Typically, Nintendo’s titles carry their hardware. Their legendary list of characters has become general shoe-ins for near classics. However, it’s disasters like Donkey Kong Barrel Blast that make you leery of future releases.

Developed by Paon, the same team responsible for the Game Boy Advance Donkey Kong – King of Swing, this knock-off kart racer delivers zero thrills, no innovation, and likewise a total lack of fun. Here characters from the growing Donkey Kong universe, with a heavy flavor on the platformers featuring the ape, come together to fly across a track by beating fuel loaded barrels attached to their sides. How the flames ejecting from them fail to burn off any fur is forever a mystery.

By shaking both the Nunchuck and Wii Remote, you’ll gain speed, or at least what speed is considered to be in this title. It ranges somewhere between slow and “old woman who shouldn’t be driving.” Once you’ve reached the maximum, you can stop flailing. Turning requires the shaking of either your left or right hand individually. Making quick adjustments will likely register as an attempt to accelerate.

Courses are littered with obstacles, and bananas that build up a meter to earn speed boosts. Some barrels will launch your chosen character ahead and likely into a weapon power-up. Weapons are more powerful depending on whether you chose an ape or lizard and which the attack type favors. For the most part, you’ll shoot and completely forget about the mechanic.

Characters also have a general sweeping attack to deal out damage. Collision is accurate here, unlike in other aspects. You’ll need to catch the dead center of a barrel for it to register your character entering into it.

Courses look nice and sharp, with almost no detectable draw-in. Their style fits with the rest of the franchise, Sadly, they’re generic in the extreme, ranging from the jungle to the ever-dreaded erupting volcano. Until later courses increase the difficulty, track design is rudimentary and it’s difficult to tell them apart. They feel the same.

Making it further into the game isn’t terribly difficult, though the AI opponents can be uncanny in their skills. It just depends on which position you’re in. Don’t expect to hold onto first place. AI routines dictate they can reach a never before seen speed if they’re behind to magically catch up.

Some additional mini-challenges are unlockable with time. Four-player split-screen would be enjoyable if the game was. There is no battle mode for Mario Kart fans that might be looking forward to this usually standard kart racing feature.

For young children, Barrel Blast might keep them entertained with its flashy colors and fun characters. Its simplicity is also a plus, though anyone else should have the sense to wait for the next iteration of Mario Kart. This horribly generic and unbelievably slow run through Kong’s world is a jumbled mess of code that doesn’t come together to make an enjoyable game.

Donkey Kong Barrel Blast is rated E (Everyone) by the ESRB for Mild Cartoon Violence, Mild Suggestive Themes.