Somewhere along the line, though, I decided I could go out and have a social life and I would be okay. I see now it’s really not true. I need to go back into my hole with no aspirations other than accomplishing the short-term goals I have set for myself.

That’s why losing weight is so hard. You have to put yourself in situations where you will thrive. If you are going out to dinner three nights per week, if you are drinking every weekend, and if you are dating and meeting new people, well, it’s nearly impossible to stick to your guns. Sure, with a few healthy days during the week and a regular regimen of exercise you can maintain your weight, but it is nearly impossible to actually lose weight.

My options are pretty simple, as I really only have one. I will not be social until these last 30 pounds come off. It doesn’t mean I won’t ever see anyone; it just means I won’t put myself in situations in which I can’t succeed. If I want to go out drinking, it’s got to be my only off day for a long time. If I want to go see a friend, then I’d better be sure that friend isn’t going to insist we go to an Italian restaurant, followed by a couple of beers at the corner bar.

Once these 30 pounds are off and I have a little bit of money saved up, I’ll have no problem with increasing social affairs. Hell, bring ‘em on. I’ll want to show off my new look. For now, though, I have to view myself as a art exhibit under construction. You don’t go showing the public when only half the paintings are in place.

It’s really about the commitment here, and realizing what I have to give up in order to achieve my goal. That’s a lesson I’ve learned through weight loss, but hopefully I can use it in other aspects of my life.

As for grasping motivation, I did find a little victory on Monday. I was looking around for a shirt to work out in, and came across the oldest T-shirt in my collection. It’s a worn, powder blue undershirt that has a baseball on the left chest. One stitching of the ball reads “St. Thomas Aquinas,” the other “Detroit, Michigan.” I got it when I used to umpire tee-ball games as a freshman in High School.

I didn’t have any other clean shirts, so I tried it on and it fit perfectly, though it was a bit short. I wore it to the gym anyway, as a dual reminder of where I am from, and where I will soon be.