6. SG Stephon Marbury — The New York Knicks, famous for being a superstar on losing teams, tried to defend Michael Vick without condoning his behavior, and settled on "from what I hear, dogfighting is a sport." Later, he said we all took him out of context. Okay then.

7. DT Marques Slocum — At some point, I knew we'd find an athlete not named Gilbert Arenas with an absolutely brilliant knack for the comedic arts. Enter: a Facebook interview with himself. When asked if he liked bananas, his answer: do u

I wish I thought of that retort when it mattered most. I'll get you next time, Judge Judy.

8. CF Michael Rando — Few baseball games in the major leagues have ended so dramatically as the opening game in the Little League World Series, when — with 2 outs in the final inning — Walpole, Massachusetts' Rando perfectly timed his leaping catch at the wall to rob Hamilton, Ohio's John Cornett of a potential 2-run walk off home run. The kids from Hamilton, deservedly so, began crying. When there are plenty of tears in a LLWS game, you know it was special.

9. CL Jonathan Papelbon — The lights-out Red Sox closer has a new pitch, a mix of a slider and cut-fastball. He calls it the "slutter." You should see how quickly it goes down on opposing batters. Finishes them off mighty quickly.

Coach: John Elway — His son Jack is now a starting quarterback in high school. And for his senior year, what better way to add no pressure at all by having your Hall of Fame quarterback father become your quarterbacks coach?

This will end well.

"Son, it's 10 p.m. Put down that Xbox 360 and read your playbook."

"Fuck you, dad."