Deconstructing Porn
Published April 18, 2008
While I’m at it, porn stars tend to have the tiniest waistlines. How do they do that? I’ve never had a tiny waist, except in my dreams. Tiny waistlines make for a perfect body with which to wear thong underwear. I own thong underwear, and most people (husband included) know I consider thongs to be celebratory underwear, not manufactured for everyday comfort. Besides, I look like a sow when I wear a thong. Does it really matter? Thongs are flung off these women (and me) quicker than the blink of an eye. Men don’t see them; they’re only concentrating on the area underneath. If the porn star is wearing a garter get-up, the man just works around it. I’ve also worn garters, back in the day before pantyhose. They’re not comfortable and look stupid. If I were to appear at my bedroom door in that get-up and a "come hither" look, my husband would start laughing hysterically and likely not stop. Now there's nothing like that for a damper in an otherwise erotic moment.
Modern porn actresses also have no pubic hair. The hair is either shaved completely off, or shaved into a small, nicely rectangular shape. People, this is not a natural human state! I must have missed the memo that was passed around informing all that shaving your pubes is The Thing To Do. Putting sharp objects such as scissors and stainless steel blades near my pubic area is not tops on my list of things to do. The same goes for hot wax. Besides, I’m at the age when my hair is thinning all over my body. I haven’t had the need to shave my legs in years. In a couple more years, I’ll probably be hairless in that area as well.
Now for the men: for some reason, soft porn never shows the entire male member. Either camera shots are artfully arranged, or the area is soft focused. Here again, I don’t get it. What is wrong with showing a penis every now and then? It’s perfectly fine to see a guy’s ass, but not a frontal shot? I’m curious. Most men have penises. I know my husband does. I think that if I could see a porn penis every once in a while, maybe I could be convinced of the acting. When a man’s penis is chopped off on celluloid, the entire sex scenario as a reality falls to the wayside.
Speaking of which, I like to see if the angles of man and woman coincide with what would be really possible in the world of physics if the two were copulating in the flesh. Most of the time, I conclude that they’re just “acting” and no real penetration is taking place. A woman can’t hop onto a guy and straddle his chest and have him really inside her. Included in my observations are the cases of oral sex. The actresses’ bobbing heads are never where they should be. No one gags. Also, there are never any bodily secretions at all. Sex is messy, folks. Sometimes it’s really messy.
- Deconstructing Porn
- Published: April 18, 2008
- Type: Opinion
- Section: Video
- Filed Under: Video: Romantic, Culture: Humor and Satire
- Writer: Joanne Huspek
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I have to admit that I came across your post here while I was looking for porn. It was entertaining. Nice to hear from a regular, obviously heterosexual woman, and what she thinks about porn. I have to tell you though, I've heard exactly the same thing from my wife of 14 years and in exactly the same dismissive tone.
I understand that most women don't like viewing sex, looking at the sex act, or talking about sex. Mother nature has provided us with certain ways of doing things and it has worked out well so far. By that I mean the species has reproduced for hundreds of thousands of years and we are now the dominant species on the planet.
I find that women are "dismissive" as I said before, of the way we men deal with sex. Not that it stops us but it is a little annoying at times. I like to watch. I like to see sex organs and the old in and out. I like it!!!
Wanda Sykes is a black female comedian. She does a great routine where she says she's glad she isn't a man because we just "have to see it". She puts her foot up on the stool and says "Okay, look at it, go on - look at it". She says she's glad that, as a woman, she doesn't have that compulsion. She is so right!
You seem to have some compassion for your husband in his state as a man and the control that sex has over us. I just have to say - I wouldn't be a woman, at least a heterosexual woman - for all the tea in China. There is something about the perfect female form and being accepted into it by a willing partner that is pure bliss.
I once saw a porn film made in South America somewhere, Chile or Argentina. It was the story of a young woman having her cherry popped by an older man. Well, it was the most erotic thing I ever saw. There was kissing, there was fondling, there was crying, there was laughing, there was every emotion under the sun and there was the old in and out as well. What a great porn flick!
I have to admit that what is offered up as porn for us guys to consume is really pretty boring at times. I like watching the sex act itself, don't get me wrong. But, and I think this is true for most men, there should be a little bit of romance in it. Who was it that wooed Juliet - it was Romeo. Who romanced Cleopatra - Marc Antony. Who chased Kermit - well, that was Miss Piggy but that's another story all together! The point is that men are VERY romantic. Fickle, yes, but romantic when the mood hits us and with the right lady!
I like soft porn because it has the romance aspect to it. But I like seeing the real thing as well. Why is it that we can't have both? I think it is just here in the States that we are so disturbed by sex that we aren't able to represent it in a way that appeals to both men and women.
I have often thought that the reason that gay sex is so appealing (and frightening) to most men is that you have two men, both very anxious and out front about sex, and they both want to do it right now. That's what I like about gay sex if I can be bold enough to say so!
That's why "She Males" seem to be the entryway to gay sex for a lot of "straight" guys. You have the feminine breasts and then you have the "penis". Remember "The Crying Game" movie? Even today you can search YouTube and come up with lots of comedic videos that play on this basic male homophobic fear about being attracted to a woman who turns out to be a man a la "Lola" by the Kinks.
I'm not trying to tell anyone that they are repressed. You can believe or feel anything you want. I'm just pointing out that there are other ways to see things.
Anyway, it was good to read what you had to say.
I just wanted to put in a good word for MAN kind as it were. If it weren't for all us horny, herterosexual guys where would the world be: probably trying to figure out a way to reproduce vegatatively or asexually!