I was slowly losing patience. What was wrong with his mom? Didn’t she understand I had work to do? Why couldn’t she find him quickly and get it over with already! Huh? Honestly! This was even worse than the time I followed Chrissy’s cat around, convinced that it was an alien disguised as a feline fiend.

Then Kelly called and for a while we were lost in earth-shattering discussions on what she ought to wear the next day and why she likes to match her lipstick to her dress. After ten minutes of that scintillating conversation, I was ready for Ben again. Snot and all.

So I cut Kelly off (which she’s not forgiven me for yet) and went outside to see Act I, Scene III of 'The Ben'. But it was intermission time. The tyke was curled up in a ball sound asleep. The credits had rolled.

I went downstairs and tried to wake him up. He brushed me away like I was some particularly annoying insect. So much for that idea!

So I carried him - chocolate, dribbling snot, and all - to his front door.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

“I believe this belongs to you,” I said, thrusting out my grubby bundle, when his mom opened the door.

I could see the relief in her eyes as she stretched her arms out for him.

“Oh thank you!” She cried, “I was just about to call for help. The naughty boy!”

I was in her good books for a few days, and it was great to play Wonder Woman... until she came to know that I had been in on the game the whole time. Ben, that bratty tattletale, had sold me out for a plate of cookies and glass of milk. Hmmpfffh!

And I thought I was worth a slice of chocolate cake at the very least. Darn! Will my psyche ever recover from this life-altering slight? I need my shrink!