Blogcritics Author: Matt Dupree

News From The Machine IV: A New Hype

Matt Dupree — Wed, 9 Apr 2008 14:19:30 EDT

�It�s been a long time. I shouldn�a left you-- without news from the machine to upset you.�
“It’s been a long time. I shouldn’a left you without news from the machine to upset you.”Welcome back friends. I had hopes of never writing this column again, seeing as how well my lawsuits against those thieving filesharers are going. I’m not technically hurt by the piracy, I’m just suing to keep the courts...

Announcement: Short-content feeds

Phillip Winn — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Sunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding.

News From The Machine: 50 Cent, Amy Winehouse, Pearl Jam, and More

Matt Dupree — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 08:47:52 EDT

In personal news, I was very confused by the announcement of the 2007 MTV Video Music awards, since when does MTV have anything to do with music and/or music videos? After a small bit of research (the only one for this article, promise), I realized that MTV has been known to play videos which sometimes feature background music. Like once, during an episode of Made, they played that “Hey There Delilah” song. And then later, on an episode of My Super Sweet 16, they played that “Hey There Delilah” song. I get it now.But all has not been well with the rest of the musical world! From flying cellphones to flagrant use of the N-word, the industry has been absolutely buzzing with tension. It’s the kind of thing that makes execs want to curl up around a big pile of money and pay someone to cry for them. So let’s bring all you little folks up to speed:YouTube: That dastardly purveyor of videos about crazy pets and gnarly skate tricks has apparently been moonlighting in copyright violation, according to the NMPA. The NMPA (The MP stands for Music Publishers, decipher the rest yourself) is one of those groups that helps out music publishers and artists by vigilantly suing the shit out of people. I am also launching a lawsuit against YouTube for the grievous mental anguish I suffered watching that “Chocolate Rain” video. Amy Winehouse: The sobriety-disinclined singer checked into the hospital with the announcement that she had suffered severe exhaustion. I imagine that diagnosis didn’t actually come from a doctor, since I think a doctor might have said something more like “Oh my god, It’s melting the stomach pump!” As is cursory in cases of exhaustion, Amy cancelled the rest of her tour. True to form, she’s still not going to rehab. Although given her recent actions, I’d say we’re just about due for a new song.“They tried to make me do a concert…” W32.Deletemusic: This is the greatest idea I’ve read about in a long time. As named, It’s a computer virus that destroys music files on infected computers. I’ve long held the idea that dumb people should not be allowed to listen to music, and this virus is an indirect execution of that idea. If people aren’t smart enough to protect themselves from a computer virus, or to keep some sort of backup for their music library (like some sort of compact disc perhaps), then they’ve earned a one-way trip to silence-town. But alas, as certain as I was that this would finally destroy Aly & AJ, the virus proved to be a dud and few computers actually became infected. Universal Records: Listen up, execs, because this affects you. Universal is selling DRM-free music. For all that is lucrative and tasteless, we cannot allow this to continue. If Universal makes a dollar on the idea that listeners should do what they want with what they buy, other companies may follow. And if consumers don’t have security-compromising DRM software on their computers, how will W32.Deletemusic be able to get in and delete all their music (thus forcing them to buy more music)?Al Sharpton: Our country’s loudest advocate of black people stuff is back, and this time he’s fighting words… with words. Al’s scorn is upon the words “Nigga,” “Bitch,” and “Ho.” Al is proposing an official moratorium on the words to replace their current system of control, which is based mainly on white guilt and spell check. In a completely out-of-context statement, Dr. Dre said that some of these words will be easier to subvert than others. “Bitches ain’t shit” Dre remarked, “But hos…” The gangsta rap community, whom the moratorium is passive-aggressively targeted at, seems to be taking it in stride. And since they’re not actually trying to curb misogyny, violence, or self-degrading profanity, I think it’s fair to say it won’t cause too many ripples even if it isn’t ignored.Bayside: You may know them as that one band whose drummer died, or you may know them… well, okay you probably just know them by the dead drummer. But take it easy on them, their drummer died. Anyways, Dead-drummer band Bayside recently began a fee-based fansite. The yearly fee will allow fans access to all the dead drummer news and message boards they could ever want. If you’re really a fan, or if you’re really sorry about their dead drummer, you’ll fork up the thirty bucks. And if you’re thinking that Bayside has made efforts to capitalize on the tragic death of their drummer, shame on you. Their drummer is dead, show some pity (in money form please). 50 Cent: The vitamin-water magnate/movie star/target dummy is having a hell of a week. He kicked it off by announcing that he would stop making solo albums if he didn’t outsell Kanye on the day their albums both drop. Now, they’re apparently going to debate on television. I think 50 cent should debate himself on whether or not George Bush is a cool guy, since he’s taken both sides in the past. Either way, 50’s resolve appears to be failing after the leak of his new video on YouTube prompted him to storm into Interscope headquarters and throw a very un-gangsta tantrum. Yeah, nobody was injured, 50 just threw his phone and shouted that they were ruining his image. Judy Garland staged nastier outbursts.Chris Cornell: has never communicated. Ever. If you think he did, you’re wrong. So if you chatted with someone online who said they were Chris, they were lying. Or if you were listening to a Soundgarden album and thought he was singing discernible lyrics, you’re also mistaken. In his first statement ever, Chris said recently “Under no circumstances, under any name or address do I or have I ever communicated or corresponded with anyone online or otherwise.” So all of you trying to decipher the lyrics to that one Audioslave song (you know the one) can give it a rest. It’s all gibberish.Pearl Jam: The last vestige of grunge rock limps a little prouder today, as they’ve proven that they can still ruffle a corporate feather or two. During one of their many Bush criticism moments, the band was unceremoniously censored for using the phrase “George Bush, Leave this world alone.” AT&T, which produced the censored webcast concert, claims that they only censor excessive profanity and that it was a simple mistake. The incident has certainly raised a few free-speech eyebrows, and I for one feel that it’s about time we asked some hard questions about whom we allow control of our media. This administration thinks that it can bully support just because it is only accountable to itself, but they’ve underestimated the awesome power of the people!

News From The Machine: James Blunt, Paris Hilton, Nickelback & More...

Matt Dupree — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 20:09:49 EDT

I wrote some derogatory, sarcastic, and downright uncouth things about some recording artists last week. And although it went largely unnoticed by the viewing public, the world’s recording artists responded by behaving in ridiculous ways. On that shaky mandate, I offer you a new set of venom, randomly directed and heartlessly executed. This is news from the machine… again.RIAA: is paying attorney fees to two individuals who they failed to get money from for alleged downloading. Of course, the RIAA admits no wrongdoing in their life-ruining quest for bigger profit margins. After all, no amount of litigation is too lucrative to make sure that (begin finger quotes here) the artists get their fair share. (end finger quotes)Sony: After seeing the titan RIAA bleed, über-label Sony has freaked out and turned cannibal, suing the software company that wrote the infamously invasive DRM program that not-so-surprisingly compromised the security on any system it was (secretly) installed on. Yeah, you read that correctly, Sony feels that it is owed money for all of the customers’ computers that they put at risk. God, it must be great being a corporate lawyer.James Blunt: The most talented guy ever to sell his sister on the internet is now facing accusations that he stole some songs from a man named Lukas Burton during his stint with a management company. Lukas recalled his reaction on his blog: “I simply couldn’t believe that the universe was going to repay me with such abject treachery.” Lukas, when I listened to Blunt’s album, I felt the exact same way.Remy Ma: Terror Squad member and intensely forgettable rhymestress Remy Ma has been involved in a shooting incident in New York. Remy Ma is denying any involvement in the attack, which is likely the most craven words ever to come from a member of a “Terror Squad.”Paris Hilton: At a time when most people are still enjoying a nice cuddle-slumber after the intense Par-gasm that was her brief incarceration, Hilty By Association (that should sooo be her pseudonym) is heading back to the record studio. And like a rudely awoken post-coital dreamer, the public is already making plans to grumpily mumble and roll over. I’m sorry Paris, but no matter how much money or how many producers you send in there, you’re not going to come out of it as a pop star. At least the first album had the element of surprise.Lily Allen: has a third nipple. I saw it. Like her music, I found it pleasant but not an experience that I would pay money for. Morrissey: In a beautiful insult to fellow egomaniac Madonna, The Mozman issued this zinger: "I wouldn't be surprised if she made that African boy she adopted into a coat and wore him for 15 minutes, then threw it away." It’s too bad he said it though, since “The Boy Who Became A Coat” and “Worn For Just 15 Minutes, Then Thrown Away” would make excellent titles for Morrissey songs.Nickelback: Wins this week’s award for undeserved negative overreaction from a crowd, church, or hotel chain. Chad “If Everyone Cared” Kroeger was apparently dropping the F-bomb in a most family-unfriendly manner, and their Prince Edward Island audience responded with verbal displeasure. However, Councillor Rob Lantz understands that calling out a “bad boy rock star” for misbehavior is likely to just encourage it. He’s fuckin’ right, too.(Feel free to add your own Nickelback/Canadian Outrage jokes. There’s far too many for me to list on my own.)

News From The Soulless Corporate Machine: Avril Lavigne, Prince, My Chemical Romance, Weezer, 50 Cent, and More

Matt Dupree — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 09:10:28 EDT

Sometimes amidst all the fun and merriment of the music industry, we forget what it's really all about: money. Sure, it's nice to get them toes a-tappin' and them houses a-rockin', but it don't mean a thing unless those record execs can purchase their weight in blow on a semi-daily basis. And for this reason, I bring you news from the harsher, yuppier side of the biz. This is news from the machine.Avril Lavigne: She wins my Keanu award for bullet-dodging. First, it was sometime-collaborator Chantal Kreviazuk accusing her of stealing songs. Now, it’s late 70’s rockers the Rubinoos. I’m sure the charges are ridiculous, since there’s no way Avril fans would allow the plagiarism of a 1979 chart hit (although 99% of Avril Fans weren’t born until after 1979). Either way, Avril’s co-songwriter Lukasz "Dr. Luke" Gottwald asserts that he’d never even heard of the Rubinoos (hereafter referred to as the Plaintiffs, since Rubinoos is a stupid and slightly perverse-sounding name), a band who released hits from '77 to '84 and wrote the theme song to a remarkably popular movie about vengeful nerds. Strangely, Dr. Luke seems to have a long history of co-writing credits including Kelly Clarkson, Daughtry, and Paris Hilton. Obviously just another coincidence. So let’s just quit the speculation and do some side-by-side comparison: Avril Lavigne: Hey! Hey! You! You! I could be your girlfriend! The Rubinoos: Hey! Hey! You! You! I wanna be your boyfriend! Night and day.Octave Museum: Stephen Brodsky, frontman of the currently-on-hiatus Cave In, announced that his new band Octave Museum was breaking up for unspecified reasons. However, he did provide this delightfully snotty blurb that hints at possible reasons. "We would like to say thanks to all of you who supported our hopes and creativity by buying our album and enjoying it. Also, thanks to all of you who borrowed the CD to put it into your iPod thinking, 'Well, if it comes out on vinyl I'll actually pay for that,' because, you know, you totally were going to pick it up, but you were just broke that week and, you know, like, whatever, you know?" In case you missed that, he was not-so-subtly attacking people for listening to his music without paying for it because they were broke. He later blamed a turnip for his inability to get blood out of it.In response, I would like to make this statement on behalf of Octave Museum fans everywhere, "We would like to say thanks to Cave In for making such powerful and creative music for us to purchase and enjoy. Also thanks to Octave Museum for hopping into a recording studio and thinking, 'Well if it sells a lot of records we'll actually go and record something worth listening to,' because, you know, you were totally going to write some good stuff, but you were just uninspired that week and, you know, like, whatever, you know?" Timbaland: Timbaland is quitting music. Y'know, like Jay-Z. err, like Eminem. Or David Bowie. Wait a minute... something smells stunty. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how the new Timba-manned Duran Duran album goes. It Might Be His Last! Better Buy Four! Beth Ditto: Famous for being a fat, naked lesbian (seriously), The Gossip’s frontwoman is making her own fashion line for fat girls. Yay Yay! The big business world has accepted you, Beth! She'll be the pleasantly plump Avril in no time. No word on how NME is taking the news. Prince: BMG has given Big Papa Purple the boot after he released free copies of his new CD with magazines. Now, to the untrained eye, this might appear to be BMG throwing a temper tantrum because they’ve lost their grip on the udders of what has always been a big purple cash cow. But a spokesman said that the move was made because Prince effectively hurt their feelings. It makes sense too. I can’t listen to the Purple Rain Soundtrack all the way through without tearing up a bit. C’est la vie. In other news, the magazine industry is still smilin'. Suck on that harshness, BMG.Slash: Slash has ruffled some legal feathers for smoking onstage in the UK. Smoking. A cigarette. At a show. in the UK. A regular, nicotine cigarette. In other news, UK legal authorities have announced major headway in their new molehill-based mountain-building project. Also, it’s been reported that things are getting easier and easier out here for a pimp. My Chemical Romance: After Marilyn Manson said that some of his lyrics were cutting remarks to the band, frontcunt Gerard Way responded that it was a hollow statement because Manson was trying to promote his new record. I also feel that MCR is a big black bag of dog-vomit, but I've got a blog to promote so my comment doesn't count either. Also, does that mean that Manson wrote that song on the album and those lyrics on the album to promote the album? That is so meta. In other news, Gerard Way announced he would be getting married and that the band has a new album coming out. Weezer: By keeping their hype alive with constant break-up rumors, the shittiest band to ever write a hit song has finally decided to possibly write another hit song. The album is still untitled but rest assured that I’m burning the midnight oil coming up with the most fascinating ways of calling the album a huge fucking disappointment. “Yeah, but Matt, remember how great the blue album was? What if it sounds like that?” Unless Rivers has managed to build a sonic time machine that can transport me back to the time when anything my best friend’s older brother listened to was great, I’m gonna stick to my guns on this one. The blue album was fun when I was ten years old because I was ten years old. The Used: "Singer" Bert McCracken has a developed a node on his vocal cords and will likely have to undergo major surgery, which will then probably alter his voice forever. THAT, my friends, is the power of prayer. And now that that mission has been accomplished, I can turn my attention to the looming problem of Matchbox 20’s upcoming album. 50 Cent: He got busted for lip-syncing. 50, of course, claims that he was just thrown off by some pyrotechnics and chose not to sing the first verse in order to regroup. But I’ve applied my handy rule of lip-sync rumors to ferret out the truth (If it looks like a sync, it’s probably a sync. If the artist then denies the sync, it’s DEFINITELY a sync). This would normally be something to try and forget about, but given 50's history of dredging up past hardships for lyrical content, I assume we'll have to hear about it in his next record:"I got shot 9 times for dealin' some crack outbusted for syncin', they dropped my vocal track outBitches think they hard, but they know 50's harderWhile they out sellin' dope, I shill for Vitamin"