Blogcritics Author: Jessa

Announcement: Short-content feeds

Phillip Winn — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT

Sunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding.

E! Proposes Re-enactment of Dimebag Darrell's Murder for "Entertainment" Purposes

Jessa — Thu, 24 Aug 2006 07:50:49 EDT

They were arguably the best metal band of the '90s and released some of the most influential albums, Cowboys from Hell and Vulgar Display of Power. Abrasive and brutal, Pantera proved to the faithless that metal was not dead after the atrocity of hair metal in the '80s. The power behind Pantera’s memorable riffs which can be found on songs such as "Cowboys from Hell" and "Walk" was guitarist Dimebag Darrell. Hailed as one of the best metal guitarists, not only did Dimebag wow the crowds with his talent, but anyone and everyone he ever met remembered his kindness and generosity. After Pantera died, Dimebag and his brother, Pantera drummer Vinnie Paul, started a new band, Damageplan. But in the same year of the release of their debut album, Dimebag was shot to death moments into a Damageplan concert on December 8, 2004. His death caused a huge wave of grief in the metal community. Fans from all over the world held vigils in memory of their hero. The horrific circumstances involving his death make it difficult for some to forget, especially those who were there at the Alrosa Villa in Columbus, Ohio. His brother Vinnie was sitting right behind him when it happened. Two of Dimebag’s good friends and part of the road crew were shot, one killed. Fans were shot while trying to help Dimebag. Does this seem like entertainment? Is it something that you’d like to watch on television? According to the E! Networks, yes it is. E! was hoping to do a re-enactment of the murder for a show called 25 Most Chilling Hollywood Murders. A videotape of the actual murders already exists and was seen on the Behind The Music: Pantera episode. If watching that video wasn’t difficult enough, watching a re-enactment would be a lot more painful. Pantera publicist Janie Hoffman received an email from E! clearances coordinator Beau Thomason, alerting her to the program. Hoffman, outraged with the idea, sent a reply that didn’t just contain a simple “no,” but launched into a scathing attack on E! in which she asked the staff of E! to imagine themselves witnessing such a horrific event and wondered how they would feel about watching such a program if the person involved was a friend or family member. She requested the email be read to the programming staff.This entire situation certainly brings into question: what is entertainment? The E! Network seems to survive on the personal tragedies of celebrities or people in the spotlight. For some reason, this appears to be entertainment. People love to see the “perfect people” in a not so perfect state, or at least this is what E! believes. It’s what drives them to make shows such as 101 Most Shocking Moments in Entertainment and True Hollywood Story. Quality programming? I think not. E!, along with celebrity gossip shows such as Access Hollywood, Entertainment Tonight, The Insider and magazines like People, In Touch Weekly, and US Weekly have created some twisted form of celebrity reality. Forms of media like these make money from catching celebrities with their pants down or a finger up their nose. Who’s getting divorced this week? Tune in to find out! These celebrities that are portrayed on this network are somebody’s friend or family member. They don’t want to see or hear an entertainment network making their friend or family member’s life a show. Hearing about wild behavior or running stories on drug consumption, or other taboo subjects on these networks would be horrible to hear for those people and their families if it weren’t true. Ex-Guns N Roses and current Velvet Revolver guitarist Slash had to call his wife and tell her he wasn’t divorcing her after gossip magazines said otherwise. There is a huge problem with the Dimebag proposal, aside from this. The show is called 25 Most Shocking Hollywood Murders. Dimebag was as far from Hollywood as someone living in China. Although E! is quick to cover this saying in an email that the show:“... takes a factual journey through the tragedies that shocked not only Hollywood, but the world." Well this just about covers it. This just makes the entire situation even sadder. It seems as though they are scraping the barrel of murders to show on television. Where do you draw the line for celebrity entertainment? Or entertainment at all? Before you know it, they’ll have a reality show with real life murders happening on screen. The kids will gather around the television with mama and papa, a big bowl of popcorn and wait until some unsuspecting young woman is murdered by some man waiting in the bushes. Or a musician being shot in the head on stage, in front of his brother and extended family. Hoffman certainly let the E! Networks have it. In her long email, Hoffman reaches the simple one worded answer at the end saying: "The answer if no, and on behalf of everyone that was there that night and everyone that misses him every day, you can take that no and shove it up your collective asses."Amen.

Jessa Kay attends a School of Communications and Contemporary Arts within a university in Australia. This means absolutely nothing at all. Specialising in Interactive Multimedia and programming, Jessa spends most of her time on a computer where she grows tired and weary. Writing online articles allows for a bit of "relaxation time" aka procastination.

George Bush Is Not A Good Public Speaker

Jessa — Fri, 18 Aug 2006 04:53:51 EDT

During my time at University, I have come to appreciate the fact that it is not only a place for learning, but also an open forum where people can share their views and discuss them with fellow students. Despite this, particular views can certainly upset some people, even if they’re not meant to be upsetting. George W. Bush’s ability, or rather inability to speak in public was discussed during a recent lesson. Over the course of history, there have been impressive speeches made by political leaders dating all the way back to Ancient Greece. During this discussion, Bush was quickly identified as one of the weaker public speakers. At this point, the discussion veered from the main topic, but the class seemed to enjoy sharing their views on the topic – that is, until an American exchange student stormed out of the room in a huff, claiming she was too pissed and angry to participate in the class. All the students were shocked, as no one knew the student was becoming angrier with every word that had been said about her President. No one had said anything personally attacking George Bush or his policies, yet she had refused to shed light on the situation. As an Australian citizen and resident, I feel as though I have no right to be commenting on George Bush’s policies within his homeland. I am not thoroughly informed on all aspects of these policies to be commenting on them and I don’t live in North America. However, commenting on his foreign policies, namely the war in Iraq, is something that affects everyone to some degree and therefore should be an open forum for discussion. In the case of this exchange student and George Bush’s public speaking being the only target for discussion, the whole walkout situation was a little confusing. Bush’s domestic policies weren’t mentioned nor were his foreign policies. No one said anything derogatory about him or any other North American for that matter. Do we not have a right to question his public speaking skills? Earlier on in the lesson, the class was discussing difficult reading material from the textbook. The same student who would later walk out brought the author into question by pondering his mental stability. After some research, she found out he had committed suicide. This seemed to reinforce her view that the author was mentally unstable, which is why the text was so pessimistic and difficult to understand. It turned out the writer was Jewish and that the Gestapo was coming for him. She didn’t understand what this all meant. Maybe a Jewish student should have walked out.

Slayer "Fans" Vandalize New York Seminary

Jessa — Fri, 9 Jun 2006 04:04:31 EDT

For those who didn't know or didn't even care, June 6th, 2006 was National Day of Slayer. The heavy metal band originally slated their new album for release on this day, but it had to be pushed back in the last minute to the rumoured date of August 8. National Day of Slayer was simply intended for fans of Slayer to listen to the band all day and at full volume. However, some fans took National Day of Slayer too seriously and vandalized St. Joseph's Seminary in Yonkers, New York, between the hours of 3am and 7am of June 7 (not National Day of Slayer) as reported on Blabbermouth.net and The Journal News. The crosses at the main entrance were spray-painted black, 666 was spray painted on the steps leading up to the landing, where the title of the band's 1986 album Reign In Blood was painted in thick black lines. A large pentagram was also painted near the place where Pope John Paul II stood and waved to the crowd on October 6, 1995. On the doors, "Better to reign in Hell" was spray painted on the left door -- and continued on the right: "Than to serve in Heaven." A statue of Jesus was defaced and upside-down crosses and more pentagrams were painted on the base of the statue. "This was planned," said Bob Scully, the building manager, who has worked at the seminary for 38 years. "The wording. The spelling. Young kids wouldn't do it. Everything is very centered, thought out."Slayer fans and general metal fans are upset that this could further damage the already tarnished view of metalheads while some extreme fans support the vandalizing of the seminary. According to the article at The Journal News:The New Testament's Book of Revelation describes 666 as the mark of the beast — the devil. But there seemed to be little support, outside of the business world, for tying biblical prophecy to June 6. In general, biblical scholars agreed with fundamentalist Christians who read the book as a literal description of an impending apocalypse that the date was not particularly meaningful."I believe Revelation, but the mark of the beast has to do with identifying the Antichrist, not a date," said Mark Hitchcock, who has written 14 books about "end times" Bible prophecy.The band celebrated the 6th of June, 2006, by making available special edition "06-06-06 Slayer" shirts, which have since sold out. As mentioned previously, their new album, rumoured to be titled The Final Six, was to be released on this date but instead, a brand new song "Cult" was posted for streaming on their website.Slayer have not yet commented on the seminary situation, and most likely will not.

Metallica Debut New Song In Germany

Jessa — Wed, 7 Jun 2006 11:19:34 EDT

Metallica debuted a new song on June 6, 2006 in Germany, as part of their “Escape From The Studio ’06” tour. The untitled song, dubbed “The New Song” by front man James Hetfield, has been posted online at three known locations: #1, #2, #3 (password: www.metallica-world.de). Two low-resolution video clips have also been posted on youtube.com: part 1, part 2. Metallica have been writing new material for the follow up to 2003’s St. Anger. St. Anger, the first studio album in 6 years since Reload went to #1 in numerous countries but suffered back-lash from fans who felt as though the “Metallica sound” had disappeared. The new song clocks in at 9 minutes and 37 seconds, including Hetfield’s intro. Fans will be glad to know that there is a solo. Blabbermouth.net reported that the band has played their entire Master of Puppets (1986) album on the first two dates of the tour. Also on the set list are rarely played songs such as "Disposable Heroes" and "Orion."The band will resume work on the new album after the tour is over.

Movie Review - The Omen (2006)

Jessa — Wed, 7 Jun 2006 05:19:50 EDT

Remakes of classic films are very hard to pull off successfully. Most recent remakes hack the original to bits. In the case of The Omen, nothing has changed at all, but this does not make it any better than the original. Rather, it makes you question why this film was ever made in the first place. The original film took on a life of its own and become a part of our popular culture. After its release, parents refused to name their sons Damien and boys with the name probably got a lot of crap, especially if they had bowl-style haircuts. The remake is brought into the present day to incorporate the usage of technology and make it "hip" and relatable to young people. This means that those in danger have mobile phones to call for help and photographers wanting to prove a point can just "blow up" photos on their Apple Macs, instead of showing the negatives. Damien has also been given a scooter instead of a tricycle, because that is what all the cool kids at school have these days. Speaking of fashionable, one aspect of recent supernatural films is the blubbering idiot of a priest. They are so incoherent, they don't start making sense until we stop paying attention and begin the ever-straining task of trying to read our watches in the dark. I understand that simply walking up to someone and saying, "By the way? Your son? Not yours. Son of the Devil. Oh, and a Jackal.", is far fetched and laughable, but the blubbering idiot has been done. It's time to go, blubbering priest.The casting in this film falls flat on its face and that's one of the major problems with it. Whilst a good actress, Julia Stiles is far too young to be playing Katherine Thorn -- the "mother" of Damien (Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick). Stiles is too fresh-faced to make the audience believe that time has gone by in the film as we see Damien grow. The 14-year age gap between her and co-star Liev Schreiber is also much too apparent, making for an unconvincing married couple. Take the scene where Robert (Schreiber) is tending to Katherine's wounds -- it almost looks like a father is tending to his child. Stiles does what she can with the role, but she doesn't quite pull it off. Schreiber takes on the role of Robert Thorn, previously played by Gregory Peck. Schreiber does well in creating a much more tortured and flawed character who grapples with the secret of how Damien became his “son.” He also plays a fantastic anti-hero -- someone who doesn't suddenly inherit the power of martial arts like everyone else seems to these days. On the other hand, Robert Thorn’s constant refusal to believe that Damien is the Anti-Christ, even after all the strange and unexplainable instances that occurred, made me want to whack him in the face. Mia Farrow appears as sweet and soft-spoken Mrs. Baylock, who’s not quite all there. Her role is of course the nanny, sent by Satan to watch over his son. Her wordless communication with Damien is compelling to watch. With the intensity of her eyes, she is able to make us believe she is conversing with Damien. Farrow keeps this movie afloat with her transition from the sweet Mrs. Baylock to a shrieking psycho, an insane and frazzled woman. Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick makes his debut appearance in this film but he's got nothing on the original Damien played by Harvey Stephens. Davey-Fitzpatrick doesn't have the gradual menacing look that Stephens had in the original. Davey-Fitzpatrick simply looks too cute, with his big blue eyes and freckled button nose with the iconic bowl cut -- who starts looking sick every so often. Sometimes he gives the evil eye but that's all. When he stares into the camera, I checked my watch to see what time it was rather than crap my pants. The one thing I loved about the original film was the score. It was just as creepy as the images we saw before us. In the remake, I only noticed the score until the credits. The score of a film is incredibly important in being able to capture to mood of a film, but the remake fails to do so. And the shocking truth of this remake is this: it's not scary or even slightly terrifying. Sure, there are the usual scares you'll find in any horror movie these days, but it just doesn't freak you out like the original did. The Omen is a pointless remake. It's most likely the case that the film was made to ensure that the release coincided with a date that only occurs every 100 years -- 06/06/06. It offers nothing new other than mobile phones, computers, scooters and possibly better clothes. Yet, I find it strange how three numbers can terrify people so much -- enough to make money. As they say, fear is big business.

Halloween To Be Resurrected By Rob Zombie

Jessa — Mon, 5 Jun 2006 08:37:25 EDT

Just as the recent Batman movie had nothing to do with the franchise, the new Halloween movie will follow the same fashion. As previously reported by Chris Beaumont, Rob Zombie was rumoured to be directing the ninth movie in the deader-than-dead franchise. Miramax released a statement on the 4th of June stating that Zombie is signed on as director and music supervisor for a new Halloween movie, separate from the franchise. Rob Zombie was quoted as saying:"I have been a huge, huge fan of John Carpenter's original film since its release. So when Bob Weinstein approached me about this, I jumped at the chance to join forces with Dimension Films on this amazing project."Zombie said on his Myspace blog (dated 5 Jun):"Okay here's the real deal for those of you who are confused. As I said yesterday - I am not making Halloween 9. That series is done, complete, over. But what I am doing is starting totally from scratch. This the new HALLOWEEN. Call it a remake, an update, a re-imaging or whatever, but one thing that for sure is this is a whole new start...a new beginning with no connection to the other series. That is exactly why the project appeals to me. I can take it and run with it. I talked to John Carpenter about this the other day and he said, "Go for it, Rob. Make it your own". And that's exactly what I intend to do."In an interview that has been circulating the internet on every single website, Zombie says:"The look and the feel is going to be completely different. 'Halloween' started off as a very terrifying concept, a terrifying movie. But over the years, Michael Myers has become a friendly Halloween mask. When it came to the point where you could buy a Michael Myers doll that was cute-looking and press its stomach and play the 'Halloween' theme, you knew the scare factor was gone. But I think the story and the situation is scary. All it needed was someone to come in and to take a totally different approach to make it scary again. To me, that's the challenge and that's the fun.Everything that has come before does not figure into this one, That series is done."Those who are afraid that Zombie is going to do away with the mask of Michael Myers, he says; "That's an iconic image that can't go away."There you have it kids, straight from the horses' mouth. According to the press release, the new movie is slated for an October 2007 release.

CD Review: Ministry - Rio Grande Blood

Jessa — Wed, 31 May 2006 14:21:21 EDT

Ministry released Rio Grande Blood on May 2, 2006. A follow on from 2004’s Houses of the Mole, main man Al Jourgensen and his crew continue their assault on the Bush administration in an album that many say is the best Ministry album since 1992’s Psalm 69. Ministry is well known for their industrial metal sound, but Rio Grande Blood marks a change of direction. The electronic programming is significantly stripped down in order to make room for the brutality of the drums and guitars, which will most probably make you deaf after the 50 minutes is up. There are two things that may not sit right with some Ministry fans. First, Jourgensen really, really does not like George Bush. Jourgensen doesn’t care that it’s 2006 now, not 2003. He is persistent on assaulting and insulting the President through his music. Nevertheless, everyone else seems to be over the musical Bush-Bashing already. You almost want to tell him, “Everyone knows Bush is a liar and a bad President. You don’t have to keep telling the world about it!” The recent general music releases doing so much Bush-Bashing is getting old for me. Some fans may feel alienated by Ministry’s continued walk down the path of political mayhem, while others have always regarded Ministry as a political band. Rio Grande Blood even has George Bush on the cover. It depicts him as a stoned looking Jesus Christ, with a crown of thorns, a look on his face that seems like he’s “tripping balls,” and Bush giving the Devil sign. In the background, war planes are flying over oil rigs. Second, many fans may miss the signature electronic sounds and drums that make up "classic Ministry." Rio Grande Blood is an angry album, and the music suits it well. Maybe there was no room for heavy electronic sounds on this album; instead, a stripped down and raw sound do the lyrics more justice. The album opens with the title track, as a mutilated George Bush speech claims: “I am an asshole. I want your money.” You immediately get hit in the face with the raw power of the song. The fast pace of guitars and drums form the perfect backdrop to this angry song. Jourgensen makes no apologies as he sings from the viewpoint of George Bush, and ridicules him by screaming “And all I gotta say is yippee-eye-ay!” This song sets up the rest of the album perfectly. Before you even have time to process the very fact that Ministry is back, “Senõr Peligro” doesn’t give you the chance. It almost seems like Part 2 of Rio Grande Blood since it matches it in brutality. It is yet another attack on the President. “Senõr Peligro” is, as the track tells us, Bush’s alter ego. He kills, he invades, and business is his game. “I’m the Ministry of death…” growls some dude named Sgt. Major “Gangreen.” Following from this is a whole bunch of insults thrown at us by this Sgt. Major while a slow but heavy guitar serves as back drop. It’s difficult to take something like this seriously, especially when he snaps, “I’m gonna stick my dick in your nose,” but you can see what kind of mood Ministry are trying to achieve with this track. Fear is a word that is often thrown around in recent times. As the next track suggests, “Fear (Is Big Business),” and it most definitely is. Products are sold to the public on the basis of fear, stories are fed to us on the basis of fear, and Ministry discuss all of these things and more in this cleverly disguised track. It almost fools you into believing that it’s an epic type song but explodes into a frenzy of guitars. The sarcastic undertone of the first single “LiesLiesLies” opens asking, “If the government has nothing to hide, why are they so afraid to answer a few questions? This story does not add up.” Yet another obvious attack on the constant lies the Bush administration are telling the people. Jourgensen sarcastically screams; “Lies Lies Lies Lies Lies Lies Lies, Surprise, Surprise!” There is also accusation that the government believes their people are stupid and are unaware of deceit. Uncle Al sings, “Don’t listen to me, listen to your pain.” This song could lead to a severe assault on your ears if listened to loud enough, just like the entire album. The next track, “The Great Satan,” is a remix of the original that appeared on Rantology. Melodically, it doesn’t differ much at all. On Rio Grande Blood, we hear a much heavier version of the song. The drums from the Rantology version are replaced with powerful and louder drums. The vocals are gruffer and stronger and the guitar is moved into the foreground. Fans might prefer the more industrial, garage rock sound of the Rantology version while others may enjoy the gruffer version.“Yellow Cake” marks the return of the classic Ministry sound. The maddening twirl of this song accompanies more cut-up Bush speeches. “Palestina” brings back the heavy guitars as heard throughout the entire album, and the track “Khyber Pass” is sung with Dizzy X vocalist Liz Constantine. She adds her wonderful talents to this seven-minute epic. A stand out track, like the others on the record, is “Ass Clown”. Sung by Jello Biafra, the White House is a circus where Bush would be the “Ass Clown”. Once again, the powerful guitars come through to blow your ears out, and I like it. I have to admit, it was a little difficult to write this review without repeating myself because the songs are thematically repetitious. Jourgensen focuses all his anger on the President because he sees him as the only major problem. Someone once said that to get your point across, repetition is the key. Martin Luther King’s speech -– “I have a dream” -- will always be remembered because of it’s importance and mark in history. It was all down to the repetition in his speech, getting his viewpoint across. Ministry gets their point across loud… very loud, and clear with Rio Grand Blood using repetition. It’s not a bad thing, but it can certainly get tiring. Rio Grande Blood is an angry record, guaranteed to deafen you at some point or another. It’s unapologetic, brutal, and unforgiving. The rawness of this album presents listeners with a truth that fans will not forget. To put it plainly, this album kicks ass and it's worth every dollar.

Red Hot Chili Peppers Accused Of Plagiarism

Jessa — Wed, 31 May 2006 10:43:24 EDT

The Red Hot Chili Peppers are currently enjoying success with their new album Stadium Arcadium, but this success could soon be clouded by allegations of plagiarism. Last week, radio presenter Dan Gaffney of Delaware-based WGMD accused the band of ripping off Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. He claims that the leading single from the new album, "Dani California," sounds almost identical to Petty's "Mary Jane's Last Dance.""Mary Jane's Last Dance" was first released on the Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers album Greatest Hits in 1993 as a previously unreleased track. They even won an MTV award for the video for the song in 1994. Gaffney's show producer, Jarred Morris has posted a track on his blog demonstrating the similarities between the songs. He is quoted as telling reporters:"The chord progression, the melody, the tempo, the key, the lyrical theme... they're identical."Morris is keeping track of the madness on his blog, even blogging about a death threat, along with a whole slew of hate mail. It's hard to understand why this is happening, as the two songs sound very much alike. It is unknown whether RHCP intentionally made the song sound like "Mary Jane's Last Dance." There is still a very fine line between flattery and plagiarism. Neither band has commented on this new allegation. One can only hope RHCP get burned for releasing such a crappy single.

Ministry Waves Goodbye After Next Album

Jessa — Tue, 30 May 2006 10:07:28 EDT

Al Jourgensen has been bringing the world Ministry and various other bands such as Revolting Cocks and Lard since 1981. Uncle Al dropped a bombshell during an interview with billboard.com last week: the next Ministry album will be the last. After the current MasterBaTour, Ministry will head back into the studio to record their final album. "I've got other things to do," Jourgensen explains. "I just started a label (13th Planet Records), and I want to sign some bands and really build it up like I did with WaxTrax in the '80s, not just a vanity label."Fair enough, but I always thought Ministry would be one of those bands that would be around forever. In a world where shitty music is made more frequently then children, you can always count on the veterans of music to provide you with a sanctuary. For me, Ministry is one of those sanctuaries. I know that I can always find comfort in the music of Ministry when everything else is going down the musical drain. I can always count on them to release some music, even if it isn't the most revolutionary thing I've ever heard. "I think it's time," Uncle Al says "...and I'll be leaving on the top of my game instead of hanging on too long and doing crappy Aerosmith and Rolling Stones albums 30 years later."Good point. With the release of the politically-themed Rio Grande Blood earlier this month, the album certainly isn't crappy. After 25 years, Jourgensen seems to be on top of his game once more. After the disappointment of 1996's Filth Pig and 1999's Dark Side of the Spoon, Ministry were close to breaking up. However, with 2003's Animositisomina and the 2004 release of Houses of the Mole, Ministry were back -- almost. Another political album, Houses of the Mole marked a return with full guns blazing in the direction of the White House."That seems to be my muse; everyone seems to think I write real shitty music when a Democrat's in office." Jourgensen says. Jourgensen says that the next and final album will also be another assault on the White House. "It's a trilogy," Jourgensen says. "The next one's going to be called 'The Last Sucker,' and it's also about this corrupt administration. So we'll do that one, and then me and George Bush go riding off hand-in-hand, into the sunset."The next album is also about the corrupt administration? That sounds like something I saw at a Queens of the Stone Age show where every different song was introduced as "This song is about fucking" and "This song is also about fucking." Maybe front man Josh Homme was messing around but Jourgensen isn't. It's common knowledge that George W. Bush is the most unpopular President, but to continue churning out albums about how much he sucks can get a little tiring. Either way, fans will be eagerly -- and not so eagerly -- awaiting the next and final Ministry album from Uncle Al and friends.

CD Review: Rob Zombie - Educated Horses

Jessa — Tue, 16 May 2006 07:58:44 EDT

Everybody stop. What the hell is going on? Someone has taken Rob Zombie out of the world of Spookshow and placed him in some happy, clappy, "rock is back" kind of band. Educated Horses is the new Rob Zombie album. Ooh, yes, cower in fear, for the heavily made-up, dreadlocked Zombie has transformed into a cowboy with a new voice. As a long-time listener of Rob Zombie, I was looking forward to this album with incomprehensible excitement. I don't listen to Rob Zombie to get something out of his music so to speak; I listen to his music because it's trashy fun with great metal riffs and an entertaining homage to horror movies. These elements have been greatly reduced for Educated Horses, so much so that even your own mother will be in love with Mr Zombie at the end of this album.This is not to say that an artist can't change. I'm all for change - if it's good. Educated Horses falls a little short of the good changes in Zombie's music. The album opens with "Sawdust in the Blood," which is really just a pointless opening track. Unlike The Sinister Urge in which we are told we are sinners and that we are going to a painful everlasting fiery hell, "Sawdust in the Blood" tells me nothing other than I'm in for an unexpected ride. Judging from the track, I'd say that I'm probably not going to like this ride - much.Just when I think I'm going to fall off my chair in boredom, "American Witch" kicks in. The song is Rob Zombie heaven and you will immediately notice the change in Zombie's voice. It's less gravely then on previous endeavors, which means listeners can actually understand him. However, "American Witch" doesn't turn out the way it's all cracked up to be. First of all, it goes for a tad bit long. When you think it should have ended at least two minutes ago, it keeps going blurring into the background. Of course, we won't forget the most important annoyance of this song - the clapping.Once you think the clapping madness is over when the next track "Foxy, Foxy" begins, you start losing faith in Rob Zombie. Skip ahead a few more tracks and notice this motif, the clapping, can be heard in five of the 11 songs. Considering that two of the 11 songs are just filler tracks, this means that five out of the nine actual songs contain clapping. That's probably four too many songs that involve the clapping on a Rob Zombie record. Clapping is something you associate with a Franz Ferdinand record or a Jet song, not Rob Zombie."Foxy, Foxy" as well as "The Scorpion Sleeps" are poppy and automatically catch the attention of new fans. Once again, his voice is less threatening and electronic dubs are absent. In place of this absence is the work of former Marilyn Manson guitarist's John 5, providing some of the most amazing guitar work on a Zombie album to date. John 5 also shines on the epic, "Death of it All." "100 Ways" is an outstanding track for Rob Zombie. Lasting a little under 2 minutes, the Desert Sessions-influenced track acts as an intermission. It is one of the standout tracks on this album. "100 Ways" sounds different from anything Zombie has ever done - in a good way. The song demonstrates good implementation of piano and beautiful guitar work and you'll wish it went for a little longer.After you think all is well in the world of horses that happen to be educated, Zombie jumps up and blows your ears off with "Let it all Bleed Out." This song is one of the more memorable tracks for a few reasons; one is that it is the angriest and brutal-sounding track on the record and probably the truest form of Zombie on here. Another reason is that it has some sort of Papa Roach/Linkin Park riff thing going on after the 2-minute mark and that's not really a good thing. It sounds out of context with the song, or maybe that's what Zombie was aiming for.Getting back to the change in his voice, I have to rip the shit out of Zombie just a little here for "Ride." For one thing, he adds "baby" at the end of a couple of the sentences in verses like he's in the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and he sings like a choir boy who's been smoking way too many cigarettes. However, the song is tender up until the point where he growls "Ride," accompanied by a roaring guitar riff. The transition with his voice in this song foreshadows great things vocally for Zombie if he can get his act together. This track points to a move forward and it will be interesting to see if he goes further with it in his future work."The Devil's Rejects" sounds like a song that was just thrown on the album for good measure. It's not supposed to be a serious song and when Zombie sings, "Hell doesn't want them / Hell doesn't need them / Hell doesn't love them / This world rejects them" you can't help but laugh. At least the House of 1000 Corpses song "Pussy Liquor" and the namesake track on The Sinister Urge created the atmosphere of a nightmarish horror film. The stripped down and country inspired "The Devil's Rejects" is perfectly suited to Zombie's feature film however, it doesn't make any kind of impact on the listener and is easily forgettable.Zombie moves forward in Educated Horses by stripping down the tracks, getting rid of most of the horror movie sound bytes, adding in some awesome guitar work, improving his vocals and lyrics and including more instruments into the mix like pianos and strings. While Hellbilly Deluxe and The Sinister Urge go hand in hand with their electronic dubs and horror movie sound bytes, Educated Horses stands on its own.Although longtime listeners can probably appreciate that he's taking a step forward in his music and mixing it up a little, it falls short of an impressive album. At only 39 minutes long, it's not long enough or good enough to capture your attention. There are barely any songs on this album that will stay with you long after you listen to them. You can see what Zombie is trying to do with this album, but it doesn't quite work for him this time.