Travels in Scientology - Part One
Published February 11, 2008
From what wonder this transformation may have been wrought, a fella is left to his own assumptions - albeit assumptions aided by the presence of a Church Of Scientology logo on the Happy side.
Another video-screen pots the wall beside a stairway, itself leading to an area not unlike the Civil Service offices in Donegal Square, Belfast. Folks sit afore massive, black-rimmed clocks, scribbling frantically o’er sheets of A4 paper, headsets straddling the skulls, shoulders tensed and the napes of the necks all knotted. I watch them for a while, then turn for to gawk at the screen, upon which a frozen image hangs, detailing a crowd of men and women stood amongst the still-reeking ruins of the World Trade Centre, each wearing a yellow vest emblazoned with the words Volunteer Minister For The Church Of Scientology. Some grip shovels or hammers. Some hold the backs of hands to sweat-slick foreheads. Some stand hunched by mounds of concrete, their arms perpetually stretching towards some person or persons out of shot.
Stood there, I too feel I am grasping for something out of shot. Up to the eyes in information, I’m yet hopelessly removed from any real knowledge about what these people might maybe believe in, what their theology might be, what their philosophy might be, where it comes from, what it does, what their worldview is, where their morals stem from...
Whither the aliens and the thetans? That mythology wrenched from the grip of the Gnostics, swaddled in the robes of Madame Blavatsky and the theosophists, spat through the prism of The Outer Limits and Gerry Anderson - Where is it?
What are the ideas? Why is this a religion?
Christianity - for all the confounding arabesques its texts might weave about the brains of the reader, for all the density of those allegories and parables and proverbs and poems, still has a discernable set of core messages and beliefs, albeit of wildly varying hierarchical rank. Ditto Judaism, Buddhism, Hare Krishna, Islam. Ten minutes in a temple or a mosque or a chapel or a church and a fella has at least some idea of where these people are coming from. The Word - the first and most blessed and Holy of God’s gifts - blazes from the grout in the floor-tiles, it glistens on the walls like dew… Those exposed to The Word wear its marks upon their bodies. The Word clings to their wrists and their ankles. The Word wavers in the whites of their eyes and scintillates upon their breath.
Herein, The Word has been blunted, muffled. The many tongues of God - if indeed there is a God in this set-up - have been bound and boxed and buried. They yammer away from the bowels of the earth in a language shorn of inflection, accent and tone, leaving only vague traces of past pronouncements lying flayed and spluttering nonsensical amongst the slogans and the signs. The bearers of this phantom Word seem no more sure of it than I do. Each question is batted away like flies from round a horse’s arse. Each enquiry is met with a shrug and a nod towards thon stack of tomes over yonder, and an outstretched palm pines for the kiss of the Queen’s green mug on its flesh.
- Travels in Scientology - Part One
- Published: February 11, 2008
- Type: Opinion
- Section: Culture
- Filed Under: Culture: Religion, Culture: Personal History, Culture: Humor and Satire, Culture: Society
- Writer: Aaron Fleming
- Aaron Fleming's BC Writer page
- Aaron Fleming's personal site
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Comments on this articleComments
No offense meant, but if you take your peas and place them in a nice, neat row, your communication will become more clear. Other than communicating distrust for all things religious, very little comes through. For example, Christianity is based on the idea that God sent his son (allegedly his only son) to Earth as a sort of representative.
Sir Bicho, thank you very much. I'm very glad you enjoyed it.
Anonymous - Admittedly, having two voices telling a tale in segments is going to be a bit disorientating initially, but i hope that perhaps it becomes a touch easier to follow things after the first or second "break". With regards the crux of the whole affair, most likely it'll become that bit clearer with the publication, on wedensday, of the second (and concluding) installment. Christianity is about a lot more, I'd go ahead and posit, than the idea of Christ as God's incarnation / son / representative. There's a lot goin' on in those texts, and a good bit of time is spent in the 2nd slab discussing it, and discussing also the ins and outs of scientology and its philosophy. Consider this a scene-setter, i suppose.
Also, it was purely by accident that this happened to be published on the same day that protests are erupting left and right with regards Scientology and its motives. The last thing either I or, I'm sure, Sir Fleming want is to join in on a witch-hunt, however devious the trickeries of those witches may be.
tL:dR. Begin = ++good. Language = ungood
Satirical, fictional story involving the Co$ = pricele$$
Duke, it is such a pleasure to have your filthy words adorning these pages, I feel I could burst. Your partnership with the Flemster elevates both of your efforts to new heights. I do eagerly await with anticipation the hilarity sure to come in part deux.
And fear not for the Anons and $atires of the world. I'm sure that they will enjoy this essay as they become more familiar with your style and are let down from the tenterhooks on which they are now suspended.
Great stuff. Tag team BS detection. Looking forward to the next installment.
Thanks everyone for the comments.
El B - as much as you tempt with your words of encouragement, I will never give up the dream of dropping from high places assorted pipes - pipes long and short, thick and thin, metal and plastic, perforated and intact...the dream burns on.
Anonymous - indeed, as the Duke says, the impending part two should provide more the type of peas that should please your eyes.
I'm with Anonymous. A lotta highfallutin' language I'm not sure you thunk up too good made it hard to unnerstann. I think it was about some-a those people who Just Say No To Drugs. with Old Mother Hubbard.
Mr Winn, it feels very good to be back about the place, and i'm very glad you enjoyed our romping about. Duane - "tag team BS detection"... that is beautiful, sir.
Ostrova - I'm very sorry you didn't like it. Part two has lots of talk about i needed to take a poo, if that's any consolation.
Masterful!
Rumor has it that at a scifi convention, Heinlein and Hubbard debated the concept of creating a "new" religion and a challenge was issued.
Heinlein wrote Stranger In A Strange Land and Hubbard wrote Dianetics.
Frankly, I'm wishing some one would come along and teach me to speak Martian.
I'm really looking forward to part 2!
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Wonderful read. Writing seems a better use of both your talents rather than dropping pipes in the wee hours o' the morn. I am looking forward to the next installment unless the impending court-ordered injunction makes its way quickly through The Hague.