"Come again?"

"Cinderella. He wants to dress up as Cinderella," said Zombos, glummer than usual.

"Why not?"

"What do you mean why not? No son of mine is going to--"

"Wait a minute," I interrupted Zombos. "Look, I'm on the phone here. I still can't find someone to come with me to see Saw IV. I'm sorry you've got issues with Zombos Junior dressing up as a girl for Halloween, but I need--"

Zombos moaned. "Oh, lord, dressing up as girl! At least if he would be Prince Charming, I could accept that. I should have realized something was amiss when he preferred watching America's Top Model instead of the Goosebumps marathon. I blame Zimba for this."

"Mr. Chin? Mr. Chin? Damn it all, he hung up. Who else can I call," I said to myself. I was desperate. I should review the bloody film, but I can't take all that sadistic, gory torture stuff that keeps the Saw franchise alive.

"You realize Chris Beaumont over at Blogcritics already saw it, don't you?" said Zombos. "He's not squeamish like you are. He doesn't need someone to hold his hand like you do, just to see a stupid horror film. You should be ashamed of yourself."

"You're just mad Zombos Junior prefers Cinderella to that Jack Sparrow pirate costume you bought him. Look, so what if he's transgender? He's still your son, right?"

In the hallway, Zimba and Zombos Junior went running by. Zimba was yelling at him to give her high-heels back and to stay out of her makeup case. Zombos moaned even louder.

"Oh, bugger. At this rate, Saw IV will be on DVD before I get a chance to see it. Maybe I'll review that legendary cinematic train wreck, Spookies, instead."

"I thought it was only available through Amazon UK?" said Zombos.

"That's right. But I just got my region-free DVD player, so now I can play all those nifty UK horror films I've been dying to see."

"Count me in," said Zombos. We headed to the cinematorium to watch Spookies.

"And you're sure Roger Corman wasn't involved in this?" said Zombos as we were well into the film.

"Definitely not. It's more of an Ed Woodian mishap anyway, I'd say."

If you are looking for the perfect second-half of a double bill Halloween show with Plan 9 From Outer Space, look no further. Spookies is a film to be savored for its underdone acting, overbearing dialog, and incoherent story. So rarely do horror films reach the pinnacle of hilarious "what the f*ck" ineptitude this film achieves so easily. Originally started as Twisted Souls, that unfinished film died and gave birth to a spook show hodgepodge of '80s makeup and monster effects that collide head on with badly edited additional footage from another unfinished film, creating a two-headed storyline that never meets eye to eye.

Billy, possibly the dumbest thirteen year-old ever appearing on screen, runs away from home because his parents forgot his birthday. What that has to do with the two cars, filled with bickering couples from Brooklyn — judging by their accents — beats me, but they're in this film, too.