Deconstructing Porn
Published April 18, 2008
What planet are these people from? First of all, I don’t have any friends like these. It could be because I live in Michigan, where we're all rather bland looking (and pale, especially after a long winter), and not in southern California, where every other person is a god or goddess. Secondly, with the exception of once happening upon a couple doing the deed in Germany, I’ve never stumbled upon anyone having actual sex in public. This includes regular hetero couples as well as gay. (I’m inserting a disclaimer here that I’ve led a pretty sheltered and abnormally boring life. Maybe it’s ME who’s out of the ordinary.) I’ve seen plenty of pawing and heavy necking and have been involved in such on occasion myself, but I’ve never witnessed other people’s intercourse, much less the kind of wild sex you see on the screen. I can imagine watching others having sex is not a pretty sight. I know it’s not when I’m having it.
I like to think of myself as on the outside of the normal range, meaning I like fun but not kinky. Changing positions can be fun. However, I don’t think I can manage the kind of gymnastic moves that most porn stars can accomplish, and with ease. If I were to attempt such double-jointed pretzel-twisting, I would fall off my husband or off the bed. That’s if I don’t put my back out first, or strain a muscle. At my age, a heart attack is always a possibility.
It’s amusing to me that after all the up and down and heavy breathing and moaning, the man and woman (or woman and woman - there's never a man and man) are never sweaty or gasping for breath. There appears to be no exchange of body fluids, really, there are no fluids at all! I don’t know about you, but after a rousing round, the first thing I want is a nice hot shower. Don’t get in my way as I run to the bathroom. Of course, first I have to catch my breath before I struggle to get out of bed.
I've noticed that women in porn are abnormally busty. I’m pretty sure most are surgically enhanced. Being a woman, I can tell a real breast from a fake silicone boob. I’ve seen plenty, and I have two of my own. Real breasts are soft and squishy, and gravity tends to draw them to the earth’s core when a woman lies down. Fake boobs are perennially perky and perfectly round. They stand at attention even if you’re on your back – hell, they’d stand at attention if the woman were upside down.
- Deconstructing Porn
- Published: April 18, 2008
- Type: Opinion
- Section: Video
- Filed Under: Video: Romantic, Culture: Humor and Satire
- Writer: Joanne Huspek
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- Joanne Huspek's personal site
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I have to admit that I came across your post here while I was looking for porn. It was entertaining. Nice to hear from a regular, obviously heterosexual woman, and what she thinks about porn. I have to tell you though, I've heard exactly the same thing from my wife of 14 years and in exactly the same dismissive tone.
I understand that most women don't like viewing sex, looking at the sex act, or talking about sex. Mother nature has provided us with certain ways of doing things and it has worked out well so far. By that I mean the species has reproduced for hundreds of thousands of years and we are now the dominant species on the planet.
I find that women are "dismissive" as I said before, of the way we men deal with sex. Not that it stops us but it is a little annoying at times. I like to watch. I like to see sex organs and the old in and out. I like it!!!
Wanda Sykes is a black female comedian. She does a great routine where she says she's glad she isn't a man because we just "have to see it". She puts her foot up on the stool and says "Okay, look at it, go on - look at it". She says she's glad that, as a woman, she doesn't have that compulsion. She is so right!
You seem to have some compassion for your husband in his state as a man and the control that sex has over us. I just have to say - I wouldn't be a woman, at least a heterosexual woman - for all the tea in China. There is something about the perfect female form and being accepted into it by a willing partner that is pure bliss.
I once saw a porn film made in South America somewhere, Chile or Argentina. It was the story of a young woman having her cherry popped by an older man. Well, it was the most erotic thing I ever saw. There was kissing, there was fondling, there was crying, there was laughing, there was every emotion under the sun and there was the old in and out as well. What a great porn flick!
I have to admit that what is offered up as porn for us guys to consume is really pretty boring at times. I like watching the sex act itself, don't get me wrong. But, and I think this is true for most men, there should be a little bit of romance in it. Who was it that wooed Juliet - it was Romeo. Who romanced Cleopatra - Marc Antony. Who chased Kermit - well, that was Miss Piggy but that's another story all together! The point is that men are VERY romantic. Fickle, yes, but romantic when the mood hits us and with the right lady!
I like soft porn because it has the romance aspect to it. But I like seeing the real thing as well. Why is it that we can't have both? I think it is just here in the States that we are so disturbed by sex that we aren't able to represent it in a way that appeals to both men and women.
I have often thought that the reason that gay sex is so appealing (and frightening) to most men is that you have two men, both very anxious and out front about sex, and they both want to do it right now. That's what I like about gay sex if I can be bold enough to say so!
That's why "She Males" seem to be the entryway to gay sex for a lot of "straight" guys. You have the feminine breasts and then you have the "penis". Remember "The Crying Game" movie? Even today you can search YouTube and come up with lots of comedic videos that play on this basic male homophobic fear about being attracted to a woman who turns out to be a man a la "Lola" by the Kinks.
I'm not trying to tell anyone that they are repressed. You can believe or feel anything you want. I'm just pointing out that there are other ways to see things.
Anyway, it was good to read what you had to say.
I just wanted to put in a good word for MAN kind as it were. If it weren't for all us horny, herterosexual guys where would the world be: probably trying to figure out a way to reproduce vegatatively or asexually!