Shockingly, Blair is throwing a big party! Blair would make an excellent first lady. This one is going to be a masquerade party, which begs the question of whether the inevitable fight will center around a costumed misunderstanding or will it just be a “hey, stop raping my sister” run of the mill melee.

Jenny, apparently not as independent as she seemed last week, winds up picking up the dresses for Blair’s real friends, but the owner of the shop is so taken with her that he insists on giving her a bracelet to wear as if she were Uma Thurman going to the Oscars.

Blair has apparently awakened Serena to tell her about her latest to-do. Blair is planning on once again attempting to surrender her virginity to Nate, but this time she’s going to make him go on a scavenger hunt to find it. Nate needs to finish his hunt before midnight, after which Blair will apparently turn back into a spoiled pumpkin. When Blair tells Serena that she plans on leaving Nate clues via her “ladies in waiting,” Serena seems surprised that Blair indeed has such a group, which means she hasn’t been paying attention to the show, because counting Jenny and the two mini-Blairs, she clearly has at least three. In fact, Blair wants Serena to give Nate the last clue, which seems odd because when it comes to losing one’s virginity, Serena has already given Nate his first clue.

As Blair and Serena discuss whether Dan would be up for a ball with the rich folk, Dan and Rufus have the exact same conversation. Both Rufus and Blair seem to be wildly in favor of it.

Dan’s phone rings, but it’s not Serena, it’s this girl named Vanessa, who Dan hasn’t seen in a year. Oh my, Vanessa is very direct. She’s actually in the Humphrey apartment! Stalker! Vanessa, who looks a lot like the disappearing girl who Ryan got pregnant on the OC, tells Dan that she’s talked her parents into letting her live with her sister and finish high school in the city. I know these shows thrive on triangles, but Dan hardly deserves to be at the center of one.

Dan’s phone rings again and this time it is Serena, who, as she’s about to awkwardly ask him to the ball, overhears Vanessa cavorting around the apartment. Dan tells Serena it’s his sister, a lie which is uncovered in less than three seconds as Jenny arrives to do more of Blair’s party chores. Serena takes it less than well. Dan will not be going to the masquerade ball!