Despite my unimpeachable record of heterosexuality, upon waking I began to wonder. Sure, I felt as if I truly had just returned from a mini-vacation, but I don't dream about dudes - not even uber-classy dudes like GC. So I decided to test myself.

I'm a writer. Which means that I do and do not have a lot of time on my hands during the work week when the rest of you are slaving away at whatever it is you do that allows my type to move, eat, breathe, and entertain myself (thanks by the way).

I drove over to the Century 16 Theater where, fortunately, they're still showing Leatherheads (sorry G, didn't mean it to sound that way). Anyway I entered the sparsely populated lobby. With no one paying any attention, I gave a big hug to the life size display of George. Just to see, you know? It was a good long hug. Maybe ten seconds, which is an eternity in the world of guy-hugs.

Nothin'. Not even a hint of movement, not even after looking up into those puppy dog eyes. Truth is my eyes did linger on Renee Zellweger, but then I was suddenly replaying Tracy Ullman's spot-on spoof of Renee and her "tragic" disease - terminal narcissistic squinting.

I was still laughing as my hands were pried from George's cardboard shoulders by a woolly mammoth who, I discovered later, actually manages the place and a sweaty-palmed kid who, after I make a few phone calls, will be in the next Proactiv Solution commercial.

So I'm not gay on George. Not to say he isn't good looking but yah, not - not, uh taking that bus.

I have to also add that in these dreams there isn't a hint of impropriety on George's part. For that matter Brad was pretty well behaved, sans the friggin' rock.

Just to put this in perspective, I'm a semi-struggling scriptwriter. I've got scripts being shopped around right now. I'd have more out there if my agent would get off his ass. Still, I never dream of movies or Hollywood folk. Ever. Last year I had, over the space of six months, four scripts being looked at by Salma Hayek's people.

Now see, there you go! Salma Hayek! Off-the-scale beauty. Can't get enough of her. Four scripts at her company. I could see her in an interview or on the red carpet and think, "This goddess has read my work. Tells her people to tell my people it's good and let's see more!"