Ah yes, the team that put the "fun" in "dysfunctional." The Giants' locker room is bitchier than a Desperate Housewife's Tupperware party. You could argue that the Giants thrive on catty snipes and petty disputes, but their best offensive player has retired, their best defensive player keeps talking about retiring, their coach is hated and ignored, and the QB has a Slow Children Playing sign over his locker and he's not sure why. Enjoy the drama Giants fans, 'cause that's all you'll have.

With apologies to Will Ferrell, the Giants shoved that back inside my face. It is absolutely astounding how much pure, unadulterated wrongness I was able to squeeze into a single paragraph.

As penance, I should go out and buy a Citizen Eco-drive watch, because like Eli Manning, it is unstoppable. Can you imagine the scene at the Citizen Watch headquarters midseason? I keep picturing the guy who championed Eli as their product spokesman as Michael from The Office, calling the staff together announcing how proud he is to have "America's little brother" as the face of their product, then everyone walks away silently in deadpan disbelief. Except at the end of this episode, Michael gets a raise, a promotion.

I am delighted for Eli. Between his father, big brother, coaches, and every sports journalist in the country (including Yours Truly), is there anyone in the history of mankind who has been dumped on and condescended to more than him? Give us hell, Eli. We deserve it.

On the flipside we have Tiki Barber. Whatever the issues with the previous versions of the Giants, Tiki made it widely known that they were not about Tiki. Coughlin was a dictator, others were not giving their best efforts, Eli couldn't lead, etc., but Tiki's statistics clearly showed that it wasn't his fault. Oh snap! What happened, Tiki? You left and now everything's just peachy. Couldn't possibly mean you were the problem, could it? I have a mental image of Tiki as Scotty from Boogie Nights banging his head against the steering wheel and crying, "I'm a f---ing idiot! I'm a f---ing idiot!"

Locker room psychology aside, this is not surprising. The Giants rise in the absence of Tiki is just another chapter in the ongoing degradation of the running back as a driving force in the NFL. You saw something similar this year when the Seahawks and Saints improved once Shaun Alexander and Reggie Bush were playing reduced roles. In the NFL, the running game exists only to keep defenses honest so that the passing game can succeed. Furthermore, the running game excels primarily through a successful offensive line. If you have a sharp O-line, the running back becomes a mere commodity. Just ask Edgerrin James. (This is reason #273 why Joe Thomas should have been Rookie of the Year and not Adrian Peterson.)

(By the way, I cannot come up with any commentary that would enhance this article about Giants offensive lineman Grey Ruegamer's method of helping his Basque friend castrate 200 sheep. He uses his teeth. This quote says it all: "There was beer. Good times. It was worth it." You have to read it. I'm dumbstruck.)