Blogcritics Author: Larry Stanley

Announcement: Short-content feeds

Phillip Winn — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Sunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding.

Movie Review: Grindhouse

Larry Stanley — Mon, 9 Apr 2007 19:27:54 EDT

"... and Nicolas Cage as... Fu Manchu!"You gotta' admit, those are not words you would normally think you would hear in a movie today. You need to be aware of what Grindhouse is before you go in, or more specifically, what it is not. It is not a chick flick, it is not a morality play about good and evil, it is not a 'good lesson' to be learned by all. Now, what it is -- it is three and a half hours of blood, gore, explosions, car wrecks, automatic weapons, zombies, blood, gore (I mention those twice because well, there really is a lot of blood and gore) and some of the funniest written lines I have heard on the screen in almost 30 years. Now, both these movies deal with sex, drugs and even some rock and roll. And if you have a problem with that, why are you thinking about going to see it? Is Grindhouse a movie for kids or even younger teenagers? Christ, no. Leave the children at home folks. If you don't like gore, I suggest you go watch Firehouse Dog instead. In addition, if you thought Saw or its brain-numbing sequels were gory, I suggest you watch something else. When I was a kid, "grindhouse" films were almost all I ever went to see. I saw blaxploitation films like Abby, Black Mama, White Mama, and Five on the Black Hand Side, among many others. I would go in on Friday morning and usually sit until late in the evening watching a double or even triple feature of films that I thought deserved a lot more credit then they actually got from critics or "people who knew about movies." Sure, none of them were going to win a whole lot of awards, but they did what they were supposed to do -- they entertained, and provided a way for theaters who were struggling back in the late 1960s through early 1980s to stay in business. Therefore, when I first heard about Grindhouse I was not sure what to expect. I mean, I knew what the word brought up in both uses to my mind, the older movies I used to watch and the idea of a poor, cheesy horror movie of the last few years. Little did I know that it was going to be both. In Grindhouse the viewer is given two films, both full-length movies. It is, in its most basic form, a double feature. It is probably the only one you will see for a little while too, let me tell you. The first film is a classic, throw-them-to-the-wolves apocalyptic zombie film that is first class. The second film, Death Proof by Quentin Tarantino is the one I will look at first. I give Death Proof two and a half stars. I can't go any further and it really only gets that much because of Kurt Russell as Stuntman Mike, the driver of a tricked out 1971 Nova. Mike is first seen in Austin, Texas following a group of girls around town. The girls include Jungle Julia, a local radio host, and two of her friends. One of them, nicknamed Butterfly, spots his car and sees it again that night at a local bar. At first, Butterfly is not certain just what is going on. Stuntman Mike is an easygoing, laid back type of guy, who tries to make friends with the girls, and even offers a ride to another young woman. Tarantino scores points for trying to develop the film a bit more then Robert Rodriguez, but he loses a lot of them by dragging all the action out for way, WAY too long in a lot of places. When this comes out on DVD I will be hitting fast forward a few times because I can only take so much of anyone talking gossip about who is getting laid, by whom, what turns so and so on, and where can we get beer and dope. And I don't care if it is women or men, it gets freakin' boring after a few minutes. So if I had to watch the same boring buildup over and over, I would smash the DVD into several thousand small pieces. Tarantino makes up for lot of the boredom with an incredible scene in the middle of the film showing just why the Nova is "death proof." Then he goes and spoils it again by bringing in a new cast of girls, and having them talk gossip about who is getting laid, by whom, what turns so and so on, what to do to keep or lose a guy. And as is Tarantino's way, just as you want to get up and leave, the action starts in again. Death Proof is an homage to Detroit muscle cars and a time when gas was only forty-five cents a gallon. Yes, children you heard that right. A lousy forty-five cents for a gallon of gas. You could fill the tank on most cars for around eight dollars. You could afford to drive a car with a 440 cubic inch engine. Who cared back then that you only got 12 miles to a gallon of gas? You got that 12 miles fast! And in Death Proof, Tarantino has Russell and his girls going balls out fast. They give us one of the best car chase films I have seen in a long time. Like I said, I think this film was a lot slower than Planet Terror but it was better executed. In all likelihood, it was not the people in Death Proof that were the real stars, it was the Nova, the 1970 White Challenger, and the Mustang that were the real class of the film. But, if it had been anyone but Kurt Russell, I don't think it would have been worth watching at all. Now to Planet Terror, from Robert Rodriguez. I give this one three stars and am happy as heck to do so. This is a tribute and homage to everything from Romero's Night of the Living Dead to Dario Argento and Lamberto Bava as well as all things Italian horror. We have everything in this film: strippers, lesbians, renegade military units, rednecks, good-hearted sheriffs, a mysterious hero, and flesh eating zombies! What the heck else could you want in a film? Cherry (Rose McGowan) is a young woman who wants to become something else. She has been a stripper, and now wants to be somewhere and someone different. She just picked the wrong night to decide to move, because unbeknownst to her there is a renegade Army unit led by a Lt. Muldoon that is out to find a certain chemical. With them is a somewhat nutso guy who collects testicles. In fact, he carries his collection around with him in a jar. And my wife complains that I collect comic books? Go figure. Anyway, some test subjects have gotten away and are currently out killing and eating people. Rose has stopped at a small Texas barbecue place where she meets up with Wray, a young man that she apparently knew before. Wray currently drives a wrecker and while giving her a ride has a wreck trying to avoid a figure on the road. While all this is going on, the lesbian doctor is making plans with her lover to leave her abusive husband. She and the husband, both of whom are doctors in the local hospital, are soon swamped by people with a strange disease that seems to be eating the flesh of the victims while causing violent behavior as well. Wray is now in trouble with the local police for having a gun, the hospital is overrun, the lesbian is trying to get away from her husband -- WHEW! What else could happen? Plenty if you are Robert Rodriguez. I mean, all this is just a start. And yet, as confusing as all of it sounds, Rodriquez makes it all work together seamlessly and with ease. It is like a giant puzzle where all the pieces fit with each other to make a pretty picture. That is what has happened here. Well, okay -- so the pretty picture here is of bloody, gory guts and brains lying about the place, but you get the point. Planet Terror does not have to work hard for either the humor or the gore, it just seems to come naturally. I mean, when you have a woman with a machine gun for a leg and zombie enemies, you can't be expecting some serious social work about the innate goodness of the human race. The cast is excellent, from McGowan, to Tarantino, Michael Parks, Freddy Rodriguez, Josh Brolin, and Tom Savini, who have brought their talents together to create one of the most interesting and actual fun movie experiences of the year. Planet Terror was a great gross-out film, with just the right amount of gore, humor, and as far as I am concerned, sex. And a go-go dancer full of useless talents, although I can think of about a half-dozen that 'arching the back' trick would be good for. Now, dealing with one of the best parts of the entire film -- the trailers. Now there are times today when the trailers are the best part of a movie. I mean, come on, sometimes a movie just sucks but you still leave looking forward to what is going to come out later. This is not the case with Grindhouse as the film itself is fun and entertaining. But sweet baby Jesus, the trailers. Starting off with the Machete trailer, telling the story of an itinerant day laborer (played by Danny Trejo) out to murder a Senator. Double-crossed by his bosses, he and his brother, a priest (Cheech Marin), go to war against the bad guys. This is my kind of movie. We also get to see trailers for the slasher film Thanksgiving, which actually looks pretty funny, especially the stuffed bird on the table. God, I'm a sick S.O.B. sometimes. Then there is Don't. As in "don't watch this", "don't go in there," that sort of thing, and finally there is the film I would give just about anything to see. I mean, this is the sort of movie that men dream of. That is Werewolf Women of the S.S. with Nazis, naked women, Eli Roth, Sybil Danning, naked women, deranged scientists, and naked women. What? Well, yes, I do like naked women. Lord, please let them make Werewolf Women of the S.S. I promise to be good. Really, this time I mean it. Honest. GrindhouseDirected by: Robert Rodriguez/Planet Terror Quentin Tarantino/Death Proof Partial Cast Credits: Rose McGowan, Freddy Rodriguez, Josh Brolin, Jeff Fahey, Michael Biehn, Tom Savini, Quentin Tarantino, Michael Parks, Kurt Russell, Rosario Dawson, Sydney Poitier, Bruce Willis

Raised in Arkansas and born in Tennessee, Larry Stanley is just a good old boy who still acts like a kid. He writes reviews of movies, books and videos and in his spare time works at inventing a time machine and proving the belief in Supeerman. A Christian, Larry likes mountain streams, blues music and horror movies. Turn-off include man-eating plants that sing, monsters that don't floss and Yetis.

Live Comedy Review: Emo Phillips at the Punchline in Sacramento, California

Larry Stanley — Sat, 24 Mar 2007 06:10:48 EDT

Last night I had the chance to fulfill a dream. I got to meet the legendary Emo Phillips at the Punchline in Sacramento. That goes to show you I might not have a lot of really great dreams. Still, this was a once in a lifetime chance and I was not about to blow it.I first heard of Emo 20 years ago when I bought a second-hand audiocassette at the North Little Rock, Arkansas Public Library book sale. It was probably the best half a buck I ever spent. I kept that tape, E=Mo2, until I used it up while I was in the hospital two years ago. They say laughter is the best medicine, and while I am still pretty sold on a well-trained medical staff, that tape did keep my spirits up while I was in there. On Tuesday of this week I got an email saying Emo was going to be at the Punchline all weekend and I immediately starting kissing up to my beloved wife, Patti. After a few tears and several promises dealing with yard work I am hoping she forgets this weekend, I was told I could go see the show. That was the easy part. I started trying to figure out what to wear and worrying about what the show was going to be like. I didn't know if I would have a minimum to drink or if they even had soft drinks. I admit it; she don't let me out much anymore. I was worried about how I was going to act when I got to meet him face to face. I had already conned, er, discussed with the management about meeting him, but it was still up in the air. What if I belched in the middle of the meeting or, God forbid, farted? What if I ate something and had a stain on my shirt? How would he react? Would he think I was an uncouth slob with few manners? That would normally be an accurate assessment, but this time I wanted to impress someone.I wore a nice shirt and no tie. I didn't want to look to geeky. Hair nice, just a soda to drink, and sweet lordy how good those nachos looked at the table in front of me. Plate piled high with cheese, chips, and black olives. I honestly wondered what they would do if I just joined them for a bite or two. I thought about the bouncer and just decided to suffer. They say suffering is good for you. I don't think so. Finally the show started. Emo is everything in person I had listened to over the years. Sure, his hair is different, but then he is hitting fifty-one now. It is grayer and cut in a more 'hip' style, and the chicks really liked it. You could tell he had them wrapped around his little finger, which wouldn't take much. Emo would be the first to admit that he is on the, well… 'slim' side. At one point, I thought I could see the backdrop through him. God, the man needs to eat some chicken or something. Have a steak now and then, some carbo's dude.He is now 51 and is currently in the middle of a cross-country tour. He still loves the ladies, but he says, "A lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers. Damn anthropologists." He did well over an hour on stage last night, and even though I was familiar with a lot of his work, I only heard him repeat about three or four jokes. For me, it was pretty much all new material and clean as well. Sure, some of it got a little blue, but 'blue' just makes an audience think. Dirty is a crutch. Part of an Emo show is watching him react on stage, moving into various stances and poses as he works to draw an audience into his realm. As you watch him, you realize these poses and stances are simply a part of who he is. You almost believe that if you met him walking down the street and asked him about his day, he would begin shaking his arms and saying, "Hunnnn Hunnnnn" over and over until he finally got a sentence out. As is usual with most comedians, Emo is not afraid to talk about himself or use his past to get a laugh. I think that is common with people in the stand-up business. They use their own history to build a show, but Emo takes those same situations and expands on them, making us laugh because of what is in our minds - like surprising his mom and dad when they were having sex when he was a kid. This has probably happened to most of us, but Emo expands on it, getting a laugh. Then he goes on to act shocked and explains the reason behind the first laugh, getting a combination of laughs and groans now. Two of my favorite routines of Emo's are "Old Lady Digging Through Trash" and "Downtown Downers Grove," both of which elicit laughs and groans. I kept hoping he would do them during the show but instead he blasted me with new jokes. I wish they had recorded last night’s show because I would love to hear it over and over. Emo is a word-master. He is a punster and is able to end a sentence at just the right moment to make you stop, shake you head and think, "Did he just say that?" before you burst into laughter. Emo is starting his own line of greeting cards on his website. Since the birthday season is coming up, he shared one with us. Picking up his notebook, he turns to a page written in black felt tip pen; "It'll look better in color" he assures us. "So, you are another year older" he reads. Then, opening the card it says, "Let's see you blame the Jews for that one." It took about two seconds for the audience to erupt into laughter. Through all the jokes about his family ("I crashed the car once and was afraid to tell my dad. When I finally did, he said 'Emo, it was not your fault. I trusted you enough to think you were mature enough to handle the responsibility of driving the family auto. It is all my fault that you had a wreck.' I said to him, 'Well thanks a lot, you stupid D***, you almost got me killed!'") or a past marriage, you still see the man who created this realm and this world. While you know it is an act, you wonder how you can get to this place because Emo seems so happy in his little universe and you could see that most of the audience wanted to be a part of that universe. As Emo spoke to different folks who were there, they responded to him naturally with almost no self reserve. It was like they were speaking with an old friend who just happened to be standing on a stage.He is able to make people around him relax, able to make them feel a part of who he is and what he is doing on stage. It was really remarkable to watch. From almost the moment he hit the stage, you could see that he was actually in control of the room and everyone in it - except for one thing; cell phones. Man, he is a lot more patient than I am. At least three went off during his show and all three times he stayed a gentleman, didn't cuss, or throw a chair at anyone, but I think he wanted to. You could see it in his face that he was annoyed. At one point, he seemed to lose his train of thought and had to backtrack to get to the joke he wanted to tell. Leave the cells on vibrate, people. Show some courtesy to the other patrons and most of all to the performer. Unless you are with the F.B.I. or some anti-terrorist military unit out to defend the U.S., you can wait a lousy hour to get a message.After the show, I got to meet with Emo for a few minutes and just talk. His sense of humor is still active in his personality, but is much more subdued. He is a perfect host, offering me a drink and more interested in me than talking about himself. We discussed his favorite Super-hero. He is a Batman fan, but as a Superman person I won't hold that against him. We both like the Lone Ranger, although we both also agree that he is not a 'Super' hero, just a hero.He told me about the upcoming film his girlfriend, Kipleigh Brown, is in -- Yesterday Was A Lie -- and we discussed just missing each other at Wonder-Con. Off stage, Emo is still a nice guy, but it is hard to shake the image of him cavorting around on the stage with a mike in his hand. Once I got past that, I was able to breath again. Emo Phillips is simply a joy to watch. He is funny without being rude and he is wild without being crude. I would not hesitate to introduce anyone to his humor.

Movie Review: Dead Silence

Larry Stanley — Sat, 17 Mar 2007 17:48:31 EDT

It hardly seems fair for me to review this film. I mean, I totally enjoyed it but we should probably find someone who was actually frightened during certain parts of it. I mean, I was never scared, nope not once. And now, here I am alone in the house and there is not a sound. Christ, I'm turning on the stereo. Okay, that's better; a little Aerosmith makes the world a safer place. Fine, Dead Silence did get to me. A little, but those dolls are freaky. Leigh Whannell and James Wan have created and delivered a first class horror film and the first truly decent horror film of 2007. And don't mistake this for another Chucky film. Billy 57 would use Chucky as kindling for a cozy fire. Here's the story. Jamie Ashen (Kwanten) is at home spending a nice evening with his wife when there is a knock at the door. Opening the door, Jamie finds a large box on the floor. The only marking on the package is his name written on the outside. Once the package is opened, they find a case and inside the case is an old ventriloquist dummy. After some joking around and a little discussion, Jamie leaves to go pick up dinner and returns to his apartment only to find his wife murdered and himself the only suspect. However, he is dead set on finding the connection between the doll and his wife's death. He discovers that under the lining of the case there is an engraving for Mary Shaw and her ventriloquist act in his home town of Raven's Fair. It is there he travels, both to discover what happened to his wife and why he was the recipient of one of Mary Shaw's 101 dolls. But the town has a superstition about Mary Shaw and her dolls and as the legend tells, she will take the tongue of any victim she hears scream. Dead Silence is at its heart a good old-fashioned ghost story and that is just what we needed, right? Well, I think so at least. Wan, as director, has improved since he started with the Saw franchise and is finally able to show off his talent and style. But I do think there were a couple of hat tips to Saw in the film. The acting... hmmm. That might be a problem to discuss without getting into a fight with some people. Ryan Kwanten as Jamie did a good job, but somehow just didn't convince me that he was someone who had just had his wife murdered in a horrible fashion. Donnie Wahlberg actually did a very good job as the disheveled cop with good intentions. He was, frankly, one of the brighter points of the film. Michael Fairman, as Henry, the town's mortician, gave his usual hammy but well done performance and it was still a delight to watch this man work. He has been around for quite a while but has never really had a part with any real meat to it. Here, I think he has and has been able to bring life to what was probably orginally just a second-rate character. Judith Roberts as Mary Shaw is just flat out spooky. She did an excellent job and if there are any more of these (and there probably will be) she should always be Mary Shaw. So pay her well. I have to say that the film was just what I went in hoping for. It was spooky, scary, and had plenty of gore to make your average horror fan quite happy. Take a chance.**1/2 (it would have been three, but those little dolls freak me)Dead SilenceDirected by James WanWritten by Leigh WannellStarring Donnie Wahlberg, Judith Roberts, Ryan Kwanten, Amber Valletta

Movie Review: Premonition - If You Can't Say Something Nice...

Larry Stanley — Sat, 17 Mar 2007 11:35:51 EDT

So, I went and saw Premonition today, the new thriller starring Sandra Bullock as the wife who keeps waking up every day to find her husband dead. Or alive, depending on the day. My wife was with me. When I got home, I sat down to write a review. I have a really good Kenmore washer and dryer set. We bought them at Sears a few years ago. They were on sale, and they really do a great job of cleaning all our clothes.I threw in a load of towels to wash while I was at the computer. I mean, the washer is good; it is one of the 'heavy duty' types and can take many towels and still get them nice and clean. Our last washer, jeez, it was like using a rock to clean them. We would have to do the same load at least twice, sometimes three times to get them as clean as they come out now. In addition, the dryer, man, it's great. We always use one of those dryer sheets, the ones that are fabric softener and make the laundry smell good at the same time. I can bring a load of clothes out of that thing and it's like smelling a nice spring day, whoo-eee. Right now, the towels are almost through. I figure I'll finish them and then watch last night's episodes of Smallville and Supernatural; I record them every week to watch on either Friday or Saturday night. Until Doctor Who and Stargate S-G1 return to the Sci-Fi channel there isn't much else to watch. It was a bit of a coincidence, me doing laundry tonight and Sandra Bullock doing it in Premonition as well. You know, that raises an interesting question. Do you think Sandra Bullock actually washes her own dirty towels, or does she get someone else to do it? Just how rich is she? Well, I find stuff like that interesting. Oh, and after the movie, we were discussing the Larry Stanley Movie Rating System and I was trying to explain it to the people I was with. I might as well do that here as well, and then everyone will know how it works on the site. I rate a film with one star to four stars. I also use negative stars as well, an example being Alone in the Dark or the American version of The Ring Two. There are very few films that ever get the coveted four stars, and only a handful that get three stars. While I don't rate a film based on projection, or width of the camera lens, or what style of pants were worn by the star, I do base it on acting, photography, special effects and even CGI. And yes, I do think there is a difference between special effects and CGI. CGI is done with a computer. People, using various objects, sets, camera stations, visual effects, manipulation of a film image, matte shots, or other situations, create "special effects". In other words, they are done by people and are therefore more creative. CGI might be able to make a realistic dragon or space battle, but it was stop motion and Ray Harryhausen who actually brought dragons and dinosaurs to life. I also rate a film on music, plot, action, and how I think the actors relate to the characters they are supposed to be creating. It is not always as easy as it sounds. For one thing, sometimes I have to sit through some God-awful movies. Like Gigli. Christ, I wanted to burn out my eyes when I saw that one. Then there was the Mari... Mari... M-A-R-I... God, I can't even bring myself to spell out the title of that one. Some films don't deserve any stars, and I usually make that pretty clear. If there are no stars, then the film stank, but I still reviewed it. Then there is the last group. These are the film reviews you actually see me in, so you know I watched the film, but there is no review. That means I felt this film was so bad the negative and all the copies of it should be burned, the ashes scattered, the director forced to take a class in filmmaking and the actors should all be removed from the Actors Guild and forced to take up another line of work. An example of this would be House of The Dead and the 2005 remake of The Fog. Except for Tom Welling. I like Smallville. Anyway, those are the main criteria I use to grade and rate a film. Oh, my laundry is finished. What?Premonition? What do you think I've been talking about? PremonitionDirected by: Mennan YapoWritten by: Bill KellyCast: Sandra Bullock, Julian McMahon, Nia Long, Amber Valletta, Shyann McClure, Courtney Taylor Burness, and Peter Stormare. Runtime: 97 min. MPAA Rating: PG-13The Larry Stanley Language-O-Meter Rating: I wouldn't want my kids to listen to it.

Book Review: The Flock by James Robert Smith

Larry Stanley — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 18:45:13 EDT

The first novel of James Robert Smith, The Flock, is an extremely well researched book dealing with a group of what is called "Terror Birds", and we ain't talking about your average canary here folks. The creature stands between five and nine feet tall, has a large brain, and in Smith's book has the ability to mimic other sounds and communicate. This makes them a very effective fighting group. They have to be, since they have been hiding out in the Florida Everglades for the last couple of million years without being captured or a corpse found. Starting right after the Second World War, we find a group of soldiers on maneuvers that run into the creatures. Now, since our birds have survived for the same reason man has, by being more intelligent and cunning then the rest of the animals around them, their only option is to kill the soldiers. It is a chilling section of the story. Smith has created a believable story about the large, flightless meat-eaters who just might be a match for the deadliest killers alive, you and me. The flock lives in a small area of Florida, limiting its hunting to the unpopulated areas and covering its tracks to keep from being found. They also eat the carcasses of their dead flockmates. I think that is what Sasquatch does, which is why we can't find them either. Anyway, there is always one member of the flock with the job of covering tracks and keeping the flock safe. But there is one bird, called The Scarlet for reasons that become obvious, who is out to break free of millions of years of deception and is willing to face man. The Scarlet shows a complete disregard for the cautions of the group and plans to start its own flock by drawing off females. It is the story of its battle with the current lead bird that comprises much of the conflict in the story. But not all of the conflict; we also get to read about the problems of man's invasion of the flock's habitat in the form of an "entertainment conglomerate" known for anamorphic animals and which is not above murder when it comes to protecting its interests. We also have a rich environmentalist who suspects the existence of the flock, a right-wing survivalist nut group and a park ranger who is trapped between all of them and the flock. What is great fun to watch is how Smith is able to keep these multiple story lines in order and keeps the reader hooked on what is happening, thus keeping the action going until we have the final chase scenes. Yes, "scenes". Two chases for the price of one. A bargain. There will be the comparisons to Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park and that is a waste of time. That is like comparing Jurassic Park to Valley of Gwangi; after all, they both had dinosaurs in them. Piffle. There are no clones in The Flock and there are no cute, lovable kids that you keep hoping turn into dino do-do. And Valley of Gwangi was more fun then Jurassic Park. However, some people are still going to compare the two and when they do just smile and walk away.The Flock is a great first novel, with an impressive group of characters both human and animal (and sometimes it is difficult to tell them apart) who actually grow on you. By the end of the story, you find yourself on the edge of your seat, worrying about the ones you like and hoping the ones you don't get what is coming to them. The story is complex and intriguing, with the parties involved facing off and each one with its own plan.Smith demonstrates that he is a more then capable writer with this book. The creatures are believable and realistic perhaps because they are based on fossil fact and not just fiction. They are the true bright lights of the book. Next time you are in the glades or just in a deserted stretch of wilderness, look around. If you see a giant bird's beak peaking out of the tall grass, run like heck. Oh, remember what I said about the flock being mimics? That least to one of the funniest twist ending I have read in years. Thanks James, for that.

When Did I Miss the Memo?

Larry Stanley — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 00:29:33 EDT

Bill of Rights: Amendment I"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech...."Marine Corps General Peter Pace is currently undergoing a series of attacks against him, based on a comment he made in the Chicago Tribune discussing homosexuality in the U.S. Military. In a newspaper interview Monday, Marine Gen. Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, compared homosexuality to adultery and said the military should not condone it by allowing gays to serve openly in the armed forces.In a statement Tuesday, he said he should have focused more in the interview on the Defense Department policy about gays -- and "less on my personal moral views." Gen. Pace is being punished not because of what he said. He could have said, "Living in gated communities and sending your rich white kids to private school is nothing more then a form of racism and bigotry." Would that have caused the uproar that is going on right now? Well, yes it probably would have considering most of the people in power in this nation do live in gated communities and are sending their kids to private school so they probably would have started complaining. But, General Pace would have had the right to say it. The same way he has the right to say that homosexuality is immoral. He also said that adultery is immoral, but I don't hear any complaints coming from the 'screwing around on their spouses' crowd. General Pace was, according to some staff members, 'the general was expressing his personal opinion...' So, ones opinion is now subject to censorship? Good. Can we get liberals to shut up about how bad Bush is? That is their opinion, and if General Pace is not allowed to speak his opinion, they should not be allowed to do so either.In my opinion, Mariachi music played at an ear damaging level from cars in parking lots is immoral. Ok, not immoral but certainly impolite. In the original interview, General Pace was directly asked about the military "don't ask, don't tell" policy that allows gays and lesbians to serve if they keep their sexual orientation private and don't engage in homosexual acts.Pace said he supports the policy, which became law in 1994 and prohibits commanders from asking about a person's sexual orientation. Notice that; General Pace supports the rule. He does not like it, and said so out loud to the interviewer: "I believe that homosexual acts between individuals are immoral and that we should not condone immoral acts. I do not believe that the armed forces of the United States are well served by a saying through our policies that it's OK to be immoral in any way." Pace said he based his views on his upbringing. "As an individual, I would not want (acceptance of gay behavior) to be our policy, just like I would not want it to be our policy that if we were to find out that so-and-so was sleeping with somebody else's wife, that we would just look the other way, which we do not. We prosecute that kind of immoral behavior." Advocacy groups are saying that the General's statements were "insensitive and disrespectful to the 65,000 lesbian and gay troops now serving in our armed forces." 65,000? Well, what about the other 1.4 million active-duty uniformed personnel currently serving in the four military branches of the U.S. Department of Defense (DoD)? Wouldn't it be more important to find out how they feel serving next to a gay soldier? The thing is, there is historical evidence that gays and lesbians have always served in the American armed forces. If you check history, you will find that homosexuals and lesbians have served in the military for thousands of years. In my opinion (notice that word?), we should allow them to fight. What they do behind closed doors (or inside a tent) is between them and God. I don't have to like it. Neither does General Pace. But what we do have to like is the fact that he has the right to say what he thinks. Just like the Nazi who parades through a Chicago suburb, or the Klansmen who march in North Carolina, or some Black Muslim when he denigrates white people, or a woman who says all men are pigs. That is their opinion, and millions of men and women straight and gay have fought and in many cases died to give those people their chance to speak even if what they say is unpopular. Like Pennsylvania state legislator Mark B. Cohen of Philadelphia once argued in a legislative debate, "Freedom of speech that is limited to freedom to say whatever a majority of the people agrees with is not real freedom of speech."For those who don't understand, this means that General Pace has the right to express his opinion. And so do you.

Movie Review: 300

Larry Stanley — Fri, 9 Mar 2007 18:13:23 EST

An elderly man was trying to find a place to sit and observe the Olympic Games, as he went to each section. All the other Greeks laughed as he tried to make his way through. Some ignored him. Upon entering the Spartan section, all the Spartans stood and offered the elderly man their seats. Suddenly the entire stadium applauded. All the Greeks knew what the right thing to do was, but the Spartans were the only ones who did it. -- Xenophon of EphesusIt is roughly 2500 years ago and you are just a child sitting around an open campfire, listening to your elders tell war stories to entertain and educate you and those around you. Finally, one man begins to tell the story of how King Leonidas and only 300 of his personal bodyguard stood off half a million Persian warriors. Imagine the awe you would feel; think about how impressed you would be as you saw in your mind these great warriors battle an army over a hundred times greater then they were and how they refused to surrender, or give quarter. Today, that campfire is a modern theater with comfortable seats, a drink holder and central air and heat. You are with some friends and that 'elder' is a 40-foot screen in living and vivid color. Moreover, you can watch these 300 brought to life and brought from mythology in an epic that will be this generation's Ben Hur. The movie is an adaptation of the Frank Miller and Lynn Varley graphic novel of the same name. The film is focused on what brought the war to Sparta and the political machinations that were going on in the local government. No the film is not history and anyone who uses a movie as history deserves the failing grade they are bound to receive. It is exaggerated in many places and there is a bit of political commentary that could be used today as well as then, but it is not exactly accurate in most places. In fact, even the production comments say that the story is life a, "... half remembered dream one has when they awaken, able to remember only the emotion but not what exactly happened." I can deal with that. Because the true story, the reason behind the actions is still held strongly in the film. There were excellent performances by all the leads in the film and some were downright amazing. Gerard Butler as King Leonidas and Lena Headey as Queen Gorgo are wonderful to watch. They work off and with each other like the seasoned and experienced actors they are, and the chemistry between them is great to watch. Therefore, they got along on set well or they are even better actors then I thought.This should be a turning point for moving Butler into the upper ranks of Hollywood high rollers, but I hope it does not go to his head the way it has so many other talented actors and become his downfall. Butler's Leonidas controls everything around him, and shows a very much 'alive' king whose love for his country, his son, his Queen, his soldiers, and most of all his freedom is the motivating force in all he does. Lena Headey as Queen Gorgo is one of the finest parts for an actress I've seen in years. She is a full and equal partner to her king, as were the women in Sparta. At one point, the emissary from the Persian King Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) demands to know why she "speaks in the presence of men." "Because," she replies, "only Spartan women give birth to real men." That made me cheer aloud for her. In addition, the way she fought for Sparta and what she was willing to endure for her King and nation show the qualities of both a warrior and a woman of character. David Wenham offers voiceover narration, telling the story and setting the mood, and is one of the king's best friends and fellow warriors. The other Spartans, from Wenham's Dilios the storyteller to Vincent Regan's Captain, all have strong roles and add extra dimensions in demonstrating what made these men an elite force.To say the movie was unlike anything I have seen before is somewhat misleading. I have seen gladiator films before, but 300 goes beyond them. I have seen CGI, but 300 uses computer graphics in a way that has not been seen before or at least not this way. Therefore, yes, I have seen films like 300 but at the same time 300 is a brand new experience. It is like watching an epic poem by Homer or a story by Socrates played out in front of you. It is a masterpiece. Stunning, amazing, wonderful -- these all fit as a description. It is satisfying to the eye to watch and Zack Snyder did an amazing job and any and all awards he gets are well-deserved and well-earned. The movie is artistic with a style all its own without looking goofy. There are a lot of fight scenes, and I mean a lot. But they don't drag on and on. They are compact, efficient battles, showing the savagery and horror of war with swords and pikes, and with axes and even animals. There are moments of humor and even brotherly love demonstrated between the characters even as the audience stares in shock at the severed limbs scattered around the actors on the screen. The filming is wonderful, using what I was calling almost 'stop motion', with a smooth but visually jerky effect that seemed to place the characters in more then one place at one time. I would have thought this would be disconcerting, but Snyder and his crew not only made it work, they made it beautiful as well. Now, listen closely, as this is important. Fans of Star Wars or Lord of the Rings will like this movie. It has scenes that will appeal to both men and women. There is nudity, but it is combined with a tenderness that made it erotic and not dirty, except when it took place with the Oracle or in King Xerxes' camp. Hmm… maybe some of it was dirty and not just erotic. Guess I will have to watch it a few more times to decide. However, there is a lot of violence so leave the kids at home. Honestly, this is not a movie for children -- well, unless you have no problem with having your kids see hacked off arms, severed legs, decapitations, and a rape scene along with some truly hot and kinky stuff. Okay, fine -- some of it was dirty. I am so ashamed. Anyway, leave the kids at home. There are going to be a lot of people who will argue that the film has historical inaccuracies. Well, it does. And neither Zack Snyder nor Frank Miller have ever said they wanted this to be a documentary on Greek or Spartan history. It is a fantasy story based on an event that really happened, and is meant to entertain, not educate. The only hope I have is that it will inspire people to study the truth behind the fantasy and maybe to discover the actual meaning of the words "hero", "honor" and what it really means to love one's nation. And finally, what that nation can cost. Title: 300Director: Zack Snyder Written by: Zack Snyder, Kurt Johnstad, Michael GordonFrom an original story by: Frank Miller, Lynn VarleyWith: Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West, Vincent Regan, Andrew Pleavin, Andrew Tiernan, and Rodrigo Santoro

Movie Review: Reno 911: Miami

Larry Stanley — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 10:52:12 EST

Run! Save yourselves! It's too late for me! God, the acid is still burning my eyes. Thank you, baby Jesus. At least that takes away the pain of actually watching Reno 911: Miami. If you are one of those people brought up in a cave and only came out into the world yesterday, this is the film for you. It is designed for the people that have never seen women’s boobies or heard the word “F&*$” and might still be impressed by them or shocked at the word. Or you are part of the public that is simply not old enough to get in to see the film but will either sneak in or con your folks into taking you.Look, let me make this easy for you. There will be spoilers. Want me to give you one right now? The movie sucks. There, I have saved you the price of a ticket. Go watch something else.Sure, there were a few funny bits, including one bit featuring a girl with a taser, another involving inept drug lords and their henchmen, and another during the closing credits with a suspected bong. That was it.This movie is based on the presumption that the audience is a bunch of childish (not child like), immature, and downright stupid adults who still think that fart jokes are funny.Well, okay. In a church, a fart is funny, even to an adult. However, seeing repeated acts of masturbation stopped being funny to most adults after watching all the different American Pie movies. Unless it is Band Camp, and I still wish I had learned to play an instrument. Never mind!Paul Reubens, Danny DeVito, and The Rock all had cameos in this movie. Come on guys, have your careers all gone so bad you need money this bad? Look, I am not a rich man, but I could lend you a few bucks just so you didn't have to do this sort of crap. Please everyone, do yourselves a favor and go watch Music and Lyrics, Ghost Rider or Bridge to Teribithia. If you want a film filled with half-naked women that is actually funny, go for it. However, that movie is not Reno 911: Miami.

Movie Review: Ghost Rider

Larry Stanley — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:16:40 EST

Marvel had been teasing us with a Ghost Rider film for the last few years and finally brought it to us -- the story of Johnny Blaze, the man who sold his soul for love. Hell on two wheels. And they did it with Nicolas Cage as the anti-hero, Johnny Blaze/Ghost Rider. But after watching the movie, I have to be honest and say that Cage actually manages to pull the whole thing off pretty well and I did not think he could do it. Using his own ideas about the character and his actual knowledge of the Ghost Rider actually helped his transition between both Blaze and Ghost Rider and turned it into something that was both fun and exciting to watch.No, there was nothing new, or eye-popping in the special effects and in fact you have probably seen most of them in the trailers. But what is fun and what does make this a good film to spend time and money on is to watch all the effects come together to form a complete film. The movie stays close to the comic book character and manages to keep the action and excitement going through the entire film. The plot is easy to follow; young Johnny Blaze makes a deal to save his father from dying of cancer, only to discover that the Devil is not called "The Trickster" or the "Prince of Liars" for nothing. As the years pass, Blaze becomes a world-renowned motorcycle entertainer and stunt driver. He has merchandising programs, video games, and even clothing lines named after him. He is considered to have the best luck in the game, having survived numerous bouts with accidents that would have killed a normal person. Yes, it is a straight out popcorn flick, plain guiltless fun. Nicolas Cage is wonderful to watch as he changes into the Ghost Rider, screaming and laughing as his skin starts to steam and, well, never mind my description. This is something you have to see to believe or understand. At one point, I suddenly imagined Nicolas Cage as Etrigan. And yes, you have to be a comic fan to understand that idea. Otherwise, the CGI was very well done with the Rider's motorcycle something to truly see to be believed. It was nothing short of amazing, especially since it is based on a real motorcycle design from what I understand. The shotgun used is also based on a real design, an antique from the late 1800s. But the movie does not rely totally on the CGI, there are also some incredible sets used, showing the destruction that occurs when a Demonic force battles otherworldly forces.Sam Elliott as the caretaker of the graveyard Johnny wakes up in after his first night as GR is truly a fun guy to watch. His grizzled looks and weatherworn features worked perfect in his role as the hard-working guy who is just trying to guide Johnny in what is happening to him. And the final battle between Ghost Rider and Blackheart is fantastic to watch. For a little while, you almost thought there was going to have to be a sequel just to settle matters. And it does not leave anything to the imagination; it lays everything out for all to see. It is like the "Mother of All Battles" between good and evil. I don't think it was as good as the train fight in Spider-Man II, or the knock-down, drag-out between Superman and the Kryptonians in Superman II, but it was a good battle. Wes Bentley as Blackheart was superb, bringing both a natural charm and a devilish evil to his character that I think would have been difficult for many others to pull off. As for Eva Mendes (and I am sure this is what all the guys care about), yes she is beautiful, she is hot, none of her shirts fit properly, and at least half her boobs were exposed in every shot. I guess the budget for the film was spent on CGI, special effects, and set pieces, and nothing was left to buy her a shirt that was the right size. Sad when Hollywood goes... BUST. Hahahaha... sorry. This is a fun, entertaining film that is a nice prelude to the summer of comic book-based films that are coming out: "Spider Man 3", "Fantastic Four, Rise of the Silver Surfer", "300", "30 Days of Night", and these are just the major ones. Who knows how many will go directly to video shelves? So, take a chance and have some fun. Get a big bucket of popcorn, though; you won't want to miss any of the action going for refills.Ghost RiderWritten and directed by Mark Steven JohnsonWith Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes, Peter Fonda, Donal Logue, Wes Bentley

Movie Review: Smokin' Aces

Larry Stanley — Sat, 10 Feb 2007 09:52:15 EST

Yesterday, I had the distinct pleasure of finally going to the movies after almost a month of celluloid deprivation. Too bad the pleasure ended when I sat down in front of the screen. I watched a double feature, Epic Movie first, then Smokin' Aces. We will look at Smokin' Aces first, not because of it was any better, but because I want to get them both over with so I can get to the two films I saw last night on DVD that were actually entertaining. This film was, simply put, a mess. It had so much going on that it became difficult to follow the 'action' to its conclusion. It was also pretty easy to figure out most of the so called 'twists'. Heck, if you have watched much television you will be able to figure out most of the things that are going on, which is a dang shame since this cast should have been able to bring almost any turkey to full roast. Here, however, they are hampered by a script and plot that are simply too obvious to really enjoy. Dealing with a plan to kill a mob snitch named Buddy "Aces" Israel and steal his heart for an aging mobster, the story brings in several different teams of killers, including one enigmatic character named "The Swede." Throughout the film, the characters just go on and on about what you have already seen on the screen. It just gets boring after a while. There were only three people who really held your attention, the two cops played by Ray Liotta and Ryan Reynolds, and one of Israel's entourage named Ivy. These folks showed emotion, style, and grace in a film where style and grace were often found lacking. These actors went beyond their scripted characters and came across as human, becoming more then just the characters, but interesting people -- people you might almost like to know. Almost everyone else came across as extras or the no-name characters you often see lurking about in a restaurant or audience in a TV series or movie. And while the other people tried to seem calm and collected they instead came across in a monotonous tone, sleepwalking through their lines, turning a 'serious' film into almost a parody of itself. Which is not a good thing. You have the standard 'cop movie' characters, the bail bondsmen/ex-cops, the master of disguise, the black gangsta girls, the limited intelligence rednecks, the cops who actually care about justice, and the dumb, just-shoot-the-other-guy gangsters who work for Israel. In some ways, the guys who work for Israel - two black guys and a Russian guy with an IQ of about four - are the epitome of racial and ethnic stereotyping and I don't understand why no one has complained about them yet. Like I say, predictable and uninteresting. Go rent Boondock Saints, or even Oceans Eleven. Either version. Smokin' Aces is a complete waste of time. There might be 15 minutes of good acting and worthwhile movie viewing time. Outside of that, just hit yourself with a hammer. It will hurt, but it will still be more fun then this movie. Directed by: Joe CarnahanWriting credits: Joe Carnahan With: Ben Affleck, Jason Bateman, Common, Joseph Ruskin, Andy Garcia, Alex Rocco, Wayne Newton, Ray Liotta, Jeremy Piven, Peter Berg, Ryan Reynolds Martin Henderson, Christopher Michael Holley