Written by El Fangorio 

When you first look at the artwork for Paramount’s 1973 film The Optimists, you would be think it’s a musical. It’s got a colorfully drawn image of Peter Sellers in period costume, smiling away, holding a ukulele and clicking his heels. There’s even a cute little mutt next to him, standing on its hind legs, seemingly dancing. Within this illustration is imagery implying more dancing and singing. Even the lettering used for the title has little suns and stars within its bright blue and gold font, implying sunny days and golden moments of happiness. Alas, you’d be better off sitting outside in the rain writing a suicide letter, than trying to ring some cheerfulness out of this dreary little flick. A self-proclaimed pessimist, I have no problem admitting that I hated The Optimists.

The film concerns itself with the poor ex-vaudevillian Sam (Peter Sellers) who is trying to make a living as a street musician singing the songs of a time gone by that obviously nobody cares about anymore. Even his feeble dog’s attempt at feigning a lame leg seems to go unnoticed by the busy passerby, that is until it catches the attention of two children, siblings Liz and Mark (Donna Mulane and John Chaffey). Their boredom, matched with the unwelcoming situations going on back home, cause them to gravitate towards this seemingly cheerful character and his cute little mongrel. At first Sam is annoyed by their presence as he’s become somewhat jaded of children being alone for so long, but they soon grow on him as he realizes that they look to him for some sort of parental guidance. He goes on to show them some of the important lessons in life (such as responsibility, hard work, even death) and in the end, though the sun still hasn’t come out, they’ve all learned that life isn’t all that bad even in the dreary old perpetually muddy slums of London.

First off, this film isn’t a musical. The only tunes to be heard are the little numbers he plays for the public and though they are certainly more enjoyable than his lack of tips would imply, they are few and short. As for dancing, the dog hopping on one leg is the closest thing you’re going to get. Even that is sort of depressing as again, nobody gives a shit if he’s crippled. Did I mention the dog dies? Now you don’t have to watch the film.

It’s also important to note that this film was originally made with Danny Kaye in mind who would have probably made all the difference since, even when he’s playing a sad man, he still looks like the friendly type you just want to hug and pet on the head. Sellers, probably because he wanted to show a more dramatic side to his persona (this is still six years before Chance the Gardner), plays this part with too much seriousness. I’m pretty sure he would scare most kids, eventually warming up to them and boring them to death.