Ah, Black Friday. The day where we all give thanks for the wonderful things our deity of choice has provided for us by ruthlessly hunting for the best bargain in town. For some, that means the excitement and mystique of getting up early and being the first in line for those $5 DVD players, and the rush of fighting your way to the front of the line. You may lose a couple of teeth along the way, but at least you saved a couple bucks for your Christmas gift shopping.

Just as the name suggests, Black Friday is more than just a fun day of shopping. For the few unfortunate souls that have to work in America's lucrative retail industry, the words conjure up feelings of chaos, fear, and loathing. If you've ever worked in retail, you know exactly what I mean.

I have worked the past four Black Fridays at various well-known retail establishments, and I can honestly say I've never seen anything as chaotic and stressful as those couple of hours of shopper's delight. I've seen doors literally knocked down by anxious early bird shoppers, and I've seen a manager pinned to the wall as people, completely unaware of his existence, run past to the large pallet of cheap electronic devices (he had bruises afterwards).

It's not fun for us who brave working in the world of holiday retail, but for most of us, we have no other choice. With that in mind, I thought it'd be helpful to give you crazy shoppers some general guidelines for Black Friday shopping. Remember, customer service associates can help make your shopping day a wonderful experience, and following a few simple etiquette rules can get you what you want and save you a headache or two.

1. You will have to wait in line. Let's establish this early. You will have to wait in line, and there will be lines, all day, even when every register is open. Don't make an ass out of yourself: show some patience. You won't get any further by yelling, whining, or complaining about how you'll never shop at said store again because the wait was too long. It just won't work. We don't care, and it won't get you anywhere.