Rant: Useful Idiots Are, Well, Useful
Published July 08, 2008
"Useful idiot" is not (necessarily) a pejorative expression. "Useful" certainly has a pleasant sound, and even the word "idiot" was not initially considered particularly derogatory. The term was originally created to refer to a "layman, person lacking professional skill . . . a person so mentally deficient as to be incapable of ordinary reasoning." Since being called "elite" or "elitist" is often considered derogatory, perhaps being called an idiot is a compliment, sort of. I mention these definitional matters so as not to offend anyone. Alas,
over time, the term "idiot" shifted away from its original [meaning]. . . and came to refer to individuals with overall bad judgment – individuals who are "stupid." In modern English usage, the terms "idiot" and "idiocy" describe an extreme folly or stupidity, its symptoms (foolish or stupid utterance or deed). In psychology, it is a historical term for the state or condition now called profound mental retardation.Nevertheless, many people go to great lengths to earn the appellation Useful Idiot, and there are madhouses created specifically for them in Washington, D.C., in many state capitols, New York City and elsewhere. Generally, these lunatic asylums offer great perks, and getting into them is a highly prized accomplishment; the desire to get in causes many idiots to spend enormous fortunes, debasing themselves and embarrassing the rest of us in the process. Once there, the inmates are provided every opportunity to display their idiocy so that those who voted to send them away can be reassured that they did the right thing and that they will long remain far distant.
Contrary to popular fantasy, not all useful idiots actually reside in Washington, D.C. or even in the State capitols where they tend to live. Indeed, only one Member of the House of Representatives actually resides in Washington, D.C., and she doesn't get to vote. No member of the Senate resides in Washington, D.C. All of the voting members of the Congress just live there or nearby ("temporarily") and travel back to wherever they came from to distribute surplus tax revenues to the folks back home in gratitude for their generosity in helping them to leave. The same limitation applied to the Honorable Representative of Washington, D.C. should be extended to all members who live, say, closer than within rocket range of Washington. It might keep them from attending and would at least make them (and, obviously, the rest of us) safer.
Of course, lots of useful idiots are non-elected bureaucrats (AKA apparatchiks — some of them really homely chicks). They can live anywhere they wish, and lots of us wish they would find somewhere else, say, Zimbabwe, North Korea, Palestine or Venezuela; they won't because they are not that idiotic, even though some of them seem to think that those are great places for other people to continue doing whatever they are doing.
Dan was graduated from Yale University in 1963 and from the University of Virginia School of Law in 1966. He practiced law in Washington, D.C., retiring in 1996 to sail with his wife in the Caribbean. They settled in a rural area in Panama in 2001. Dan spends most of his time training and riding horses and trying to write a bit. In the interest of full disclosure, unless something unanticipated happens, he intends to vote this year for Senator McCain and Governor Palin.
- Rant: Useful Idiots Are, Well, Useful
- Published: July 08, 2008
- Type: Satire
- Section: Politics
- Filed Under: Culture: Business and Economics, Culture: Humor and Satire, Politics: Elections and Candidates, Politics: Energy and Environment, Politics: Government, Politics: International, Politics: Law and Rights, Politics: Local and Regional, Politics: Policy, Politics: U.S., Politics: War and Terrorism
- Writer: Dan Miller
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Comments
Doc,
Aaargghhh.
I am mortified; I missed capitols.
Doc,
I hang my head in shame. You are absolutely correct about capital and capitol. I do like your proposed definition of capitol; wish I had thought of it.
Dan
Thanks.
And Dan (or even Clav, since you're in the business), how about my yacht name suggestion?
Doc,
Great suggestion; might cause some problems with the Coast Guard and with various countries, though.
It's probably better than the one thought up by a chap who fancied himself a great wordsmith: Cunning Linguist.
Dan
One reason my colleagues and I are able to make a good living selling used boats is that no one ever just buys a boat and just sticks with it; in fact the average time that most Americans keep any particular boat they own is only 2 1/2 years.
In light of this, the best name I've ever seen on a boat was in a marina in South Carolina:
Doc,
I love the name.
The CG cares more about the size (to them, size does matter!) of the name (there are specific regulations as to size, placement, etc.) of the boat than what it says.
Clever yacht-naming is not a new art, from what I've gathered. My personal favorite must have first been coined quite some time ago, because Patrick O'Brian used it in one of his books - set during the Napoleonic Wars - and must presumably have come across a record of it in the course of his research:
Potoooooooo
I think some of those UI work for me. Oh, well... that's what makes them useful.
Another bit of yacht name trivia.
Cuba's official newspaper (it's Pravda, if you will) is called Granma. It's named for the decrepit old American motor yacht which Fidel purchased in Tuxpan, Mexico, and on which he and his cohorts traveled to Cuba to launch their revolution.
Today Granma (the yacht) is enshrined in a glass box in on the grounds of the Museo de La Revolución Havana.
Doc,
i don{t want to hear about all the errors and typos in that last comment, OK_
Trust me Doc, no one knows what he means... you get used to it after a while...
This is my kind of rant. On a separate but related topic, I was reading excerpts of 'Exposing the real Guevara' and was thoroughly disturbed. I knew that his existence was overly romanticized but this was one bad dude.
Useful Idiots (pretty much all of Hollywood) LOVE him. I would in turn love to see a UIs actually LIVE in the places they laud and the people they admire.
I remember one Hollywood actress who apparently sports a Che tattoo, get a prominent spot in a big intellectual paper. The Economist absurdly dedicated an entire page to Angelina Jolie talking about accountability. After I threw up I came to the realization The Economist lost its editorial marbles. Even they fall for UIs.
My friend drives an Audi and proudly wears a Crazy Ernie t-shirt with his Dolce e Gabbana sun glasses. It's all so fake and trendy and I let him know each time.
They all love these people until someone loses an eye.
I think that, if Jesse Jackson wasn't already a card-carrying UI, his remark today about Barack Obama certainly earns him a life membership.
Bravo!
Oh the power of the tongue. As I heard it years ago while listening to a Korean Reverand speak about the power of words "Tiny member, control whole body."
Sometimes it is better to be seen and not heard.
Alessandro,
Speaking of Guevara, If you haven't already done so, you might want to read Decision for Disaster by Grayston L. Lynch dealing with the Bay of Pigs disaster and the history leading up to it.
Castro's "rebel army" arrived in Cuba aboard the Granma following a one week sea sickness filled cruise from Mexico.
On their arrival, another three hours of searching up and down the coast of Oriente was necessary before their navigator could locate their landing point. He further complicated the problem by falling overboard.By the time the remaining members of Catro's "rebel army" managed to find the Sierra Maestra, only twelve of the original 82 were left; they had abandoned all food and supplies. After wandering around for three months directing their primary energies to remaining alive, and following a vigorous recruiting campaign, they were up to eighteen "rebels."
After losing another hour locating and pulling this latter-day Magellan back aboard, the captain settled the selection of their landing site by running the old yacht hard aground on a mudbank directly in front of a mangrove swamp. . . . [they reached dry land just as a] patrolling B-26 arrived on the scene.
Castro's supporters in Havana were asked to produce the most "gullible American news reporter they could find." The selection was not difficult, and Herbert Matthews of the NY Times made the trip in late February 1957
after first exposing him to some razzle-dazzle spook maneuvers of mysterious contacts in the night and whispered code words [he arrived at the camp] thoroughly convinced that he was in the hands of a veritable network of James Bonds and that if he made a sound above a whisper, Batista's entire forty-thousand-man army would jump out of the nearest bush and fill him full of bullet holes for consorting with their "Enemy Numero Uno," the mighty Castro.Actually, Batista's army thought Castro was dead and wasn't aware that his "rebel army" of some eighteen intrepid souls was still around.
Matthews quickly brought Castro back to life, in a big way. Matthews wrote a series of [articles] based on his interview with Castro, and the Times gave them top billing in its Sunday edition. They were quickly picked up by news services around the world. This brought instant fame to the Robin hood of the Sierra Maestra, as Matthews described Castro. The contents of the interview made Castro look ten feet tall.And the story continues, with fictitious battles in which the Rebels were reported as having been gloriously successful -- which contributed greatly to their later non-fictitious successes. It's a good read, and quite a lot of it deals with the useful idiots in Washington who later managed to turn into a pitiful rout what would almost certainly have been a successful extermination of Castro's Communist government in Cuba.
Dan
The very next year, 1958, my parents initiated a year-long Caribbean cruise on our 33 foot Herreshoff ketch. Besides Dad and Mom, our crew consisted of me (at fifteen, the oldest) and my brother (eight) and baby sister (two years old).
First stop (after a quick run from Miami to Key West): Varadero, Cuba; followed by a leisurely one month exploration of the cay-dotted north coast of the island to the port of Baracoa, on the eastern tip. There, because Fidel and his rebels had already succeeded in gaining control of most of Oriente province, we witnessed night firefights taking place in the coconut plantations at the western end of Baracoa Bay while anchored off the city at the eastern end of the bay.
From Baracoa, we moved on down the island chain to Hispaniola and beyond.
Thanks, Dan.
This reminds me of gullible people like Pelosi and Penn going to the Mid-East. The Arabs must have had a feast day with them. I'm sure a few bottles of Araq were popped after those visits. To deal with the Arab political mind it takes a certain, sharp, clever mind. One in which you must think several steps in advance and in extreme angular terms. By this I mean, always be on your toes.
North Americans are too "square headed and straight" to get it.
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Nice rant, Dan.
Couple of thoughts:
1. CapitAl: Principal city or seat of government of a nation, state or territory. CapitOl: Building which contains useful idiots.
2. Socialist Revolution would be a great name for a yacht.