A Text Messaging Re-Enactment Of The Maltese Falcon
Published December 04, 2007
The Magical Hanukkahtime Section Variety Hour is an eight-day festival of light reading. BC Magazine's sports editor spreads his Gentile love in every other section but his own. And because it's Hanukkah, the gifts of are substandard quality: in this case, it's an article. Today: BC Sci/Tech.
Text messaging has certainly revolutionized the way we communicate with one another, much in the way that laser discs forever changed the way we read electronic information today.
In fact, I'm such a fan of text messaging (as you can tell!) it's high time we modernize some of the classic films and give all the main characters RAZRs. In fact, I'm fairly certain the pivotal scene from The Maltese Falcon would have converted the film from an indisputable masterpiece to concentrated cinematic awesome:
From: SSPADE
To: EPERRINE
7:01 a.m.
hey bring me package plz?
From: EPERRINE
To: SSPADE
7:03 a.m.
k
From: EPERRINE
To: SSPADE
8:09 a.m.
(attachment: maltesefalcon.jpg)
From: SSPADE
To: EPERRINE
8:11 a.m.
perfect thx babe ;-)
From: SSPADE
To: KGUT
8:12 a.m.
just got this - look at it
(attachment: maltesefalcon.jpg)
From: CGUTMAN
To: SSPADE
8:14 a.m.
wtf i cant open it its a gd fake
From: SSPADE
To: BOSHAUGHNESSY
8:16 a.m.
what gives bitch
From: BOSHAUGHNESSY
To: SSPADE
8:17 a.m.
dunno i got it 2 open
From: JCAIRO
To: CGUTMAN
8:18 a.m.
u screwd up u fat idiot no 1der it was ez to steal :-@
From: CGUTMAN
To: JCAIRO
8:19 a.m.
wow chill hey wanna go 2 istanbul
From: JCAIRO
To: CGUTMAN
8:19 a.m.
dude
From: CGUTMAN
To: JCAIRO
8:20 a.m.
cmon the falcon is prolly there, itll be fun
From: JCAIRO
To: CGUTMAN
8:20 a.m.
fine, ttyl
From: CGUTMAN
To: SSPADE
8:22 a.m.
hey gimme my $ back
From: SSPADE
To: CGUTMAN
8:23 a.m.
no way, not my fault u couldnt open it
From: CGUTMAN
To: SSPADE
8:24 a.m.
GIVE IT BACK ASS
From: SSPADE
To: CGUTMAN
8:25 a.m.
fine but i keep 1000
(attachment: money.zip)
From: CGUTMAN
To: SSPADE
8:26 a.m.
omg fine hey wanna go w us
From: SSPADE
To: CGUTMAN
8:27 a.m.
hell no
From: CGUTMAN
To: SSPADE
8:27 a.m.
kbye
From: SSPADE
To: BOSHAUGHNESSY
8:29 a.m.
u kild my partner, wtf bitch
From: BOSHAUGHNESSY
To: SSPADE
8:30 a.m.
no I didn't! :-)
From: SSPADE
To: BOSHAUGHNESSY
8:31 a.m.
did 2
From: BOSHAUGHNESSY
To: SSPADE
8:32 a.m.
plz dnt turn me in
From: SSPADE
To: BOSHAUGHNESSY
8:33 a.m.
sry i gotta
From: BOSHAUGHNESSY
To: SSPADE
8:34 a.m.
u suck :-(
Matt Sussman is the sports editor of BC Magazine and also writes for Deadspin, SPORTSbyBROOKS, The Futon Report, and the Toledo Free Press. Catch him Mondays and Fridays at 8 p.m. ET with asst. sports editor Tuffy on Treehouse Fort, the official show of BC Sports. E-mail sports-related inquiries (or inquiry-related sports, such as full-contact Twenty Questions) to matt.sussman@blogcritics.org.
- A Text Messaging Re-Enactment Of The Maltese Falcon
- Published: December 04, 2007
- Type: Opinion
- Section: Sci/Tech
- Filed Under: Sci/Tech: Personal Tech, Books: Mystery, Video: Drama
- Part of a feature: Magical Hanukkahtime Section Variety Hour
- Writer: Matthew T. Sussman
- Matthew T. Sussman's BC Writer page
- Matthew T. Sussman's personal site
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Comments on this articleComments
As Sam Spade said elsewhere in the movie, "You're good. You're very good."
Oh, and "You killed Miles and you're going over for it..."
Will try to watch that movie this weekend, seems interesting.
Add your comment, speak your mind
(Or ping: http://blogcritics.org/mt/tb/71537)
nevr saw the movE, but thz wz fun anEwa. Gud wrk!