The decision for the state of Michigan to halve its voting at the Democratic National Convention may seem cut and dried on the surface. They moved their primary up, they shouldn't have done that, they still want a voice, so they get penalized.

And it's much better than the second most popular solution: Cut each human delegate in half, give one side to Hillary Clinton, and the other side to Barack Obama. (This one was a logistical nightmare on so many fronts, mainly because the committee couldn't decide on which brand of chainsaw to use for the task.)

However, there are some serious ramifications of this decision which were overlooked by most of the mainstream stories.

They discuss trivial matters such as tampering with the democratic process, finagling rules already agreed upon months ago, and silencing an entire party's voice in a crucial swing state in the 2008 election. Those are all adorable reasons to care, but they don't cut to the core of the Wolverine State's long term future.

But that's why we're here. Below is a portion of the ruling nailed to the electoral church door by the DNC, which must have gotten torn off or caught in a thunderstorm or fabricated or something:

Effective immediately, Michigan will be split into two states: Mich and Igan. The state of Mich will be allowed to provide delegate votes for their presidential nominee, while Igan will receive no votes, sit in the corner, and think about what it did.

The state of Mich extends from Ann Arbor to the coastline of Lake Michigan and includes the Mackinac Bridge, Bronner's, and the Detroit Red Wings. The state of Igan will have its capital in Flint, which is where the Detroit Tigers will relocate to. Igan will be governed by a three-pronged executive collective of Kwame Kilpatrick, Matt Millen, and Ted Nugent.

With job creation a top priority in a struggling economy, and newly created technology jobs will be based out of Mich. Out of fairness, should the need arise for 4,000 new blacksmiths or beeper salesman, they will be created in Igan.

The Upper Peninsula will not be a part of Mich nor Igan. As it turns out, we found a state statute dating back to 1886 stating that the UP is actually not part of Michigan, but rather Canada. Much like Milton from Office Space, nobody bothered to tell the peninsula they were kicked out. So rather than try and reason with the UPers, we just fixed the glitch, and the whole thing will work itself out. There's less chance of an 'incident' that way.

And finally, you know Zingerman's deli? Yeah, the place with the great bread? That's the one. Yep, that shit's illegal in Igan.

As with any decision, we cannot account for everything on the first try. Therefore, any proposed amendments henceforth to this decision will be reviewed on a case-by-case basis — with the exception of those filed from Igan, in which case the backs of the amendment proposal forms will be used as new Sudoku games for the people of Mich.

Signed,

The Democratic Party of Michigan