Blogcritics Author: Mr. Pink

The Tale Of Two Assistants

Mr. Pink — Sun, 6 Apr 2008 20:26:33 EDT

So where is the better bang for your buck, with the real assistant or the virtual one?
Recently we brought on two assistants to work with us on an entertainment industry project. Both assistants are American, but one is an actual assistant and the other is a "virtual assistant". Our goal for the month was to compare and contrast how successful the virtual assistant would be to the actual assistant in getting tasks...

Announcement: Short-content feeds

Phillip Winn — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Sunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding.

Students Should Cut The Net, Not Themselves

Mr. Pink — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 05:51:40 EDT

It used to be, if you wanted to "properly"express anger or frustration, you confront the source of your problems and register your complaints. At least, that's what we're told in school. But a wealth of studies indicate college students aren't dealing with their problems by getting help or finding other ways to resolve them. As a college student, I was stunned to learn that one of six of my peers opted to injure themselves intentionally rather than reaching out for help from their peers or institution. College is a stressful time for everyone. The professors are overworked, underpaid, and in some cases under appreciated. Administrations need to operate on a budget and make their college attractive in light of the rising price of attendance. And the students have to navigate the "triangle of death," better known as future life, current life (class and work), and social life. Sometimes a friendly ear can be hard to find. As a Resident Assistant, we’re trained to help students who may have problems adjusting or navigating through troubled waters. But the amount of students who come to us, or come to their student-counseling center pale in comparison to students who need help the most. So what do these students do? Do they drink themselves stupid? No. That’s for the weekend. Do they medicate themselves? Half of all Americans are on one prescription drug or another, so the odds are they’re medicated already. According to the Associated Press, twenty-five percent of students who visit their counseling center take medication to deal with mental disorders. The seventy-five percent of students who don’t? Most deal with it rationally by subjecting themselves to other forms of punishment, such as watching Comedy Central, going to the DMV, or attending a New York Mets game. But then we have that one student out of every six. You might be wondering, what possesses that sixth person to injure themselves in the first place? Did they see The Lake House and want to put themselves out of their misery afterward? Maybe. But research of self-injury has shown people injure themselves for escapism, depression, and to exercise control over their life when they feel they’ve lost it. The rise of self-injury may indicate a greater existential crisis among today’s college students. This crisis is best be reflected by the growing popularity of social networking sites like Facebook. Students are flocking to them not because it's the trendy thing to do, but because students want to feel connected to each other. Some media outlets have it all wrong with their “Generation Tech” idea. The technology usage among young adults has more to do with community than leisure because there is no longer a sense of community among today’s college students. With a growing number of transfer students, the emergence of non-traditional students, and the rise of in room entertainment has effectively choked the life out of vibrant college communities around the country.As the baby boomers and previous generations of college students will tell you, the social scene was completely different than it is now. Instead of interacting with neighbors, students camp out in their dorm talking online and surfing the Internet. And colleges have responded for the most part with silence and paternalistic measures like forcing Freshman to pass a test about the dangerous of alcohol before they can register for class. If a student feels they have no control over their life, and no one to communicate with because their peers are all online watching sub-par programming on YouTube, they’re going to do foolish and potentially harmful things to resolve their issues. While an effective resolution to this problem may not be clear cut, the burden is on colleges around the country to focus more on student life than construction and paternalism. Parents need to do their part and ask the right questions to college administrators while students need to lose their World Of Warcraft account and reach out to their fellow students in need. That would be a rational choice for all of us.

Mr. Pink is a freelance writer and author and friend to mammals. Support the Free College project by visiting The College Sheet.

The Camp Counselor's Credo: What Would The Hulk Do?

Mr. Pink — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 07:38:29 EDT

In the summer of 2005, I took a job at a day camp in New York. Before the campers arrived, all of the employees were gathered to go over “important” information with the camp's directors. The following directions are from the original document and have not been molested in any way; my pithy comments that follow have probably been molested though...Responsibilities: You must be able to account for EVERY camper throughout the day. Umm... there are over 400 kids running around the camp, so do you want me to spend all day following each of them around? Or just the group I was assigned to? What if one kid trips and hurts himself? Do we all stop and wait for that kid to get up and have someone yell "He's okay!" before going back to our duties? What if I violently assault one of the campers that is not in my group? Am I responsible for them too? Staff Appearance: You are expected to look neat and tidy at all times. Clothes must be clean, and must not contain any inappropriate words or illustrations that can be perceived as offensive to the campers. The decision on what is appropriate is reserved to the Director. What they meant to say: “The children are scared of you. Stop scratching your ass and get a bar of Irish Spring, you smelly schmuck. Showers are not optional. And while you're at it, borrow someone else's clothes. We expect you to act and dress like a Yuppie prick, so your hole-filled Metallica shirt is not acceptable. If your clothes are not up to the Director's modest standards of Prada and Abercrombie & Fitch clothing, he will throw a hissy fit and fire you. If this rule means stopping your cocaine habit so you can afford new clothes, awesome. Document conflicts between campers. Camper's Log Stardate 926645.02: Brad and Larry… continue... to pummel Justin with pottery... during arts and crafts... I… keep trying...to encourage them to use something... heavier....Under no circumstances are you allowed to administer physical or emotional punishment. So keep smiling when that rotten rich kid tells you how great he is because when the time comes, "accidents" happen.Try to avoid threatening campers. That doesn't mean you shouldn't keep them on their toes.Try to avoid backing a person into a corner where they have no options causing "MANHOOD" to be questioned, thereby eliciting negative responses. I swear it actually says that. Beware, god-fearing public -- “MANHOOD” can be threatened.At no time may any staff member date or go out with campers. Do not tell jokes or stories of a sexual nature or make requests for sexual favors. Well, then I guess I have nothing to talk about with the campers then.You must have a bathing suit and be prepared to come into the water if necessary. Do I LOOK like a lifeguard? You have two guards standing around stroking themselves. Why don't you tell them to do their job instead of making me do it? Besides -- I can't swim, what with the night terrors and all...Report any unsafe conditions or damaged equipment to the Swim Director. But please bring the cocaine to the drop-off point; we have a delivery to make.Safety is key How about we throw some danger in there, just to mess with everyone. You better believe you would have more kids come to this camp if you told them they would be placed in mortal danger on a daily basis."Our Camp's theme: Danger!”Under No Circumstances are you to sell Alcohol, Drugs, or Tobacco to the Campers. Sorry kids.Judgment and Common Sense are an important part of this job. And yet you hired me.If you are a Male, the Girls Locker Room is OFF LIMITS. And Vice Versa. Unless you're Chris Hanson from Dateline.Borrowing items from campers or lending items to campers is not acceptable. Who said anything about borrowing? That PSP belongs to me.We discourage free thought and open expression of ideas. Wow -- they just kind of came and threw it down didn't they? “Okay counselors, get into the pods...”Only staff trained according to written procedures in the appropriate use of gas, liquid flammables, poisonous materials, and power tools may use them. That means I'll have to go the whole day with out farting, being as how that's gas, and sometimes potentially poisonous.Be aware of doors into and out of buildings and how to use them. Nobody but the best and brightest works at our exclusively outdoor camp.Don't panic in case of emergency. Keep a cool head and call for help. Screw that! I'll use one of the kids as a battering ram or a human shield if I need to.Summer time brings violent stormy weather. Younger Campers may cry or get very nervous. It's just charged electrons gently caressing the earth's surface, what's the worst that can happen if we're outside playing a game of "find the sheet metal"?Try to get all the facts about the problem before making any kind of judgment. Forget that. You should throw down some beatings and get answers the fast way. The camp's philosophy? Be a dweeb and ask questions. The counselor's philosophy? What would The HULK do?

Mr. Pink is a freelance writer and author and friend to mammals. Support the Free College project by visiting The College Sheet.

A Lot Of Hot Air: Smokers Deserve Fair Treatment Too

Mr. Pink — Sat, 13 Jan 2007 17:52:34 EST

A long time ago, there was a letter to my campus newspaper about smoking at Alfred State. This was early 2004, before the anti-smoking craze picked up steam within New York's state university system. The letter was written by your typical anti-smoking zealot spouting off about their constitutional rights to breathe clean air, and how they were leading a great life that other students should strive to emulate. You could smell the pure arrogance coming off this letter like it was yesterday's leftovers. I hoped at the time it was just some idiot spouting off about a non-issue in a newspaper no one took seriously. Unfortunately, as the years went on, I was proven wrong as this person appears to be part of a wider group of wackos looking to tell me and you how to live our lives. I am not a smoker. I hate the smell of cigarette smoke, and I'm more than happy to offer support to someone who is attempting to quit. But I have severe problems with the aggression that smokers are facing from this vocal minority of non-smokers. Smokers are not on the same level as terrorists, but you wouldn't know it by watching television. Let's pretend you're a space alien that just landed on earth. You're walking around in a Charlie Chaplin-looking get up, trying to pass by unnoticed, when you see a string of anti-smoking commercials playing on a storefront TV. You see ads depicting people who have suffered horrible consequences from smoking, you see ads of young school children telling you why “tobacco is wacko”, and you see ads of people being asked to leave restaurants because they were about to smoke. Assuming your mission isn't to kill all of the humans, you might think these smokers are pretty rotten people. Last time I checked, we weren't supposed to discriminate against people for whatever reason, especially on college campuses like New York's state universities. So what then is all of this jibber-jabber about tolerance, diversity, and acceptance when the same people who preach that line target a group of people because they do something that they don't find acceptable? Under what authority do these people make decisions that affect how we live our lives? Heck, I want to get a hate militia together and beat up people who use air fresheners because they could give me lung cancer. Isn't that the same reason we don't like smokers? And hey, while we're at it, let's go round up some of those computer nerds. When they dispose of their old computers, it will hurt the environment with its mercury. Hurting the environment is going to hurt me because it'll kill trees that provide us with oxygen and provide protection from the sun, and (very soon) the ice caps are going to melt causing me and some of my buddies to live with Aquaman for the rest of our lives. What's that you say? The Constitution gives them the authority to tell us what to do? Oh, right, that garbage about having the constitutional right to clean air these people claim. Well you can tell them that according to the Supreme Court's ruling in Tanner Vs. Armco Steel, you don't have the constitutional right to clean air. They won't listen, they want to make the constitution fit their small-minded needs. It really doesn't matter today because we operate on the philosophy that the loudest group of idiots win, not on what is written in the Constitution. Who cares if you're wrong? Just keep shouting, protesting and blogging! Eventually, the louder you get, the people at the top without any spines will cave to your every whim. And that's what's happening to smokers. A vocal minority, not unlike Mothers Against Drunk Driving and their push to raise the drinking age to 21, are bullying everyone into following their philosophy. Are smokers doing something some of us don't like? Sure. But what about their rights? Don't we all have the right to live without harassment as we pursue happiness? Did Will Smith's movie teach me nothing? Consider this. Smokers are the only group of people we expect to accommodate everyone else by standing outside in the rain or cold. Can you imagine if looking at pornography was deemed harmful to people around you, and you were forced to go outside and stand in the rain or snow just to look at it? Talk about killing a fun date! Not to mention people would ultimately riot in the street over that one. Cigarettes are bad for you, we all know that. But we are too quick to forget that smokers, because they are exercising a choice to smoke, have rights as well, and whether we like it or not, we should respect their choice. We expect the same from them, which should allow for the common courtesy of not smoking around those who choose not to, so why should non-smokers treat them any differently?

Mr. Pink is a freelance writer and author and friend to mammals. Support the Free College project by visiting The College Sheet.

Why Do College Comedians Suck?

Mr. Pink — Fri, 1 Dec 2006 12:06:51 EST

In November of 2001, I found myself standing in front of at least fifty Alfred State College students who were attending my comedy show. After the President of the college, Bill Rezak, decided not to participate in the imaginary goat auction, I had to fill time before the band was ready to perform. I started on this riff about college life at Alfred. Which, to be honest, is like making fun of someone with irritable bowl syndrome if you like to make fart jokes.During this impromptu stand-up routine, I was thinking that college comedians must have it made. I’ve promoted a lot of events at college campuses and other entertainment venues, and comedians, especially at college campuses, always draw a solid crowd. I think it is because we as students need the relief after all the bullshit we have to put up with. And since the entertainment industry doesn’t seem to get why we’re tuning the traditional media out, our entertainment options are usually limited to the bar, the local movie theater, and comedians. So here we have comedians with a built in audience and plenty of college related material to work with. What could go wrong? Apparently everything. Since everything is way too broad a subject to take on, I have three theories about why most of the comedians on the college circuit blow.1) The students who book comedians consistently flunk personality tests. Maybe campuses get bad comedians because selfish people do their booking. Some organizations that use your campus activity money often have no oversight and book what they want, not what you want. This theory gets some momentum when you consider some of these dopey bastards usually spend your campus activity money on an annual visit to NACA (the National Association Of College Activities.) NACA, as a grizzled veteran of student booking once told me, used to be a place where “evil promoters” offered students cocaine in hotel rooms in exchange for booking the act they represented. I can’t tell you if that was true or not, but I know conventions where you have to go and put something together are often cluster fucks that end in poor results. Most of the students I’ve met who attend these conventions skim through the acts and just pick what they wanted to see, not what the students wanted to see. While I think a lot of student activity planners are incompetent and often require a baby sitter, this theory really doesn’t explain why the comedians themselves suck, just why you see them at your college and not on Comedy Central, where bad comedians go to die.2) A college official tells the comedian they can’t say certain jokes because it might offend the audience. I’ve seen this happen twice with Tiny Glover at two different colleges. The first time I saw him at Alfred State College in 2003, the adviser of the Alfred Planning Board told him that he couldn’t make any comments that might be offensive to gay students. Then during his act, as he started to make the joke about getting into bed with his male roommate, he stopped and said something to the effect that he couldn't go on because he was told not to. The same thing happened with him at SUNY Potsdam. Now, two things are possible. First, that these two colleges' officials were members of the PC Nazi Brigade, and they wanted to censor everything before students were exposed to it. (And yes, in both Alfred and Potsdam’s case, they are card carrying members of the brigade.) Or it could be that this part of Tiny’s act is part of his routine to win favor with the audience. What supports this theory is that colleges today are run by conservatives and liberals who want to serve as the parents to students in the real parent’s absence, so when they are involved with student booking they are too involved and control everything, including the content you’re exposed to. This theory is slightly better than the first one, as we’re getting closer to why the college comedian’s material might be ruined because of the college’s influence. But there are many colleges out there that let comedians say what they want, in which case…3) There are no excuses: most college comedians suck. We’ve all seen a bad comedian before, but sometimes college students are exposed to people who should quit and become professional perverts. At least this way when they molest their audience there is some kind of penalty for it. I’m honestly sick of hearing about how long it took to get to my school, why the school’s weather sucks, and worst of all, the bullshit public service announcements every comedian makes about how awesome life is and how you shouldn’t wrap kittens in dynamite. I have yet to encounter a comedian that has made a comment relative to my school that would be funny during their routine. Usually we just get the standard, “Hyuck, hyuck, man, that school food sucks, what do they serve in your dining hall… crap?” This line is often followed by the comedian leaving college material behind and moving on to their boring life. Did I miss memo that said everyone had to be like Jerry Seinfeld? You’re a loser… and?I realize a lot of the comedians are starting out on the college circuit or they are just doing the gig to collect a paycheck in between “projects”, but we need a damn good laugh these days, and some of the garbage we’re getting makes me want play with GI Joe toys and give them mental disorders that make it impossible for them to interact with each other. It could be that all or none of these theories are correct, or the answer is somewhere in between, but when you have so much material to work with for every college campus out there (Potsdam has mutant farm animals roaming around in a cage on Route 11 for example) there is no reason to use the same tired routine and go through the motions to “entertain” us. Unless some of these comedians simply suck, in which case they shouldn't quit their day job.

Mr. Pink is a freelance writer and author and friend to mammals. Support the Free College project by visiting The College Sheet.

Stay Between The Ropes: Will TNA Beat WWE?

Mr. Pink — Sat, 5 Aug 2006 01:48:39 EDT

The Internet Wrestling Community is known for micro-analyzing ratings down to the minute. I believe this is a leftover from the Monday Night Wars, when commentators would look to see whether or not Nitro beat Raw, and what segment was the deciding factor. I want to turn our focus this week to wrestling commentators. My goal is to encourage my fellow authors to stop using ratings as the primary factor when comparing professional wrestling companies and products, mainly TNA and WWE.Since both Spike and USA air on cable, not every household will be able to view the shows. Yes, there are still people in this country without USA or Spike. It’s less frequent now than ten years ago, but there are people out there without those channels. Furthermore, you have to consider the number of people who may have these channels blocked with a V-Chip. While not really a problem for USA, this is a huge problem for Spike because of programming like The Shield. I love The Shield, but you better believe that show will be blocked in homes with a V-Chip, and you could also argue the number of homes who avoid programming they can’t view, may also avoid the channel altogether.The Nielsen ratings is the most popular tool to gauge who watches what. But the ratings are based on the viewing habits of a select group of people who have meters attached to their television, and those who write in a diary to log what channels they watch. The ratings do not include college dorm rooms, and this is a major share of the professional wrestling audience. The ratings can be manipulated by some dishonest people who take it upon themselves to misreport what they’re viewing instead of logging what they actually saw, in an effort to influence what shows are picked up, and what shows are axed.However, Nielsen remains the most popular system for advertisers to choose what program to support. The shows with the advertising dollars are the shows the networks want to keep around. WWE scores between a 2 and a 4.0 these days with their programming. TNA barely gets above a 1.0. But before we get into whether that makes WWE a better product, consider this: The top rated show for the week of July 31 on cable was Hannah Montana, which pulled in a 7, according to USA Today’s Nielsen section, and there are many shows that fall well below the ratings for TNA.You should also consider the amount of promotion WWE Raw gets compared to TNA Impact! I have never seen an advertisement for Impact! on Spike. I’m not saying there aren’t any, I did see the promo for Rhyno’s ECW segment online, but I have yet to see one on TV. WWE Raw gets featured in all major USA Network packages when they highlight their shows, and there is an ad featuring Triple H and Anthony Michael Hall from The Dead Zone that runs during its own episodes. I also saw ads for Raw at random times during the day on USA. WWE is a global entertainment company yielding millions of dollars a year in revenue, some of which doesn’t come from actual wrestling events. TNA is filmed in Orlando – tourist hell hole of the United States – and does not charge for tickets nor report their operating budget. WWE has to report because they are a publicly traded company. TNA is a limited liability corporation formed by the Jarretts and Panda Energy (the LLC’s investors). WWE Raw airs during prime time on Monday nights, TNA airs at 11pm on Thursdays when most people are getting ready for work the next day. WWE has been in operation for many years, TNA just turned four years old, and this is the first year they started to move away from the NWA, just like WWF and WCW did before they got big.It is easy to make snide comments and totally discount a product like TNA because it draws a 1.0 or a 0.2. But look at it like this: Spike and other Viacom channels are hard on which to promote anything. Just look at the graveyard of shows left behind by Spike, MTV, and Comedy Central. When you consider the poor time slot, and the lack of promotion, you have to consider what kind of shot TNA really has when it is competing with Raw. TNA’s Internet presence is very strong. WWE is very strict when it comes to the Internet. I’m convinced they only have a website because Vince McMahon is not allowed near the new media department. TNA is everywhere. If you go to YouTube, you can watch free TNA videos. You go to Myspace and they have a major profile for the company, and tons of official profiles for the wrestlers. The number of new fans exposed to TNA wrestling, based on their YouTube and Myspace presence alone, is enormous.Today, networks do more than buy television shows to sell advertising. They buy brands they can market and exploit on a variety of levels. Ratings are no longer the only factor in a show’s success. In a hostile economy, Spike took a risk on a professional wrestling show, which are often viewed unfavorably by ignorant television critics and advertisers. Spike did this during a time of rebranding their station to appeal to everyone, not just men. There have also been (unconfirmed) reports of Spike’s involvement with the business operations of TNA, specifically in terms of which wrestlers are being signed. I believe there is evidence to show a commitment on their part to make TNA successful.TNA will succeed. I’m not saying the show is perfect – I need to see Jeff Jarrett dominating the world title scene like I need a head wound – but an emerging product in the shadow of a successful corporation such as WWE needs time and fair reporting. I grew up watching WCW World Wide on CBS at midnight (and sometimes later). I never thought WCW was going to challenge WWE for the top spot in sports entertainment. Did you? During the time WCW developed, plenty of people bashed them and said they would never make it. Not only did they make it, they changed the wrestling business. They just needed time. If you went by WCW World Wide’s ratings, some may have never thought they would get so far.

Mr. Pink is a freelance writer and author and friend to mammals. Support the Free College project by visiting The College Sheet.

Nintendo DS Review: Brain Age - Train Your Brain in Minutes a Day

Mr. Pink — Thu, 27 Jul 2006 18:29:19 EDT

A lot of media outlets did a cursory look at Brain Age: Train Your Brain In Minutes A Day! They threw up a review, and moved on to a new one. We did something a little different: we took a test subject, me, and put the game to work. Do the tests really improve your “brain age?” Do you have noticeable improvements in mental functions from using the game? How many syllables are in the phrase, “Thank you, Mario, but the Princess is in another castle?”In 1994, Kawashima wrote a book entitled Train Your Brain: 60 Days To A Better Brain. The book met with some success in Japan, and garnered the attention of Nintendo, who reportedly was looking for an educational title to release with the DS. In the game, a polygon version of Kawashima guides you as you do your daily training or play Sudoku. The doctor is an interesting MC that livens up the game with Yoda-like advice after each exercise. You can also get him to glare at you or laugh out loud by talking into the DS’s microphone. And if you missed some of Kawashima’s saint-like advice, each tidbit is saved in the options menu for later viewing.At first I thought Brain Age would be a burden to add to my day-to-day activities. The thought of having to play a game every day for a possible pay-off was not appealing. But now I can’t go a day without picking it up and doing some training. And that is the beauty of Brain Age. It doesn’t require a time commitment, and you can pick how much time you want to spend playing it. This game also has you covered both ways, if you like instant gratification, you can try to top the best record in an exercise, or if you stick with it for the long haul, you can chart your progress on graphs and open up new features such as Triangle Math, Voice Calculations, and Time Lapse.I do have some complaints about Brain Age. During the Stroop Test and Voice Calculation, even when you say the correct word, the system’s microphone does not always hear you. This is frustrating if you’re highly competitive and don’t like to get wrong answers for something you did right. If you have poor handwriting, sometimes the game will record something you entered as wrong, or not record it at all, which is very damaging when all of your activities are timed. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to toss my DS during Word Memory, when I tried to enter words but the system couldn’t understand my handwriting.These annoyances can be overcome. You can skip word memory by holding select at the Brain Age test menu, and if you limit the noise around you and speak clearly, the system is more likely to record the correct answer when you speak. I would suggest sticking with Brain Age. I’ve noticed an improvement in my handwriting since I started using the game, and I’ve observed my “brain age” drop from seventy to twenty-three over one month of training. While some scientists have issued reports attempting to disprove Kawashima’s studies, I believe that regular use of Brain Age has kept me sharp over what has been a lazy summer vacation. For example, I’ve always been horrible with telling people how many syllables were in a phrase, but now I nail that specific exercise every time after a month of training. While geared for non-gaming adults, Brain Age is great fun and engaging for everyone despite some of its flaws. If you’re looking for a gift for your family, or a going back to school present, Brain Age is highly recommended.Brain Age is rated E (Everyone) by the ESRB.

Mr. Pink is a freelance writer and author and friend to mammals. Support the Free College project by visiting The College Sheet.

When Telemarketers Attack

Mr. Pink — Thu, 8 Jun 2006 22:26:35 EDT

I woke up early one Saturday afternoon due to the incessant ringing of my phone. I do not have a lot of time to sleep during the week, so when it gets to the weekends, I try to sleep as much as possible. Biologically you can't really "catch up" on lost sleep, but your mind thinks you did, and if your mind thinks you caught up on sleep then that is all that really matters. So when my face hits the pillow on a Friday night, damn the thing that decides to wake me up. Because of the high-stress kind of life I live, "Hollywood" as one of my friends calls me, I have to answer the phone. I refuse to go out of my way to buy a cell phone, so when people call me in the dorm I have to answer. Unfortunately for me, I was greeted by a voice from overseas on Saturday morning. I think she was Indian. I normally love the Indian accent, but when it's coming from a telemarketer trying to get me to sign up for a VISA credit card, I go into what's affectionately called "superfunhappy mode." And while in "superfunhappy mode" I lose it and start to let the person on the receiving end have it with a barrage of artful and colorful terms that would make a sailor or a profusely swearing George Washington blush. This time was different. People were in the room, and I decided to hear the telemarketer out. She first started telling me I was pre-selected to receive a credit card. This was total bullshit. Not only because they tell everyone the same stupid line to make them feel important, but because my credit is so bad, I've started making a paper fort out of the bills I get every month. Any company that wants to give me a credit card must be brain damaged. But then, this is a credit card company directly soliciting a college student on campus, which has to be illegal in some way shape or form. Maybe they suffered head trauma and never told anyone? The caller then, in mangled English, started to tell me how I can sign up today and start spending. I laughed and said, "Sure, what do I need to do?" And she started asking me for all my personal information. So I told her I was hung like a polar bear, you know, to scare her off the phone. Apparently she didn't catch the joke and again asked me for my home address. So I started playing along like I was interested and gave it to her. I needed more letters to finish my fort at home. Finally she asked for my social security number, and I turned dead serious. I told her I refuse to give that to her because it is illegal for her to ask that. I'm not sure if it is illegal or not, but if a college can no longer take your social security number to identify you, I'm pretty sure a billion dollar blood sucker like this company can't ask for it either. She tried about six more times before I hung up. I give this company bonus points for being persistent but that is where the praise ends. I immediately contacted my residence hall coordinator and asked her if it was illegal for the company to call. The response was it was not, unless you are signed up on the National Do Not Call Registry. Credit card companies control people through debt. Once they have you signed on with a high credit limit they know they have you for life. 83% of all undergrads have a credit card, according to a study by Nellie Mae. They hook you with crap like "build your credit now" and advertising the credit card like it's your gateway to independence. I say, forget them. I'm urging all students to register their phone numbers on the National Do Not Call Registry. Tell your college you want to be free from telemarketing while attending college. And while we're at it, if your campus store has not stopped carrying advertisements for credit card companies, tear the ads up and bring them back to the store to let them know you've had enough. Maybe this way we can all get some sleep on the weekend and not have to worry about other bills besides our student loans.

Mr. Pink is a freelance writer and author and friend to mammals. Support the Free College project by visiting The College Sheet.

I Died for What?

Mr. Pink — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 15:30:45 EDT

What do 2,390 dead American soldiers have to do with "slightly irregular" human beings who write letters to the editor? Everything. I don't find the war in Iraq funny. Much like sprinkles and The Grimace (the beloved purple friend of Ronald McDonald), the war in Iraq does not bring joy to my heart. I choose not to talk about the war because there isn't anything I or we can do until the midterm elections. But when I hear statements such as "This, of course, is my opinion, and god-given American right" from said "slightly irregular" people, my stomach churns (Source: 2020Sight blog entry. God-given American right, huh? How often do we hear that crap on Ricky Lake?We have all encountered someone in our lives who spews at the mouth offering little to anyone but exercising their "god-given" right because they think the first amendment is a free pass to be an asshole. While I grant that God gave us many things, the freedom to express ourselves publicly was not one of them. We were given the ability to communicate, we were given the ability to think and believe what we want, but the right to express ourselves in the public forum without legal repercussion? God didn't give that to us. The framers of the constitution, drawing heavily on the work of John Locke, gave us that right.Even with that right there are some things you can't say. You can't breach the peace by uttering words that will cause a rational person to beat the crap out of you. You can't libel someone by making false statements about them. You can't make obscene statements (good luck defining obscenity by the way) and you can't make statements that will immediately harm a lot of people. Even some of the people who granted us the beloved first amendment passed laws restricting seditious speech for a period of time. Throughout history we've seen limitations placed on our speech from the government during times of crisis. The first amendment is entirely a human project and subject to human behavior. If God gave us the first amendment, there wouldn't be anything wrong with it. Did you ever stop to think about how flawlessly your body, the earth, and the universe have to operate everyday in order to watch reruns of Seinfeld on TBS?Our soldiers -- your friends, neighbors, or family -- die defending our ability to express ourselves in the public forum. I'll let that sink in for a minute. A soldier died to protect your right to blog about the boring, mind numbing differences between buying beers in your college town and buying it at home. A soldier died for your right to self-publish egotistical, self-serving statements that you made to your non-existent friends while you eat by yourself. A soldier died so you can pretend to speak for everyone in writing your holier-than-thou letters. Of course, arrogance is blinding, so I'm willing to wager that for most people who write in offering criticism and no solutions every week, they don't stop to think about the high cost paid for their chance to be a jerk.Aside from the few good people who write in to their campus newspapers with legitimate complaints and solutions, the rest of the pack is filled with gutless weirdoes who take every chance they can get to tear other people, their school, and student organizations down. I honestly feel these letters should not be run. If someone wants to bitch, let them cry about it in their live journal. College newspaper editors today don't face the same ethical dilemmas their predecessors had. The newspaper is no longer the only medium for the public to discuss issues. Today if the public wanted they could start a blog, use a Pacman character to shield their identity, and bitch about loud conversations disrupting their dinner if they wanted to. Why should editors have to waste paper sharing that thought with customers who don't care? The public doesn't want to hear from arrogant loners who hold their community in contempt. They want ideas, they want community, and they want a constructive discussion that results in something. American Soldiers die to protect our right to express our opinion. The least we can do for those soldiers and their families is to respect what they died for.

Mr. Pink is a freelance writer and author and friend to mammals. Support the Free College project by visiting The College Sheet.

Playing The Hokey Pokey Can Get You Killed During A Fire Drill

Mr. Pink — Mon, 10 Apr 2006 07:08:42 EDT

It is four a.m. I have been asleep for roughly two hours. I can still smell and taste this really disgusting pizza we had a few hours earlier. Suddenly the fire alarm goes off throughout the entire building. I decide I'm going to go back to sleep until a tiny voice in my head starts shouting like a computer nerd during a power failure, "you're an RA! Get the heck out there!" I kind of wish we had a costume we could wear underneath our clothing with the letters RA (Resident Assistant) in the middle like Superman's. This way I could hurl myself out the window, land on my feet, and report for duty without breaking a sweat.Unfortunately I'm not that lucky. It's four in the morning, and when it's that early, nothing wants to work, not even your brain. After tripping over my cable wire, I manage to grab whatever clothes I can find and put them on. As I go the door I realize I live in Potsdam, and in this wonderful town of ours, it is most likely freezing outside, even in the middle of April. So I stop, take a deep breath, and grab my winter jacket as I go out the door. I have the feeling it could be a long one...On my way down the stairs one of my residents points out there was some smoke drifting in from the 5th floor. I stop, poke my head in, and then that little voice goes off again, "Hey Jerk, since you got out of bed late, it is likely most of the people are outside. You should get your ass down there." For once that little voice had some sound advice. Usually he is telling me to pick fights with small children in front of their parents. I make my way down the stairs, check in with my fellow RAs, and go to work making sure no one runs back into the building while the fire department does their thing. This gives me some time to reflect on common occurrences I have experienced at different colleges during a fire alarm. I would like to share some advice for those of you who find yourself outside during a fire alarm:1) Shut up.Seriously. Shut up. And I don't mean shut up if you're talking to your friends or privately bitching about being outside. That's ok with me. It's cold and it's early. No one wants to be outside, not even your Resident Assistants. But every time students have to go outside, there is always someone who has to be the center of attention. And that person must think they're hip, cool, and original for being stupid. Shouting stuff like "Whoooo" or the ever popular "Let's rush the door, they can't catch all of us!" is just stupid. Go play Frisbee or something if you have that much energy so early in the morning. Of course, the worst example of this was at Alfred State during the semester's first fire drill. Everyone filed out, the RAs did their thing and blocked the door until it was safe, and everyone was quiet. And then suddenly out of the great void one idiot decides to shout, "Let's play the hokey pokey!" I won't lie; I was hoping someone would kill him. No one cares or wants to hear what idiotic things you have to yell during a fire drill. You know what they do want to hear? "It's OK to go back inside." Anything before that is just white noise. And I don't mean the kind where the dead people speak to you. 2) Don't rush the door. "Let's rush the door. They won't be able to catch all of us!" ranks up there with such great sayings as, "Adolph Hitler had some good ideas," and "Say, we should make another Scary Movie." For starters, the odds are people know who you are and what you look like. So even if you rushed the doors and made it inside, the RAs will find out and you will be written up. Second, what is running inside going to accomplish? We've already established the only cool part of a fire alarm going off is when everyone can go back inside. Do you seriously crave attention that much? I'm pretty sure they made MySpace for people like you. Get a profile and plop yourself down in front of it if you really need attention. No one will visit it, but at least you'll think they do. The odds are, once you're inside, you'll find yourself running into either the village or town police, the university police or campus security, and/or the fire department. Either encounter will result in some heavy fines that will zap your beer money and result in possible judicial action. So now, not only have you made an ass out of yourself, pissed off the RAs, and guaranteed a steep fine against you, but you may also find yourself standing face to face with some angry police officers. Great idea, Skippy. Great idea.3) Don't stay in your room.I'll be the first to admit that during my time as a normal resident I have slept through a fire alarm or several. I never believed the fire department would come in with the university police or RAs and check the room. Well, the truth is, not only are the rooms checked when the fire alarm goes off, you can be fined a lot if they catch you in your Captain Planet pajamas. I'll skip right over the part where you might have a picture taken in said jammies and later find it all over the Internet faster than you can say "Star Wars kid." As much as it sucks, and remember I am not writing this to say getting up early in the morning or standing outside in the freezing cold doesn't suck, you need to get out of the building when the alarm goes off. Think of it like this: how often during your time at college have you found a way to embarrass yourself in front of a large group of people? Plenty if you're really honest with yourself (and if you said never, you're wasting the best time of your life.) So let's look at a trade off: do you want to embarrass yourself by going outside wearing Captain Planet pajamas or do you want to have an officer, fire marshal, or Resident Assistant find you in your jammies and issue you a huge fine for hanging out in your room? And let's not mention the number of very pissed-off people there might be outside who may find out you were nice and warm while they froze their asses off.Finally, when you make it back into the building, hopefully in a calm and orderly fashion that doesn't resemble a European football riot, don't get on the elevator. Seriously. Don't get near the elevator. Unless you're in one of those massive dorms with 22 floors, just suck it up and take the stairs. Elevators, and the rest of the building's electrical system, like to mess with people after the alarm goes off. People who use the elevator after a power outage or fire alarm may get stuck there. As someone who has been trapped in an elevator before can attest to, it blows harder than a hurricane through the Gulf Coast. If you are stuck in an elevator, try to use the emergency call button if it's available, or your cell phone if it works. The RA staff...well...the RAs who care about their residents will wait outside the elevator for you until help gets there. In the meantime, try not to fart or start any awkward conversations like, "I really dislike Hispanic people." Otherwise it may be a while before you can get back to bed in one piece.

Mr. Pink is a freelance writer and author and friend to mammals. Support the Free College project by visiting The College Sheet.