Georgina, who is downright psychotic! She sidles up to Dan as Sara, a girl from Portland. (Note to Dan: You idiot! You have a great hot girlfriend. Stop trying to introduce her to other women unless you are ready for a three-way and brother, you totally aren’t!) She outs Eric, and she’s been blackmailing Serena to the brink of her very existence. G has something nasty that she secretly videotaped, something that leads Serena to tell Blair that she is in fact a murderer! Was she that wild in bed back then? Did Georgina drug her? Am I really going to have to wait like nine months to figure this entire thing out? Is the Dan and Serena coupling dead (I kind of hope so)? Will Serena go Misha Barton and descend into a slut spiral (I definitely hope so)? Are you under 35? Well then turn this show off now, say your prayers, and go to bed.

This barely merits mention: Rufus is totally losing Jenny and of course mom is off being an artist. So who’s the best parent he can find to get advice from? Lily, of course! Really, really bad choice, Rock Star! I’m hoping that Rufus just wanted to mack on his ex one last time and knew that he wouldn’t get any real parental advice. Instead, his heart broke just a little bit more. Thankfully, Lily accepted her live gay son before he tried to kill himself again.

This totally doesn’t merit mention: Serena is taking the SATs over again because she wants to be honest. Can someone tell me how she will explain not using her near perfect, Chuck-purchased score in favor of her second test, which will be infinitely worse? Can we just stop trying to paint these bar-hopping kids as teens?

Now if you’re a parent — erase that DVR before the kids come home and start planning family outings on Monday nights!