I have just returned from ferrying my cousin, Miho, and her 16-year-old daughter, Mei (pronounced “May”) to the Smith Terminal at Detroit Metropolitan Airport. They flew in from Japan to attend my daughter’s graduation party this weekend.

It has been 12 years since I last saw my cousin. The last occasion was my younger sister’s wedding in San Diego.

Before you start to think, “oh, how nice! Close family in Japan,” (especially to have flown all that way for a high school graduation party!), I am afraid I have to clarify. Although we still have a lot of family in Japan, my siblings and I did not grow up knowing them.

My mother came to the US as an Army bride and didn’t hold tight to her old life in Japan. In fact, she threw the reins off wildly. She became a naturalized citizen as soon as possible, rarely spoke Japanese, either in the home or with her friends, and embraced America with a remarkable passion. Her trips back to Japan were few and far between.

I only met my cousin, Miho, because she was living with my mother in California while attending college there. It was Miho who broke the news to us that my mother had passed away. Our connection is relatively new, even by familial standards. Although she is eight years younger than I am, we struck up a relationship through correspondence, first in letters and then by email, even though we are limited by our mutual difficulties in understanding the other’s language.

A few thoughts occurred to me while my cousins were here, and they punctuated our similarities as well as our differences.

Both my cousins are kind and respectful. Although I told them not to, they brought us presents. They were also quiet and undemanding and had impeccable manners. Being with them was refreshing. In my own life, time is of the essence and my workday is often fraught with problems. I know I’m guilty of touches of brusqueness. I’m not sure if it’s because of my current situation, if it’s because of the poor economic climate of my state, or if it’s simply because it’s the American way.

The subject of age brought forward notable differences. Miho, at 44 and divorced, thinks of herself as old. I don’t see it, but of course, I don’t think of myself as old. There are distinct disparities with regard to our children as well.