Can you contain your holiday excitement, sports fans? ScoreCenter is coming! In 2008, we will finally get the ScoreCenter we have demanded from ESPN since its inception lo those many years ago! Exclaim with joy!

...you have no idea what ScoreCenter is, do you? Poor bastard, living life without knowing true happiness. Did you feel that tiny nagging sensation that your life was somehow incomplete? Of course you did, but you're never going to sleep with an underwear model. This is that other tiny nagging sensation. No, not that forgotten birthday. Your mother gave up on that a long time ago. The other other...

Look, just listen. There's this new website called ScoreCenter, named to make it seem like the old days of ESPN when they told you the scores of sporting events and not much else. This was right around the time MTV showed music videos.

(No, it's really true.)

(Shut up; it wasn't that long ago.)

Initially, twenty-three sports in 180 countries will be covered, combining all the properties ESPN has bought up over the last few years. Live, current, and detailed scoring information will be available at all times. It's exactly what you've clamored for, no?

No?

Join the Mickey Mouse Club; the initial reaction from the public ranged from derivise jeers ("ooh, cricket scores!") to blasé reportage. It does seem a bit much for ESPN to get excited about, considering most people get the scores they desire from the sources they love already. Globalization is lovely and all, but bringing the world together over obscure sports scores does seem a bit esoteric. You'd be better off trying to unite the world over finding the next Sanjaya.

Look out for ScoreCenter, though; this is no ESPN Mobile-level debacle. There's value in ScoreCenter for the sporting community and stockholders but for quite different reasons.