In Canada we start the family obligation of the holiday season a lot earlier than our neighbours to the South. This last weekend was our version of the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, and while it doesn't start the official opening of the panic before Christmas, it does mark the beginning of the long descent into family hell.

Does that sound a wee bit bitter? Could be because it is. I'm not saying there aren't families who genuinely enjoy each other's company and look forward to the times they get together as a single unit. However, isn't it about time we acknowledge there are an equal number who would sooner skinny dip with piranhas than spend "quality time" with their families?

Why do we consider the family unit so sacred in the first place? True, there are other examples in the animal kingdom of families staying together: prides of lions, wolf packs, and troops of the great apes and monkeys are either made up of family groups or are a family unto themselves, but that's largely due to their need for safety in numbers and the ease of hunting.

Humans on the other hand don't stay together as a physical unit after a certain age, but are expected to still recognise an obligation to those of the same bloodline. Somehow or other, because somebody was responsible for bringing us into the world, we're told our lives are irrevocably connected. Children may have left home ages ago, but still are at the beck and call of parents as if they still live at home.

Independence is primarily an illusion of space within the family unit as every decision taken by one member is second-guessed or analysed by the rest. If you're the parent, the children will wonder if there is something wrong with you if act differently from the way they think a parent is supposed to act. A child can't make a career choice or pick a romantic partner without everybody within the family feeling justified in passing judgment.

Depending on the moral and religious code that a family follows, the approval or disapproval of the family over a person's choices can be grounds for disagreement - or worse, control of a person's life completely. Supposed adults are still told whom they can marry, what they are allowed to wear, and what they should be doing with their lives.

All of this is supposedly being done with our "best interests at heart," but in reality, whose best interests are being expressed? If a person within a family unit decides he or she would like to go to university when no one else in the family has graduated from high school, how is anybody going to be able to understand that person's ambition?

There is a really good chance they won't be able to understand the desire to receive an education just for the sake of learning, and will see it only as a waste of time because they don't see a job at the end of the line. Their response to that person will be couched in those terms, and little or no attempt will be made to appreciate their ambitions because it doesn't fit within their body of experience.