Blogcritics Author: PoopyCaca

Announcement: Short-content feeds

Phillip Winn — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Sunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding.

Satire: Ann Coulter Blow Up Doll Flops

PoopyCaca — Tue, 21 Nov 2006 01:26:56 EST

ENCINO, California - The vitriolic blonde, right-wing author, blogger and 9/11 widow basher, Ann Coulter, is the model for a new adult toy, a blow-up doll, which debuted on November 7th, election day, and sales have been a huge disappointment for the manufacturer. "We thought this was shooting fish in a barrel," said Jeff Larson, owner of the Encino based Adult Novelty Superstore. "We read the blogs, the fan sites, we know Republican guys have the hots for her, but apparently not enough to buy her doll."Yet another disappointment for the Republicans, the Ann Coulter blow up doll.Although she never approved of the creation of the doll, Larson said there has been no contact from Coulter's representatives. The Coulter blow up doll was a manufacturing challenge, a direct result of her skeleton-like appearance and Adam's apple. "We went back and forth with our manufacturer in Taiwan and trying to get the look right required a little improvising," Larson explained. "The neck is from a male blow up doll and we had to re-engineer a series of molds to get the look right, well, right for Ann that is." The grand total of doll sales was only two units, but recent news dropped that figure down to one. Chad Conrad Castagana, the man arrested for sending threatening letters to Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Jon Stewart and Keith Olbermann, was one of the two buyers. "I saw that story on the news and as soon as I saw the name, I knew one of the boxes I just shipped would probably be coming back. I don't think they allow blow up dolls in prison," Larson said. Voters sent a signal to the politicians and, apparently, that same signal is being sent to sex toy manufacturers trying to create products attractive to Republicans. "I can tell you the Michelle Malkin doll we had in the works won't be introduced to the marketplace anytime soon," Larson said.

Joe Wilson is a comedian, writer, actor and private investigator based in Los Angeles.

Rick Santorum Concession Speech - Now A Top Selling Ring Tone

PoopyCaca — Sat, 11 Nov 2006 04:31:19 EST

WASHINGTON D.C. – Some have accused Democrats of gloating after the election day win of both the House and Senate and if sales of the hottest new ring tone are any indication, gloating has never been more profitable. Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, who lost to Bob Casey this past Tuesday, made a concession speech, surrounded by his wife and crying children, and now that speech is the number one selling ringtone in the country.According to Billboard, Santorum’s speech ringtone has outsold all others, a first for a spoken word ringtone. “It’s usually musicians at the top of the list, not conservative Republicans,” said Bill Ferguson, Billboard Ringtone Analyst.Santorum, whose conservative, religious political positions included his argument that if gay marriage was allowed in this country, making sex with animals legal would be next, lost his bid for reelection in Pennsylvania, but sales of the ringtone of his speech are a national phenomenon. “I hate that guy,” explained Cookie Williams, a hair stylist in West Hollywood, California, “I Tivo’d his speech and burnt DVD’s of it for all my friends, I’ve got a picture of him giving the speech as my screen saver and the ringtone is like a birthday present every time I get a call.” Republican Senator, Rick Santorum, giving his concession speech on election night, surrounded by his family, all wondering why God hates their dad.

Joe Wilson is a comedian, writer, actor and private investigator based in Los Angeles.

Satire: Tickle Me Elmo Celebrity Sex Tape Scandal

PoopyCaca — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 10:07:26 EDT

WARNING: SOME PEOPLE MAY FIND THE CONTENT OF THE VIDEO AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS STORY OFFENSIVE OR NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN. LOS ANGELES – After the recent announcement of the existence of a sex tape starring Saved By The Bell’s Dustin "Screech" Diamond, another celebrity is joining the ranks of Pamela Anderson, Tommy Lee, Paris Hilton, Colin Farrell, Kid Rock, and R. Kelly -- Elmo, of "Tickle Me Elmo" fame (video below). The tape, made prior to Tickle Me Elmo’s success and fame on Sesame Street, was recently discovered by TMZ.com working in conjunction with investigative reporters from PoopyCaca.com. Tickle Me Harder shows Elmo, who is credited under with the name “El Macho,” in compromising positions with two other actors, “Jack Mo” and “Steve.”Publicly, Elmo made a brief statement to reporters saying only, “Elmo no like.” However, rumor has it that contract negotiations with the actor who plays the most popular character on Sesame Street have grown more adversarial due to exclusivity clauses, keeping Elmo from taking other roles in dramas or television shows.Industry insiders say the uncovering of Tickle Me Harder was actually orchestrated by Elmo’s management team in an effort to tarnish his image, forcing Sesame Street to release the actor from his long-term contract, allowing him to pursue other acting opportunities.“Elmo wants out and everyone knows it,” said one prominent agent, who spoke under the condition of anonymity. “There were whispers of this video he made since the nineties and when the DVD of it goes up for sale, it will be huge, not Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson huge, but Elmo’s days on Sesame Street are numbered.”"Tickle Me Harder" video on the Internet.

Joe Wilson is a comedian, writer, actor and private investigator based in Los Angeles.

Satire: Republicans Use Stingray Attacks In Campaign Ads

PoopyCaca — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 20:42:29 EDT

After the release of the Republican National Committee campaign ad called “The Stakes,” which features al Qaeda leaders threatening attacks on the United States, the GOP has released a follow-up ad that has Democrats criticizing the Republicans for their “exploitation of American’s fear of being attacked by a stingray.” “These Are the Stingrays” shows quotes from wildlife expert Jack Hanna, a police officer in Florida, and Dive Magazine, with only the sound of a ticking clock in the background. “Just like in the war on terrorism, the reality is that our nation’s coastal states are at risk, we are not at war with a country, we are also at war with a species,” said Republican National Committee spokeswoman Tracey Schmitt.The ad, which is scheduled to run on national news networks in all states with beaches, is seen by Democrats as, “a desperate attempt to exploit the death of the Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, and the latest stingray attack on a Florida man last week. It’s aimed at scaring voters who go to the beach,” Democratic National Committee Communications Director Karen Finney said in a statement.“These Are the Stingrays” is reminiscent of the Gerald Ford “shark attack” campaign ad that ran in 1976 as part of Ford’s efforts to beat Jimmy Carter. At the time, Democrats criticized Republicans for using the popularity of the Steven Spielberg movie, Jaws, to get votes.In the “shark attack” ad, a small girl builds a sand castle at the beach, telling her mother how many children she’s going to have and what kind of house she’s going to live in. She runs into the water with a bucket and a shark fin appears in front of her, as an ominous voice tells the viewer, “Democrats want to use your tax dollars to protect wildlife, but which party will protect your children from that wildlife?” The GOP ad, "The Stakes," which preceded "These Are the Stingrays." "These Are the Stingrays" is the latest campaign ad from the Republicans who are being criticized for exploiting fear.

Joe Wilson is a comedian, writer, actor and private investigator based in Los Angeles.

Satire: Cheney Takes Bronze Medal in Olympic Biathlon; 7 Killed, Dozens Injured

PoopyCaca — Thu, 16 Feb 2006 23:43:45 EST

Dick Cheney experiences the thrill of victory. By Dylan JamesonTURIN, Italy (PoopyCaca.com) - Vice President Dick Cheney killed seven spectators and injured dozens more as he shocked both the political and sporting worlds, winning a bronze medal in the biathlon, the Winter Olympic sport that combines cross-country skiing and rifle marksmanship.After days of unanswered questions following his shooting of Harry Whittington, the 78-year-old millionaire attorney, at a Texas ranch, Cheney sought to improve his public image and showcase his recently maligned skills as a rifleman by re-emerging as an Olympic champion. But Cheney's public relations plan misfired badly, creating more controversy and leaving the White House to defend the vice president's increasingly irrational behavior. First, Cheney angered U.S. Olympic officials when he cited "executive privilege" to claim a spot on the U.S. biathlon team, knocking out biathlete Jay Hakkinen, a 29-year-old from Kasilof, Alaska, who has trained for this event his entire life and hoped to win before his blind mother died of cancer. Sadly, she was among those shot and killed by Cheney. Then came the tragedy of the competition itself. Cheney's astoundingly poor shooting skills left seven dead and an estimated 47 people injured, many critically wounded. And while Cheney did not hit any of the intended targets during his round, the vice president was awarded bonus points for killing and wounding spectators, judges and other competitors, due to archaic biathlon regulations, which trace their roots back to 8th century Viking sports."A technical reading of the rules does award points to those marksmen who kill or wound others, but those regulations have not been imposed for hundreds of years, for obvious reasons," said Steve Sands, executive director of the U.S. Biathlon Association. "Unfortunately, Mr. Cheney took advantage of those rules, which remained on the record only for historical purposes."The International Olympic Committee is also investigating whether Cheney's use of special skiing equipment gave him an unfair advantage. Cheney, who has a weak heart and is often winded from climbing a flight of stairs, wore a parka outfitted with a built-in defibrillator that sent electric shocks to his heart as needed. He also used skis with an electric motor that moved him along the course with no physical exertion required, much like the players that vibrate across the playing field of table-top electronic football games.As Cheney made his way to the medal stand, he took the criticism in stride, telling the crowds who booed him: "Go fuck yourselves," as he hoisted his bronze medal over his head, with the aid of several Secret Service agents.

Joe Wilson is a comedian, writer, actor and private investigator based in Los Angeles.

Satire: "Crazed" Dick Cheney in Stand-off with Police after Shooting Man

PoopyCaca — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 22:06:47 EST

Dick Cheney taunts police from window. by Dylan JamesonCORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS (PoopyCaca.com) - Vice President Dick Cheney remains holed up in a Texas hunting lodge after shooting a 78-year-old man, keeping police at bay by randomly firing over their heads. Initial reports indicated Cheney had accidentally shot and injured a man during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, but when police arrived at the lodge, Cheney "went wild," according to Butch Anderson, a deputy sheriff who was among the first on the scene."Mr. Cheney started screaming that he wouldn't be taken alive," Anderson said. "He said he got 'a taste of human blood' and he liked it. That's when he started firing at us and we set up a perimeter around the lodge."From outside the lodge, Cheney, apparently drunk, could be heard singing along to old Johnny Cash albums, Anderson said. Cheney shows off his favorite "fishin' gun." Cheney's hunting partner, Harry Whittington, 78, a lawyer from Austin, was "alert and doing fine" after being sprayed with shotgun pellets in the face, neck and chest at the Armstrong Ranch in south Texas, said property owner Katharine Armstrong. Armstrong said Cheney appeared to be turning to shoot a bird when he instead shot Whittington. She said Whittington was taken to Christus Spohn Hospital by ambulance."At first I thought it was an accident, but when I looked at Dick he was smiling that sort of weird, crooked smile," Armstrong said. "He kinda' reminded me of Jack Nicholson in The Shining. We just got out of there real quick."Cheney's spokeswoman, Lea Anne McBride, continued to call the shooting "an unfortunate accident" and refused to comment on the reported stand-off with police."Mr. Whittington is very bird-like in his appearance," Mc Bride explained. "It is easy to see how the vice president could have mistaken him for a quail." Edited: [GH]

Joe Wilson is a comedian, writer, actor and private investigator based in Los Angeles.

Brangelina Baby Cuteness Protection Goggles Auctioned on eBay

PoopyCaca — Thu, 26 Jan 2006 02:23:21 EST

Baby Cuteness Protection Goggles designed specifically to protect individuals from the unseen cuteness of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's offspring. Written by Joe WilsonLOS ANGELES (PoopyCaca.com) - Fake news Web site PoopyCaca.com is following up on the auction of a Jar of Celebrity Air and a Celebrity Doormat with the auction of a pair of Brangelina Baby Cuteness Protection Goggles, 100% of which will benefit the American Red Cross. During a press conference at the UCLA Medical Center - Cuteness Studies Center, renowned cuteness expert, Dr. Cornelius O'Toole, said, "Recent studies have shown that exposure to cuteness causes changes in brain chemistry and that the biological response to these chemical changes, should they occur on a grand scale, could potentially be hazardous to ones health.""These two genetically blessed movie stars are now having a baby and the combination of this particular genetic bouillabaisse will result in the cutest baby in recorded history, which may be a health hazard if viewed without protection, hence the need for the B.C.P.G.," said Dr. O'Toole. Images of Tom Cruise form a protective layer of crazy.The goggles use two images of Tom Cruise, which are placed in each lens, which, according to Dr. O'Toole, "forms a protective layer of crazy." Two pinholes, similar to those used for viewing a solar eclipse, have been installed in each of the images, which filters out the excess cuteness. The auction of Brangelina Baby Cuteness Protection Goggles runs through February 1, 2006 and all proceeds will be donated to the American Red Cross.A diagram issued by the UCLA Medical Center's Cuteness Study Center demonstrating the potential health hazards of being exposed to excess cuteness.

Joe Wilson is a comedian, writer, actor and private investigator based in Los Angeles.

Tom DeLay Shows Off Illegal Campaign Contributions - NASCAR Style

PoopyCaca — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 17:14:36 EST

WASHINGTON D.C. (PoopyCaca.com) - Faced with a U.S. District Court order to name the companies that sought favorable legislation in exchange for cash contributions, former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas), has proposed a novel means of disclosure - a race car driver's jumpsuit.Just as he was able to diffuse the impact of having his mug shot taken by wearing a suit and tie and smiling for his booking photo, DeLay will soften the blow of his outing of major Republican contributors by donning a NASCAR-style suit bearing the names of the companies and individuals tied to the illegal donations.And while he may be under indictment for illegally funneling campaign contributions to the Republican National Committee, the embattled DeLay will actually be able to turn the disclosure into a winning situation, said Roger Galsworthy, a Republican strategist working on DeLay's behalf."This will not only satisfy the court order, but it also has great appeal to a key segment of American voters - the NASCAR dads," Galsworthy said. "When those guys in the heartland see a man in a jumpsuit all covered with logos, they see a hero, doesn't matter what he's done. Hell, you put Hitler in a NASCAR outfit with a Valvoline logo on it, people would eat it up." Hitler in early days on NAZICAR circuit.In a Capital Hill photo session, DeLay sported a jumpsuit bearing the logos of Dow Chemical Company, Cracker Barrel restaurants, tobacco giant Phillip Morris and other companies that allowed him to criss-cross the globe, tending to his multi-million dollar fundraising empire while flying on private jets, staying at exclusive $1,500-a-night resorts, playing top-notch golf courses, and eating the finest five-star dinners. "He's just a regular guy, like you and me - except that now he's got Cracker Barrel on his crotch," Galsworthy said. Written by Dylan Jameson

Joe Wilson is a comedian, writer, actor and private investigator based in Los Angeles.

TV Review: Surgery With The Stars Debuts on Fox

PoopyCaca — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 14:44:17 EST

Christopher Knight, best known for playing Peter Brady (right), explains to Dr. Charles Franklin (center) how he lost his watch inside the patient.LOS ANGELES (PoopyCaca.com) - After the success of Dancing With The Stars and Skating With Celebrities, Fox plans to introduce a show with celebrities tackling a new challenge in, Surgery With The Stars.Fox spokesperson, Stephen Cameron, announced the show at a press conference attended by several of the cast members who will be participating in Surgery With The Stars, including Master P, former pro wrestler Joanie Laurer aka Chyna aka Chynna Doll, Christopher Knight, Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth (The Apprentice) and porn "actor" Ron Jeremy, who will be the first celebrity to perform a sex change operation, transforming a male patient into a woman. "It's gonna be weird to cut off the thing that's paid my bills all these years," Jeremy remarked. "I hope I can keep it as a souvenir." Chyna will perform breast implant surgery in the first installment of Surgery With The Stars.Celebrities teamed with surgeons for a three-week training period prior to performing a surgical procedure, which will be performed at UCLA in a surgery theater, where a studio audience and surgery experts from around the world will look on. The experts will judge the success of each procedure, giving points for time, decision making, use of tools and patient survival. Stephen Cameron said the debut of Surgery With The Stars will be delayed several weeks after Leif Garret, who was scheduled to perform a triple-bypass this week, was arrested in Los Angeles for heroin possession. "Leif was doing great during the three week surgery training with Dr. Charles Franklin of Cedars-Sinai Medical Center here in Los Angeles, but the unfortunate circumstances has made him performing any surgery... problematic," Cameron stated. When you need another fake news source, PoopyCaca.com is there.

Joe Wilson is a comedian, writer, actor and private investigator based in Los Angeles.

William Bennett and Barbara Bush To Head Racial Sensitivity Initiative

PoopyCaca — Tue, 4 Oct 2005 13:42:27 EDT

When you need another fake news source, PoopyCaca.com is there.Former Education Secretary and lifelong gambling addict, William Bennett, seen here not saying anything stupid, but thinking it. Written by Joe WilsonWASHINGTON D.C. (PoopyCaca.com) - President George W. Bush has announced that his mother, Barbara Bush and former Education Secretary and high roller, William Bennett will lead a new White House racial sensitivity initiative. William Bennett, stated on his syndicated radio show, "If you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose -- you could abort every black baby in this country and your crime rate would go down." On September 5th, former first lady, Barbara Bush said in a radio interview regarding the hurricane Katrina evacuees in the Houston Astrodome, "So many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them."These statements were the basis for the president's decision to choose the two to lead the racial sensitivity initiative, according to White House Press Secretary, Scott McClellan, who answered critics during a press conference. "For anyone to suggest that a former Education Secretary and a former first lady are racists, or that they are not racially sensitive, is ridiculous. These two individuals are more than qualified to head this new initiative and for anyone to suggest otherwise could be seen as being racist," McClellan said. "My mom and Bill are both good people, with good hearts and I know by looking in their eyes, they are the right people to lead my new initiative," President Bush stated as he boarded Air Force One to have a picture taken with an Apple Pie in Peoria, Illinois, which was baked using alternative energy. The initiative called, "Operation Care About Colored People," will utilize public service announcements, print advertisements and radio ads, featuring William Bennett and Barbara Bush, which will promote racial sensitivity.Mrs. Bush and Bennett will talk about their own experiences with racial sensitivity and how racism has effected their lives in a Fox News special, hosted by former child star and Cashcall pitchman, Gary Coleman. Asked about the president's new racial sensitivity initiative, Coleman said, "I think it's a great place to borrow money." When you need another fake news source, PoopyCaca.com is there.

Joe Wilson is a comedian, writer, actor and private investigator based in Los Angeles.