You don't know how much of an asshole you've been as an addict until after you're well into recovery. It's one of the more crushing revelations you have to deal with when the scales finally drop from your eyes and you see just what a self-centred, whining, little git you've been. If it wasn't about you, it hadn't mattered - and didn't everyone know the world revolved around you anyway?

There are all sorts of excuses for becoming an addict. I should know, having used most of them with varying degrees of justification over the years, but there aren't any excuses for the behaviour and other shit you did while addicted to whatever it was you needed to make your existence seem meaningful. It's amazing the rationale you can come up with for stealing anything you need to feed your habit, and the lies you tell yourself to pretend it's not stealing.

"I really will replace this money as soon as I'm able". "I'm owed this money so it's not really stealing." "Look at all I do; if there were any justice in the world this would be my money, anyway".

There's nothing like the self-righteous resentment of an addict. It allows you to justify anything.

Then, of course, there is the unpredictable behaviour of addicts. Talk to anybody who grew up as the child of a drunk and they'll say one of the most vivid memories they have of childhood is being told to be quiet and not do anything that might upset the drunk. There's always the potential for violence when you're dealing with some drunks, and the not knowing, walking around on tender hooks when you're around them is almost worse than any violence they might perpetrate.

I don't normally wallow in the parts of my life I'm not proud of; it doesn't serve any purpose that I can see. I've always thought people who spend their time talking about what drunks and drug addicts they were still haven't recovered because they still want the world to revolve around them. Oh, poor them; they were drunks and we should all feel sorry for them.

As far as I'm concerned, the only people anyone should feel sorry for are the people who suffered because of their actions as a drunk or a drug addict. Nobody can say they didn't know what they were doing when they took their first drink, stuck that first needle in their arm, or whatever. It was their choice to live like that. If they had wanted to stop, they would have.