So I get a sale flyer, with a coupon. I faithfully report to my local Macy's, where I usually can be trusted to buy some damn thing I don't need, probably shoes. My collection of shoes is growing to such an extent that I have a special annex in the basement for the out of season shoes--boots in winter, sandals in summer--as well as a box in the spare bedroom for the shoes that are going to Good Will.

But wait--there's more! I have under-the-bed storage boxes for the overflow shoes. I don't even know exactly what's in those boxes, because I only clean under the beds twice a year. Whatever it is, I don't miss it, or even remember I have it, because I don't have time to open those boxes even on the rare occasions I clean under the beds. And obviously whatever is in them I don't need. If I needed it I would undoubtedly have gone out and bought another one by this time.

I was fine until email offers were added to the mix. Now I am totally out of control, because I can buy something on the Internet 24/7. In the middle of the night I can respond to all the tempting offers I get every day by email. (No, I'm not referring to penis extenders or Viagra. What filthy minds some people have!)

Just yesterday, HP offered to sell me a video cam for $59.95. I was strongly tempted. $59.95! I don't actually know what I would do with a video cam, how to operate one, or, actually, exactly what it is. But I want one! It's only $59.95 (plus shipping and handling). How could you go wrong?