I don't wanna cuss, I don't wanna fuss

The eighth time's a charm, it seems, if Mary J. Blige's Growing Pains can be used as an example. Not that Blige's previous efforts haven't met with both commercial and critical success. It's more fair to say that Blige's well-documented growing pains make her come off much more likable and 3D than the sometimes 'round the way girl, sometimes glamorous diva (Blige was glamorous long before Fergie) she's been in the past. Like back when she seemed preoccupied with projecting that stiff upper lip that so many Alpha women adopt to protect themselves in the professional world, and so many black women adopt to project strength on the homefront.

Divas might inspire certain elements of the female fan base, but there's just something fundamentally unattractive (and unappealing) about a woman at odds with her femininity - or about any person failing to come to grips with who and what they really are.

Luckily, with Growing Pains, Blige is beyond such hang-ups. Her newfound willingness to accept validation from her lover is perhaps no better expressed than on "Feel like a Woman." Here she sings, "I'm tired of screamin' independent, I wanna start depending on you." This Mary isn't the one who's "Not Gon' Cry," but the woman that's come to terms with the fact that she reserves the right to cry, and is looking for the man who can hold her and be strong so that she can be weak.

Save for a recent interview on Oprah in which she admitted that she'd been sexually molested as a child, Blige is largely mum on her personal life. But it's clear from her new project that record producer/manager Kendu Isaacs, the man she married in an extremely private ceremony in 2003 has been a positive addition to her life. Blige isn't talking about their marriage, but it's clear that, in Isaacs, she's achieved enough comfort to finally let her hair down and replace her stiff upper lip with a quivering one.

Blige no longer needs to hide her femininity behind any veneer of toughness. But, as we see in her rant in "Roses," she's nobody's shrinking violet, either. Mary may desire to settle down and be made to "feel like a woman," but she's certainly not about to just settle for a man without leadership and vision. Blige has reached that happy medium between deciding that she wants to find comfort in the arms of a strong man, and between understanding that romantic relationships between adults with their own problems and histories won't much resemble the love portrayed in the Disney movies we all watched as children.

Growing Pains, then, comes at a very interesting time in Blige's life. She wants to feel like a woman, enjoy the fairytale love that little girls dream about, but she's beyond any illusions that 'true love' — whatever that means — can be achieved without work and sacrifice. A very grown-up and mature way of looking at things, indeed.