Sources whose identities can never be divulged say that “we [cannot] escape... the oncoming [assault, impending doom, etc.]”, and in light of the terrifying symbols that appeared on several landmarks around the city, this reporter can only concur with their fateful assertion. For as if by some black magic, an imposing pair of faces began to glow on the Houses of Parliament and a defunct power station in Battersea – the very seats of power in Britain, literally and figuratively. Such wanton terrorism can only signify the apocalypse to come, or perhaps some uncharacteristically ingenious Arabs.

Some unpatriotic naysayers have suggested that this shocking visitation could be explained away as nothing more than an extravagant PR push to celebrate the forthcoming DVD release of the second season of Thundercats, an '80s cartoon held in high regard wherever there are people – immigrants being the obvious exception.

The UK offices of Warner Home Video deny all knowledge, however, and such opinions are typical of the cynical minds that persist with their agenda to drag humanity down to basement-level standards with its only company the Daily Mail and FOX News. As if the cheetah-people were only enthusiastic young cosplayers, and the cat-signals no more than publicity stunts — the very thought! We can safely put such outrageous denials away, then, and conclude as usual. The end, dear readers, is still nigh. Fear everything.

But not the media. We’re your friends, you see.

Please note that the preceding editorial, although based on legitimate and indeed excellent news, is intended as satire and does not mean to offend anyone in any way, shape, or form – despite appearances to the contrary. If there’s anyone I haven’t annoyed still reading this (so we can safely count out Londoners, immigrants, Arabs, and probably most religions, too), do stay tuned for my review of the second season of Thundercats DVDs, coming soon to a Blogcritics article near you. And let me just say, before I take cover — this is the kind of publicity stunt I could stand to see more of — bravo, PR peeps, bravo.