Batting Around is BC Sports' look back at the week's happenings in the world o' sports, presented in a lineup card format for some undisclosed reason.

Technically I had religious reasons for putting "Batting Around" on a two-week hiatus. So if you complain about it, consider yourself intolerant of others' religions.

The Lineup Card

1. QB Tony Romo
2. MF Kaká
3. KR Devin Hester
4. SS Miguel Tejada
5. RB Maurice Jones-Drew
6. PG Steve Nash
7. F Carter Camper
8. WR Greg Camarillo
9. SP Dan Haren
Coach: Rich Rodriguez

1. QB Tony Romo — As I discussed on Sunday's GlossLip Radio, the reason for Tony Romo's three-interception, zero-touchdown setback at home against 11-point underdog Philadelphia was because the Eagles attacked Dallas with multiple blitz packages. Right? Right!?

No, wait. It was Jessica Simpson's fault. That's right, Simpson constantly rushed Romo and put him on his back, giving him little time to escape. Of course, this happened the night previous, long before the opening kickoff.

2. MF Kaká — Frighteningly aware I'm much older than 12 — and not just because I've been told on several occasions I'm too large to go into the ball pit — I'm just gonna sidestep the fact that his name is Kaká. Although I'm told the emphasis is on the second "ka," much like the word cacao. The more you know.

I've also learned that the A.C. Milan midfielder was voted Footballer of the Year. To Americans, that means he's the world's best soccer player. In essentially a runaway of the prestigious FIFA trophy, he garnered more votes combined than runners up Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo, who are no slouches at the beautiful game. Although I don't know if Kaká can top Ronaldo in number of prostitutes solicited.

What are his credentials? Well, 10 goals in the Champions League, leading A.C. Milan to the championship, oughta count. And it does.

Heh. Kaká. (I did my best to restrain. Almost made it to the next item.)

3. KR Devin Hester — New idea, in case people actually wise up and fail to kick to the Chicago Bears' studly kick returner.

What is a kick return, really? A player gets the ball in the open field and instills trust in 10 blocking teammates to dash through 11 oncoming tacklers. Is it really necessary to wait for a punt or, worse, the other team scoring to witness such a play? A team should do it on their own terms. So here's my proposition for the Bears, drawn up in a graphic that makes 10-Yard Fight look sophisticated: