In her book, Ms. Simmons says this cuts deeply because being denied relationships is the worst punishment that can be meted out to people who value their bonds with others very highly. I found it interesting that her musings applied cross-culturally (and actually across genders).

Unfortunately, a lot of Ms. Simmon’s work is flawed in the same manner that many books written by those studying psychological issues are flawed. She starts with a theory and only focuses on the experiences of girls who help reinforce the validity of her theory. While one might expect that any study of bullying among girls would focus on the socially ostracized ones who are most often isolated, her analysis is zeroed in on first and second string popular girls and how they feel and act. In fact, unpopular girls and how they bully or feel about being bullied are in almost completely absent from consideration in her book except as temporary friends for the popular girls who have been cast out of their cliques. She doesn’t provide any information on the “unpopular girls” and they seem to be inconsequential extras milling about in the background while the popular girls play center stage.

Since the basis of her theory is that girls channel their negative feelings such as jealousy and anger into acts of cruel manipulation, gossip, and selective isolation, she focuses on the group most likely to behave in this way and ignores the ones that may refute her theory. Popular girls are often jockeying amongst themselves for alpha female status, so their cliques represent the most fertile ground in which to plant her theory. She doesn’t even explore the possibility that unpopular girls may value their friendships with each other more because they can’t risk losing what little they have and choose not to turn on one another at the drop of a hat. We cannot even ponder know this may be true or not since this group is woefully neglected in Ms. Simmons's talks with schoolgirls.

In the girl's world painted in Odd Girl Out, small groups of girls are judging each other based on appearance, popularity, wealth, intelligence, and appeal to boys. When one girl has an abundance of anything and seems to recognize it, the other girls both want to be her friend and secretly hate her for a variety of perceived slights which are based (mainly) on jealousy and resentment about the power the lead girl has over others. Other girls want to both be her friend and take her down a peg. Ms. Simmons's concludes that girls have a set of ideal characteristics and anyone who isn't demure enough, doesn't put the needs of others first, or is too bright or athletic isn't going to fit with the feminine ideal and will be rejected. She concludes that female stereotypes hold back female aggression and that's why girls behave the way they do.

Shari has been disrupting the placid waters of Japanese life with her western ideas for the last 17 years. She's written textbooks and been a teacher and remains ever vigilant for her own tendency to view the world through the eyes of ethnocentrism.

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