I have always liked stray dogs better than fat cats. Every sinner was once a saint and every saint was once a sinner. You may not be a stray or a homeless stranger today, but at some time in the future you will no doubt know what it feels like to be one. We’re all part of one big soul and how you respond to a stray crossing your path is indubitably a measure of your humanity. Kinky Friedman Cigars — or KFC — is my new cigar company, with the first cigar in America, the Utopian, going exclusively to help finance and support Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch. To find out more about the Utopian and other cigar lines of KFC, go to your favorite cigar bar or just hit the website. We have five lines of cigars: The Governor, The Kinkycristo, The Texas Jewboy, The Willie (with a little twist on the end), and The Utopian. I’m proud to say that the Utopian is our current best-seller. I have long believed that Texas should be a no-kill state. In order to accomplish this we must first abolish the death penalty. This is a big order, but it’s also a big state, in the finest representation of the word.

Texans are big-hearted and they know that killing people is not our job. Vengeance should not be taken by us upon our fellow human beings. Nor should we kill dogs or cats or horses. This list is arbitrary, but it’s a good start. Let us try to reduce death in general; it will come soon enough to all of us. In the meantime let us not trust the people who can’t even effectively run a post office to execute people in our name. Every stray, be it a person or an animal, has a spark of Jesus Christ (or Buddha if you prefer — May the God of your choice bless you) and I believe it is our job as God’s children to reach out and preserve that precious spark. It might be just enough to warm the soul.

I've heard you dislike the Internet. Why do you dislike the Internet?

Millions of chat rooms filled with people pretending to be somebody else. I feel it's the work of Satan.

You wrote some pretty edgy material as country music, i.e. the song, "Get Your Biscuits in the Oven (and Your Buns in Bed" Do you have any regrets about anything you ever wrote?

I have no regrets about anything I ever wrote or anything I ever did, for that matter. The only regrets I have are concerning things I didn’t do. There’s still time, of course. But, as my friend Dr. Jay Wise says, “The clock ticks the loudest in the fourth quarter.”