Fortunately, unlike that grabby governor guy from New York, it certainly doesn’t mean much. At the very least, when you are forced to explain your St. Patrick’s Day indiscretions to your wife, girlfriend, and/or significant other, it will not be broadcast to the entire world on CNN, will it? Fingers crossed.

If you’re at a house party or any other social function, you will do the same with former enemies, too. People you once despised for most of your natural life, for one odd reason or another, will most likely want to join you on an extended “Love Boat” cruise, will they not? Well, bless me Lucky Charms!

Sadly, all drunken blurs and damaged brain cells aside, containing fractured puzzle pieces of your former memory function must, ultimately, come to an end. At home, the act of falling into bed resembles a scene out of Hitchcock’s Vertigo. Morning greets you with a blast of blinding sunshine to the frazzled face because you were too busy with your religious Irish church-going rituals to remember to close the damn blinds the night before, you sudsy sad sack. Ah, cruel fate!

Don’t worry, though, because in five or six hours that incessant throbbing will slowly subside. Look sharp, soldier! After shaving your tongue, the rest of your day will consist of remembering small images and sound bytes from the zany things you “allegedly” said and did the night before, just like an amnesiac victim on a soap opera slowly regaining their painful scripted memories.

So sure, St. Paddy’s Day is a social networking function meant to reconnect with old friends and cronies, is it not? But please, grow old gracefully on Groundhog Day won’t you? There will always be time for death and taxes, marriage and Home Depot, better saved for some other time and space out in the post-adolescent pasture, don’t you think?

In the meantime, have a little fun, chase after that leprechaun and his 401(k) pot of gold, and take a moment to pause and reflect on the true reason my relatives eventually came to America from Ireland in the first place during The Great Potato Famine - because, I assume, they were out of Super Size fries at McDonald’s.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!