http://blogcritics.org/ A sinister cabal of superior bloggers on music, books, film, popular culture, politics, and technology - updated continuously. en Copyright 2005-2007 by the authors Wed, 17 Dec 2003 14:42:24 EST http://backend.userland.com/rss Blogcritics.org custom software http://blogcritics.org/ Phillip WinnSunday, August 26, 2007, marks the switch of all Blogcritics.org article feeds from full-content to short-content. This is the result of several converging factors, and is unfortunately a permanent decision (as permanent as any decision can be on the web, that is). We are aware of all of the reasons that this is a Bad Idea, and we are aware that some of you will be quite upset about having to click on something to read the free content, and we're sorry. Unfortunately, despite great effort, full-content feeds are not currently economically viable. Two other factors are involved: full-content feeds have resulted in an unprecedented level of content theft, with BC content appearing on many websites, usually spam sites, without attribution or permission. This duplicate content causes a cascading set of problems, not the least of which is that search engines generally aren't favorable to duplicate content, and don't always guess correctly. Finally, our RSS advertising partner is strongly in favor of short-content feeds. We hope that you'll continue to subscribe to BC via RSS, and when an article grabs your eye, it's only a click away, still free on the BC website. Thank you for your understanding. Administration0@blogcritics.org Sun, 26 Aug 2007 12:00:00 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2003/12/17/144224.php Chris ArabiaOriginally appeared at Molotov Cocktail Frank (Arthroscopic Surgery, December 16, 2003)Doctor J's* Excellent Adventure in and around my knee appears to have been a success. He cleared out the bollocks but I will have to wait until Monday's followup to learn the implications of the "cartilage irregularities" that the procedure confirmed (this conversation transpired as he was leaving the surgery room so I could have hallucinated all or part or none of it).Because I chose the spinal anesthetic plus sedation option, I was awake for most if not all of the 42 minutes that they were scoping around. The anesthesia guy lowered the curtain off to my right so I got to watch most of the surgery on the monitor--a nicely magnified shot. I asked him to lower the rest of the curtain and prop me up a bit so I could watch the scoping in the flesh, literally, but the anesthesia dude seems to have ignored that request.That silver headed scope-a-mabob** moved all over the place. The inside of the knee resembled an undersea cave, except the dancing flora and fauna were mostly red and white and the water was pink, so to speak.I saw one image that was troublesome--an area of red on white that resembled a wound. At either that point or another point, the doctor said "see that there?" to the people who were assisting and/or observing. They also saved several images (I think), including the aforementioned wound.The musical choice in the operating theater this day was an Eagles Greatest Hits compilation of some sort. They discussed it and presumably details about the collection. At one point, I said, "I like the choice of music," which elicited approving murmurs and whatnot.The anesthetic action left me feeling paralyzed from the small of the back down. At one point while adjusting my apron during recovery, I inadvertently slid my hand over what turned out to be my wiener. Uhh, huh huh. My wiener was numb. In truth, that experience strengthens my empathy for those who suffer from paralysis. God bless them.They had an unexpectedly busy surgical day. The surgery nurse apologized for the delay while she was wheeling me to the surgery zone. As I said and she seemed to appreciate, "Hey, there are people here a lot worse off than I am, so the wait is no big thing." I was thinking of the woman who was wheeled into the ER bay next to mine while I was waiting (they ran out of surgical waiting rooms)--the woman screamed constantly for about 30 minutes.One of the check-in nurses: "Highest grade level completed?"Me: "Beyond college." Nurse: "So you can read and write."Me: "Well, I should hope so."Same nurse, during recovery: "Don't forget to pee for me..."On an unrelated front, my wiener was no longer numb at that point.*John, not Julius**I was unable to confirm whether this is an industry termUPDATE: Wed. 12/17 -- This morning upon visual self-inspection I recalled an aspect of the high-tech quality control in use at the hospital. Everyone has read or heard stories about hospitals amputating the wrong limb or flubbing one or more sides of "right time," "right procedure," "right patient" triangle.To avoid such a miscue, one of the nurses drew a big smiley face on my leg above the target knee, and wrote "NO" on the leg above the non-target knee.Patient and knee are doing okay today. The three incisions are remarkably small, considering the amount of maneuvering that they did inside. The knee is sore and swollen, and this humble correspondent is a bit groggy and disoriented, and largely unable to recall details of the "Rockford Files" episode that he just watched.Grades:Nurses: A+ Surgeon: A Facility: AFrom Molotov Cocktail Frank. Culture11056@blogcritics.org Wed, 17 Dec 2003 14:42:24 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2003/12/10/141234.php Chris ArabiaNixon Forever?Today the San Francisco Chronicle, through its SFGate website, breaks a major new story:In 1996, Nixon said Reagan's economic policies were unduly harsh and cautioned against giving him too much credit for winning the Cold War. "Communism would have collapsed anyway," he told Monica Crowley, a Nixon aide in his last years, according to her book, "Nixon Off the Record." Indeed, anything that Richard Nixon said in 1996 qualifies as major news. That's because if the announcements and funeral were reliable indicators, President Nixon died in 1994. SFGate was so busy gloating about Nixon's negative assessment of Reagan in 1972 (did he have anything positive to say about anyone in 1972?) and implying that Iran-Contra was as bad as Watergate that they missed the significance of Nixon checking in from the hereafter to analyze Reagan's economic and foreign policies.Originally appeared at Molotov Cocktail Frank. Politics10844@blogcritics.org Wed, 10 Dec 2003 14:12:34 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2003/11/19/220213.php Chris ArabiaHappy Birthday, Operation UranusAnthony Beevor's book Stalingrad is a concise and fascinating look at the critical battle on the Eastern Front in World War II. The turning point of that battle was Operation Uranus, which celebrates its birthday today.Sixty-one years ago today, the Red Army launched Operation Uranus, which might have been the single most important military operation of World War II. As winter approached, the Germans were on the verge of capturing Stalingrad and establishing a crucial stronghold on the strategic Volga River. On November 19, 1942, with Soviet forces clinging to their last positions only meters from the river, the USSR launched a massive and brilliant offensive against the Axis flanks northwest and south of the city. With the relatively undermanned Germans concentrating on taking the city, the brunt of the offensive fell on the less effective troops of Axis partner Romania.After softening the Romanian positions, Soviet forces broke through the Axis lines. On November 23, the two Soviet spearheads linked up west of Stalingrad, encircling Germany's accomplished 6th Army and threatening it with destruction. While the 6th Army initially still had time to break through to the West, Hitler forbade discussion of strategic withdrawal, exclaiming, "Where the German soldier sets his foot, he remains!" Good call, Adolf. Red troops thwarted belated German efforts to relieve their surrounded comrades, who held out until February 2, 1943. Soviet heroism at Stalingrad inspired the world and prompted Time to name Stalin as its Man of the Year for 1942.After experiencing Uranus, the Germans never regained the momentum. The Germans launched the Kursk Offensive in July of 1943, but suffered a devastating defeat in the largest tank battle in history. After Kursk, the Germans were almost entirely on the defensive until the bitter end.Anthony Beevor wrote an outstanding and accessible book on this subject, in which he reports that Soviet KIAs at Stalingrad were approximately 485,000--for that one battle. German KIAs were approximately 110,000.Good work, Tovarishchi. Books10279@blogcritics.org Wed, 19 Nov 2003 22:02:13 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2003/11/19/143629.php Chris ArabiaCalling Dr. Darwin, Dr. Charles DarwinA Russian man celebrated his victory in a vodka-drinking contest by dying. During the 30-40 minute contest in the city of Volgodonsk, the big winner drank three half-liter bottles. That's 1.5 liters of vodka in 30-40 minutes. 1.5 litres, if you're following along in British. He went home in a taxi and died about 20 minutes later.Five contestants ended up in the ICU. The others returned for more booze the next day. Prosecutors are investigating the shop owner on a manslaughter beef.In March of 1997, I arrived in Saratov, Russia from Moscow. Within a few hours, I was knocking back vodka shots, smoking, and eating in a hospital ICU. The patient was a friend of my associates who was there for some heart tests. He welcomed us and vigourously participated in the drinking and smoking. The nurses were unhappy, so we locked the door. At one point, the nurse was banging on the door and all the guys were laughing and saying things like "She'll never get in now, kha kha kha [Russian for ha ha ha]!" And I was thinking, we're gonna kill this guy and wind up in Siberia. Kha kha kha!Three bottles. That'd be like drinking two 2 TWO--yes, 2--fifths of vodka. In 30 minutes. In Saratov one evening, I once drank more than one and less than two of those bottles (I don't remember the exact amount), and then slept for 2 hours. But then the radio said it was the next evening, so I guess it was 14 hours. Confused, I went to the local store and asked the sales girl for the time. She said quarter of eight, and I said, "in the morning or the evening?"She always had a smile for me when I came in after that.Via Reuters via Drudge.Originally at Molotov Cocktail Frank. Culture10272@blogcritics.org Wed, 19 Nov 2003 14:36:29 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2003/11/04/105929.php Chris ArabiaOriginally appeared in FrontPage Magazine. ___Satire: The Vicious German-Polish Conflict By Chris Arabia FrontPageMagazine.com | September 26, 2003 WARSAW--A Volkswagen delivery bus explosion yesterday destroyed its cargo of 20 crates of premium Kielbasa in the latest round of understandable German reaction to Poland’s audacious attempts to preserve its illegal, oppressive, and probably petroleum-motivated occupation of German lands. “We demand that the occupied territories of the East Bank of the Oder-Niesse and the East Prussia Strip that were taken by force be restored to the Federal Republic of Germany,” said a man who phoned in a claim of responsibility for the attack. The man claimed to represent the Alles-Aachen Martyrs Brigades, a coalition of German activists and freedom fighters. According to the group’s website, the Brigades formed after a Polish EU liaison who stopped in Aachen for lunch last year insisted on Kielbasa instead of Bratwurst to fill his Frankfurt-style sandwich. “Bratwurst is Germany’s third most sacred delicacy, and this Pole’s hotdog was an insult added to the injury of sub-humans—I mean Slavs—occupation of our homeland.”A spokesman for the German Authority, the shadow government in the occupied East Bank and East Prussia Strip, held an impromptu press conference and declared, “We hereby tepidly and with many winks condemn this attack, which if it was in any way wrong was the fault of the dirty, stinking Poles and their oppressive policies.” Throughout the Western world, the German activists have acquired a panache fueled by the neo-multicultural perspective on modern history held by millions of college-educated activists.“The Poles are pretty clearly the historical aggressors in the Middle Europe,” asserted Prell, a 29-year-old protestor from Fresno who last year capped a remarkable 10 year undergraduate run by collecting a B.A. in some social science he can’t remember. “For the 58 days that I have been closely following this crisis, the Poles have been in the position of occupying force.”Polish efforts to win support in the EU Security Council for a resolution condemning the understandable German actions in stemming from legitimate root causes were stymied by a coalition led by France. “I don’t know,” said the French representative. “Collaborating with Germans just feels right.”“If the Germans hate them, that’s always been good enough for us,” concurred a third-world dictator’s coat holder via satellite telephone. “The Poles are oppressing the people on occupied territory.”“We’re not getting involved,” said Sweden’s ambassador in Warsaw, “except maybe to selectively posture about human rights or to profitably keep the Germans awash in iron ore.”On the news program “Vannity & Doans,” a high-school dropout Hollywood actress demanded, “Poland must withdraw from the illegally conquered lands, abandon its imperialist policies, and respect the legitimate territorial aspirations of the peaceful German people. That is the only way to guarantee peace.”When someone pointed out that Polish withdrawal would recreate the Polish Corridor, an indefensible strip of territory bordered on both sides by the Germans, the actress appeared to become constipated, dribbling out vague allusions to “right-wing hate” and “apartheid,” so Mr. Vannity invited a German expert to comment.“Hey, you can never plan too far in advance,” said the Alles-Aachen apologist.“German aspirations in the region are realistic,” added Johan Turleywiliger, a legal scholar with no relevant background whatsoever but who likes appearing on TV. “Because, I mean, the USSR was the creator and guarantor of the disputed Oder-Niesse frontier, and where are they now?”Turleywiliger’s remarks caused a kerfuffle in Moscow. Fumed a spokesman for President Vladimir Putin: “Who do these people think we are, the U.S.?”-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Culture9810@blogcritics.org Tue, 4 Nov 2003 10:59:29 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2003/10/31/100435.php Chris ArabiaMy mom was part of the rebel alliance and a traitor -- NOT!One year I went trick-or-treating as Darth Vader. My mom made the costume. She put together a black cape (sadly, my childhood wardrobe did not include capes), a black shirt, black pants, and black shoes. She drew a fancified, technological looking thing to serve as my chest plate, like James Ea--Darth's, but she attached it a piece of padding so that I could do my little kid moves without it chafing or getting it wrinkled and otherwise getting dorkafied.For the helmet, she used extra-reinforced black construction paper. She took a large piece and rolled it into a conical shape, almost perfectly symmetrical, and fastened it with staples. She then cut a circular-shaped piece for the top, making it a little extra big so that she fold down the edges and fasten them to the inside of the top of the cone--so that it would be flush and wouldn't stick out past the cone and give me a most unDarth-like anchor head.And yes, she did cut out eye holes, although I can't discount the untapped comic potential of going out as Darth Wonder. That reminds me, the helmet looked a little bit like the bucket that got stuck on Homer's head in the episode when Bart became a phony preacher. For my weapon of choice, I used a very cheap light saber knockoff that I borrowed from a friend.Anyway, the entire ensemble couldn't have set her back more than 50 cents.And when I went out, it seemed like every kid liked the costume but not as much as adults liked it. Some people who I knew stood right next to me trying to figure out who I was. I hope I was clever enough to breathe heavy and say things like "They must have hidden your brains in the escape pod" and "The force is weak in this one," but probably not. The night was a success, and I raked in a very healthy candy haul, in quantity if not quality--healthwise, that is.The costume was so good that for some time I figured I'd go again as Darth the next year. As some people pointed out and as I confirmed at The Mall, you could buy perfect replicas of the Darth Vader helmet--so I could make the costume even better.For whatever reason, I never went as Darth Vader again.I started to realize something even back then, and definitely know it now: the costume was much better with my mom's construction paper helmet, and I'm glad I never suggested otherwise to her by "improving" the costume. Thanks, Mom, Happy Halloween.And Happy Halloween to youse all! Culture9710@blogcritics.org Fri, 31 Oct 2003 10:04:35 EST http://blogcritics.org/archives/2003/10/15/224840.php Chris ArabiaBOS 9 NYY 6 (3-3)I would not lose so great an honour...In the legendary St. Crispin's Day monologue, Henry V implores his outnumbered troops to crush the French. Shakespeare at his best. Every time I see the scene, I want to beat up some French guys. In anticipation of Game 7, I have adapted some excerpts for that certain special bunch of guys in the hopes that, though outnumbered in The Bronx, they will bring glory to themselves. GRADY. If we are mark'd to lose, we are enow To do Sox Nation loss; and if to win, The fewer men, the greater share of honour. God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more. . . . But if it be a sin to covet honour, I am the most offending soul alive. No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from Boston. God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour . . . That he which hath no stomach to this fight, Let him depart; his waivers shall be made, And crowns for convoy put into his purse; We would not lose in that man's company That fears his fellowship to lose with us.Good luck, Red Sox.0395884179,0769202691 Culture9225@blogcritics.org Wed, 15 Oct 2003 22:48:40 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2003/10/13/120048.php Chris ArabiaDuring a promotional appearance for his upcoming movie "Elf," in which he plays Santa Claus, veteran actor Ed Asner answered a question about which historical figure he'd most like to portray in a biopic:"I think Joe Stalin was a guy that was hugely misunderstood," said Asner. "And to this day, I don't think I have ever seen an adequate job done of telling the story of Joe Stalin, so I guess my answer would have to be Joe Stalin." Suddenly the time had run out, and for the third time in less than 18 hours, Ed Asner had puzzled the room he was in, into a stunned and disbelieving silence. If this guy isn't on drugs, then maybe he should be. And he's playing Santa? Or maybe a Stalinist Santa Claus is an idea whose time has come. Let's see: "You'll take this 'Junior Stakhanovite Smelter' and you'll like it, or I'll send the kid who's getting the 'L'il Chekhist Interrogation and Extreme Reprisal Kit' over to your house!" Asner discussed his gig as a store Santa, and the distress he felt in taking toy orders from impoverished kids. Ed, would you have felt distress for the millions of Soviet kids who lost parents to Stalinism and didn't even get good toys in exchange?Speaking of portly gentlemen and drugs, Easy Ed also offered this appendix to the Limbaugh addicition story:''Hannity's next,'' said Asner. ''We're going after him just like we went after Limbaugh. And you saw what happened to Rush this week, right?'' You're a class act, Ed. If Hannity has committed a felony (like Clinton, and as is alleged of Rush), then fine, unmask him. In the event, I don't think he's the best successor to Rush. I don't find him especially insightful or humorous. To express it in a way that Ed Asner would readily grasp, think of Hannity as analogous to Georgi M. Malenkov in the struggle to succeed Stalin, and some as yet less prominent conservative voice as Nikita S. Khrushchev, under which circumstances Rush would be Stalin and hence Rush would be Easy Ed's pal. Wouldn't he?If you were wondering, Ed did not co-produce Jules Asner. She is his ex-daughter-in-law.UPDATE: Asner is still sympathetic to the Soviets but the clown who reported the story misquoted him. Correction follows (and reduces the humor value of this item to near zero). Sorry, Ed, we'll always have Minneapolis. Asner should be spelled with one 's' especially in comparison to the idiot who interviewed himEd Asner is still a bit of a Communist sympathizer, but he did not give Stalin the ringing endorsement that Professional Horse's Arse Kevin McCullogh attributed to the man who was Lou Grant. Here's what Easy Ed said:McCullough: "If you could portray an historical biography and you had an unlimited budget, unlimited support cast and everything you could ask for, who would it be?" Asner: "Well, you know something, they've played Hitler, nobody has ever really touched Stalin, it just occurred to me. It's not because I am a liberal or anything like that. Stalin is one big damn mystery, I wonder why nobody has tried it? Many people, you know, speak of the fact that he killed more people than Hitler - why does nobody touch him? It's strange. So, and he was about my size, my height - with a wig I probably could do it."So I guess it's McCullogh who should get off the drugs.Nevertheless, Asner went on the Hannity radio show and offered this sympathy for the Communist devil:Asner said he believes that Communism has not really been tried because the United States, primarily, interfered with Communist countries' functioning and integration into the world.END OF UPDATEOriginally at Molotov Cocktail Frank.(Green Donegal Tweed Cap Tip: Andrew Sullivan) Culture9141@blogcritics.org Mon, 13 Oct 2003 12:00:48 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2003/10/05/220356.php Chris ArabiaArnold's failure to have publicly explained and proved his whereabouts on November 22, 1963 is sufficient to prove his involvement in the JFK assassination to anyone who isn't too stupid to believe it. Added to rumors that Arnold was once at LAX at the same time as a former CIA agent and once shook hands with Ivan Boesky outside the Westwood Fatburger, this makes it obvious that Arnold is the devil. Only those pinheads who watch Fox News are too dumb to get it, because they don't get any--they're loser Republicans.Arnold must have done it. He hasn't specifically denied that Lee Harvey Oswald was his patsy, so the evidence is strong that he was the brawn behind the crime of the century. He couldn't be the brains, because he is a Republican, and all Republicans are stupid and watch Fox News.Craig Malice, a former government investigator because investigators who can hold down real jobs tend to shy away from these types of stories, uncrumpled a few cocktail napkins and waxed pathetic:Forget about all the previous last minute smears, let's talk about who was smearing whom and with what inside that window in the Texas Schoolbook Depository. It's wasn't your daddy's Miracle Whip, let me tell you. And Arnold watches Fox News. Now where's my gin?Did you think Arnold married Maria Shriver out of love? Lust? Ha! He's a Republican! He obviously married her, now that we have this new evidence, as part of a clever ploy to take attention away from his role in the assassination. Isn't it obvious? Of course it is, because how clever could it be? He's a Republican!Think about it! "Ich bin ein Berliner." By accidentally claiming to be a breakfast treat, JFK was expressing his solidarity with the beleaguered people of West Berlin. But because Arnold is evil, like all Republicans, he must have thought that JFK's help to West Berlin would prevent the Fourth Reich from ever forming, thereby dashing the hopes of Arnold and the sinister cabal of Drudge Report readers who control him from ever realizing their ambitions of world domination--retroactively, I think. I mean you'd have to be pretty stupid if you don't agree with everything I write, even when I contradict myself.Does the timing suck? Yes, for Arnold and the evil people who don't want cheap dirty tricks to work. And I'll agree that it sucks as part of a clever effort to disguise my true feelings and motivations.Don't expect to see this story on--you guessed it--Fox News, as they don't have my standards. Stupidheads. Politics8936@blogcritics.org Sun, 5 Oct 2003 22:03:56 EDT http://blogcritics.org/archives/2003/10/03/151302.php Chris ArabiaG.M. Chrysler! One of the morning show hosts for WEEI in Boston, the top-rated sportstalk station in the country, recently made an on-air remark that speaks for itself--but I will characteristically offer unnecessary commentary and say that his remark is MANY magnitudes worse than Rush's statements. John Dennis, who has been with WEEI for seven years and was also a Boston TV sports anchor, has generally been a class act. UNTIL NOW. Check this out:In a segment discussing news during Monday's "Dennis & Callahan Show," Dennis said that Little Joe, the gorilla that escaped from Franklin Park Zoo, was "probably a Metco gorilla waiting for a bus to take him to Lexington." Metco, the Metropolitan Council for Educational Opportunity, is a voluntary desegregation program that enrolls Boston students in suburban schools. The program provides transportation to some schools.Yikes. WEEI has suspended him. I normally like to see people receive some latitude when they say stupid things (consider the source), but unless I'm missing something, I would support Dennis' termination. Politics8891@blogcritics.org Fri, 3 Oct 2003 15:13:02 EDT