Satire: The Secret Mutant Powers of Mike Huckabee
Published December 14, 2007
In American politics it's often the least offensive and most persuasive candidate who wins the battle for public opinion. Ideology, background, religion, upbringing and qualifications are all put aside if the politician in question appears acceptable and amicable to a large enough cross section of voters. Of the eight candidates running for the Republican nomination there is one who does not offend. In fact he acts a little too mild mannered, almost like he has something to hide. Mike Huckabee is too normal and too healthy an individual to be running for President but I think I know why. It's because he is in fact a Super Hero with mutant powers and his role as a kindly politician is merely a disguise. If you don't believe me, I have proof.
1. First off, his name is Huckabee, say it out loud, Huck-a-b-e-e-e-e-e. That's not a real name. Come on, he clearly made it up. Although it would be hilarious if we got to hear the newscasters repeat the words President Huckabee for the next four years. Today President Huckabee and Army Private Beetle Baily met in the secret White House strategy room. Huckabee's, it sounds like a fast food restaurant. Didn't they have a Huckabee's on I-95 south in Georgia? Wasn't it across from the Denny's?
2. He lost 110 pounds. That alone is amazing! Apparently Mike Huckabee can shrink his own body down to half its size in order to fit into small places, like the overhead bin on an airplane. Just think about how much money we could save? He could fly coach every time and no one would even know that he was on board. On the flip side he could potentially grow to twice his size in order to fill up bigger shoes, like the magnetic laced loafers the President has to wear. Oh shoot, was that a secret?
Writer, adventurer, political activist, Alex Hutchinson has risked his life to deliver great stories for the reading public. He has fought in the now banned club boxing circuit, faced mock opponents in the wrestling ring, trained with the U.S. Army, traveled with the circus, and shared his experiences in seven books. In his new book Purple State, Alex faces his most dangerous arena: the world of national politics.
- Satire: The Secret Mutant Powers of Mike Huckabee
- Published: December 14, 2007
- Type: Satire
- Section: Politics
- Filed Under: Books: Politics and Affairs, Books: Self-Help, Culture: Celebrity, Politics: Elections and Candidates, Politics: U.S.
- Writer: Alex Hutchinson
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Comments
If he's a character from Rocky Horror I'm betting he's Janet.
Dave
That's hilarious!
I truly think you're right about the Governor being a super-hero :)
God bless!
Haha. We can't seem to all agree on a normal human president, so maybe we do need a superhero!
Huckaberry Finn is, from what I've heard, a foaming fundamentalist who's the closest thing the GOP has got to what's squatting in the White House right now.
If the Repubs are dumb enough to nominate him, then the Dems could run an actual live donkey and still win...
This guy straightened out Arkansas? Mildly impressive. Now if they can get someone to straighten out Louisiana then THAT will be impressive.
Dude, there's no way Huckabee's going to have Harry Reid in his band. Reid's one of them Satanic Mormons.
politicians with superpowers...oh boy...thats funny
Progression and the super hero hopefulls
I love his story. I came across it late into the night while reading up on barack and hiliary. Something forced me to take a closer look, and whether it was the weight loss or just his over all american image,(photos of him fishing and with family)I pictured him already there in the white house waving with his family and playing the guitar.
All other hopefull hero better step it up. I can picture it now, Hilary frantically trying to learn to play the violen, and Barack brushing up on mozart while his wife puts the finishing touches on his super suit.
I loved this story because it was factual and entertaining. Super hero or not, this country needs a "hero like" leader to fix it and get us back on track, not another idiot to do nothing for 4 years. Progression is good, no matter who they put in power. Any person who brings us citizens progress will be mine super man.
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I believe Huckabee is actually an artificial being created by a rogue band of democratic super-villains.
He is programed to capture the Republican nomination and then on the day of the convention, he will perform a number from the Rocky Horror Picture Show and then explode.
Okay, maybe he won't explode, but I'm still betting on the Rocky Horror number.