Spawn Of The Terminator
Published January 25, 2008
In the recent TV resurrection of the Terminator trilogy, The Sarah Connor Chronicles, we are presented with a new type of Terminator. In the movies we’ve seen Terminators take the form of muscle-bound body builders, slippery liquid-metal meanies, and Fergalicious babes.
In the Chronicles the newest terminator comes in the form of a teenage high school waif complete with hall pass. Played by Summer Glau, this pubescent Terminator can kick ass with the best of them, but so far has largely refrained from committing mass slaughter, preferring to slink around the Connor house in the buff (perhaps producing a different kind of mayhem.)
This is the true revelation of this latest attempt to cash in on the Terminator franchise: Terminators can come in any shape or size. In fact, if Chronicles does well in the ratings, we can expect to see the following Terminator spinoffs:
Look Who’s Terminating: An infant Terminator appears and no one realizes he’s a stone cold killer.
Welcome Back, Terminator: A high school teacher seems too good to be true, and in fact, he is. Gives “Sweat Hogs” a new meaning.
Leave It To Bereaver: Pre-teen high jinx as middle America is infiltrated by a juvenile Terminator. Something really new for Ward and June to worry about each week.
The Beverly Terminators: A group of clueless Terminators moves into a California mansion. First episode: They meet the Governator.
I Love Lucite: Terminators can be solid or liquid, why not plastic? A sort of “I Married a Terminator,” as a female Terminator performs hilarious slapstick executions with near perfect comedic timing.
Of course, none of these scripted shows can begin until the writers strike is settled. In the meantime reality-based Terminator shows will have to fill the gap. Old formats take on new relevance when killer robot-based:
- Whose End of the Line Is It Anyway?
- Who Wants to be Terminated?
- Skynet’s Next Top Model
- Big Brother
And of course, Survivor.
You get the idea.
- Spawn Of The Terminator
- Published: January 25, 2008
- Type: Satire
- Section: Video
- Filed Under: Culture: Humor and Satire, Video: SF, Video: Television
- Writer: Robert K. Blechman
- Robert K. Blechman's BC Writer page
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Shamelessly plagiarized from imdb.com:
12 Angry Terminators (Drama; rated R for violence)
Focuses on a jury's deliberations in a capital murder case. A 12-terminator jury is sent to begin deliberations in the first-degree murder trial of an 18-year-old Latino accused in the stabbing death of his father, where a guilty verdict means an automatic death sentence. The case appears to be open-and-shut: the defendant has a weak alibi, so he is terminated -- 12 times over.
It's a Wonderful Termination (Comedy/Drama; rated R for violence)
George Bailey has spent his entire cyborg existence terminating undesirables. But in the present, on Christmas Eve, one of his subroutines goes into an infinite loop because of the misplacing of an $8000 loan and the machinations of the evil millionaire, Mr. Potter. He decides to return to the future. But his guardian T5, Clarence, arrives from the future with a portable time machine, and shows George how everyone in his termination queue would turn out if he had never been sent back from the future. George meant so much to so many people, even the ones he has terminated; should he throw it all away and return to the future, or should he terminate the whole town?
Little Miss Terminator (Comedy; rated R for violence)
Olive is a little cyborg with a dream: winning the Little Miss Sunshine contest. Her family wants her dream to come true, but they are so burdened with their own quirks, neuroses, and problems that they can barely make it through a day without some disaster befalling them. So she terminates the lot of them -- with extreme prejudice -- steals a car, and drives to the pageant, where the real fireworks begin.
Now we have to worry about Terminator developing a complex storyline and fanbase, like every other sci-fi show.
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Was this supposed to be funny? I caught this, because I'm a member of the MEA group, thinking this was going to tie into Media Ecology somehow....
I stopped watching TV a while ago, and posts like this show me that I made the right choice.