Over at Nate’s place, we are reminded that the entire future of the Archibald fortune depends on dad bringing Blair’s mother’s company public. I’m not really sure what anyone is worried about since the pairing of these two reprehensibly creepy parents seems to have been destined in a back office meeting between Lucifer and minions ages ago.

Vanessa’s last name is Abrams and she apparently has a long history of hating rich folks with Dan at her side. In fact, it’s implied that Dan told her that he loved her, but took it back when the need for a plot contrivance moved her away for a full year, a full year during which, for some reason, they didn’t speak. Dan seems distracted by thoughts of Serena. Vanessa appears convinced that she has her lap dog boyfriend back in tow.

Nate informs Chuck that his $200,000 reappeared and that Dad was just moving money around. Nate finds some drugs that amazingly aren’t either his or Chuck’s. It appears that the elder Archibald could be going off the tracks!

Blair orders her two ethnic mini-Blairs to find Serena the hottest date in town. Neither of them still seem to have an acknowledged name. Mom buys a hookah. Blair disapproves. Mom tells her daughter to loosen up.

Nate reaches out to Blair’s phone about his messed up father. She’s too busy preparing to give it up to be there for him.

Blair lets Jenny know that despite doing all the work for the party that she’s a freshman and isn’t going unless Serena goes lesbian and chooses her as her date.

Serena tells her Lily about Dan’s betrayal. Lily does a dance of happiness.

Wait. We have a mini-Blair name!! Serena gets a computerized invite from Rich Boy IV, who claims that Kati gave him her ID. Which one is Kati, I have no idea. Wouldn’t you think that if Rich Boy IV was really rich he could afford a unique user name?

Hey, the Gossip Girl site actually comes into play. Dan checks in and sees that Serena is desperate for a date to the ball. Clueless to the fact that he was revealed to be lying scum that morning, he figures that he’ll rent a tux and go Richard Gere on her. This could be ugly. Meanwhile, Serena makes a date with Rich Boy IV informing him that he will need a mask. I see lots of Three's Company action in our future.