Satire: The Secret Mutant Powers of Mike Huckabee
Published December 14, 2007
3. Huckabee can rock! As a guitar player in the band Capitol Offense, Mike can musically captivate the swarming hordes around him. This mass hypnosis could come in very useful. Perhaps he could craft a song that would tempt the terrorists out of their caves in Afghanistan and then we could catch them by laying naked virgins on huge steel spring-loaded traps. At the very least I wouldn't mind hearing the state of the union recited in verse with Harry Reid on drums and Nancy Pelosi doing back up vocals. Oh the fun we could have.
4. He singled handedly fixed Arkansas! Well, sort of. Michael Dale Huckabee was Governor of Clinton's home state for two terms. His accomplishments are listed at full length on Wikipedia and will quickly put you to sleep with a few notable exceptions. In 2005 Time Magazine called him one of America's best governors touting his ability to reduce the number of uninsured Arkansans and lower the state's unemployment below the national average. He also directed 100% of the settlement money from the tobacco lawsuits to go to health education and Medicaid. These decisive actions helped him to garner the image of a mature politician who can build consensus on important issues. I suppose a normal human could do these things but I thought I'd add it anyway.
The only thing missing in Huckabee's narrative is an arch Nemesis but I have an idea who it might be. During the You-Tube debate someone asked a question about NASA and it was Governor Huckabee who suggested putting Hillary Clinton on the first rocket to Mars. If you don't think he's determined to use his mutant powers to save us all then just keep listening. Someday you'll hear the music and you will believe. Oh yes, you will believe.
Writer, adventurer, political activist, Alex Hutchinson has risked his life to deliver great stories for the reading public. He has fought in the now banned club boxing circuit, faced mock opponents in the wrestling ring, trained with the U.S. Army, traveled with the circus, and shared his experiences in seven books. In his new book Purple State, Alex faces his most dangerous arena: the world of national politics.
- Satire: The Secret Mutant Powers of Mike Huckabee
- Published: December 14, 2007
- Type: Satire
- Section: Politics
- Filed Under: Books: Politics and Affairs, Books: Self-Help, Culture: Celebrity, Politics: Elections and Candidates, Politics: U.S.
- Writer: Alex Hutchinson
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Comments
If he's a character from Rocky Horror I'm betting he's Janet.
Dave
That's hilarious!
I truly think you're right about the Governor being a super-hero :)
God bless!
Haha. We can't seem to all agree on a normal human president, so maybe we do need a superhero!
Huckaberry Finn is, from what I've heard, a foaming fundamentalist who's the closest thing the GOP has got to what's squatting in the White House right now.
If the Repubs are dumb enough to nominate him, then the Dems could run an actual live donkey and still win...
This guy straightened out Arkansas? Mildly impressive. Now if they can get someone to straighten out Louisiana then THAT will be impressive.
Dude, there's no way Huckabee's going to have Harry Reid in his band. Reid's one of them Satanic Mormons.
politicians with superpowers...oh boy...thats funny
Progression and the super hero hopefulls
I love his story. I came across it late into the night while reading up on barack and hiliary. Something forced me to take a closer look, and whether it was the weight loss or just his over all american image,(photos of him fishing and with family)I pictured him already there in the white house waving with his family and playing the guitar.
All other hopefull hero better step it up. I can picture it now, Hilary frantically trying to learn to play the violen, and Barack brushing up on mozart while his wife puts the finishing touches on his super suit.
I loved this story because it was factual and entertaining. Super hero or not, this country needs a "hero like" leader to fix it and get us back on track, not another idiot to do nothing for 4 years. Progression is good, no matter who they put in power. Any person who brings us citizens progress will be mine super man.
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I believe Huckabee is actually an artificial being created by a rogue band of democratic super-villains.
He is programed to capture the Republican nomination and then on the day of the convention, he will perform a number from the Rocky Horror Picture Show and then explode.
Okay, maybe he won't explode, but I'm still betting on the Rocky Horror number.