I don't understand why everyone carries on all the time about the economy. I'm doing all I can to keep it going, spending money morning, noon and night, with the help of modern technology. If everyone behaved like me, the economy would be doing great. Unemployment would be 0.0001 percent.

I used to have a job, which limited my shopping hours. Then I retired, and had more time on my hands.

Remember the days you had to go shopping in actual stores? I had no problem then. Stores keep regular business hours, and if they're not open you can't shop. This kept the monkey off my back a reasonable amount of the time.

But then television direct ads began. I'm a sucker for them--the kind that offer items for two (or three or six, whatever) easy payments of $19.95. You know the drill: "Act now! and we will send a second ***** absolutely free! Plus this gizmo! All you pay is shipping! Our agents are standing by--call 555-555-1234 now!"

I admit to possessing a set of Debbie Meyer green bags, a dustbuster, the kind of flashlight you shake, and a rechargeable sweeper. These are in the house, and I actually use them. Goodness knows what has found its way to that Final Resting Place, the garage.

I also love special offers by mail. But they have to be really special. Macy's sends me coupons practically every week, offering me 20 percent, 15 percent, $10, or $25 off everything in the store! I would never buy anything if I didn't have a coupon, or the item wasn't on sale. However, trust me, every week Macy's has a sale. There are seasonal sales, one-day sales, back-to-school sales, sales celebrating some holiday or another. Suffice it to say, there are only about two days a year when Macy's is not having a sale.