http://blogcritics.org/ A sinister cabal of superior bloggers on music, books, film, popular culture, politics, and technology - updated continuously. en Copyright 2005-2007 by the authors Mon, 2 Dec 2002 18:36:16 EST http://backend.userland.com/rss Blogcritics.org custom software http://blogcritics.org/ Phillip WinnSunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding. Administration0@blogcritics.org Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2002/12/02/183616.php Chris MonksI trust everyone had a fine and fancy holiday weekend. Mine was splendid; lots of food, lots of cheer, and best of all, lots of professional figure skating. That's right, you know what I'm talking about: Ice Wars: USA vs. the World.The event more than lived up to its billing: it was full of sequins, bad white people's music, and the clashing of cultural ideologies. The competition really was an old-fashioned, down and dirty ice war from beginning to end. The World, led by that freak of nature French girl and the dashing Canuck, led pretty much the entire night. They dazzled the judges with their frilly outfits and jazz-hands. At one point the World paraded out the American flag in what appeared to be an homage to their opponent, a tribute to their sportsmanship and ice battling, but quickly the audience learned otherwise, as the shifty Russian skater undid his bullfighter-skating tights and urinated all over the Stars and Stripes. While this may have seemed at the time a bold and calculated move designed to intimidate the USA skaters, it did just the opposite, and instead revitalized their indomitable American spirit. The charge was led by that little wood pixie who won the gold medal a few years ago. (Her name escapes me at this time, but I will say she's blossomed into quite the ice cookie, if you know what I mean) The wood pixie in skates came out dressed as Miss Liberty and set fire to the Russian skater with her torch. The crowd roared as the Afghanistan and Saudi Arabian skaters tried to douse the flames with their burkas. Not to be outdone, Brian Boitano, returning from his poorly received stint in professional wrestling as the sexually-ambiguous, figure skating villain 'Brad Bladely', stormed onto the ice, and with one quadruple-Lutz-tuck-axel-rod he wiped out the entire African skating contingent. Finally, America's favorite sprite, Scott Hamilton, showed up with a set of golf clubs and a dream: a dream to go unilateral on the World's ass! There was no U.N. inspection team necessary once Scott took out his drivers, his irons, and even his sand wedge to pummel the remaining World competitors, all to the classic tune, 'Double-Bogey Blues' from the soundtrack from the best Kevin Costner golf movie of all-time, 'Tin Cup'. By evening's end the USA had not only won the war on ice, but had managed to convert the entire World team to Christianity, as well as sign them up for a three-year subscription to the Columbia Record's Music and Tape Club.It really was a fine capper to a fun-filled holiday weekend. There's nothing like believing your country is better than everyone else's, and having that belief reaffirmed by washed-up, anorexic, balding figure skaters on ice. May God continue blessing America more than any other country. Video2085@blogcritics.org Mon, 2 Dec 2002 18:36:16 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2002/11/22/234909.php Chris MonksI'm quite fond of beauty pageants. I think they represent what is best and true and wicked awesome about our world. They rock hard. There's no denying the eroticism of women strutting around in swimsuits and heels in front of an ugly audience, made up mostly of their family members and rich white people. Beauty queens are talented individuals with big flowing hair and terrific mams. They care about things like the importance of a well-balanced breakfast and how hitting people is wrong. Beauty queens are sharp as tacks too, why even a select few know the difference between a comma and a period. They're that good, my peeps. These women deserve to be put up on a pedestal and exhibited to people in bad suits and gaudy dresses. I love them.Then there are the judges, the cream of the crop of the entertainment business and women-judging community. I'm often stunned by the star-power represented in the judges' circle. It's hard not to be by the likes of Meshach Taylor, Mark Gastineau, and Vecepia from 'Survivor IV'. The task is always a difficult one. They have so many questions to ponder. What makes one contestant hotter and sexier than another? How do the shiny buttons work on my judging computer? What happened to my career? Yes, the judges are under a tremendous amount of pressure, and how they hold up and stay cool under fire is what separates them from us, my homies and homettes. I'm all about beauty and I'm all about pageants. That's why today my heart aches. Whither Miss World. Whither her beauty and talent and over-whitened teeth. Violence, oppression, and death have shoved her aside and taken center-stage. Worse even, violence, oppression, and death look slutty in their bikinis, and their little speeches about terror and revenge are cliche and formulaic. There is no place for violence, oppression, and death in a beauty pageant.What are they thinking? They should have their own contest someplace else, like Baghdad or Kabul or Austin. Let my queens be. Let them strut their modified bods, sing fourth rate versions of Celine Dion songs, and speak inarticulately of rainbows and hand holding and world peace. Ah, peace. I'm not down with V.O.D., I'm up with P-E-A-C-E. Peace! That's what it's all about. And hot ass. Is that so wrong? Peace and hot ass! Hot South American ass, as they are always strong contestants in the competition. I still dream of Ninibeth Leal, Miss Venzuela, 1991. Oh, how I am filled with dreams of her beauty and funny American accent. The Miss World pageant must not be moved! The beauty pageant united will never be defeated! We shall overcome, my dawgs and dawgettes! So violence, put away your guns! Oppression, put away your intolerance! Death, put away your bikini, black is not back, and especially not on the stage of Miss World! Culture1983@blogcritics.org Fri, 22 Nov 2002 23:49:09 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2002/11/09/143034.php Chris MonksDan Zanes is a treasure. I'm not sure I actually feel that way, but I've always wanted to use that line. Regardless, if Dan Zanes isn't quite a treasure, he's the closest thing to it. Being a stay-at-home dad there are only so many things I can do with my young son before I'm exhausted, bored to tears, or jonesin' for some Dr. Phil. Thankfully, my son is big on music, and while my wife tries to ruin this by playing ABBA* everytime she changes his diaper, he's developed quite an ear for tuneful heartfelt singing and songs. That's what Dan Zanes is all about: tuneful songs and heartfelt singing. It all started way back in the 80s when he led the Boston band The Del Fuegos. They hit it big in 1987 with their song "I Still Want You," which led to appearances on MTV and an opening gig for an INXS tour. The Del Fuegos broke up in 1990, and Zanes ventured into a solo career. His debut album "Cool Down Time" in 1995 was a rare gem**. Produced by Mitchell Froom***, "Cool Down Time" was a rootsy effort that touched on themes of love and family and getting tested for HIV. I've never grown weary of "Carelessly", the CD's best song.But "Cool Down Time" was to be the last adult-oriented**** disc Zanes would make. In 2000 he released "Rocket Ship Beach" a children's album, that really was for kids of ages*****. In the disc, Zanes covered classic songs ("Bushel and A Peck", "Polly Wolly Doodle") with his own folksy, good-timesy touch. Zanes invited many musician buddies (including Sheryl Crow, Suzanne Vega, Zanes's daughter and her friends) along for the ride on his 'rocket ship'******, and the music has the feel of a mulitcultural hoedown. In 2001, Zanes released "Family Dance", basically "Rocket Ship Beach", but not set in a rocket or at the beach. More musician friends (Roseanne Cash, Loudon Wainwright III, Zanes's daughter and her friends), more good times, and more covers, and this time four originals, one being the best song of all time, "Thrift Shop" with Sandra Bernhard. Both "Rocket Ship Beach" and "Family Dance" come standard in the Monks's family car CD player. We love these albums. We know all the words. We have specific dance moves to each songs. We will fight anyone who steps up.2002, another year and another Dan Zanes record. Released a couple of weeks ago on his own label, "Night Time Music" is more of the delightfully same. Many of the characters from his previous two albums pop up: the Carribean flavored Sandy Girls, Zanes's childhood friend Barbara Brousal, and the so perpelexing and entertaining that you can't stop him but only hope to contain him Rankin' Don as 'Father Goose'. Rankin' Don on first listen seems to have not one ounce of musical skill in his body (never has someone who sings so out of tune gone so far), but his enthusiasm for the music is infectious, and his songs are highlights of the disc. Joining in on the fun are more well-known singers, such as Aimee Mann, John Doe, and Lou Reed. It should be said that Reed's contribution is easily the worst song on the CD. He growl-talks through a embarrassing version of "What a Wonderful World", a song that to begin with I wouldn't listen to if it was the last song on Earth. If the world was indeed so "wonderful" wouldn't it behoove one to not sing like they have shot crank forty-seven-hundred too many times?******* But other songs like, "Pay Me No Money Down" and "Firefly" more than cover for the "Wnderful" lapse, and make "Night Time Music" a worthy effort.Zanes has really found a niche. Young parents who've considered putting their heads in ovens from too much Raffi and Elmo have Zanes to thank. His music is highly listenable, singable, and the best remedy for a backseat tantrum during a traffic jam. If you're a parent with kids, or even a parent without kids, run out and get one or all of these Zanes's albums. *ABBA are so un-hip they're hip that they're un-hip again. No longer consider yourself cool and "with it" if you like ABBA, they're tired and Scandanavian, that should be enough to let them go. If you must listen to them keep it to yourself, don't boast about it, and by all means never put them on during one of your dinner parties, that's why I left abruptly the last time. Yes, I lied about my great-aunt Vivian being ill, I left because one can only eat cold shrimp and listen to "Nikita" for so long before they feel compelled to lie about the poor health of an aging family member as reason to get the hell out of there.**Ok, again, maybe it wasn't a rare gem, but I love writing lines like that.***Has Froom ever produced an album not worth listening to? Well, maybe, his own solo effort was too "quirky" and "blah-blah" for my tastes. Still, everything I've heard him produce, from Ron Sexsmith to Los Lobos to Suzanne Vega (his ex) more consistently than not knocks my socks off.****Your mind is in the gutter. Get it out. By "adult-oriented" I mean designed for an adult audience. A regular, fully-clothed, adult audience.*****You're frowning. I know, I know. It's lines like these that I typically frown at too. Just pretend you're reading Billboard or People. Also pretend that you like me.******I hate the saying "kids of all ages" but in this case it works, so I'll leave it in.*******Maybe he can't help it. I don't know. How sad and not wonderful that would be, huh? Music1758@blogcritics.org Sat, 9 Nov 2002 14:30:34 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2002/10/29/132317.php Chris MonksI want to like 'Robbery Homicide Division' something fierce. I admire its gritty-cool urban edge and the gruff charisma of the lead, Tom Sizemore. The show is produced by Michael Mann, of 'Miami Vice' fame, and 'RHD' often resembles 'Vice' in its emphasis on atmosphere and style. The show is shot in high-tech digital video, so there is a grainy resonance in the image quality that makes the show a pleasing view, and like 'Vice' again, it relies on at least one or two music-video type vignettes that help define a stylish mood, and make the viewer think they're witnessing something cool and hip. Way back when in my formative years, 'Miami Vice' was a passion of mine. A passion as alluring as a beautiful woman beckoning me into her bed, a big, beautiful woman dressed in a pastel sports jacket and with five o'clock shadow. Wherever I was on Friday night (ok, let's face it, it's that obvious, I know; I was home alone most Friday nights) I made sure to watch Crockett and Tubbs kick ass, take names, and then go on to pursue embarrassing musical careers. 'Robbery Homicide Division' has yet to affect me in the same way. The cops on the show favor low-key apparel: standard dark suits and shoes, etc. They also aren't nearly as easy on the eyes as Don Johnson, Phillip Michael Thomas, or Saundra Santiago. In fact, if the actors on the show were in the same league in looks as any actor on 'Vice" it would have to be Edward James Olmos. Not exactly beefcake territory, you follow me?'RHD' is basically a vehicle for the intensity and quick-mumble of the newly svelte Tom Sizemore, who plays Sam Cole, the lead Lieutenant of the squad. The best moments are when he's arrived at a crime scene and reenacts his theory as to how a crime occurred. Sizemore has great eyes: shifty, piercing, and magnetic. He uses them to great effect in these scenes as they dart from one piece of evidence to another. His eyes also come in handy when interrogating witnesses and suspects, as his penetrating gaze dresses down even the most hostile tough guy. Sizemore does rush his lines at times, and that combined with his predilection for mumbling puts the rewind button on my Tivo in overdrive. Still, Sizemore's performance is captivating, and I haven't seen any other acting outside of Vincent D'Onofrio's on 'Law and Order: Criminal Intent' that matches it.Like the 'Law and Order' shows, 'RHD' is plot-driven over character-driven. The other cops in the squad are pretty interchangeable, and next to nothing is ever learned about their lives away from the precinct. As for the story lines, they're pretty damn week. Gang wars, serial prostitute murders, the Russian mob, crooked cops; there hasn't been anything done on 'RHD' that hasn't be seen before on other crime shows. But it isn't about plotlines, at least not yet, the show is still establishing its image and acting prowess, so I've cut it some slack; it's pretty to look at, and for now that's enough.However, when the show after only four airings has had not one, but two special guest star appearances by Mario Van Peebles, and another by Coolio, I'm can't help but begin to lose faith. Van Peebles plays this cop who was a bodyguard agency on the side. On the October 25 episode Van Peebles strutted around and wore his 'slick gangsta' face as best he could, but he is way too good looking and clean-cut to ever be believable as a 'down with the hood' street hustler/cop. It doesn't help that he chose to wear low-cut t-shirts either, as he was exposing much cleavage that was far too distracting even to a well-grounded heterosexual like myself. The man has breasts. Big, muscley breasts. Add in Coolio to the mix and we're in a load of trouble. Coolio toned it down a lot for his role as a hip-hop producer whose singer-girlfriend was abducted and raped, so much so that I wondered if he was autistic. It seems he went to "The Acting Through Your Eyebrows School of Theatre" as that was pretty much the only part of his face that conveyed any emotion.It will be interesting to see how 'RHD' will evolve, so I'll keep watching. If only for Tom Sizemore, and to see when Hammer shows up playing a pimp with a lousy attitude. My Friday nights are pretty clear for the next half-dozen months anyway. Video1571@blogcritics.org Tue, 29 Oct 2002 13:23:17 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2002/10/22/190328.php Chris MonksThe people chosen by the BBC's internet poll as The Most Famous Britons of All Time deserve to be in the top ten in some way, shape, or form, I guess. But given I vacationed in England for two weeks during the summer of 2000 and have eaten crumpets, I think my own list of most famous Brits is the definitive one. So here then are my greatest British people of all time. Read and learn, mates.10. Richard Dawson No list of great Britons would be complete without the sexiest game show host of all time. Richard Dawson was awesome. He got to kiss all the women on the show. Some were ugly, but some were pretty too. Man, that guy was lucky. I remember rushing home from school everyday to watch "The Feud." Sometimes I watched the show bare-chested. I rooted for the black families because they always seemed to need the money more. Unless there was a white family that's members all sort of looked alike in a really off-putting way, then I'd root for them, even though they scared me. I always loved it when a contestant guessed "makin' whoopee" for an answer...wait, that was "The Newlywed Game." Man, that show rocked too...Is Bob Eubanks British? If he is, then take Richard Dawson out and put in Bob Eubanks. Now there's a guy with style!9-5. Rhona Martin, Margaret Morton, Fiona MacDonald, Janice Rankin and Debbie Knox (The 2002 Gold Medal Winning British Women's Curling Team) No quintet of women ever rocked the sporting community harder than these five lasses did in Salt Lake City during the 2002 Winter Olympics. Just when you thought curling couldn't get any sexier, these five ice foxes dazzled us with their sweeping and sliding. While they haven't been the best at responding to fan mail, I understand that they are probably swarmed with hundreds of letters daily, so I'm doing my best not to take it personally. 4. Julie Andrews Babe alert! Never in the history of nannies has there been a more fly nanny than Julie Andrews. Whether as the rebellious nun, Maria, from "The Sound of Music" or as the cheeky Mary Poppins from "Mary Poppins", Julie Andrews was my ideal woman during most of my adolescence. She helped give me a picture of what being with a woman was going to be like once I got the courage to talk to them and not always look towards the ground when one should pass me by on the street or accidentally bump into me on the train.3. Ivan Putski While not technically a Brit, Ivan Putski is a true hero of mine, and no list, be it my Top Ten Famous British People of All-Time or my Favorite Breakfast Cereals in the World shall not include "The Polish Power". Putski had muscles on top of muscles on top of muscles on top of muscles. He was a mighty man. Plus he defeated many a mean wrestler: Jesse Ventura, Superstar Billy Graham, and The Iron Sheik to name just a few. I pumped my fists in bloodthirsty joy every time he used his signature "Polish Hammer" move. I once used the "Polish Hammer" against an aggressor (my neighbor's smaller, but meaner son). I missed and wound up hurling myself into the hedges, but there was a split second when I thought I was going to land the blow, where I felt on top of the world--where I felt like I was the great Ivan Putski. I've voted for Ivan Putski in every general election.2. Judy Swallow I don't know much about her other that she is a BBC radio personality and has a name that forever captivates and enchants me.1. Paddington the Bear He started out as just a little bear from darkest Peru, but over the course of his fascinating, fun-filled life he's ended up as The Most Famous Briton of All Time. You can't deny Paddington's strong sense of right and wrong and charming good looks. No one, whether bear or human, sports a duffle coat and hat better than Paddington. And what about his awesome suitcase that is full of jars of sticky marmalade? Talk about class! Yes, there was that period of the early 90s where he declined into the world of drugs and gun-running, but he never used the stuff, he just sold it, so cut him some slack. I dressed up as Paddington for Halloween all through my teens and early twenties. Sure, I got some attitude and a few broken bones for it, but the trouble and conflict was worth it, because nothing could replace the feeling of faux bear fur against my supple skin, or how that red hat fit snugly over my abnormally large head. God save the bear!So there you have it. No doubt you've been nodding your head in agreement while reading my list. I'm sure you've been thanking me as well, as now there is an authoritative list that puts the BBC's list to shame--TO SHAME! Well, it was my pleasure, friends, my wholehearted pleasure. Cheers! Culture1453@blogcritics.org Tue, 22 Oct 2002 19:03:28 EDT