oct 2002 13:28:31 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2002/09/27/103112.php SekimoriI realize that some of you ladies (and men) out there will take great offense to this, but I can't stand Tom Cruise. I don't care that he's been in some of the top grossing movies at the box office, I think he's a hack. I don't care who claims he's the sexiest man alive, I think he's a troll. If I had to nail down the exact reasons why he makes my skin crawl, they would be as follows:1. He's Short. Short men bug me. And before the hate mail starts pouring in, let me explain. My personality is very alpha - blindingly alpha. Some men are intimidated by this, short men more so than most. This makes them either instantly hostile towards me or aggressively sexual as if, A) they have to prove something to me, and B) I actually give a shit. I make absolutely no apology for being a strong willed, sharp minded, sexually mature woman. Therefore, short men bug me.2. The Whole Nicole Kidman Thing. I believe the consensus in this instance is that he's the ass. Even if it turns out she was carrying Raoul the Pool Boy's child, there's no excuse for causing a woman to lose a pregnancy. And, yes, I do blame that on Tom Cruise. He and Red had reportedly renewed their vows in a "romantic Christmas ceremony" then he filed for divorce in February. Shit, if that's romance, I'd hate to see the results of an actual fight!3. He's a Scientologist. The popular rumor is that Robert Heinlein (one of the greatest sci-fi writers of all time) and L. Ron Hubbard (not) were shooting the shit about religion, when they made a bet: whoever could make the most money off of religion would win. Robert Heinlein wrote the culture changing classic novel Stranger in a Strange Land. Elron plagiarized a dozen different sources, wrote Dianetics, then formed the laugh-fest that is Scientology. Borrowing the worst of pulp sci-fi, cheap Russian brainwashing techniques and Psychic Friends Network infomercials, Scientology gives the rich and stupid a place to unload both their insecurities and their cash. Their allegedly renounced policy of Fair Game against all unbelievers should be, in and of itself, enough to allow them to be shot on sight. Well, that and Battlefield Earth.4. His Fake Name. Tom. Cruise. Now, Cruise is not his real last name. It is his middle name. Whatever. It's kinda sleazy. Mapother is his real last name. Mapother. Never mind. He can keep the 'Cruise.'5. His Litigious Habits. I totally understand suing the guts out of someone to protect your children from actual harm. How is someone calling you a Nancy Boy going to hurt your children? Who are adopted, by the way, aren't they Nan... I mean Tom? Adopting is good. Many, many kids out there need good homes and adoption is a nice alternative to abortion, even though I would like to state for the record that I'm completely pro-choice. I'm just wondering why you didn't choose to father your own children? Anyway, back to your homosexuality...oh, did I just write that? Silly me, wouldn't want to get sued...you suing a penniless writer would hardly be good for your "heterosexual action star" image, now would it? No? Thought not.6. He's Not an Action Star. A friend once asked me, "How is it that he came to be considered an action star when he is approximately the size and shape of a Smurf?" That is a fine question. In fact, I believe there is an entire contingent of scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology working on that very thing.7. Risky Business. Hated it. Even when I was 16 I hated this movie. The BVDs, the Ray Bans, Rebecca DeMornay (who unfailingly reminds me of a bull terrier), the train scene, the music, the "sometimes you just gotta say, 'what the fuck.' " Hated it all. A worthy edition to the ever expanding library of Films Your Kids Must See if You Want Them to Grow Up to be Assholes.8. His Foolish Hair. I realize there's only about three things a guy can do with his hair (unless he's GAY), but I do think it's about time Mr. Cruise gave the Ken doll back his hair. 9. Eyes Wide Shut. The fuck? Never in my entire existence have I seen an alleged actor bring less emotion to a project. Mr. Potato Head would have turned in a better performance than this...and had significantly more chemistry with Nicole Kidman.10. He's Not Sexy. He's not. And it's more attitude than appearance. Nan...I mean Tom seems supremely certain of his place in the universe, no doubt because he's paid the Church of Scientology many, many dollars to divine it from the swirl of the hairs on his ass. Well Tom, you ain't all that. You've driven your wife to miscarriage, you make tedious movies (even with John Woo directing) and you've got teeth like big Chicklets.So there. Culture946@blogcritics.org Fri, 27 Sep 2002 10:31:12 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2002/09/27/101938.php SekimoriYou still don't get it, do you? You still think MP3s are going to be the swollen river that halts the march to the West of your little gravy train. So you're going to spend millions of dollars, and twist dozens of celebrity arms, to launch a print, radio and television ad campaign to try and convince Joe Average that file swapping is stealing. Britney Spears going on about "people going into the computers and logging on and stealing our music" is just going to annoy me. I mean just look at that poor grammar! If you're going to lecture me, at least you could consult a dictionary first.Let me explain things to you one more time, mkay? There are two kinds of file swappers: A) punks who get no allowance and can't afford to shell out the $18 for the new P. Slim Kid Biggie Li'l 2 Boyz CD, and B) people like me, who make a good living, can afford to buy the CDs, but are damned if we will until we've heard the whole thing. A huge percentage of us listen to the majority of our music in the car. Do you have any idea how time and resource consuming it is to convert MP3s to WAV format so you can play them in your car? I have a husband, two small children, three cats and a thriving home-based business...I have no time for such nonsense. You've killed Napster, you're hunting down Kazaa and you're now gunning for the peer-to-peer networks that power Limewire, et al. You still don't get that the most intelligent thing to do would be to partner with these folks, offer quick links to purchase the music through the network, like Virgin Radio does. I realize this would require you think outside of your 1982-era box, but I promise that's better than CD sales declining further because we all think you're assholes. The original Open Letter to the Recording Industry is here. Music945@blogcritics.org Fri, 27 Sep 2002 10:19:38 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2002/09/25/171057.php SekimoriWhen did we, as English speakers, lose all respect for the letter H? The English language has some of the more Gordian rules, and I understand about the whole H-is-silent-thing in words like herb and...well, herb. But I've noticed a disturbing trend, among those who report the news in particular, to do away with the poor H altogether. They sound like a bunch of bloody Cockney cab drivers, "Wit a report from te field, it's Arry Enderson," or "Beats te ell out of me, Oward, e's got a ostage and e wants is orse." I keep expecting them to start calling each other 'guvna' and 'mate.' The phasing out of the H seems to have been a gradual process. Discovery Channel documentaries began featuring elderly scholars solemnly intoning 'Neandertal' instead of 'Neanderthal.' The Weather Channel makes mention of 'urricanes' and CSPAN reports on 'istory.' Now everyday parlance is infected...woman at the grocery store the other day asked me if I knew where the orseradish was. Bloody ell.I ask you, where will it all end? Is the K next? It seems a fairly extraneous letter...knife and knee and so on. Or what about the Q? Not only is it useless (it's function could be performed easily by the K or the C) but it's ugly. It's a big circle with a little tail...it looks like the product of a drunken sculptor. "Bloody ell, Orace! Ave you been at the ooch again?! You were supposed to make te O, tat's all! Wat's tis dangly ting here? Kwick, clean it up before Kwincy sees it!"I tink we sould all switc to Portuguese. Culture884@blogcritics.org Wed, 25 Sep 2002 17:10:57 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2002/09/25/165122.php SekimoriWe watched the Harry Potter movie a few weeks ago with the kids and greatly enjoyed it. They've watched it at least once a day since then. Picked up the first book at Target the other night and I'm reading a chapter a night to my son. He's loving it, despite the lack of pictures. He asks questions about unicorns, magic, trolls, etc. and we answer him forthrightly...for the record, we tell him that magic isn't real, that trolls and unicorns don't exist. If he should find real magic later in life, we have done him no disservice. I remember the hooraw when the books first became popular. Religious groups went insane and I swear the Inquisition thought about getting back together for a Reunion Tour. They were to be the downfall of all of our children, a guidebook for their path straight to Hay-ull, and, indeed, a direct line to Satan himself.None of this happened, of course.And yet studies still crop up that claim that these four books and one movie are surely driving our children to "experiment in occult-like activities" and "become more interested in witchcraft." And that makes them different from children who haven't read Harry Potter exactly how?And who commissioned the study? Why, the director of WisdomWorks Ministries, that's who...an organization that teaches teen-agers and parents how to "view life from God's perspective." (Interesting that they are uniquely qualified to know what this is, hmm?) The director calls the survey's results "significant," even though only 12% of the 41% who have actually seen the movie/books say that they've made them more interested in "witchcraft," in other words, roughly 5 out of 100 kids.I don't think anyone needs to worry about being turned into a toad just yet. Video883@blogcritics.org Wed, 25 Sep 2002 16:51:22 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2002/09/25/094805.php SekimoriI don't think it's a big shiny secret that I like porn. For the record, I'm very picky about it...I want a plot, I prefer some actual humor, I insist the actors act. Wall-to-wall and gonzo are just boring. Stylized Andrew Blake crap with Kenny G. wannabe soundtracks are likewise snooze-worthy. Give me Ron Jeremy cracking jokes as he, well, you know. Give me Steven St. Croix doing the sorts of stories Dirk Diggler only dreamed of. I want Sky Lopez fighting for the right to be on top with a dildo light saber.The position (*snicker*) that porn is exploitation and/or objectification of women thankfully seems to be falling by the wayside. Last I checked, the competition to become a porn star was pretty fierce, with the paychecks for the best and, er, brightest quite respectable by anyone's standards. Interviews with the stars have them speaking of their "craft" and "carrying the film." And good for them, I say.But when I read that an Enzedd porn star wants to give birth during the filming of her next movie, I say place the child with a foster family and flog her stupid ass in the town square. When she recovers from the beating, give her a hysterectomy, on the house. Because if the bitch cares so little for the birth of her own child, how far away is she from Pretty Baby?Porn has it's place, it has it's function. It is for adults, it should only feature adults.Read more Sekimori rants at Blogatelle Culture826@blogcritics.org Wed, 25 Sep 2002 09:48:05 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2002/09/23/090627.php SekimoriEven if you don't know his name, you know Bruce Campbell's face. The nerdy hero in the Evil Dead movies, the intelligent but unlucky bounty hunter in The Adventures of Brisco County Jr., and the suave and debonair King of Thieves in Xena:Warrior Princess are just a few of his more notable roles. In his 20-plus year career, he's done many "Hey, it's that guy!" parts (a fair bit of directing, as well) and seems to relish his B-star status...and the relative freedom it provides from the more onerous effects of fame. This autobiography is as much Campbell's life story as a treatise on how to make a low budget horror movie, or really any independent film. It should absolutely be required reading for all nascent film directors. It might help weed out the starry-eyed Bergman devotees who regularly inflict their creations on unsuspecting film festival audiences to be subjected to a first-hand account of how much sheer animal effort making a film can be. Acting students would likewise benefit from study of this book. Campbell says he "danced a jig" when Brisco County was cancelled...he was happy that he could finally get some sleep.Chins is a very entertaining read. The details of the making of the Evil Dead movies, in particular, sparked a marathon viewing during which my husband and I constantly poked each other, saying things like, "that's actually Karo syrup," and "they did that with Vaseline and a sawhorse." There are the usual first-name-only anecdotes that will have you running to IMDB to try and ferret out the true identity of the Asshole Method Actor, the on-set stories that go a long way towards explaining the final product that we see on screen, and probably less of the really personal tidbits than some of you would like, but you must remember Bruce is a midwestern boy and his mother will most probably read the book. The only off note about this book is the somewhat detached tone of the narrative. At first blush, it may seem that Bruce Campbell is a guy things happen to. His prose is laid back, casual, and not imbued with a whole lot of emotion. But the more I think about it, the more I think that he's probably at bit like Joe Banks when he said, "I have no interest in myself. I think about myself, I get bored out of my mind." That despite years of association with Hollyweird he has managed to keep both his sense of self and his sense of perspective. And good for him. Books753@blogcritics.org Mon, 23 Sep 2002 09:06:27 EDT