Oh, the humanity!

The other day I visited my friend who is a high school art teacher and immediately proceeded to dish Gossip Girl with her female students. Suddenly, I realized it might not be appropriate to discuss who was going to be coming out of the closet on the show with teens. This, of course, was before this week when we heard:

“I’m so queer I’m going to pop your sister’s cherry tonight!”

“It’s Serena, she goes down for anything,” introducing a secretly filmed three-way that I suppose led to a murder.

An Elliot Spitzer joke, followed by a slam on Katie Holmes for being a beard.

And of course, a Gossip Girl post that it looked like “Little J didn’t spread her legs after all!” which somehow enraged all of Jenny's friends.

Here’s a tip for parents. Just let your kids watch Deep Throat because this show is far seedier porn.

Good guy of the week: Chuck isn’t even in the episode, but Mr. Down and Dirty has apparently been a legitimately non-judgmental older brother to teen-in-need Eric.

Eric is gay: Yeah, we all knew that. What we didn’t know was that instead of hooking up with Jenny, he was hooking up with Jenny’s supposed knight in shining armor, Asher Hornsby, who went from noble to seedy in like three seconds. In most teen dramas, the bad egg pressures the girl to have sex. Here, the bad egg pressures the girl to pretend they had sex so that he won’t be outed. Who is deviant enough to think this stuff up? This show makes All My Children look innocent.

Dan is still judgmental: No surprise, but it’s sad that in a week where Jenny loses everything, she’s still sane enough to hit that one right on the head.

Blair wins: Of course she does. Was there ever any doubt that Jenny was way out of her league and due for a crash landing? Cheers for that heartfelt scene between B and J as Blair let her young protégé in on the wages of sin and the costs of being on top. Of course, Blair is really just an aggressive schoolyard bully, compared to …