Life: A User's Manual, by Steve Cullison, is a snarky tale of how to succeed at the most common experience known to humankind. Making a natural progression from birth to expiration, each chapter is filled with with useful (or useless, depending on point of view) information so the journey is practically painless.

How can the author be sure his techniques will be well received? Easy. He is adept in almost every arena. After all, the only subject he has not become an expert in is Dutch pottery from the 18th century. At least he admits his shortcomings.

Cullison wisely begins at the beginning. He is quick to point out infants have a rather cushy life. They are fed on a daily basis while getting cloaked in warmth so insomnia is never an issue. However, a rather rude awakening awaits them. Yanked out of bed abruptly in glaring light, the newborn is expected to speak immediately upon arrival. The reaction to a refusal of orders is a slap on the butt. It is the Monday to end all others.

Toddlers do not have this humiliation, but another all their own. Learning to walk is more than a tad tricky. When one considers the child's head is approximately one-third of its entire weight, it is easy to see how remaining upright would be a struggle. The center of gravity shifts downward as we age, which a toddler does not yet understand this.

Both situations are humbling to be sure. They are nothing compared to entering school for the first time. Catering to one's every whim is no longer an option. Expectations are high, and no coddling allowed. Of course, those who are home schooled have a far different experience. Which, naturally, does not apply to most offspring.

Perhaps the most interesting of all is the chapter on dating. To impress one of the opposite gender takes patience and skill. Junior high is a breeding ground of mass ineptitude. When calling on the phone, for example, it helps to establish exactly who one is talking to. Another wise piece of advice - wearing enough cologne to kill a member of the avian species translates to ensuring someone does not light up anywhere in the immediate vicinity.

A quirky book? No kidding. One should take the words with a whopping tablespoonful of salt. Be that as it may, it's a quick read and something one will be hard put to not finish in the same sitting.