Each Birthday Brings Joy And Sadness
Published February 01, 2008
As the impact becomes clear, we are caught up in the joys of parenting, and every years is better than the one before. A baby who crawls is more interesting than a baby who doesn't, and a toddler is more interesting still. When she can talk, and then when she can read, the delights just grow and grow. When she can actually participate in a conversation, providing her own unique view, it's fascinating. And yet, at some point you realize that the good is now mixed with bad. As she gains wisdom and insight, she no longer giggles with complete abandon as she once did. As her tastes and interests mature, she shuns the toys and games you once shared with her. Something is lost, but for a while you still see every year as better than the year before. At ten, that is where we are.
Soon will come the more difficult years. She'll naturally want more independence, and yet won't have the experience of my decades on earth to make wise choices. The protective instinct that has been healthy up to now will become stifling in years to come. The choices become more important, with lasting consequences, and yet the wisdom seems to trail behind. She'll make choices in part based on my reactions, or her guesses about my reactions, rather than based entirely on the facts. I'll want to protect her, but I'll know she needs to break out of that shell on her own, even if it hurts.
Ten is old enough to see how the things that are purely joyful now can lead to sadness later. Will her artistic sensibilities contribute to the failure of future relationships, or can an un-tortured soul ever create truly great art? At some point family dinners and American Girl campouts won't seem like the best way to celebrate another year. I won't miss the American Girl campouts, but I will miss the family dinners.
All of that starts tomorrow. Today my daughter is ten, and I'm meeting her for lunch, then spending the afternoon on a project I can't reveal here, in case she reads this article before I get a chance to surprise her. Today is a joyful day.
So why are there tears in my eyes?
- Each Birthday Brings Joy And Sadness
- Published: February 01, 2008
- Type: Opinion
- Section: Culture
- Filed Under: Culture: Family and Relationships, Culture: Personal History
- Writer: Phillip Winn
- Phillip Winn's BC Writer page
- Phillip Winn's personal site
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Thanks, Josh. I can report mission accomplished: she was surprised by the announcement that I'm taking the afternoon off to reassemble her and her sister's beds into bunkbeds, as she's been wanting.
No, no competition at all. It's somehow radically different when it's your own child, but I do think you can get an idea of how it all works. Amazing stuff, life.
My wife says I ought not to write such sad things. I say life ought not to be so sad.
Nice article, Phillip. The answer to your dilemma, of course, is to have another kid. Then you can go through it all one more time. Then again, after you go through the adolescent years you may realize that there's a natural balance to life.
Dave
Thanks, Dave. I have three kids, actually, so I'll go through all of this three times.
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My niece turns 10 in a few months and while I won't pretend that being an uncle comes within 10 leagues of being a father, it's doing weird things to me for a host of reasons, not the least of which is because I met her aunt (now my wife) within 2 weeks of her birth.
It's also doing weird things to me because I'm witnessing a lot of what you describe from a safer distance but close enough to feel pieces of this. It doesn't compare, but this isn't really a competition then, either.
Phillip, this is a marvelous piece and you've done a remarkable job of giving voice to something that isn't easily expressed. Oh, and Happy Birthday, Ms. Grace.