SATIRE

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!

Written by Dave Nalle
Published June 06, 2008

As the singing of the joyous munchkins of primary delegate math rang through the forest, the Wicked Witch of the East curled up her toes and shrank away to a puddle of malevolent goo, crushed under the House of Hope. Ambitions dashed, she's going where the goblins go, back to the Senate, to recruit more winged monkeys and plot her revenge.

Meanwhile, a painted wagon full of magical wonders makes its way towards the Emerald City bearing the Great and Wonderful Obama to his destined throne room. Listen to the giant head and heed his words, for they are as empty as he is and filled with fairycake and dreams. Pay no attention to the little man behind the curtain. He's just some Hungarian gypsy fortune teller with a bag full of money and a bag full of lies, and his fingers twisted in the strings of the puffed-up prophet of hype.

Who plays the other roles in this absurdist fairytale drama? Would McCain look good in a blue-checked gingham dress? Can he muster the dauntless innocence to shatter the illusions of the Great and Wonderful Obama and show us all the man behind the mask? Is Toto Lieberman the answer? Dogs are long on loyalty, but short on political clout. Will his advisors help or hinder? Is Phil Gramm really an asset, clunking around in a tin suit looking for his heart? Does William Kristol make a good cowardly lion? Is Karl Rove the secret brain the Scarecrow is looking so hard for? Or would we all just be better off if they lay down in the field of poppies for a long, long time.

And here's the scary part. Remember that witch? She comes back playing her sister in Act III. But you know it's really her just the same. She's doesn't know how to write a concession speech and her winged monkeys are always ready for trouble. She's convinced that the ruby slippers only come in her size, so she'll be back relentlessly to try to claim them.

Where's Glynda when we need her?

Dave Nalle has been a magazine editor, freelance writer, capitol hill staffer, game designer and taught college history for many years. He is an activist for libertarianism within the Republican party. He now designs fonts for a living and lives with his family just outside Austin. You can find his writings on politics and culture at Republic of Dave, on conspiracy theories at IdiotWars and on design and fonts at The Scriptorium.
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Comments

#1 — June 6, 2008 @ 07:07AM — Arch Conservative

I wonder how many Clinton campaign bigwigs are going to end up dead under suspicious circumstances over the next 2 years.

#2 — June 6, 2008 @ 11:25AM — Dan Miller

Dave,

Even Jimmy Carter -- in the first perceptive comment he has made since he ceased being a peanut farmer -- has warned Senator Obama not to pick Senator Clinton as his running mate.

Just in case Senator Obama manages to get elected, I hope he takes former President Carter's sage advice.

Dan

#3 — June 6, 2008 @ 13:38PM — Alessandro

I got up this morning.

Yawned.

Stretched.

Took a shower.

As I came out of the water, a thought came into my head:

Does Obama really have a shot against McCain?

Is Principle Skinner going to kill - figuratively. I'm not a sadist like Hillary - Obamarama in November?



#4 — June 6, 2008 @ 14:44PM — Baronius

How about Alice in Wonderland, with Pfleger as the white rabbit, and Ayers as the Mad Hatter. The NYT and the Washington Post can be Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Let's see, the Cheshire Cat, with a grin but no substance: that could be a lot of people in this election...

#5 — June 7, 2008 @ 11:55AM — Joanne Huspek [URL]

This whole situation makes me really crave a Valium.

#6 — June 7, 2008 @ 19:42PM — Dan Miller

Dave,

In view of Senator Clinton's "suspension" address, I think it may well still be a an open question.

Dan

#7 — June 7, 2008 @ 19:46PM — Dan Miller

In my comment #6, I tried to use the phrase "horse race" rather than "open question." The ever alert Spam Detector rejected it as spam.

Dan

#8 — June 7, 2008 @ 20:53PM — RJ Elliott [URL]

"I wonder how many Clinton campaign bigwigs are going to end up dead under suspicious circumstances over the next 2 years."

Mark Penn is a dead man walking.

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