Blogcritics Author: Ryan Eanes

Announcement: Short-content feeds

Phillip Winn — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Sunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding.

Beakman Blasts Back Into Action

Ryan Eanes — Sun, 12 Nov 2006 10:56:23 EST

Somewhere in Antarctica, near the South Pole, two penguins named Don and Herb are perched by their television set, remote control in hand -- er, wing. After a bit of Statler-and-Waldorf-esque banter, usually involving any of a number of bad puns about snow, the South Pole, fish, tuxedos, and other penguin-type jokes, the TV is powered on, and there, in an explosion, is a mad scientist in a green lab coat with a huge shock of black hair pointing straight up. Fingers waggling and sound effects flying, this crazed-looking man says, "I'm Beakman, and you've just broken into... Beakman's World!"If you were a child of a certain age between 1993 and 1997, it's likely that you remember this scenario, as it was how every episode of the Emmy-winning kids' science series Beakman's World began. Partially a product of the Children's Television Act of 1990, the program solicited questions from viewers and answered them in a fast-paced, colorful format that saw no shortage of sound effects. No subject matter seemed off limits, either. One episode, for instance, saw Beakman don a HazMat suit and crawl inside a gigantic model nostril "in the name of science." In another episode, Beakman's mom, "Beakmom," played by Jean Stapleton -- better known as Edith Bunker -- demonstrates binaural hearing (that is, determining the source of a sound by using two ears) using a specially modified pair of headphones.Beakman, who often referred to himself as "your own personal scientist," was joined in every episode by Lester, a disgruntled man in a rat suit (Mark Ritts), along with a younger female assistant -- Josie (Alanna Ubach) in the first season, Liza (Eliza Schneider) in the second and third seasons, and Phoebe (Senta Moses) in the final two seasons. (Fast Fact: Did you know Lester was originally a rat puppet in the pilot episode? The puppeteer who was supposed to operate the original Lester puppet got sick, and, instead, Mark Ritts was recruited to play a man in a rat suit.) The three reigned over a cluttered laboratory set (clearly a throwback to Pee-Wee's Playhouse) filled with 34 globes, 14 lava lamps, 14 fire extinguishers, two beauty salon hair driers, and a veritable wonderland of other random objects. "Ray the Cameraman" was also prominently featured in most episodes (well, his hand was, anyway), and a stable of recurring characters, including Soaperman, Balance Man, and greasy spoon short-order cook Art Burn (all clearly Beakman), as well as a number of "famous dead guys" such as Marie Curie, Alexander Graham Bell, and Charles Goodyear, all made regular appearances.Beakman's World is relevant once again, thanks to the FCC's recent update of the aforementioned Children's Television Act. The government agency is now mandating more hours each week of "educational or instructional" (E/I) programming. And because producers in today's market shy away from producing programs that aren't easily tied to merchandise, Beakman's World -- or, the syndication rights to the show, anyway -- was resurrected by approximately 25 FOX-owned television stations, including FOX 5 WNYW in New York. The ratings for the reruns are already shattering expectations. According to The New York Times, the audience on WNYW for the show's first airing "was twice what it was a year ago in the time period."So why aren't more programs like Beakman's World produced these days? Part of the answer may lie within the law itself. The FCC allows individual stations to self-monitor their programming to determine whether or not the shows they air could be considered educational or instructional. Critics of the law argue that this allows programs to get by that are connected to education by only the most gossamer of threads; this is part of the reason Beakman was cancelled by CBS in the first place, in favor of a block of cartoons, including one entitled The Dumb Bunnies. Plus, in today's market, the show would be prohibitively expensive. Paul Zaloom, who played Beakman, noted each original episode cost $250,000 to make.While Beakman isn't going into active production again, the principles covered on the show haven't changed much. As Zaloom said to the New York Times, "Persistence of vision is still about persistence of vision," no matter when you're talking about it. The good news is that a new generation of kids will be learning basic scientific principles from Beakman and Lester, thanks to an ingenious formula that seems to be showing no signs of aging, and we twenty-somethings can relive our youth, one zany episode at a time.

Ryan Eanes is a freelance writer, designer and producer based in Brooklyn, New York. He is a graduate of Wake Forest University, and is completing a MA in Media Studies at The New School in New York.

Book Review: Spook

Ryan Eanes — Mon, 2 Jan 2006 23:29:21 EST

Mary Roach would like you to understand one very important thing about herself: She is not a scientist. "It makes me an especially irksome presence in my sources' lives," she says, adding that she asks "naive, misguided questions" and that she tends to "giggle at the wrong moments." This is not necessarily a bad thing, especially when writing a book like Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife, which could have very easily become overrun with scientific and parapsychological mumbo-jumbo that only an advanced degree holder could begin to decipher. However, this is not the case, and the book is not only easy to read, but difficult to put down, mainly because you find yourself either with your jaw on the floor or laughing hysterically, or trying to figure out how to do both at the same time. (Answer: It's very difficult to laugh with your mouth agape--usually it just makes people on the subway think you're insane.)Roach got a head-start from working on her last book, entitled Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers, which was a shocking and often weirdly hilarious look at what happens to human bodies once we've left the mortal coil. Spook is, to some extent, an extension of Stiff, which was a New York Times bestseller; however, the title is a bit misleading. The phrase "the afterlife," at least for the majority of the American population, probably conjures up images of heaven (or, maybe, hell); however, Roach spends only one chapter discussing scientific research that (kinda, sorta, maybe) investigates the possibility of heaven, while the rest of the book is devoted to more paranormal sorts of post-death activities. Amusingly enough, my father, who is a Southern Baptist minister, glanced at the book title and demanded to know what sort of blasphemy I was reading--until I explained to him that Roach is more interested in determining whether ghosts actually exist than in disproving the existence of God. He calmed right down after that.This is not to say that the book is not useful or interesting--nothing could be further from the truth. Of particular interest to me were the few chapters where Roach talks to experts who are currently in the midst of finding scientific explanations for "hauntings." For example, Roach submits herself to an experiment in which she sits inside of a sensory deprivation chamber while being bombarded with electromagnetic radiation. The point? Errant, random EM radiation is believed to cause auditory and visual hallucinations, which might explain a great number of "encounters" with ghosts and spirits. (It did work on her, by the way--she saw glimpses of faces and heard what sounded like a police siren, even though the chamber was soundproofed.) Another similar chapter investigates the effects that stray "infra-sound"--that is, sound at sub-audible frequencies--can have on the human body. Sound at certain extremely low frequencies, such as 13 Hz, which is actually the resonating frequency of the human eyeball, can cause symptoms ranging from uneasiness to actual hallucinations. So much for that beyond-the-grave encounter with Great Aunt Clara!Equally interesting--and, I think, probably worthy of a follow-up volume--is Chapter 11, in which Roach investigates an old North Carolinian ghost story. The tale is told that an old farmer reaches out to his son from beyond the grave in order to tell him where a "new" will is hidden. Fortunately, both the original will and the new one still exist today, and Roach brings along a forensic handwriting expert to determine whether or not the replacement will is the genuine article. Without giving away the results of the investigation, Roach remains open to any possible outcome, even rooting, just a little, for the paranormal.I believe that Roach's position as a "quasi-skeptic"--someone who likes, even prefers, the explanations that science has to offer, but who is open to believing something that science can't quite explain--puts her in a perfect position to present this material. She, however, says it best in her closing words: "The debunkers are probably right, but they're no fun to visit a graveyard with. What the hell. I believe in ghosts."

Ryan Eanes is a freelance writer, designer and producer based in Brooklyn, New York. He is a graduate of Wake Forest University, and is completing a MA in Media Studies at The New School in New York.

Macintosh from the Ground Up

Ryan Eanes — Sun, 26 Jun 2005 21:40:24 EDT

When you mention Apple Computer to a random group of, say, twenty-five people, the reactions that you'll get will tell you all you need to know about what is arguably the world's most famous brand of computer. Maybe half will love them, maybe half will hate them, and two will look at you and say "Huh?" (Such is the nature of statistical analysis.)Regardless of how you feel about any of the current incarnations of the Macintosh or its insanely popular cousin the iPod, Apple has a massive amount of history and folklore that only the most diehard Mac aficionados seem to be even remotely familiar with. This is why I was delighted to hear about the release of Revolution in the Valley: The Insanely Great Story of How the Mac Was Made (ISBN 0-596-00719-1, $24.95 list) by Andy Hertzfeld, who was one of the original authors of the first Mac's system software. (He has since left Apple and currently is working on a web-based system for "collective storytelling," which can be seen at folklore.org.)Admittedly, "corporate history" isn't usually a particularly engaging genre to read—it can bring up coma-inducing memories of decidedly boring passages from college economics courses. This book, however, turns the genre on its head, much in the same way that the Mac's creators turned the computer industry around. (Note the irony there. It's deliberate.) Filled with photos, doodles and sketches, the book contains close to a hundred anecdotes and short stories, ranging in topic from the first meetings where the original Macintosh was conceptualized to Steve Jobs' demand for polished precision.Nothing is sacred in this book, and nothing is secret, either. The short chapters range from silly to shocking—for instance, in the earliest prototypes of the operating system, a button featured in many windows that read "Do It" was later changed to "OK" because users were misreading the button as "dolt," and nobody wants an OS that insults them for no good reason. In another section, Steve Jobs' fervent pursuit of perfection comes out, when he staunchly demands that the system be able to draw rounded rectangles for buttons and for other graphics purposes, even taking his team outside and pointing out dozens of real-life examples of rounded rectangles to drive his point home.This is an entertaining and engaging book that would be at home on any computer enthusiast's shelf, no matter what he or she thinks about Apple. (Bill Gates shows up periodically throughout the story, after all.) In the end, it's a remarkable story about a scrappy bunch of geeks with an idea that ultimately turned into an infamous part of history that's as strong as ever twenty years later. And how can that not make you feel good inside?

Ryan Eanes is a freelance writer, designer and producer based in Brooklyn, New York. He is a graduate of Wake Forest University, and is completing a MA in Media Studies at The New School in New York.

Thoughts on Tribeca

Ryan Eanes — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 11:56:18 EDT

So far I've been to three screenings at the Tribeca Film Festival, including one fairly late last night; I'm going to another one tonight, and if time permits, one final one tomorrow (that is, if I can get tickets for it).The three I've seen have been a particularly diverse sampling. Here are my cursory thoughts on each.Tickets Aside from the fact that it was funny to hear the festival staff walking around saying "Is anyone buying tickets for 'Tickets?'" this was a particularly intriguing entry: It consists of three "episodes," connected, more or less, by peripheral characters, and by the fact that everyone is riding on the same train to Rome. Each of the three segments was directed by a different director; the first I didn't especially care for, as it was kind of a mournful, sad story about a lusty old professor who had the hots for this woman with bad teeth--turns out he was married anyway, not to mention too chicken to actually say anything to her. The other two episodes, though, were quite funny--one about a mean old fat lady and the community service worker she drags around with her like some kind of slave (it's funnier than it sounds), and the other about three Scottish soccer fans/supermarket workers on their way to a game. An interesting film, certainly, but nothing especially deep or heartwarming here--entertaining, though.Mysterious Skin An utterly heartbreaking film from Gregg Araki, based on the novel of the same name by Scott Heim. It follows the story of two 8-year old boys who are both molested by their Little League baseball coach; ten years later, one is gay and makes a living as a hustler, while the other has become a withdrawn asexual bookworm who keeps a dream journal and believes he's been abducted by aliens. The film follows Neil (played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who I've been a fan of since 3rd Rock from the Sun) as he moves to NYC and goes through hell on earth, and Brian (Brady Corbet) as he seeks out Neil to find out what really happened to him ten years earlier. It's hard to watch, heartbreaking and incredibly moving, and hopefully it'll find the distribution that it badly deserves.Puzzlehead Director James Bai's literal debut, which looked far more expensive than he said it did ("Less than a million, but more than one dollar"). A science fiction thriller about a man in a bleak and violent future world (that looked a lot like Bushwick, Brooklyn) who builds a robotic clone of himself. The robot, named "Puzzlehead," contains all of the memories and thoughts from his maker--his brain served as the "neural map"--and so both the robot and the maker fall for the same deli owner. A case of switched identity ensues, and ultimately machine triumphs over man in the end. It's a dark and deliberately paced film that was edited on a flatbed (!), and certainly a triumph considering the seven years of post-production that it required.So far I'm pleased with the films I've seen. Had I more time, I'd see more films, but with my semester ending in two weeks, the papers and assignments are beginning to pile up. Regardless, these movies have been welcome distractions and I'm already looking forward to next year's festival.

Ryan Eanes is a freelance writer, designer and producer based in Brooklyn, New York. He is a graduate of Wake Forest University, and is completing a MA in Media Studies at The New School in New York.

Hacking away at the iPod

Ryan Eanes — Tue, 15 Feb 2005 01:50:46 EST

"Apple has been in the news a lot these days" is almost a comical understatement, but it's true, and the consumer electronics market hasn't fully assessed the impact that the iPod shuffle has yet to make on the market for MP3 players. Any way you look at it, Apple is still the dominant name in portable personal audio players--how else do you explain the iPod's status as the "must have gift" for Christmas 2004? And 2003? And... well, you get the idea. The white music player is so prolific here in New York that one of my friends (a certified Mac technician, by the way) has taken to calling users of the device members of the "cult of the white earbuds."As great as the iPod (and its elegant software partner-in-crime, iTunes) may be, there are plenty of uses for these pieces of technology that enterprising consumers have devised, but that Apple isn't exactly racing to embrace. This is why O'Reilly's iPod & iTunes Hacks by Hadley Stern (ISBN 0-596-00778-7) is so useful. It runs the gamut from the simplest of iPod "modifications" (and I mean simple, as in buying a case for it--see Hack #2) to multi-day, overly ambitious projects that might make even the most skilled of home workshoppers cringe (i.e., creating a custom-designed center console dock/cupholder/armrest/charger for your car, complete with backlit Apple logo--see Hack #11). Fortunately each project's difficulty is clearly noted, so you aren't likely to somehow accidentally get yourself in over your head.The book is divided into six main sections, entitled "iPod Hardware," which encompasses the hacks mentioned above; "Non-iPod Hardware," which describes such nifty tricks as controlling iTunes via a Palm device or PocketPC (see Hack #23, probably officially my favorite, since I now love controlling iTunes from my Palm Tungsten C from the couch); "iPod Software," which details software that can actually be run on the iPod itself, including games and utilities; "iTunes," which includes hacks for not only iTunes, but also complimentary pieces of software; "AppleScript for iTunes," which explains how to use the AppleScript language to carry out certain functions, including cleaning up song titles (Hack #75); and "Beyond iTunes," which provides instructions on some fairly obscure techniques, such as playing music from the command line (Hack #93).The selection of hacks presented certainly does run the gamut, and even the most casual of iPod users is likely to find one or more hacks in this book of interest. However, I do have to question the inclusion of a few of the hacks that seem... well, tacky, like Hack #21, "Craft an iPod Case from Cardboard," which tells you how to do exactly that--cut an iPod case out of corrugated cardboard. Equally obvious are hacks like #14, "Use Your iPod as a Dictaphone," which essentially informs the reader that Belkin makes a microphone attachment for the iPod, and that plugging it in allows you to make voice memos. While there aren't a large number of seemingly extraneous hacks included, there are enough to make the book a little annoying.My only other complaint about the text is its frequent inclusion of nebulous and non-specific directions. For example, take this particular direction from the aforementioned Hack #11, "Install Your iPod in Your Car, Permanently": "Look for the spot in your car that will best house your iPod, and then come up with a design." Granted, in this particular case it isn't as if Stern can walk you through the creation of a center console for your particular car, but "come up with a design" is a bit vague and not very helpful. This seems to be the case, however, primarily for the more hands-on hacks featured in the book; those that involve code, such as those included in the AppleScript chapter, are much more straightforward, and in many cases, step-by-step.Happily, though, the bulk of this book is chock full of useful suggestions and innovative solutions, regardless of your level of expertise. Casual users will enjoy knowing how to diagnose and solve potential problems with their iPods without having to send it off to Apple (Hack #34), and advanced users will enjoy the challenge of turning the iTunes visualizer into a screen saver (Hack #67). In all, it's a handy reference for anyone who owns an iPod, and a thoughtful gift for the new user who, two months after Christmas, is probably just getting the hang of their new toy.

Ryan Eanes is a freelance writer, designer and producer based in Brooklyn, New York. He is a graduate of Wake Forest University, and is completing a MA in Media Studies at The New School in New York.

Conquering CSS

Ryan Eanes — Thu, 30 Dec 2004 17:52:38 EST

Ah, the Internet--a wide open space with no rules, limited only by the imagination. Back in "the day," anyone could make a website on Geocities--I did it myself. So if you're wanting to satiate your inner nostalgia, or if you're just simply some kind of a masochist, it's still possible to put together a site using simply Notepad (or TextEdit, for those Mac users among us) and, say, Photoshop Elements, or whatever cheesy image editing software Dell included in your default bundle, just like most of us did all the way back in 1993.But, just like then, your results are going to be fairly limited, and if you're planning on doing any kind of semi-advanced page layout, you'll likely need to use tables--and (just like then) those can easily become nightmarishly complicated if you aren't using a program like Macromedia Dreamweaver to keep your code under control.This is why many web designers have embraced the implementation of CSS ("cascading style sheets"), which allows greater flexibility in designing the look and feel of a website. The only trouble with CSS that I've found is that it's a little intimidating for the novice user, especially when you're getting beyond very basic text formatting. CSS isn't much like HTML, where there are particular conventions that must be followed and a structure that's pretty much set (that is, you don't typically put the <body> tag before the <head> tag, etc.)--it's much more open-ended, which is fantastic for the creative designer-types who thrive on a lack of rules and structure. Annoyingly this can make CSS a little hard to grasp at first.In many instances I've had a particular idea for a website design element and realized that HTML would make implementation tricky, if not wholly impossible. In these cases, my first thought is usually, "I could probably do it with CSS!" But then I realize that I have no clue how to do whatever the amazing and wonderful thing is that I've thought of, and I give up. This is not quite as big of a problem now that I've got a copy of the CSS Cookbook by Christopher Schmitt (O'Reilly, ISBN 0-596-00576-8) in hand.Touted as a guide to "quick solutions to common CSS problems," I find the recipe book analogy to be particularly appropriate. The book is divided into ten chapters, each of which contains anywhere from ten to twenty examples of common "projects" undertaken using CSS. Each "recipe" contains a short description of the project, a snippet of CSS code that can be used to do it, and then further resources and explanations, sometimes going into surprising depth (i.e., a research project on the effectiveness of breadcrumb navigation, etc.).So, for example, say you'd like to use HTML's handy bulleted list function (<ul>), but you have a small icon of your own design you'd like to use as the bullet instead of the default dot or square. Schmitt explains how to redefine the ul property so that your image can be used, gives visual examples of what this might look like in implementation, and then makes some important notes on bullet sizes, inheritance and so forth.The book wraps up with a chapter containing examples on how to design using CSS--that is, how to create unconventional or unusual effects using CSS to make a particular page "pop." While some of these effects are clever and useful (e.g., placing a drop shadow on an image), others seem as though they'd be easier accomplished in Photoshop. Given some browsers' tendencies not to render CSS correctly, especially some earlier iterations of Netscape and even Microsoft Internet Explorer to some extent, if you want to insure that graphic elements on the web look correct, I wouldn't recommend relying on CSS to create sophisticated graphical effects.Especially useful for the less-seasoned designer who isn't tremendously familiar with CSS, and equally helpful for the web designer who just wants to add a few tricks to his or her "repertoire," this hearty volume provides a wide variety of plugin-ready tricks and tools that just about anyone (short of the most knowledgeable designers) will find invaluable.

Ryan Eanes is a freelance writer, designer and producer based in Brooklyn, New York. He is a graduate of Wake Forest University, and is completing a MA in Media Studies at The New School in New York.

The must-have Internet design desk reference

Ryan Eanes — Tue, 16 Nov 2004 00:02:06 EST

Even if Al Gore didn't actually invent the Internet, it's not been around all that long--I think most people would probably agree that 1993 or so was really the start of the World Wide Web as we currently know it. And in that relatively short decade we've seen massive--exponential, geometric, almost obscene--growth and change happen across the entire web. For better or worse, there are now at least a dozen programming languages, each subtly different from the one before. Keeping up with one markup language, let alone learning half a dozen programming languages, is enough to make your head spin.This is why I'm enormously thankful for books like The Web Programmer's Desk Reference: A Complete Cross-Reference to HTML, CSS and JavaScript by Lázaro Issi Cohen and Joseph Issi Cohen (No Starch Press, 2004). I think every web designer, programmer and developer would agree with me--that HTML makes up the "skeleton" of most every page on the Internet. Going with that same house analogy, CSS would be likened to the "façade," or decorative elements--siding, windows, drapes, and so on--while JavaScript would be, roughly, the "invisible" aspects, such as plumbing or wiring.And yes, while there are plenty of other web-relevant languages and standards out there, a good, functional and working knowledge of HTML (plus CSS and JavaScript to a somewhat lesser extent) is critical for anyone working in the Internet industry to have. (That's one of my minor beefs with the book--the term "Programmer" in the title makes it seem exclusive to programmers. This isn't the case in any way, and this sometimes-scary word could, I think, be potentially off-putting.)While HTML is vastly easier to grasp than, say, C++ or even PHP, it's still (to coin a term) "sprawly" enough to necessitate a ready reference. After all, at the end of the day, who is going to remember all the browser compatibility information for the compact attribute of the <ul> tag? And while there are certainly plenty of reference websites out there (many of which are outdated or just plain bad--ironic...), I would venture to say that most designers/programmers/developers/etc. probably prefer a print reference that can be bookmarked and annotated. I know I do, anyway.This substantial volume, weighing in at over three pounds, is an ideal cross-reference. Its first pages contain a number of alphabetized indices, making it easy to locate the particular HTML/CSS/JavaScript element that you're looking for. While the individual entries do not explain particular elements in depth (this is, after all, a quick reference guide, and not a tutorial manual), clear and concise definitions are given, and examples are provided for most.While I can't say enough about the usability and the content of the book, I would be doing the reader a disservice if I wasn't to mention that the prevalence of horizontal lines as dividers across pages seem more than a little off-putting--at a certain point, they almost become distracting. I would recommend that, in a future edition, some of the extraneous horizontal rules be removed for clarity's sake.Also included in the book are two large sections on Microsoft transitions and filters and on Microsoft HTML+TIME (Timed Interactive Multimedia Extensions), components that I probably would have omitted from the book entirely. With more and more people migrating away from Internet Explorer in favor of the open-source Firefox, Microsoft browser-specific technologies are something to steer clear of--not to mention that wipes and fades and such between web pages are just silly, not to mention hideously unprofessional. But, for reference's sake, it's a nice bonus for those programmers who are interested in, say, reverse-engineering or modifying a pre-existing site mechanism.The book is absolutely stellar otherwise in terms of content; every obscure tag that I could think of was listed, as the book contains the most relevant and up-to-date standards available at the time of its printing. Any future updates will likely be reflected on the book's website, whose URL is listed in the introduction.So, with only a few minor quibbles to speak of, I have to give this book an enthusiastic "thumbs up." The Issi Cohens are to be commended for wading through such an immense volume of material, distilling it down to the basics and then cross-referencing it all. This is a must-have volume for any web professional who's looking for an accessible and understandable guide to the Internet's core languages.

Ryan Eanes is a freelance writer, designer and producer based in Brooklyn, New York. He is a graduate of Wake Forest University, and is completing a MA in Media Studies at The New School in New York.

Lynch, live and lascivious

Ryan Eanes — Mon, 25 Oct 2004 19:57:22 EDT

Somewhere, deep in the brain, there's a little gate that everything we say passes through before we actually speak it; its purpose is to protect the outside world from our own inner monologues--that way, we don't end up blurting things out like "My lord, Aunt Bertha's growth looks like a second head now" or "Your girlfriend smells like a rotting skunk covered in burnt hair." These, and similar, comments remain--fortunately--internalized. Although there are always exceptions, most of the time it works like it's supposed to, and we're spared the embarrassment of blurting out something inappropriate, say, at the family Thanksgiving dinner or in front of a new client.In some cases, though, that little "gate of appropriateness" doesn't work, either by default or by choice--patients who suffer from Tourette's Syndrome, for instance, can't keep the gate closed. People like Stephen Lynch, however, realize full well how horrible the thing is that they're saying, but that gate stays wide open anyway. Make no mistake about it--Lynch is absolutely a talented guitarist and quite clever when it comes to lyrics, but the subject matter he covers is not exactly intended for the older or more conservative set. So consider yourself warned--if sacriledge and vulgarity (albeit amusing vulgarity) offend your sensibilities, then this guy is not for you. But if you think a song about a pedophilic priest would be funny or the Richard Gere "gerbil sex" incident makes you giggle, then by all means read on.Some of you may be scratching your heads as to who exactly Stephen Lynch is, though chances are that you've heard one of his songs at some point without realizing it. He was the star of an episode of "Comedy Central Presents" in 2000 (it's still replayed regularly) that racked up great ratings and remains one of the series' most popular episodes. His style of comedy? Simple, innocent-sounding guitar songs with... well... not-so-innocent lyrics tacked on. His most popular and well-known songs include "Special Olympics" (which is an ode to the titular games), "Herm-Aphrodite" (about a crush on a transsexual), and so on. (Some of his songs can be listened to on his website.)Lynch's new DVD, entitled "Live at the El Rey," includes a ton of great new material in addition to a few of his old favorites. (My favorites? "She Gotta Smile" and "Priest.") The video was shot in front of a live audience--the show itself contains sixteen different songs--and features a number of hilarious special features which make the disc a must-have for a true Lynch fan.Lynch regularly tours and is currently co-headlining a tour with Conan O'Brien-regular Mitch Hedberg. While Mitch is funny (he seems to be essentially a long-haired stoner who ponders deep subjects such as how sesame seeds are held on the bun), he's a very different kind of funny from Lynch, and when you're a drunk frat boy who really wants to hear "that song about that retarded kid," Hedberg can be a little much to sit through. He and Lynch each got an hour at the show I recently attended--30 minutes into Hedberg's set, people were already screaming at him from the audience and my friend and I were trying to decide whether or not it was safe to run out to the bathroom.The wait, however, was well worth it. Lynch has a great stage presence--he genuinely seems to love the audience (at one point, he got a kid out of the audience to come on stage and pour beer into his mouth, referring to the guy as his "little beer angel"), and enjoys poking fun at himself. (There's nothing worse, of course, than a comedian who takes himself too seriously.) On stage he also shows his strong improvisational chops as well, bursting into an operatic rendition of Outkast's "Hey Ya" at one point, and channeling what seemed to be a gay pre-school teacher at another point. Lynch thrives on the feedback that the audience gives him, and so if you're enjoying the show, chances are that he is too. It was a great show all around, and while not all of his songs flew as well as others ("Craig," for instance, I think horrified most everybody in the audience, even atheists), Lynch throws himself into them all with such fervor that you can't help but laugh even if you're shocked.While I would recommend any of Lynch's CDs to even a "minor" fan, there's something to be said for seeing the man perform his songs--either in person or on his DVD. Sure, "Priest" is still funny even if you're listening to it on your iPod in the car, but you miss out on the spectacle that is Stephen Lynch pantomiming a... er... "touching" moment between priest and altar boy. And listening to a recording never affords you with the opportunity to see Lynch perform oral sex on his microphone (which he did in concert, by the way, at least 4 times). So, yes, his CDs are funny--but seeing him play his guitar a la Art Garfunkel (it's funnier than it sounds) is downright hilarious.So, when you boil it down: Is Stephen Lynch subtle? Not at all. Crude and crass? Absolutely. But he's also freakin' hilarious.

Ryan Eanes is a freelance writer, designer and producer based in Brooklyn, New York. He is a graduate of Wake Forest University, and is completing a MA in Media Studies at The New School in New York.

Hacking into the hacker mind

Ryan Eanes — Wed, 22 Sep 2004 00:30:37 EDT

In my full-time day job, I am, for lack of a better term, a "webmaster," meaning that I update content on a very highly-trafficked website on a daily basis. On our team we also have a number of individuals who maintain our server farm and actually engineer the site code, so while I don't directly work with incoming traffic or network security protocol, our company is small enough that I have to constantly be aware of new security trends and the like to keep our site safe.This is why the book Cyber Adversary Characterization: Auditing the Hacker Mind (Syngress Press) struck me as a tome that might be particularly useful in my line of work. The title led me to believe that the volume would be filled with case studies of hacking incidents and psychological profiles of "types" of hackers, and while the book does contain a few such examples, this is not its primary focus.Following what I thought was a difficult-to-read foreword by Jeff Moss, the first chapter provides (in brief) the kind of information I was hoping to read--a couple of case studies containing some psychological insight into the hacker mind, as well as a broad overview of the goals of the book.From there, however, the book delves deep into somewhat complicated metrics and formulas designed to help a network administrator or security auditor analyze a network, determine what type of attack might take place, and how to initiate steps to prevent such an attack. Also covered are formulae geared towards disassembling an attack after the fact, as sometimes it just isn't possible to predict how or why a particular type of attack on a website or network might occur.While the book is heavy on metrics, formulae and tables full of numbers that are more-or-less meaningless to non-network administrators, the principles behind the numbers are solid, and are useful in creating a generalized overview of how secure a site or network is, or where an attack may originate from. The book, however, concludes with a fascinating chapter containing a description of an attack from start to finish. Sure, it's a touch geekier than, say, a Michael Crichton novel, but it is still interesting nonetheless and is a nice close to an otherwise challenging read.A purchase of the book does include a modest number of additional electronic benefits. For instance, when you register your book on the Syngress web site (http://www.syngress.com/solutions), you are able to download four free "e-booklets" on topics related to the book, including "war driving," the evolution of a hacker, and programmer & analyst ethics. The site also provides a spot for the book's authors to post addenda, as well as for the publishers to indicate changes or corrections to the text. (As Syngress is an imprint of O'Reilly, it's the kind of step you expect from them.)On the whole, this book is valuable in that it provides network security managers with a solid basis for assessing where a hacker might attack. For the layperson, however, the numbers and formulae are difficult to digest. This is definitely a professional-level, heavy duty text and is by no means a psychology textbook. So if that's the type of thing you're looking for, steer clear; otherwise this book provides an excellent framework for, as the title says, auditing the mind of the hacker with something malicious in mind.

Ryan Eanes is a freelance writer, designer and producer based in Brooklyn, New York. He is a graduate of Wake Forest University, and is completing a MA in Media Studies at The New School in New York.

Making PHP a snap

Ryan Eanes — Sun, 12 Sep 2004 01:28:45 EDT

Ever since the early days of the internet, literally anybody who has wanted a website of his or her own has been free to create and post one. The dotcom boom has proven this to be the case, without question, and being a web designer or programmer is certainly lucrative, if you can find work.So, with so many people out there attempting to create websites for themselves and their businesses, all you have to do is just a little browsing and clicking to find a website or two--or a hundred--that, frankly, could use more than a little work. And with good reason, too--web standards seem to be changing all the time, plus learning a new programming language seems daunting, especially when you have little or no experience writing programs, let alone designing websites.Enter O'Reilly, then, which is probably the best-known of all technology and web-focused publishers. (How can you not notice the random animals on the covers of their books?) One of their newest releases, Learning PHP 5 by David Sklar, is an approachable and surprisingly svelte volume, and is a great place for web programming novices to begin.But first, a word about the subject at the heart of the book. PHP is a powerful open-source web programming language, renowned for its versatility and its (relative) simplicity, and is a great place for those of us (yes, me included) who just don't really "get" programming. Let's face it, here--I failed pre-calculus in high school, and have to use my fingers to add and subtract. Programming is not, and never has been, my forté--making me the ideal candidate to try this book out.An important side note--PHP 5 is the newest release of the PHP software, but this book is equally applicable to earlier versions of PHP. Commands that are PHP 5-only are denoted early on in the text, so there's no confusion as to what will and won't work with your server's setup.Enter Sklar's book, which is about as non-confrontational as they come. The chapters are short and to-the-point, working in sequence beginning with PHP basics and syntax, and then advancing to such relatively nebulous topics as working with and connecting to databases (focusing primarily on MySQL). An inexperienced programmer can easily follow along, though Sklar does move quickly, and I did find myself re-reading passages here and there when I didn't easily grasp a concept at first.There are a number of exercises included, which are invaluable--however, a couple of the examples are a little confusing (the running example of developing a PHP program for an Asian restaurant, for instance, isn't always the most clear-cut or well-suited for the concepts being discussed), but there's never any question as to why something works the way it does. With careful reading, an aspiring PHP programmer will have no trouble understanding the examples.While this book does provide a good strong foundation for understanding PHP, and Sklar does an excellent job of identifying potential security holes or pitfalls that can commonly be written into PHP programs inadvertently, don't expect to be able to create elaborate, flawless programs--there's just not enough room inside of the book's 350 pages to cover every single command and library that PHP includes or understands. But, never fear--Sklar has conveniently suggested any of a number of additional volumes and websites where you'll find just about all the help you'll need. Plus there are any of a number of additional bonuses, including appendices that contain step-by-step directions on how to install PHP on your own web server.So if you're not technically inclined but you'd like to give PHP a shot, either just out of curiosity or because you'd like to build an application or two for your website, Sklar's book provides the foundation you'll need and is a good way to get your feet wet. Plus, when you're ready to go a little bit deeper, he'll point you in the right direction. You can't go wrong using this volume as a starting point.

Ryan Eanes is a freelance writer, designer and producer based in Brooklyn, New York. He is a graduate of Wake Forest University, and is completing a MA in Media Studies at The New School in New York.