In all honesty, we are surrounded by oblivious waves of machines that look like people. This is entirely unacceptable. This needs to end, right now. This is no longer the 50s. Leave it to Beaver and John Wayne no longer apply. Screw you people and your corporate, profit-based agendas. I am so completely sick of it.

I'm also worn out from being so enraged all the time. The debates will continue because we all have, I suppose, a fair amount of self-interest. I hit a lot of walls with this. What is right and wrong? Do they exist? Do things ever change? It is paralyzing.

I have severe trouble connecting and becoming emotionally close to anyone because of what may very well be Asperger's syndrome. This includes my friends and relatives. Girls my age hardly interest me. Girls ten years older hardly interest me. It takes an incredible person to really engage me in a positive way. I can get engaged negatively quite easily, but positively? That is nigh on impossible.

I will mention here that one of the few people I have ever been sincerely attracted to was well into middle age. The aura she gave off was something ethereal and rare. She was a professional opera singer for 17 years. That is depth. That is interesting. That is influential. The rest of these people seem quite content to be mediocre and remain that way for the rest of their lives.

I suppose the great people who are rejected by society contribute their genius in original and fantastic ways, only to be appreciated much later. If we look at the history of Bach, we find that only after his death did everyone have an epiphany and go, "Wow, he was a great composer too!"

I mention the difficulty with intimate connection because I really feel disconnected from reality and other people. I can't tell if it is because of my own personality or society itself. We like to think that getting out and making friends is always a positive activity, but those unenlightened guidelines regurgitated to us when we were young hardly apply as we get older.

I am often confronted with Christianity when I bring this up with other people. I think that is largely because I am in the United States. This is my fight, not theirs. I'm tired of their attempts to enlighten me with their insane beliefs. This is a postmodern age, now, and religion has no place here.

I have lost faith in most things. People often tell me, "You're young and you have your whole life ahead of you!" They fail to realize, however, that youth is a great struggle. Adolescence is a painful process and the more original you are, the more agonizing it is.